Untitled

[robotblues]

the brothers Area

[friend-crow]

[birds-in-posts]

Kelp gull (Larus dominicanus)

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

wtf this is MY timeloop u can't be in here

[ailithnight]

Yeah, yeah. You said that last loop.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

and I'll say it again get the FUCK OUTTA MY LOOP!!!

[siena-sevenwits]

Hey everyone, looks like the “cat summoned for jury duty” was ai generated - even has the ai symbol at the top. Thanks for the heads up, @cannot-all-throw-inkpots . My apologies- I did not realize when I shared it.

[theriu]

Aww dangit. Guess that makes sense, but it was so believable because I can 100% see that kind of goofup happening

[theriu]

Some positive news: There really WAS a cat summoned for jury duty back in 2010. Turns out the error was quickly corrected and the cat did NOT actually have to travel to the courthouse. But at least we can enjoy the fact that a papereork glitch did once try to give a cat jury duty XD

[bitterlybisexualbard]

The best thing about Xena is that ALL the AUs are already canon and not, in fact, AUs.

You want a modern day AU where Gabrielle and Xena are reincarnated and get together? There’s a canon episode for that

Cowboy AU? Heist AU? Vampire AU? Battle of the Bands AU? Whodunnit Murder Mystery AU? Never became a warrior AU? Pirate AU? Prison AU?

How about some more niche ones as well?

Miss Congeniality AU? Arthurian legend AU? Footloose AU? The Producers AU? Angel and Demon romance AU? An Indiana Jones AU where Gabrielle is a whip wielding, treasure hunter and Xena is a sexy archaologist?

[soulren]

“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do

[theunfairfolk]

in elementary school i figured out how to customize the classroom desktop's autocorrect to make Word change whole sentences. this made it appear almost like the computer was responding to you. you could, for example, type in "where did i put my keys", hit enter, and watch it switch to "you put them under the couch". this was before chatbots, and we were all 9 so i considered it closer to a magic trick than a tech one.

i immediately scripted out a dialogue exchange between me and a girl who had died by the swings (classic). i invited another student over and told them i had found a ghost, then proceeded to type out the pre-scripted exchange. i was immediately pulled into the counselors office. the kicker was that none of the adults could figure out how i did it. i had to show them the menu and everything.

[theunfairfolk]

important detail i forgot to add: the swing ghost wanted blood sacrifices from the students. in my defense it was "only a few drops".

[theunfairfolk]

in elementary school i figured out how to customize the classroom desktop's autocorrect to make Word change whole sentences. this made it appear almost like the computer was responding to you. you could, for example, type in "where did i put my keys", hit enter, and watch it switch to "you put them under the couch". this was before chatbots, and we were all 9 so i considered it closer to a magic trick than a tech one.

i immediately scripted out a dialogue exchange between me and a girl who had died by the swings (classic). i invited another student over and told them i had found a ghost, then proceeded to type out the pre-scripted exchange. i was immediately pulled into the counselors office. the kicker was that none of the adults could figure out how i did it. i had to show them the menu and everything.

[theunfairfolk]

important detail i forgot to add: the swing ghost wanted blood sacrifices from the students. in my defense it was "only a few drops".

[memeuplift]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: three four people

[olderthannetfic]

Reading is in the trenches because why did my 9 yr old nephew look at the word "jealous" and said "jewish"? And when asked why he mistaken it as such he said they both started with a "J". It's like his brain is doing autofill. No matter how many time I try to tell him slow down and sound out the words he just won't.

--

TRAP CARD ACTIVATED

No, but seriously, anon, you need to look into what's going on in his classroom because he's probably being taught this trash method instead of phonics. He does not know how to slow down and sound things out because his school has never taught him that. When you tell him to do this, he has no context for what you're even talking about.

This has come up repeatedly here, and I don't have time to froth at the mouth today, but look up "whole language".

This podcast made waves a few years ago when all the lockdown parents discovered, to their horror, that their kiddos weren't being taught to read in the NORMAL FUCKING WAY WE'VE USED FOR LITERALLY CENTURIES and were instead being taught a fake-ass method backed by vibes and antivax-levels of pseudoscience.

Intervene now, anon, or he's never going to read well.

[kittenwriter]

I remember one of my grade school teachers discussing with my mother the differences between me and my sister at learning to read, and he described me as a "sight reader from the start"... which is to say, an acknowledgement that most people do not do that and it's not reasonable to expect that of the majority of kids, who really do need the phonics and the "sound things out."

Generally speaking if a kid has arrived at school not knowing how to read already, they're not going to do well with sight reading and need phonics. The few kids who develop The Reading in the way the whole language people think they should do it before they hit school.

[olderthannetfic]

So true. I know a retired teacher who bawwws and tries to contradict me when I rant about whole language at our knitting meetup. She's all "different kids need different approaches!" and "I saw it work!"...

But of course it feels intuitively sensible to her. She taught herself to read at age 2. That's the exact kind of experience that does make this method sound reasonable. But like you say, if it's going to happen, it happens very early and without the school curriculum.

As for me, I've said it before, but I assume anon wasn't around: I could not learn to read.

I was in second grade. (First grade? I can't remember. Around then.) Most of my classmates were reading at least a little. Me: nothing. I could not learn.

It was even a god damn private school, but I had to have a fucking tutor. I got dragged over to that lady's office a few days a week for... two months? Four months? It really wasn't that long, as far as I know. I was more than ready to learn. I just needed an actual fucking method that wasn't lying trash. Almost at once I jumped from nothing to reading well above grade level. For the rest of my childhood, I continued to diverge from my classmates in how many words I knew, how well I could read, the works. Every year of grade school makes that gap widen. I was on the desirable side of that gap. I was lucky.

It's obvious how verbal I am from reading my tl;dr on this blog.

But I could not learn to read.

I was a couple years younger than this nephew, but not that much younger. It's not too late. Now is the perfect time for some tutoring. If you can afford it, get a pro. If you can't, do your best. But you've got to do something.

[olderthannetfic]

When someone comments or kudos my fic and I check their profile, if it's 2020 or newer I silently judge them.

--

It might be their side account, dude.

[mrsmarymorstan]

Bro, they could also just be born in the 2000s???? A teenager could easily have started an account during the pandemic, and then six years later be still commenting on fanfic?

People who were 16 in 2020 are now 22.

[olderthannetfic]

Presumably, anon is turning up their nose at comments from The Youth. I'm guessing this is mostly intended as more "Fandom was overrun by ~normies~ during lockdown!" crying though.

Anon, sincerely, as someone whose AO3 account number is 87, you are being silly.

What happened during lockdown is that AO3's traffic spiked because everyone was terrified, broke, and bored. Lots of new accounts did get made then, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that a vast wave of n00bs-to-fandom who were very mainstream in their tastes suddenly overran everything and started behaving like bulls in a china shop.

I think a lot of people who were all-in on fandom but not that invested in AO3 decided they needed an actual account because they were now spending more time on AO3. I think a bunch of people who'd never noticed that archive-locking exists suddenly realized they were missing out on some works. I think fans who were still entrenched on FFN or Wattpad (and no, not all the fic there is bad) decided to make the jump to AO3. I think people who got bullied or stalked or who just like keeping different genres and vibes separate needed new accounts. I think a bunch of people who'd been all over fandom 20 years ago got into Heated Rivalry or whatever other latest hot fandom, came back to fandom in general, and realized they needed something more recent than Yahoo Groups.

Some people are just too young to have old-ass accounts, but even us middle-aged people have lots of reasons to have a young account. Yes, even people who are great writers. Yes, even people who understand AO3 cultural norms. Yes, even people who are not cringe or outsiders or undesirable in whatever way anon is thinking of.

[soundoftheirwings]

Gotta tell you guys something wild in the Chinese fan sphere

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

And that is how this charity received over 1 million in donations in three days lol. Oh btw the “freedom of expression” side won by a landslide (960k to 40k)

[tlbodine]

From now on this is how all petty fandom disputes should be settled.

[flagellant]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[icouldshowyoumyscar]

Gif from the video above by Neil Bromhall (at 1500% speed)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i get so freaked out by like. pictures of really big rope

[clintwaffle]

I’d like to say that’s normal but I’m a frayed knot

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i’m so fucking annoyed at this, just for that you don’t get photos of the rope

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i changed my mind, this is just too horrifying not to share

it’s called a Hawser and is the thick cable or rope used for towing/mooring a ship

in conclusion, i have nightmares beyond description

[arithmeticanimaniac]

NO it would NOT be cool

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

well i fucken disagree

[goeswiththeflo]

@scumrunner do you have any cursed facts about hawsers to share ?

As a fiber nerd, i am personally very enthusiastic about them….

[scumrunner]

Ohhohohoho DO I EVER. Meet the “snapback zone,” not an area with cool hats, but instead the unintuitive range at which a hawser can kill you if it breaks under tension.

[cloud-and-proud]

What if we kissed in the snap-back zone? 😳 😳 😳

[talus-the-broken]

I don’t think you guys understand how much force this is, a tow rope used to move a 20 foot boat snaps under tension with enough force to dent metal, shatter glass and seriously injure anyone in its way. A Hawser on the other hand… Well I’ve seen a concrete pier with a chuck the size of a sedan ripped out of it by a line failure, and anecdotally, I’ve heard of a 2 ton heavy cargo forklift being skidded sideways, then knocked over. These lines snap with enough force to noticably dent the hull armor of navy ships.

This is a line designed to hold in place a moving object that can be easily in excess of 10000 tons. AND THEY CAN BREAK FROM THAT TENSION ALONE.

THESE THINGS ARE TERRIFYING RUBBER BANDS FROM HELL.

[butch-of-the-blades]

Nope Rope

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

NOPE ROPE

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

I’m once again reminded of its much smaller cousin, the haywire.

You’ve heard of the term, “Going haywire,” right? Ever spared a thought to why that term exists?

See, time was there was a prototype automatic hay-baler. But this was in that magic period juuust before we really got into standardized sizes. So calibration of the machine was handled manually - a mix of guessing and learning from the results of guessing. If you’ve read Raising Steam by Sir Terry Pratchett you know that many people don’t get to learn from the results of their own guesses, due to being dead.

A poorly calibrated hay-baler had the mechanical strength to smush the hay into a tight bundle, wrap the wire around it, and tie that wire off to maintain the bale’s form. But the pressure of the over-packed hay was a constant outward force. Each bale made by an over-tight baler was potential energy in physical form. We have a word for “potential energy in physical form” and that word is “bomb.”

So sometimes, a man would toss a hay bale and it would land with a twang and the man who’d been reaching down to pick it up where it landed was dead.

And that is what “haywire” means.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

oh nice. i knew hay bales occasionally spontaneously combust, didn’t know they used to have an explosion factor too

[marlynnofmany]

I am learning multiple things today

Normally I’d expect wet plant matter to be less likely to go up in flames, but not hay bales! Those pesky bacteria really like to party in damp conditions. And by party I mean “create heat.”

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

have they done a remake yet where scooby & the gang star in a viral ghosthunting youtube series? that would be insufferable i want one

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"they did found footage" no i don't want blair witch i want them running an obnoxious video podcast with regularly scheduled sponsor breaks. Daphne does marketing & social media analytics. Velma does the editing. Fred is the annoyingly chipper cameraman. Shag and Scoob are just there

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

have they done a remake yet where scooby & the gang star in a viral ghosthunting youtube series? that would be insufferable i want one

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"they did found footage" no i don't want blair witch i want them running an obnoxious video podcast with regularly scheduled sponsor breaks. Daphne does marketing & social media analytics. Velma does the editing. Fred is the annoyingly chipper cameraman. Shag and Scoob are just there

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i gave my sister $100 for her bday, but i gave it to her in $1 bills that i folded into origami. so that’s how she pays for delivery food & now the pizza girl thinks she’s a stripper

[cornposting]

You’re really good at origami holy sh

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i learned it specifically to make these for this exact situation 

[realpersonscifi]

Aren’t you the same bitch that gave your sister $100 dollars in nickels?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

same bitch

[wetmetal]

Yeah, neither of these things happened 👍🏼

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

listen here my good hoe, i can’t find photos of the 2000 nickels or the 20 stars, but i did not spend weeks planning meticulously inconvenient birthday gifts over a period of years just to get whaled on by internet gremlins. here is some equally compelling evidence for an anecdote i was saving for later:

it weighed 68.6 lbs

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

same hellion yes