Healed (wounds heal slow)
Swinging where the wind takes me
Choking out of air despite the air brushing on my face
I taste blood and death mixed in with fading breaths
Im drowning but nobody of water
Yell but nobody comes for me
fading but no movie editor
See I been living in denial of the place Ive been
wait what the heck am I talking about
Where did this metaphor for negativity cross plains with death
Keep opening my eyes to pain but to Joys laughter Im deaf
what am I an idiot no just a punching bag for my own brain
oh my god see there it goes again
self loathing for no reason when I got plenty to be thankful for
see seems like no one applauds if your talking positive anymore
like my life is great, my parents and siblings are my support
and my neighbors were community bigger that a little boy could ask for
see Ive never known struggle despite the one in my head
and to these insecurities and over thoughts my joy is constantly fed
so when I wake up in the morning I thank god for being alive
then promptly breath out a sigh thinking my whole life is lie
and what form of insanity would have blessings be source for martyrdom
dumb you could say I am smart brilliantly lazy and crazy and unrelenting
in my quest to squash my self esteem into this small furnace
but somehow everyday a new one grows in the place of the other
see there's a small voice inside of all of us calling us daily
that says break from this routine look at all you achieved
look at where you could be just turn whats of left over to me
and watch me rebuild you wholly and holy to bring more to me
and in this I saw my positive I am made well by him
he leads me to these pastures
I lay the there for awhile and he says oh my dear child you must go and share what happned here to all who suffer
as well as lay your sweat to the ground to build a better terra firma for those looked down and discouraged
I say how do I do this so he says just let me show you
but patience and timing matter and so does trusting me
do what you will with me god your my rock and my foundation
and city blocks to town dirt roads I will tell them of your glory and grace
I will put my hand to the soil and lay band aids on these hearts till I dearly depart
from my temple to the voice that says your name in a smile
I wont be another lukewarm in the pile
so people this is exactly why
I could tell you how tortured my mind is still
but Id rather tell you of how the war is being won for me by one stronger
than any self loathing could ever be one you dont need eyes to see
its an ongoing process but whats greater
than first step the one foot forward before the next
in the process of progress
annaxmalina
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
andulkaphoto
dededos
jacobvanloon
prguitarman
