We'll get through it, somehow.

[bridgebeepboops]

"my deer doctor,"

[respocked]

newfound hobby: rewriting jokes about agent stirlitz to be about garak

[respocked]

“Garak, what’s two plus two?” Entek asked. Garak knew, and he knew Entek knew, but he didn’t know if the Central Command knew, so he had to keep it under wraps. 

Garak walked into Doctor Bashir’s Infirmary and asked: “Doctor, would you like to start working as an Obsidian Order agent?”. Shocked, Doctor Bashir jumps up from his chair, then looks at Garak as if he had lost his mind. Garak turns around and starts to leave, but then he stops and asks: “Doctor, could you spare some aspirin?”. Old spy trick: people only remember the end of conversations.

Garak casually approached the rendezvous point with his contact. According to the preplanned signal, he knocked on the door one hundred and twenty-seven times. To no response. He took a step back and looked into the window – just like he thought. On the windowsill there was a sign they had been discovered – sixty-three clothing irons.

Garak has left behind a darling on Cardassia – beautiful Palandine. Just in case, his letters to her he writes in Romulan and with his left hand. He also doesn’t send them.

Garak heard a knock on his tailor shop’s door. He opened them. It was a little regnar. “Hello, little silly. Do you want some milk?” he asked. “You’re fucking silly!” said the regnar. “I’m from the Obsidian Order, idiot!”

Well-disguised, Garak walked down the streets of Romulus. Still, somewhat in him betrayed that he was a Cardassian spy: maybe it was his slightly foreign accent, maybe his Obsidian Order insignia he left pinned to his chest, or maybe just his ridges?

Garak loved to sit in his chair and feel the power of Cardassian literature. The power was electrical in nature and came from the chair itself.

A stranger came into Captain Sisko’s office. He stood in front of his chair and made odd gestures with his hands and various winks. Finally, with an air of intrigue, he said: “Cardassian voles are migrating north, and grain weevils are following after them.” Captain Sisko looked at the stranger with obvious distaste. “Garak’s shop is downstairs,” he said.

Garak opened the door to his bathroom. Suddenly, the light came on. “It’s a trap!” Garak thought. It was actually his mistakenly opened fridge.

The speedometer on Dukat Senior’s skimmer showed 120 km/h. Outside of its window, Garak walked, expertly pretending like he was not in a hurry to get anywhere.

When it was time to walk across the Promenade, in order to not arouse any suspicion, Garak dropped to his hands and knees and quickly crawled to the meeting point.

[katbelleinthedark]

This is an A+ concept. I'm so glad that my second-favourite one got Garak-mixed here. ❤️ Also: Stirlitz jokes on ny dash in 2026??

Lemme add my favourite though:

Garak had long developed a habit of sitting in the Celestial Café and waiting for a waiter to approach. That habit was developed by the waiters.

[pangur-and-grim]

it is weird that celiac stuff has become part of the 'culture war'. because it's literally just a medical thing.... I get super anemic unless I cut a certain protein out of my diet, because it bulldozes the villi in my intestines. but if I post about it, right-wingers send me gore images. I guess you can't expect shitty people to be logical, but I've even heard lefty people make fun of gluten stuff, and it's like why are you mad about this??? why are you pissed off that I'm eating bread that doesn't taste as good so that I can have blood in my body? it's so morally neutral.

[ms-demeanor]

I'm sorry, I know you weren't actually looking for an explanation but I always have a rant about this locked and loaded.

As far as I can tell the reasons that this happens are:

The interpretation of disability accommodation as wokeness - a lot of the same people who are shitty about food limitations are also shitty about sign language interpreters and ramp requirements (also building regulations relating to the latter) because they view any accommodation as capitulation to a group they think should "suck it up and deal with it" (quietly exist without named or obvious accommodations). The conversations around peanut-free or milk-free classrooms to accommodate children with allergies are similarly unhinged and possibly more horrifying.

Conflating specialty diets as a result of proximity in the popular consciousness - you're a lot more likely to see something described as "vegan + gluten free" or to see vegan/vegetarian/g-free options grouped on menus than you are to see keto/vegan/gfree options so the "lefty" animal-free diets get grouped with gluten-free (it's also interesting that there are right-wing diets, and I wonder how many of these people remember when you used to be able to find "atkins-friendly" symbols on casual dining restaurant menus)

Gluten free diets became a fad fifteen years ago; tons of people read "Wheat Belly" and stopped eating wheat as a weight loss hack and when they went back to eating wheat because it's actually pretty difficult to get around a major staple grain they didn't experience any negative consequences; people saw this and basically think that it's a trend, that people are faking medically necessary diets as part of a fad. When questioned about this they always go "but, I mean, it's okay if you REALLY need to skip the wheat because you have a condition but most people are doing it because it's popular" when g-free diets haven't been a major trend for quite a while now. TO BE QUITE FAIR, I think that things like "Gluten Aware" cookies and beer and such, which contain a little gluten but not NO gluten contribute to this perception (these have annoyed me forever for two reasons: 1. They make people without celiac think that a little gluten is fine for people with celiac, which it is not; 2. fucking commit, companies. *I* want the cookies and beer and it's deeply annoying that these business will go to the lengths to create products with minimal gluten but won't actually make g-free foods - this is often because of the risk of cross contamination, they won't claim to make g-free things because they won't work with a dedicated g-free facility)

Anyway, in conclusion: it sucks, I'm sorry.

The fun flipside of this is that I've seen people who are more right wing become aggressively pro regulation and pro accommodation when they or their family members have to suddenly take on the individual burden of making up for a society that doesn't include them by default.

[ms-demeanor]

US specific:

Is your ham made with vinegar? Does your ham have the generic word "spices" on the ingredient list? Does your ham include "smoke flavoring"? Does your ham include caramel coloring?

Because malt vinegar has gluten in it. "Spices" may include wheat products in a mix. Smoke flavoring may be made with barley flour. Caramel coloring may be made with wheat or barley syrup.

If the label says "gluten free" that means that the "spices," caramel coloring, vinegar, and smoke flavor are certified to contain 20ppm or less of gluten.

If the ham is cured in any way, it may include gluten. If the ham was marinated, it probably includes gluten. If the ham was prepared in a facility that processes wheat in any way, it might be cross contaminated with gluten.

There's a company out there called "Gluten Free Water" that makes water in plastic bottles, poking fun at the idea that too many things have a gluten free label. I fucking hate that company. Because that company is functionally saying "lol, people are so sensitive and over the top about this, let's be a little silly and laugh about how crazy people can be with their 'gluten free' nonsense."

Did you know that there are sustainable food containers and straws that contain wheat? And that you don't have to label them? There are definitely people with celiac who have been sickened by biodegradable plastic straws in their "obviously water is gluten free there's no risk here" water.

"It's over-labeled so it looks trendy" just means you don't know how foods are made or what foods contain gluten. Gluten is ridiculously common in foods in general, and also in packaged meats.

Your ham has to say gluten free because it distinguishes it from the hams that do contain gluten, which is a fucking lot of them. And you're annoyed that your ham has to say gluten free and I'm annoyed that I'm standing in the grocery store calling a ham company to figure out where they source their caramel coloring so I can figure out if the damned ham is safe to eat.

"lol, oats don't have wheat in them, are people so stupid that they have to be told what is and isn't wheat? why does this oatmeal have a gluten free label?" Cross contamination; gluten free oats are not grown near wheat and are not processed in facilities that process wheat.

"lol, rice doesn't have wheat in it, why is this rice labeled gluten free, all rice is gluten free" Cross contamination; the rice isn't processed on equipment that processes wheat.

"lol why does this turkey breast say gluten free, it's just fucking turkey" read the ingredients on your "just" turkey, lots of packaged meat is packed in broth, some of which contains modified food starch, which may contain wheat.

"lol why are these strawberries labeled gluten free? they're fucking strawberries" WAX, BUDDY. SOME FRUITS ARE COATED IN PRESERVATIVE WAX FILMS BY THE MANUFACTURER AND SOME OF THOSE FUCKING FILMS CONTAIN GLUTEN.

I think that part of the reason that people are so irritated by g-free labels is because it exposes them to just how vast and alienating their food systems are.

"Ham should just be meat from a pig, maybe with sugar and salt; what on earth is happening that there might be wheat in that process? Nothing in that process should involve wheat." And then you might have to think about it for a second, might have to wonder what "sugar" and "salt" mean when someone is producing a million hams to be delivered thousands of miles away. It's not just sugar and salt; it's preservatives and nitrates and batch cooking and getting corn syrup instead of sugar and getting smoke flavoring instead of smoking the ham and turning your "whole food" into all the ingredients that make up the ingredients that make up the ingredients.

A "gluten free" label says "you can eat this" to somebody with celiac disease, who has already pounded their skull against the shittiness of the medical system and the food system.

But to someone who doesn't have to worry that their food is going to disable them, a "gluten free" sticker on ham takes a known quantity and turns their sandwich into a hyperobject that contains animal agriculture and industrial additive production and shipping pollution and the ongoing assault on regulation.

If it doesn't have the label, you can just eat your lunch. If it does have the label, you are haunted by the specter of RFK junior imploding the FDA.

Turns out that everyone in the US with celiac is already constantly haunted by the possible implosion of the FDA because food regulation is an up-close and personal part of our daily lives that most people would rather not think about.

[letseyx]

Jake & Nog + their fathers

[clementine-kesh]

are the delta flyer flightsuits some sort of stock replicator flightsuit or did they like… design them to go with the ship

[clementine-kesh]

i mean designing a custom outfit while harry, b’elanna, and seven are working on miniaturizing their new warp engine heat modulation tech does seem like a likely thing for tom to do

[clementine-kesh]

tuvok is trying to focus on helping harry, b’elanna, and seven but keeps ducking out to point out “tactical flaws” in tom’s flightsuit design and this is the only reason they didn’t end up looking like something designed by a teenager who only watches mech anime

[clementine-kesh]

@mnemonicpneumaticknife *tuvok voice* mr. paris the tight shiny latex is a highly suboptimal choice for a flightsuit as it not only inhibits movement but is also extremely visible to everyone within a ten kilometer radius

[mnemonicpneumaticknife]

Tom going back to his quarters and stuffing the rolls of PVC, latex, and mylar he has into the matter reclamation unit in frustration. Then he picks up a PADD with some 20th century racecar driver photos on it.

"Well, I guess I have to go with something practical..."

Drive needs a deleted scene where Tom tries really hard to get sponsors for their team so he can add a bunch of logos to the flight suits.

[mundanemisfortune]

Oh, I think he would make up sponsor logos too. Favourite cartoon? This can be a logo design. Captain proton definitely has a logo now. He feels like Fair Haven could have used a logo this whole time actually, and now it has one. He even talks Neelix into getting a logo for his kitchen, just so Tom can pretend to be sponsored (this leads to Paris monologuing about classic Earth fast food chains for two hours and Neelix promises to make some of this food, which Paris instantly regrets because pickled Leola root and patties made from hair pasta are NOT acceptable substitutes to make a burger out of).

Tuvok tries to shut it down for being a frivolous use of replicator energy, but the captain is just laughing - until Tom tries to get people into collecting limited edition patches (in exchange for replicator rations and holodeck time), and one of the patches is Sullivan's pub.

[mandala--moons]

Sketch of what I imagine some traditional Turian clothing might look like. I love draping fabrics. Featuring everyone's fave boy Garrus ofc!

[i-can-kazoo]

antisemites HATE being reminded how much of their lives are stolen from jews. Never thought I'd see them get so mad over a jew reminding them that "never again" is jewish though

(Partial lie. I know they like to do the "never again is for everyone" shtick and tell jews to come up with something else, I just didn't think they would defend this position so furiously)

[i-can-kazoo]

To expound on the topic:

saying Never Again For Anyone is the same as saying All Lives Matter. It's a great philosophy to have, but you can't possibly ignore the original phrase that you are copying. The words you say don't exist in a vacuum. You can't say All Lives Matter without recognizing that you are taking Black Lives Matter and removing the part that made it an important and necessary statement. You can't say Never Again For Anyone without recognizing that you are taking something jewish and adding something that removes its importance and necessity as a statement. This isn't about jews, you're saying. Don't be selfish. This is a trap.

If a jew says that never again is a jewish phrase, they are selfish. They do not care about all the other people who could be using that phrase better than them. They are mean. They must want other people dead! Naughty jew.

If a jew agrees with the antisemite, they become a token. This phrase doesn't belong to jews anymore. It was given to us! They agreed to it! We will use it better than they did. We will dilute it for you, it is too strong for a jew such as yourself to be using. And then when if something happens to a jew, what can they say? Certainly not Never Again; that's for Anyone! Jews aren't Anyone.

[i-can-kazoo]

by the way none of this is an exaggeration, these are points made to me by antisemites.

[evergreen-femme]

had to share this

[wizardshark]

In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice

[kosmogrl]

get in loser if we’re all going through it might as well do it together

[nitrobishop]

boston driving advanced tech guide

you've probably already noticed that turn signals ("blinkahs") don't serve their usual function here - a common saying on the server is that using them as intended is just giving information to your enemies. you may be tempted to conclude that these "blinkahs" are useless. not so! they are exclusively used for parrying cars audacious enough to think they can just drive past you. the timing is a five-frame window beginning when you can first see the approaching car in your sideview mirrors. simply engage your blinkah and then immediately jump out in front of your opponent. if you get the timing right, you will build super meter. if you're too early, you've accidentally performed a safe traffic maneuver, resetting your meter to 0. if you're too late, you crash and may have to transition to direct PvP, which is outside the purview of this guide.

yellow lights can also be parried by running them, with the amount of super gained determined by how far you make it through the intersection before the light turns red. the ideal window you're aiming for here is between your front and back wheels crossing the white line

you can use your super meter to cast a variety of spells to hinder your opponents. popular meter-efficient spells include mainstays such as "Summon Double-Parked Uber Eats Driver", "Line-Skipping Merge", and "Greater Unmarked Cop". if you max out your meter, you can cast the legendary "Power Word: Storrow".

the super meter system works differently for bikes. obviously, since they lack blinkahs and run red lights anyways, they can't build super in any of the normal ways. instead, they build it up passively, since their very existence enrages every driver around them. to offset this, the spell list for bikes is a lot lower-power than the spell list for cars, mostly being focused on mobility or utility instead of offense (although there are some notable exceptions like "U-Lock Missile"). the capstone spell for bikes is, of course, "Post Misleadingly Edited GoPro Footage On Reddit".

Quincy is a PvP-enabled zone.

[massachusetts-official]

Official Post of Massachusetts

[thestuffedalligator]

I used to think “soupçon” was a French word for crouton and I used it as the French word for crouton for a long time and nobody stopped me.

Soupçon actually means “suspicion” and the reason nobody called me out on this is because I would use the word to imply the idea of something sprinkled on top of something else ala croutons. If someone said, “A soupçon of homoeroticism,” I thought it meant “Someone sprinkled homoeroticism on this story like croutons on a delightful Caesar salad.”

I wrote multiple essays that used soupçon as a noun with this translation in mind and I got a degree and this haunts me.

There’s no point to this post, it’s just very important to me that you know that I can be quite stupid

[emryses]

listen to me. this is my final message to you. when you are at your lowest a fictional guy will come to you and when that happens you must start putting them in situations. this is the meaning of life.

[baytadax]

Guinan (Star Trek)

My contribution to the Melanin Beam Challenge by @creatingblackcharacters (I have learned so much from your blog thank you!!)

Also a nice addition to my collection of Star Trek women.

Close-up photographed under a different light

[jewishtransdyke]

A detail I never see people talk about in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 6x19 "In the Pale Moonlight" is that Grathon Tolar (the guy Ben Sisko hires to make the fake recording of Weyoun plotting against Romulus) initially thinks that Sisko wants to commission some bespoke porn.

This is not just some random artist he found on the Space Internet, mind you. Tolar was on death row in a Klingon prison, and Sisko somehow convinced Chancellor Gowron to pardon him, even though he wouldn't have been able to specify the *reason* he wanted this particular death row inmate pardoned.

And Tolar's first thought, when he meets the man who saved his life (with an extremely non-trivial feat of international diplomacy), is that he did it because he really really wants some very specific pornography custom-made to his specifications and is willing to call in no-questions-asked favors from a foreign head of state in order to get it.

Idk, that's just kinda fascinating to me. Have people gone to similar lengths to commission porn from Tolar before? If not, why is that his assumption? It raises some very weird questions about the porn industry in the Star Trek universe.

[kewsi3542]

"DisTain"

Only a child and yet big shoes to fill.

For Context (Under The Cut):

Reblog by @kewsi3542 · 1 poll

💬 8  🔁 216  ❤️ 415 · He hears the floor creek, closer and closer still, towards the bedroom door. Hidden in his small cold room. Keepi

[katherinetheok]

Realizing that more than half of Deep Space Nine aired before HIPPA passed explains so much about the way Julian's always walking into staff meetings with "sorry I'm late, Ensign Goldshirt had a very interesting rash" instead of just saying "medical emergency" 😂

[unamccormack]

This is why DS9 can’t retain a therapist. Between Garak turning up and staring at you for an hour, old blabbermouth Bashir telling the whole of Quark’s about Ensign Traumatised’s nightmares, and the simple fact of O’Brien being there, it’s widely known to be the worst posting in Starfleet.

[katbelleinthedark]

... did we just solve the mystery of Counselor Telnorri's disappearance? They lived peacefully on the station for all of a week (seemed like a cool post, what problem did others have with it?) and then post-Hard Time Miles O'Brien showed up to their office and three days later Telnorri was handing in their resignation and going on a retreat to Andorian ice wilderness to patch up their mental health?

[unamccormack]

Poor Telnorri is actually doing good work with O'Brien post "Hard Time", and then a depressed Bashir, struggling with what he saw of "the blight" arrives in their office. That in itself would not be the deal-breaker, but then Sisko asks Telnorri to go and talk to Garak every day while Garak's in the holding cell. Telnorri lasts just over a week then quits Starfleet and never looks back.

[katbelleinthedark]

Counselor Telnorri's Month From Hell.

They leave Starfleet and go to Risa to be a wellness instructor there. And then Worf, Jadzia, Julian, Leeta and Quark arrive on Risa.

[unamccormack]

LOL. They move to Betazed to explore empathy as a healing tool. Betazed falls to the Dominion.

[katbelleinthedark]

They become a hermit after that.

[unamccormack]

Their retreat to the depths of the Vulcan desert is interrupted by a constant series of messages from Ezri Dax: “help, ben is sad”; “help, julian is sad”; “help, worf is sad & thinking i might not be best placed person to help lol”; “is everyone here always so sad”; “cured the tailor lol”.

[stealingpotatoes]

LAPTOP DEATH FILE PURGATORY IS OVER I HAVE MY CRAP BACK

[stealingpotatoes]

however i do think i scared the repair ppl by materialising at their door in 3 seconds