chrystal

don't forget you are your father's daughter

[music-notes-xoxo]

when they say i've changed but my weight hasn't lowered, my head is still full, i have less energy, i still haven't reached any of my goals, and food still tempts me so i just say "Oh, yeah, heh."

[music-notes-xoxo]

the numbers keep climbing. ask my scale. ask my skin. ask God about my sin.

[music-notes-xoxo]

throw back to when we laughed so hard on the way to school we got yelled at to quiet down. throwback to when we laughed so hard you fell out your chair.

then to the present where you haven't called or texted in five months. i'm scared that i'll see you again. i think i'd cry. i think i am right now.

[music-notes-xoxo]

call me God's tough soldier when i complain about these times

but my spine is splitting

i've been mia, kia, for my whole life

tell me i'll be just fine

but i've never not been at unease

my bomb dog's whimpering

he doesn't want to hear me anymore

call me God's tough soldier

but you're surprised when they tell you i only ever wanted to be in a box

'God's tough soldier' Apr. 18. 26.

[music-notes-xoxo]

"that old familiar body ache the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul-- you know when it's time to go." but i see myself grow out of my docile patience and start being less okay with things. still never confronting anyone. but these things i've shoved off my nerves are now piling back up again.

[music-notes-xoxo]

when they try ask what my hobbies are but i go through three packets of gum a week, i drink too much water, i "like" going on runs every day, i get defensive over the topic of weight, i can't sleep, i get tunnel vision too often so i just say "umm reading mostly."

[music-notes-xoxo]

with her head in my hands, i know i can't be her wife

she's the air that i breathe, the water i drink

she's going to be mine my whole life

but i'm sorry

i need my parents at the wedding

if i died tonight

she'd be the last thought on my mind

but she can't be mine

"mine" - Apr. 13. 26

[music-notes-xoxo]

when my friends are laughing talking about how "fat" they are wen i'm actually overweight is basically what ruined me.