Totally cool:Â âHey, do you want to be exclusive?â
Red flag:Â âNo one but me is allowed to touch you.â
Totally cool:Â âIt makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?â
Red flag:Â âIf you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.â
Totally cool:Â âI hope weâre together forever. Iâm so in this for the long haul.â
Red flag:Â âIf you ever left me, I would kill myself.â
Totally cool:Â âYour mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?â
Red flag:Â âYour mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. Sheâs trying to ruin our relationship.â
Totally cool:Â âI love you so much, oh my god.â
Red flag:Â âItâs a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. Youâd be alone forever without me.â
Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each otherâs only confidantes right away) and wonât take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.
Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says itâs over, period. Obviously itâs kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need toâyour safety is much more important than their feelings.