Eye of The Beholder
This work was created for the Snapebang 2023! @snapebang
Author: @mrslunasnape Artist: @deathnotelu Artist: @okeydokeylackey Rating: PG Pairings: Severus Snape x OC Trigger Warnings: Bullying Tags: Teen Snape, Marauders Era, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff, Snape getting the love and support he deserves, bullying, inner monologue Summary: Severus comes from a hard upbringing. His father was abusive in multiple senses of the word. It's left him with an image of himself that he hates to look at. He's afraid to let anyone else really see him, for fear that they too might see him as the wretch that he sees himself as... Until his potions class partner challenges Severus to see him through her eyes.
“I want everyone to partner up! Partner up, everyone! Come now, let’s not slog about!” Professor Slughorn bellowed all too cheerily for a 7:00 in the morning class.
The room filled with the sound of students grumbling and the shuffling of feet as the practically zombie students took their seats.
The dungeons were dimly lit by candles on their last bit of wick. The bricks lining the walls were stained with the smell of smoke, ash, and herbs. An unusual ochre colored growth flourished in some of the cracks, but no one dared to investigate what it was.
“Do you want to be partners?” Luna nervously asked Severus.
“What?” Severus mumbled as he pried his focus away from his well loved potion’s textbook. He had been hunched over it, scribbling in any space he could find in the margins…which wasn’t a lot.
“For the assignment today, do you want to be my partner?” Luna repeated.
“I…um….yeah, sure.” Severus managed to get out before moving his satchel off the chair next to him to make room for her to sit.
Luna had dark chestnut hair that’s untamed curls spilled just past her shoulders. Her eyes were oceanic blue with a faint green lining around her pupils.
She was the middle child of the Black family, and it always seemed to perplex Severus that she would want anything to do with him. Her younger brother was cordial enough with him, but her older brother was downright cruel.
Severus was tall and lanky. His obsidian eyes housed no hidden flecks of light in them and matched the oil slick black hair that draped down to his chin. He was frequently referred to as a bat by the other students, and deep down Severus didn’t really ever blame them. He avoided looking in mirrors, not just because he didn’t like his physical appearance, but because he had a deep seeded fear that if he starred at the coal black eyes looking back at him in the mirror for too long that he would see himself. Really see himself. His father was a monster who abused both him and his mother, and he feared that a part of him slumbered deep within him. He was terrified that one day that part of him would awaken and turn him into his birthright; into a monster akin to his father.
Luna sat on the stool beside Severus and nervously tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear.
Gods. She can’t even look at me. Am I truly that hideous? Did I brush my hair this morning? Does it even matter? Focus, Severus.
“Amortentia!” Professor Slughorn announced as he lifted the lid off a large cast iron cauldron at the front of the room to reveal a swirling pink potion with a mother-of-pearl sheen to it. Most of the girls in the class giggled while several of the boys either groaned or mockingly made gagging noises.
Professor Slughorn ignored the commotion and continued, “A combination of the French word Amour, meaning love, and the Latin word Tentia, meaning held; the Amortentia potion can defined as a potion that reveals to us what we hold a special place in our heart for. What we love some might say.”
Professor Slughorn leaned over the swirling concoction and inhaled deeply; almost comically. He leaned back from the cauldron, his back practically crumpling as a euphoric exhale escape his lungs, “Ahhh, smells like success, fame, and recognition.” He chuckled heartily, “Many people make the mistake of thinking that the Amortentia smells only of romantic love, taking on the scent of the love interest of whomever smells it. Of course this is common enough, but it isn’t always the case. Some people have things that they love more than they love other people, and those smells often shine through in Amortentia. For example, the smell of money is a rather common one.”
Professor Slughorn turned his attention to Severus, who sat in the back row and was who once again preoccupied with the contents of his potion textbook, “I suspect Mr. Snape’s Amortenia would smell like books and ink. Honestly, my boy, I’m shocked how you manage to keep ink off that nose of yours with how close you get to that thing the parchment when you write.”
A few students chuckled.
Severus’s cheeks felt as if they were physically on fire.
Please don’t make them look at me.
“Now, while I appreciate your insatiable appetite for learning, Mr. Snape, I would kindly ask that you at least turn that desire to learn towards my lesson rather than your book.” Professor Slughorn lectured.
Severus grumbled something inaudible under his breath, but he returned his quill to its inkwell none the less.
“Moving on!” Professor Slughorn swished his hand in the air in a rather flamboyant manner, “Perhaps Amortentia is misnamed, for as we discussed earlier, its French route suggests it to be a potion of love. Of course, your average witch or wizard off the street will see it that way. But you, my dear students, are not common riff raff off the street! So learn well that Amortentia isn’t really about love at all. Sure, when you inhale its fumes each individual smells scents that appeals to their heart, but when the potion is consumed… well, now that’s a different story entirely.” Slughorn winked cheesily at the students.
“How can a love potion be dangerous?” A Slytherin boy taunted from the front row, “Oh no, my heart feels tingly now, so dangerous!” He pretended to faint into the arms of the student sitting next to him, who was all to eager to play the role of catching him and fanning his face.
Several boys laughed, while most of the girls in the glass shot him dagger eyes.
Professor Slughorn gave a muted chuckle, “That sounds like the talk of someone who has never experienced real love before.”
It was the girls turn to laugh.
Professor Slughorn continued, “Don’t be fooled, love is more dangerous than hate. Hate will make do unspeakable things to another in order to calm your own demons. Love will make you do unspeakable things to yourself in order to calm the demons of another.”
The fainting boy rolled his eyes.
“But, as I was saying, Amortentia is not truly a love potion, but rather an essence of love potion… and the worst essence of it. Despite how many skilled potioneers have tried over the centuries, none have been able to authentically recreate the emotion of love. If they had, they would be exuberantly wealthy and love potions would certainly not be sold from tacky little fountains at Zonko’s.” Professor Slughorn said as he side-eyed a Hufflepuff girl seated in the second row.
The girl had a tiny pink crystalline vial that housed a potion with a mother-of-pearl sheen to it. A distinct Zonkos label was plastered on the vial which read “Aphrodite Amortenia”. She was showing it off to a small group of girls who were huddled over it like a secret treasure. Upon being called out by the professor, she quickly shoved it into her satchel and flashed a weak smile.
Professor Slughorn pulled a small plastic comb from his chest pocket and brushed his hair back neatly, “No, Amortentia does not create love. It creates obsession. Specifically, it creates an obsession for the person who administered the potion to whomever drank it. While not love, obsession will certainly still make you do crazy things. People have killed for less.”
The room fell awkwardly silent.
Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together in front of him, the loud echo bouncing off the stone dungeon walls breaking the silence, “Well then, let’s get to brewing, shall we? Open your text books to page 493.”
Severus opened his textbook to Amortentia section, which to his potion partner’s surprise, was already filled well into the margins with notes in tiny fine print.
“You’ve already done your research I see.” Luna said playfully as she nodded her head towards Severus’s book.
“I like to read ahead…” Severus said mousily as his thumb caressed the worn pages of his well loved textbook.
Luna leaned in closer to read the small ink scratchings in the margins. There was so much written in such a tiny area that she had to squint in order to make the writing legible. There were corrections to ingredient measurements, recommended cauldron temperatures, substitute ingredients, and even notes on various ways to procure oils and seeds from herbs.
“Wow.” She whispered.
“I know, it’s a mess. My handwriting isn’t very good and some of the notes overlap because I was trying to squeeze in some information and there’s not a lot of space to work with but-”
“Severus, you’re brilliant.” Luna cut him off.
Surely I heard her wrong.
Severus’s face, normally almost as pale as the castle ghosts, faded to a sweet shade of pink. “Really?”
Luna’s fingertip traced along the lines of handwritten notes, “Yes. Really” She paused and looked up at him with a tender smile. “I should have you tutor me.”
“Oh, well…” Severus stumbled over his words.
“Mr. Snape. Ms. Black. This is the last time I’m going to ask for your attention.” Professor Slughorn scolded.
Severus and Luna’s faces both went red and their shoulders hunched with embarrassment as once again turned their attention to Professor Slughorn.
“The particular version of Amortentia that we will be brewing today was developed by Hogwarts Alumni Laverne de Montmorency. We’ll be using the following ingredients. Ahem.” Professor Slughorn cleared his throat before picking up each clear glass jar on his desk and holding it up so that the students could get a better view of each ingredient, “Ashwinder eggs. The eggs of this fiery serpent will help us to draw in the fiery energy of passion. Rose thorns, to remind us that love often hurts. Powdered moonstone, also known as the wishing stone, to enhance the desire for love. Pearl dust, known traditionally to help with heart conditions. Today it will aid us in a rather unconventional definition of a heart condition. And of course, rose petals, a timeless symbol of love. You’ll find the proper measurements for each of these outlined in your textbook, along with how to prepare them. We have about an hour left in class. That should be ample enough time for you to brew a small batch of Amortentia.”
Luna turned her attention back to her own textbook, “It says here the first step is to grind the moonstone and pearl down into dust using a mortar and pestle.” She dropped the gems into the mortar on their shared desk and began to twist her wrist back and forth in a feeble attempt to grind the stones into dust.
“It works better if you go in a circular motion.” Severus said barely audibly.
“What?” Luna questioned, not hearing him over the sound of several sets of mortar and pestles grinding around the room.
“Like this.” Severus said as he reached out and grabbed the pestle, his slender hand firmly placed on top of hers as he guided her to move the pestle in a grand circular motion encircling the entire inside of the mortar.
Luna turned her head to thank him, and quickly found her face so close to his that she could feel the warmth of his breath. The tip of his unique nose practically touched hers.
Severus, startled, quickly released his grip on the pestle and jumped back. “Sorry.”
“Thank you.” Luna said in unison with his sorry, “Wait, what?”
“Nothing.” Severus added nervously.
Why can’t I just act normal for once? This is why you have no friends.
Severus cracked the Ashwinder eggs and added them to the bubbling cauldron in silence as Luna finished grinding the powder. He tossed the shells into the bin and then turned back to face her, “Rose thorns and petals are next.”
A bouquet of gorgeous red roses sat in a spiral vase on the desk. The pair set to work carefully plucking the velvety petals from the flower and using a small paring knife to extract the thorns from the stem.
Art by @deathnotelu Instagram: amber_dnl
“Ouch!” Luna exclaimed as she dropped her knife on the table with a clatter. A small crimson droplet began to bloom on her thumb.
“Did you cut yourself?” Sever asked, clearly concerned.
“Yeah, but it’s not bad.” Luna said as she sucked on her small cut in an attempt to cull the sting.
Severus winced, “Don’t do that. It’s not good for the wound.”
Luna pulled her thumb back out from her mouth and a small droplet of blood once again formed on the tip of her finger.
Severus picked up his satchel from the ground and began to furiously dig around in it. Finally he pulled out a small bandage roll and a tiny vial of a fine yellow powder.
“What’s that?” Luna asked.
“Yarrow powder.” Severus responded, “It helps to stop bleeding.” He held her hand still with one hand and with the other carefully sprinkled some of the pine smelling powder onto her cut. He then proceeded to tightly wrap her finger with a small cloth bandage. “There.”
“I’m lucky you carry around first aid supplies.” Luna said with a smile.
“I get hurt a lot.” Severus said solemnly.
Luna felt her heart sink a little, “Thank you, Severus.”
I must seem so pathetic.
“Any time.” He meekly responded as he tucked his supplies back into his satchel.
Severus scooped up the collection of thorns they had made and tossed them into the brew. He began to stir methodically, one clockwise rotation followed by two counterclockwise rotation. He repeated this patten over and over as the potion began to swirl and shift colors in the cauldron.
Luna watched him curiously and then looked back down to her textbook, which clearly indicated to only stir the potion clockwise. She was going to bring this discrepancy up to him, but before her very eyes the brew began to shimmer with the telltale mother-of-pearl glow that only Amortentia produces. In fact, the shimmer of their potion seemed to surpass what was in Professor Slughorn’s own cauldron. They certainly had gotten theirs to shift colors faster than everyone else in the room.
Luna began to lean over the potion in an attempt to smell what unique scent the potion would create for her, but Severus reached his arm out in front of her and stopped her before she could get too close.
“Hold on.” He instructed. Severus peered over to Professor Slughorn, who was chatting up a Ravenclaw girl who was rumored to be the top of their class about joining his Slug Club. Seizing his opportunity, Severus slipped to the back of the classroom and into the storage closet. A mere moments later he returned holding a vial of tiny bright green leaves.
“What is that?” Luna whispered as to not attract any attention.
“Peppermint leaves.” Severus responded with a devilish grin only worn by those who have completed a successful heist.
“That’s not on the ingredient list.” Luna said curiously.
“It’s on mine.” Severus said proudly as he pointed to his textbook. Sure enough, scribbled in his own handwriting at the bottom of the ingredient list: peppermint leaves - finely chopped not crushed.
“Are you sure? Have you tried this before?” Luna questioned.
Only about a hundred times.
A warm smile melted onto Severus’s face as he finely chopped the small green leaves into the most delicate little pieces.
Luna couldn’t help but stare at him as he worked. His long slender fingers had a way of dancing with the knife. His face, which all too often had a cold and solemn look to it, now had a warm smile that while subtle, seemed to bring color to his entire face. He was beautiful, completely in his element.
Severus carefully scooped up the chopped peppermint and placed it into Luna’s hand, “Here. You do the honors.”
Luna hesitated, but when she saw the pure anticipation on Severus’s face she tossed the leaves into the cauldron. The spirals of purple smoke that were chaotically spurting out of the cauldron appeared to calm and find a consistent pattern.
“Huh.” Luna mused, clearly impressed.
Severus took a step closer to her and smiled, “Peppermint removes the rather unpleasant side effect of the drinker singing out of tune love songs.”
Luna giggled.
“You can try to smell it now.” Severus said, his head nodding towards the cauldron encouragingly.
Luna leaned over the swirling shimmering pink potion and inhaled deeply, her mind racing about all the different possibilities of scents she would smell. She paused and then stood up with a look of disappointment plastered on her face.
Oh, shit. Did I mess up?
“What?” Severus questioned.
“I don’t smell anything.” Luna said, “Are you sure the peppermint didn’t mess with it?”
“I’m certain.” Severus said sternly, “What do you mean you don’t smell anything?”
“I mean it doesn’t have a smell. It smells the same leaning over the cauldron as it does standing right where I am now.” Luna said.
“Huh.” Severus lifted a hand and rubbed his chin as if deep in thought, “Maybe what you love is Slughorn’s potions class.”
Luna laughed and playfully smacked Severus on the shoulder, “Oh, shut it, you.”
Severus gave a chuckle, and Luna realized this was the first time she had really ever heard him genuinely laugh. It was rich and deep.
“So it really smells like the classroom to you?” Severus pushed.
“I mean, not the classroom per say. The dungeon certainly has a distinct smell to it… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s not the dungeon itself that I smell. It’s just that where I’m standing right here smells no different to me than the Amortentia does.” Luna attempted to explain.
“Can you be more specific?” Severus asked.
Luna closed her eyes and inhaled, “It smells like sandalwood, blood oranges, ink, parchment, and the singe of smoke you get on your fingertips when you’ve spent too much time working with a potion.”
Severus looked down at his ink stained fingers. For a brief moment he hoped that it was him that she was smelling, but he quickly shoved that feeling down into a bottle with the rest of his emotions.
“Oh, just wonderful!” Professor Slughorn sang as he clamored his way over to the pair.
Startled, both Luna and Severus jumped before turning their attention to Professor Slughorn, who was now bent practically in half deeply inhaling the vapors coming out of their cauldron.
When he finally pried himself away from the vapors of their concoction his eyes were glazed over as if he were drunk.
“You two have done a wonderful job! Absolutely superb! Quite the potions pair you two make! Well done! 25 points to Slytherin for each of you on a job well done.” Professor Slughorn mused as he walked off towards the next pair of students, his walk a little more wobbly than usual.
“Oh, Gods!” Professor Slughorn groaned, his face practically turning green. “What did you two do?” his voice was now comically nasally as he had pinched his nose to not smell the brew in the student’s cauldron that was just as offcolor as Professor Slughorns skin.
The class erupted in laughter. Except for the pair who had made the disastrous brew, who began to melt out of pure embarrassment into their stools.
Idiots.
Professor Slughorn walked to the front of the room and removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket. It was painfully discolored, suggested not only that it was not just for show, but also that it was not washed frequently enough. He obnoxiously blew his nose and then tucked the dirty hanky back into his pocket. “Now then, I must remind you that love potions are banned here at Hogwarts. So please, no smuggling out any samples from todays class.” Professor Slughorn motioned towards the previous pair of student’s cauldron, “Especially yours. Who knows what that would do.” He skin began to shift to that nauseating green once more just thinking about the foul smell that pair had managed to create.
Professor Slughorn returned his attention to the Hufflepuff girl from earlier in the lesson, “Which reminds me. I’m going to need to confiscate that vial from Zonko’s.”
The girl grumbled, but handed over the vial to Professor Slughorn, who promptly tugged the vial into the tiny pocket hidden inside his jacket.
Severus and Luna walked out of the classroom together, but Severus stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Sirius leaning against the stone wall just opposite the classroom door.
The Hufflepuff girl and her group of friends were now huddled around Sirius, vying for his attention. Sirius was clearing basking in the radiance of their attention, but he was clearly not interested in any of them.
Why do so many girls look at him like that? Can’t they see him for what he really is?
“Lunch?” Sirius asked casually as he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on with his back and strolled towards Luna.
Luna hesitated a minute and turned to look at Severus, who had looked away pretending to be preoccupied with something else.
If I don’t make eye contact maybe he will leave me alone for once.
“Yeah, sure, I’m hungry.” Luna finally answered.
“Great. Meet you in the hall with the guys.” Sirius smiled and headed off. The pack of hormonal girls followed him like lemmings.
Luna turned to look at Severus, “Are you going to lunch too?”
“What?” Severus asked surprised.
“Are you hungry? You can come to the Great Hall with me.” Luna questioned.
She’s just being nice to me because she pities me.
“Oh… No, thank you. I was just going to go for a walk outside. Maybe read some by the lake.” Severus gave a slight smile.
“That actually sounds really nice.” Luna adjusted her satchel over her shoulder, “Maybe I’ll just grab something to go from the Hall and see you out there.”
“Oh, you don’t have to.” Severus said.
“I want to.” Luna replied cheerfully.
Severus’s smile was genuine this time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Severus sighed in relief as he relished the feeling of the cool early autumn air as it kissed his skin. The temperature had just started to drop, but the leaves hadn’t begun to change colors just yet. He felt a weight come off his shoulders as he walked out of the castle walls. The loud hustle and bustle of the castle hallways was replaced by a comforting silence that enveloped him in a hug and calmed his nerves.
He loved going outside to walk or read during lunch. Any other time of day there were plenty of people out walking the grounds, but at this particular time of day he had them all to himself.
Usually.
“Hey Snivellus!” a shrill voiced called out from behind him.
Seriously?
Severus froze in his tracks, and his grip on the leather bound book in his hands tightened so much that his knuckles went white. For a moment he stood there in silence, his breath labored with inner rage, silently praying that they would just leave. He spun around quickly, “That’s not my name.” Severus snarled.
“That’s not my name.” James Potter mocked while making a pigish face. Sirius, Peter, and James all laughed. Remus and Lily hung back nervously, but neither did anything to deter their friends behavior.
James strutted towards Severus, a rather nasty grin plastered on his smug face, “I see you’re out to lunch with all your friends.” James mocked as he motioned towards the empty grounds.
Severus’s lips pressed tightly together in attempt to keep his rage from spilling out. He hugged his book to his chest, but remained silent.
Just leave me alone.
“Whatcha reading?” Sirius teased in a sing-song voice as he reached for the book.
“None of your business.” Severus responded coldly.
“Come on now, don’t be like that Snivellus.” Sirius goaded, the devil burning in his eyes.
“I told you, that’s not my name.” Severus spat, his voice now shaking with rage. He was finding it harder to swallow the venom of the beast that lay dormant within him.
“Ooooh hoooo, tough guy?” Peter chimed in, practically tripping as he stepped closer to Severus. His voice cracked when he spoke.
James scoffed, “The dungeon bat gets out of his cavern for one day and suddenly thinks he can take on the world.”
“Come on, let me just have a peak at the bloody book.” Sirius pushed as he once again lunged for the book. The cheery tone in his voice was gone and replaced with impatience teetering on anger.
Severus stepped back to dodge Sirius’s advances, but tripped on a tree root sticking out of the ground behind him. He stumbled and fell backwards. The stinging on his backside felt like nothing compared to the stinging that he now felt in his pride.
“Pathetic.” James sneered as he pushed his crooked glasses with one finger back up to their correction position on his nose.
Severus attempted to get up, but just as he was getting back to his feet, James reached into his robes and aimed his wand at Severus.
“Expelliarmus!” James shouted and Severus’s wand went flying from his hand, landing in some rather tall grass.
Panicked, Severus began frantically searching for his wand in the tall grass, tossing fistfuls of clumps of weeds and brush to the sides.
Come on, come on!
“Impedimenta!” James shouted, sending Severus once again tumbling to the ground.
This time he fell face first, his jaw smashing against a protruding sharp rock. The pain was instantaneous. Blood began to drip from his chin.
Severus’s thoughts went blank.
“You fucking asshole!” Severus shouted as he wiped his chin and looked down to see his fingertips covered in blood. Another drop fell from his chin and mixed with the dirt at his feet. His gaze returned to the clan of bullies, his obsidian eyes darkening beyond imagine.
“Tsk tsk” Sirius tutted, “What a filthy mouth you’ve got on you, Snivellus.” He placed a hand on his chest and feigned disgust.
“I can fix that.” James jeered, “Scourgify!”
Bright pink soap bubbles began to foam within Severus’s mouth and pour out his lips. They dripped down his face, mixing in a rather unpleasant manner with the blood on his chin. It made his fresh wound singe and burn. The taste was foul and Severus began to choke on the foam building up in his throat that prevented him from breathing properly. He felt as if he was going to be sick, but he stifled the urge to vomit for hear that he might asphyxiate.
“Ha, nice one James.” Peter egged him on. His rat-like face contorted in a rather disturbing smile.
“And now, for the grand finale” James announced, waving his wand arm in the air like a twisted circus ringleader, “Levicorpus.”
Severus began to slowly float in the air. His body writhed in a feeble attempt to keep his feet on the ground. He was about ten feet in the air when his body began to twist to turn him upside down.
“Let’s take a peak under those robes, shall we? Let’s see if you have the equipment to back up the attitude you just gave me.” James spit furiously.
Please.
Lily and Remus both looked horrified, but neither one of them made any attempt to stop James. They simply stood there and watched it happen.
Severus desperately attempted to scream for help, but the pink soap bubbles formed a gag.
I want to die.
“Expelliarmus!” a familiar female voice shouted.
James’s wand went flying from his grimy paw, and the moment it left his hands Severus was dropped back down to the earth with a loud thud.
James turned towards the voice, his face beat red with rage, spit foaming around his lips as he screamed, “Who the fu-”
“Flipendo.” Luna whispered with a soft rage, interrupting James mid sentence and sending him flying backwards into the field of grass where Severus’s wand was still lost.
“Luna!” Sirius scolded, “What the hell was that for?”
“What do you mean what was that for? Look at him!” Luna practically screamed as she motioned towards Severus who was just now getting back on his feet. He was covered in a mixture of dirt, soap, and blood that formed a rather repulsive color when mixed together.
“Oh, come on. It’s just Snivellus.” Sirius grumbled as he ran his fingers through his hair. A nervous habit of his from childhood.
“His name is Severus.” Luna said sternly, noticing the moment of weakness in her brother.
“Whatever.” Sirius scoffed as he reached out a hand and helped James back to his feet, “Come on, let’s just go.”
As the group headed back to the castle, Luna stood there, her chest rapidly rising and falling with labored breath. When she was sure that they weren’t going to return, she turned around and headed over to Severus, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Severus said, clearly trying to hold back tears.
She must think I’m so pathetic.
“What am I saying? Of course you’re not okay.” Luna sighed and picked up Severus’s satchel. She reached inside and pulled out a familiar small vial of fine yellow powder, “Is this the yarrow powder?”
“Yes.” Severus responded meekly.
Luna popped the cork off the vial and poured a little bit of the fine powder onto Severus’s chin. He winced. “Sorry.” Luna whispered as she winced sympathetically.
“It’s not your fault.” He responded.
“All the same.” Luna smiled softly as she gingerly wiped his wound clean with first aide supplies she found in Severus’s satchel.
“I told you I get hurt a lot.” Severus gave a half-hearted laugh, but there was a darkness to his tone.
Luna frowned, “Please tell me this doesn’t happen all the time.”
Please don’t look at me like that.
“Not all the time.” Severus groaned as Luna wiped his wound, “… Just sometimes.”
Luna sighed, “I’m sorry.”
She thinks I’m pathetic. I am pathetic.
“I told you, it’s not your fault.” Severus repeated sternly.
There was an awkward moment of silence.
“Are you hungry?” Luna asked.
“What?” Severus responded.
Luna reached into her own satchel and pulled out two sandwiches, “I stopped at the Great Hall before coming out here. I know you said you were going to come out here to walk and read by the lake. I figured you’d be hungry… and I was hoping that maybe I could join you?”
What the hell?
“S-sure” Severus said, his voice clearly a little shaky.
Luna beamed and handed him one of the sandwiches. Severus took it from her with a faint smile. After relocating Severus’s wand in the brush, the two made their way down the path a bit until they came to a large oak tree on a hill just above the lake. It’s looming height suggested it had been there for years, perhaps as longer than the school had been open. There was a distinct patch of dirt at the base of the tree where grass had clearly stopped growing decades ago. It was obvious that over the years many students had sat here gazing out at the waters of the lake.
“This is one of my favorite spots.” Severus said as he took a seat at the base of the tree.
“It’s beautiful.” Luna remarked as she sat down next to him.
They sat in silence, eating their lunch and watching the wind blow little ripples of water across the lake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
“No, no, don’t cut it.” Severus said as he quickly snatched the silver dagger from Luna’s hand.
“What?” Luna boggled at him, “Did I mess something up already?”
“Technically, no.” Severus grinned.
Luna’s forehead crinkled with confusion.
“You get the juices out of the Sopophorous bean much more effectively if you crush it with the dagger instead of cutting it.” Severus said as he methodically pressed the shimmering silver blade at an odd angle into the bean against the cutting board. There was a soft crackle sound as the exocarp cracked open and thick silver juice oozed out from the pearly white bean.
“Where did you learn that little trick?” Luna questioned.
“Trial and error.” Severus responded as he poured the Sopophorous juices into the cauldron. He flicked his wand at large hooked spoon in the cauldron and it began to stir. It mixed the contents seven times counterclockwise before stopping, reversing direction for one stir, and then continued to repeat this pattern.
Luna watched the ladle dance in the cauldron and then peered back down at her textbook for a moment before turning her gaze to Severus, “Is this trial and error too? The extra clockwise spin?”
Severus simply smiled.
“You’re really something else you know that.” Luna praised.
“What?” Severus practically stuttered, “No, I’m not.”
“Don’t be modest. You’re bloody brilliant, Sev.” Luna beamed.
A faint rosey pink flushed Severus’s face.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were teaching this class one day. Hell, teaching your techniques to all the potioneers of the world.” Luna said earnestly.
“It’s just a few tweaks. Nothing major.” Severus insisted as his gaze moved to the floor.
“I wish you could see you like I do.” Luna resigned.
“… What?” Severus questioned.
“Oh, excellent work you too! You’re turning out to be quite the potioneer duo!” Professor Slughorn chimed as he leaned deeply over the still stirring cauldron to peer inside. “As a matter of fact, I was wondering, Miss Black, if you would be interested in a little soirée I’m holding this weekend. I call it my Slug Club. It’s rather exclusive. I only invite students who I think really have potential to make waves in the wizarding world. What do you say?”
“Actually, Professor, If you’re looking for wizards who will change the world one day, you should really be asking Severus to attend. He’s the brilliant mind behind our success in your class.” Luna insisted.
What?
“Well then, my invitation extends to you my boy. What do you say Mister Snape?” Professor Slughorn solicited.
You can’t say no now that she stuck her neck out for you.
“Um… Sure.” Severus mumbled.
“And you, Miss Black?” Professor Slughorn pushed.
“Of course.” Luna replied.
“Excellent!” Professor Slughorn said emphatically as he open his jacket and procured a pair of embossed party invitations. “I do so look forward to seeing you both there. Please dress formally.”
Ugh, what did I just agree to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
When Severus wandered into the Slytherin common room after his last class of the day had concluded, Luna and Regulus were sitting together on black leather couch in the center of the room in front of a roaring fire. Luna had a parcel on her lap that was wrapped with brown paper and tied with a simple string. The two appeared to be huddled close together like thieves and laughing.
“Dad is going to kill you if he finds out.” Regulus chuckled.
“Oh, please. He has like a thousand of them. He’s never going to notice if just one of them goes missing.” Luna rolled her eyes.
Curious.
“Evening.” Severus drawled.
Luna and Regulus practically jumped out of their skin, like children caught misbehaving by their parents.
Severus’s eyebrow peaked at this behavior, “Up to no good are we?” he teased.
“No.” Luna said defensively.
“Yes.” Regulus said at the same time as Luna’s denial with a rather cheeky smile plastered across his face.
Luna gave Regulus a playful smack on the shoulder and Regulus laughed heartily in return.
“Come on, join us in our bad behavior.” Regulus teased as he scooted over to allow Severus to sit between him and his sister. He gently patted the spot on the couch in a welcoming manner.
What’s the catch?
Severus cautiously sat down between them.
“Here.” Luna said as she pressed the parcel into Severus’s lap, “This is for you.”
There it is.
“It isn’t my birthday.” Severus said cautiously.
“I wasn’t aware that I needed a special occasion to give a gift.” Luna tormented, “Just open it!”
Severus surgically opened the parcel, taking special care to unfold each little bit of paper instead of simply shredding it. When he finally had it unraveled, a cloak as dark as the night sky lay on the brown parchment.
It’s gorgeous.
“Try it on!” Luna exclaimed. The smile on her face was akin to innocent excitement of a child on Christmas morning.
Severus hesitated, but Regulus gave him a gentle push on the shoulder with his own shoulder, “Come on, Sev.”
Did he just call me Sev? Are we… friends?
Severus stood up and began to fasten the cloak, his slender fingers making quick work of the ties. The cloak enveloped him.
“It looks fantastic.” Luna beamed, her eyes widening to take him all in.
“Well, yeah.” Regulus scoffed, “It’s dad’s. It’s expensive. Of course it looks good.”
“It’s what?!” Severus exclaimed as he began to undo the cloak with a look of pure panic in his eyes.
Luna shot up from the couch and grabbed Severus’s hands to stop him, “It’s fine, Sev. I had Kreacher mail it to me. My father has tons of these, he’s never going to notice one missing.”
“I really don’t want to bring the wrath of Orion Black upon myself.” Severus said nervously.
“Kreacher won’t tell him. Really. He isn’t that loyal to my dad. Now if I had tried to get him to take something from mother… Well that would have been a completely different story.” Luna grinned.
“You’d be dead for sure. Both of you. And Kreacher. And probably me. And Sirius too for good measure.” Regulus chuckled.
Severus gulped.
“I got you this.” Luna said as she tidied up the bits of the cloak that Severus had undone, “So that you could feel like the superhero that you are. You know, like a cape.”
Oh Gods.
Regulus almost choked on his own spit from trying to contain his laughter.
“Don’t.” Luna warned as she pointed a threatening finger at her brother.
Regulus mimed locking his lips with a key and tossing it to the side before raising his arms like a criminal being arrested.
“I know it sounds silly… and maybe childish” Luna said tentatively, “But when you have this on I want you to see you like I see you. Brilliant. Caring. Strong.”
“I’m not..” Severus began, but he was quickly interrupted.
“You are.” Luna insisted, “When you wear this cloak, I want you to feel like a superhero. To be brave.”
Regulus shot up to his feet, “Like this, Sev.” Regulus stood with his feet firmly planet, his chest puffed up, and his hands resting on his hips like a hero right out of a comic book.
They aren’t messing with me… this is genuine.
Severus laughed nervously, and replicated Regulus’s pose, albeit with much less confidence.
“I love it.” Luna giggled as she clasped her hands in front of her chest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Severus crooked his neck in a feeble attempt to see past the towering stack of books that he held as he maneuvered from the Restricted Section of the library to a small table in the corner of the room where he hoped to read undisturbed. His face contorted in a wince as his hip banged against the corner of a bookshelf on the side of his book tower that he couldn’t see.
“Aw, hurt ourself, did we Snivellus?” a familiar voice taunted.
Severus froze in his tracks, the book at the very top of the stack fell to the ground with a thud.
“Looks like you dropped something.” A second familiar voice chimed in, “Here, let me help.”
Can’t I just have one day…
The tower of books came crashing down to the ground, revealing James and Sirius in their wake. James had smacked the books from Severus’s hands, and stood there with a smug look on his face. “Oops.”
Severus looked down at the books strewn on the floor, some of which had had their spines cracked. He felt a rage building up inside him that longed to be unfettered.
The pair of boys began to cackle like the witches in muggle fairy tales, watching Severus’s burning gaze towards the ground.
“You’re so clumsy. Did you get some of the grease from your hair on your hands? That’s probably why you dropped that.” James sneered.
Normally Severus would sulk away and have an imaginary argument with his bullies in his mind when he got back to the dormitory. He would think of all the things that he wanted to say but never had the courage or the confidence to in person. Today was different. As he stared at the books on the floor he caught a glimpse of the bottom of his cloak billowing in the light draft that always seemed to be present in the library. Flashes of him and Regulus posing like super heroes in the common room while Luna laughed went through his mind. And he felt brave.
I don’t deserve this.
“Do you have no respect for anything?” Snape annunciated each work with deadly precision as he slowly raised his gaze from the floor to meet James. His obsidian orbs darkened like night as the hurt and rage he had spent years bottling up poured out of him.
Rage from being an outcast. Rage from being tormented relentlessly. Rage from being beat and called names from his father. Rage from his mother who watched it all happen. Rage from the dark thoughts that he poised his own mind with about himself.
James took a step backwards, caught off guard by the sudden change of demeanor, “Wha-”
Severus cut him off abruptly, “Do you have any idea how valuable these books are?”
James snorted, “Valuable? They’re a couple of ugly books. They’ve got torn pages and broken spines.”
Severus gave an exhausted sigh, “The value of things does not lie in their appearance.”
“That sounds like shit ugly people say.” Sirius chuckled.
Severus scoffed, “I am constantly amazed at the level of delusion people must possess to think that beauty is the same as goodness. The ladies may swoon over you now, but your ugly hearts will rot you from the inside out. I only pray that I am there to witness the day people finally see you for who you really are.”
Severus gathered his books, taking the time to inspect each one for damage before placing it on the desk next to him.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sirius said, his chest puffed out defensively.
“It means I hope you choke.” Severus said coldly as he sat down and began to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
“Gods, please tell me that you actually said that last bit.” Regulus said eagerly, perched on the edge of the leather couch in the common room, “And I mean out loud, not in your head.”
Severus gave a lighthearted chuckle, “I did.”
Regulus fell back into the couch and full on belly laughed, “Oh, I can’t wait to tease Sirius about this. Good on you, Sev. It’s about time you stood up to that lot.”
Luna walked up to Severus and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a deep hug, “I’m so proud of you.”
I’m proud of me too.
Severus stood with his arms awkwardly straight as his sides, still as a statue as Luna hugged him. His body may have been frozen in that position, but inside his heart flicked with an unusual warmth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Severus broke himself out of his self-induced trance and finally looked up from his potions textbook. How long had he been at it? He could have sworn the sun was still up when he had started, but it was dark now. He could, and frequently did, lose himself in his studies.
He looked back down to his book and glanced over the tiny handwritten notes scattered among the margins. He was more than just a few chapters ahead of the class, he was practically finished with the book. He yawned, but caught himself just before his hand reached his mouth and pulled it away. It was absolutely covered in ink stains.
He closed his worn textbook and tossed it into his leather satchel. He gathered the rest of his things quietly, after all he wasn’t sure what time it was, and he didn’t want to disturb anyone else in the dorms.
He made his way quietly to the bathroom and dropped his satchel on the floor next to the door. The echoing thud of his bag hitting the ceramic tiles of the floor let him know that he was alone. He locked the door behind him, sighed wearily, and began to undress. He always showered late at night so that he didn’t have to deal with other people. The thought that someone might see him disrobed absolutely horrified him. Hell, he even avoided looking in the mirror during his evening routine.
Severus procured a small bottle from his satchel. It was a special shampoo blend that he had crafted for himself. Plenty of people had referred to him as “greasy” and he was experimenting with creating his own blend that would alleviate this issue.
He turned the shower water on, but remained outside the stall allowing the water to heat up. Dancing waves of steam poured out of the shower stall and began to fill the room. The mirrors fogged over and he no longer felt worried about catching a glimpse of himself. He popped the stopper off the bottle and absentmindedly took a whiff of his shampoo. It smelled delightful, like sandalwood and blood orange. Severus froze for a moment as his thoughts raced.
It was at this moment that he noticed the light singe of smoke on his fingertips from working with cauldrons and the splotches of ink along the sides of his fingers and his palms.
Earlier in the week when Luna had described what she smelled in the Amortentia… it couldn’t be.
But there it was, both in and on his hands. Sandalwood, blood orange, smoke, and ink. What she had smelled was him. He shook his head dismissively, as if to shake his own thoughts out of his head.
Surely not?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Severus sat uncomfortably next to Regulus on the black leather couch near the fireplace of the Slytherin common room. He was dressed in a high collared dress robe of varying shades of black and grey. He had also included the cloak that Luna had gifted him. The robes long sleeves with tightly clasped buttons and equally buttoned up beck ensured that very little if any of himself was showing. He felt more secure by hiding his body away behind those buttons. Each one a tiny shield fighting off anyone from seeing him underneath.
He couldn’t sit still, and found his hands constantly fidgeting with the buttons on his clothes. The thread in the button over his wrist had begun to fray as a result. Butterflies danced in his stomach.
This isn’t a date. This is a professor led social event. This isn’t a date.
“You alright, mate?” Regulus asked with one eyebrow peaked.
“What?” Severus said rather surprised. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he had almost forgotten that Regulus was even in the room.
“You’re all…” Regulus fumbled his own hands around rather dramatically, mimicking Severus’s hands, “I don’t know. All twitchy.”
“I’m fine.” Severus assured him as he clasped his hands together and forced them to behave and sit still. The frayed button was all too obvious now and it pained him that he didn’t have time to stitch it to be more presentable before the party.
A sound of a heavy door shutting from the girls upper dormitory entrance filled the room, causing both boys to snap their attention upwards.
Luna was adorned with a black and green layered dress. The top was black with long sleeves and black buttons running down the sides of her waist. The second layer of fabric peaked out beneath the top layer and was emerald green with black lace florals ontop. A small black silk bow was tied in the center of her collar.
“That looks new” Regulus smiled as he went over and gave his sister a hug, “You’re gonna drive those nerds at Slughorn’s party nuts.”
Luna giggled and playfully smacked Regulus, “Shut up.”
“Fine. You look ugly. Is that better?” Regulus teased.
Stop it.
Luna full on belly laughed now.
“A right old maid. You’ll be single your whole life. Mum and Dad will get no grandchildren from you, that’s for sure.” Regulus continued to speak over Luna’s laughter.
“That’s enough.” Severus said sternly.
“What? Don’t you think my sister looks ugly, Sev?” Regulus tormented, “What’s the issue? Do you fancy her, Severus?”
“N-no. Of course not.” Severus stuttered.
Luna stopped laughing. She felt her heart sink to the very pit of her stomach.
“I’m just teasing.” Regulus assured him, “Just keep an eye on her at the dance, yeah? Don’t let any of those nerds get too fresh with her. Bring her back in one piece.”
“I will” Severus smiled nervously.
“Good, because I really would hate to kill you. I actually kinda like you.” Regulus had a shit eating grin plastered on his face.
“Regulus!” Luna scolded him.
Regulus simply chuckled, “Go on now, you’re gonna be late.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Severus and Luna walked down the empty halls, the light from the tips of their wands the only thing pushing back the pitch black darkness. It was late at night, and most of the school was sequestered to their dormitories. They, along with the other attendees of the Slug Club, had been granted special privileges to be out late tonight to attend Professor Slughorn’s soirée.
Their footsteps echoed so loudly that they bounced off the walls and gave the illusion that someone was walking behind them.
Luna inched closer and closer to Severus as they made their way down the hall until finally the side of her arm was brushing against his.
The sudden sensation of another touching him startled Severus, and the nervousness he felt only heightened as he turned to see Luna’s face lit up faintly by the glow of their wands next to him.
“Sorry.” She whispered, as if they weren’t the only two people in the hall. “Just a bit nervous in the dark.”
“I’m right here.” Severus reassured her.
They walked in silence the rest of the way to Professor Slughorns office. Every now and then the natural sway in their arms from walking would cause their hands to graze one another. Each time it sent a cold panic into Severus, like ice shards piercing his heart.
They gave the secret knock that Professor Slughorn insisted everyone in the Slug Club memorize and the door swung open. Not magically, but by Professor Slughorn himself who stood proudly just beyond the threshold in an ill-fitted plaid suit. “You rushed the triplet in the middle, but I’ll let it slide this time.”
Why did I agree to come here?
He took a step back and ushered the pair into the room with a grand sweeping of his arm, “Welcome, welcome!” he voice bellowed.
Art by @deathnotelu Instagram: amber_dnl
The pair walked awkwardly through the door together. They felt like they had walked out on to stage in the middle of a play; as if the spotlight had suddenly shown on them and they were standing there with no lines rehearsed. It felt as if everyone was starring at them.
They were.
Kill me.
“Drinks are just over there.” Professor Slughorn broke the silence as he pointed towards an elaborately dressed buffet table on the opposite side of the room. It was adorned with several large bowls of varying drinks.
“Thanks” Luna gave an awkward smile and headed towards the drinks. Severus followed close behind.
The novelty of the new party guests wore off quickly and soon the room was back to murmur of voices, fake laughter, and clinking glasses.
“What do you want to drink?” Severus asked as he grabbed two ornate crystal goblets.
“Fizzleberry, please.” Luna responded.
Severus poured himself the same, although he had never actually tried it before. It took him longer than he would admit to pour the drinks, as his hands were shaking. It filled him with self-hatred. Potioneering was a craft that required steady hands, and on any other day he was steady as a muggle surgeon. Not today though. Crowds and parties were certainly not his thing.
I hate everyone.
“Thanks.” Luna smiled as she took the drink from him.
Almost everyone.
Severus attempted to socialize at first, but he couldn’t help but feeling like a lost puppy following Luna around while she talked to the other guests. She would look to him to join in on the conversation from time to time, but remained silent. He was sure she was just trying to include him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was just a disappointment.
She probably regrets telling Slughorn to invite me.
Eventually, not wishing to be a burden or to spoil the mood of the party, Severus had sat himself alone at a table in the corner of the room. He had been holding the same cup of fizzleberry soda since they arrived, but he hadn’t taken a single sip of it. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if his stomach could handle it, and he was absolutely not going to deal with the embarrassment of throwing up at a party. The other students already had enough ammunition to use against him.
When he finally took a sip of his drink he realized that it had long since gone flat. He wretched and his face tightened up in a painful looking grimace.
Ugh, flat and unbearably sweet.
If it were up to him, he would have slipped out and gone back to the dormitories soon after arriving. Of course he wouldn’t though, he had promised Regulus that he would look after Luna. Although, if he was being honest, he knew that she didn’t need looking after. After all, she had been the one to recently come to his defense.
“Severus?” Luna said his name in a tone that suggested it was not the first time she had tried to get his attention.
“Hm?” He barely got out as he snapped back to reality.
“Let’s go.” Luna said encouragingly as she nudged his chair with her leg.
Please.
“The party isn’t over.” Severus said, although inside he was dying to leave.
“I know, but Professor Slughorn cracked open a vintage wine that he said everyone could have some of as long as they didn’t tell. I’m sure no one will notice if we leave, and even if they do they’ll probably forget come morning. Let’s go. You look so uncomfortable.”
Oh thank the Gods.
“Alright then, if you’re sure.” Severus said tenatively.
“Now when you’ve made a name for yourself, don’t forget who it was who set you along your path, yes?” Professor Slughorn said as he lifted a glass of wine that was certainly not his first for the night high above his head.
Sure enough, not a soul noticed them leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
As soon as the door shut behind them, the loud chattering sounds of the party vanished completely. Clearly Professor Slughorn had placed a silencing charm on the door so as not to draw an unwanted attention to what really goes on in a Slug Club party.
Severus immediately started heading back towards the Slytherin dormitories, desperately wanting to put some distance between himself and that wretched party. When he only head one set of footsteps echoing in the hall he turned to check on Luna, “Coming?”
“Can we take a detour?” Luna asked, her hands nervously clasped behind her back like a child trying to act innocent to gets sweets from her parents.
“I don’t think that’s very wise. It’s late and I promised Regulus I’d get you home safely. He said he would hate to kill me, you remember?” Severus smiled.
“Just a quick one.” Luna pleaded as she leaned forwards on her toes just slightly.
Severus sighed, “Fine. A quick one.”
Luna beamed and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him off with her in the opposite direction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
It was much lighter outside the castle walls at night than it was inside of them. Thousands of twinkling stars up above lit up the night sky and illuminated the walkways of the grounds.
The sounds of owls hooting and katydids chirpping filled the night air. Sounds like branches snapping beneath creatures wandering in the Forbidden Forest carried so much father in the night; their rustling being able to be faintly heard from the banks of the Black Lake.
The pair was seated at the base of the ancient oak tree by the lake. Hundreds of fireflies danced in the sky, creating little orbs of light that waltzed with them on the surface of the water. Every now and again a firefly would wander over to them, its little green light illuminating their faces for a fleeting moment.
“Beautiful.” Severus whispered.
“Right?” Luna smiled, “Autumn is just beginning, so this is the last chance we’ll probably have to see them this year. I just wanted to see them one more time before we get into the nitty gritty of the school year. A bit of nature’s magick to get me through the year.”
She has no idea I didn’t mean the fireflies.
She leaned back against the base of the might oak, which Severus was already leaning against; their shoulders pushing against each other.
“It reminds me of when I was little. I loved watching them in the garden. When I was very young I would cry when they would go away for the year. Regulus actually caught me some in a jar once to keep as pets… Sirius smashed them and painted his face with their glowing inside. He thought it looked like war paint.” Luna laughed hollowly.
Asshole.
“I’m sorry.” Severus said solemnly.
“For as sweet as he can be to me, he also has a tendency to hurt things that I love. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or not.” Luna sighed.
“What else has he hurt?” Severus asked, his gaze still fixed on the fireflies over the lake. When he received silence as an answer, he turned to look at Luna. She sat in utter silence looking at him.
Severus swallowed, but his mouth was just as dry as his throat and offered no comfort from the nervousness that now muted him like a cotton ball in his mouth.
She can’t possibly mean…
Saying nothing, Luna slid her hand closer to Severus’s.
The pair both looked down as their hands dared to close the gap between one another. Their fingers anxiously playing chicken over who would touch the other one first.
Come on, Severus, be brave.
Finally Severus’s pointer finger gently brushed the top of her knuckle.
Their eyes met and Severus could see himself in the reflection of her eyes. And for once, he could really see himself. Not as how his father saw him. Not as how his tormentors saw him. Not even as how he saw himself… but as how she saw him. Brilliant. Caring. Strong.
Art by @okeydokeylackey https://okdl.carrd.co/
He leaned in towards her cautiously, expecting her to pull away at any moment. But she didn’t. Their lips grazed against one another, and Severus felt his heart stop. In a fraction of a second that felt like an eternity he waited for her to jerk away from him utterly repulsed. But she didn’t. To his utter surprise, she pressed her lips back into his. His hand wrapped gingerly around her cheek and pulled her in closer as he dared to go in for another kiss.
I just heard this song and it reminded me of this short Snape story I wrote.
