Lisa Martens

Writer of fiction and disjointed poems. My books on Amazon as LM Martens. My Medium is @lisamartens

[mylongago]

Quote from Honest Men Only by LM Martens, available on Amazon and Ko-Fi July 2023. 

[mylongago]

Quote from Honest Men Only, available on Amazon and Ko-Fi July 2023. 

[mylongago]

relaxed for the end of the world

i’m no longer looking for omens, signs, conspiracies— money, fortune, fame— success, glory, publication— pictures, beauty, exaltation—

all i’ve gotten were vague niceties, coincidences, junk science— negative balances, debt, low follower counts— obscurity, nasty comments, blogs— selfies, new moles, laughs—

i’m relaxed for the end of the world i’ll do the things i can do the fear comes and goes, little contractions i celebrate small victories, new shoes i’m relaxed for the end of the world strangely at peace working methodically expecting nothing but aiming for it all.

living fully not desperately.

[mylongago]

Long.

i didn’t want to heal, but i did 
i wanted to be hurting forever, to love you forever
 but it never happens that way. i fell out of love 
and you turned into static 
the heart moves on, even when you don’t want it to. you came back, after i had forgotten you
 your name meant nothing to me, and that’s when you tried to 
come back from the dead, from the static. And that made me sad. I wish I could be in love with you again
 I wish I could be mad at you, because that would mean I have feelings for you. But I do not. You waited too long. Why do they always wait too long?


[mylongago]

drunk.

let me pretend your smile is waiting for me, for just a little while longer, let me feel this brand of poison in my heart, for just a second more.

[mylongago]

Me during NaNoWriMo.

Tomorrow, my Costa Rica workshops will close to new enrollments. Follow and repost and I’ll DM you a $50 coupon! Read more and sign up here.

Stay sane and caffeinated.

[mylongago]

She looked at the empty bar.

“When I’m in hell, he’ll be there with a half smile, head down,” she thought. “And I will be so happy.”

[mylongago]

Skin.

He got under my skin in three days. After four years of living like a plastic robot queen, I begged him to ruin my life. I couldn’t believe we had been living concurrently, in different spaces, and that our timelines took so long to cross.

[mylongago]

Local.

her body looks good in the moonlight by the pool she’s wearing things she’d never wear at home ---

bought sheer skirts and bright matte lipstick got a job as a bartender, makes less than the country’s minimum wage but it’s enough to get drunk

his body looks good in the moonlight he swims in the pool, he loves and hates her he hates how easy it was  for her to slip into this life, his life and how hard it will be for him to climb out

The love isn’t real. He swims, they kiss they fuck without a condom she thinks she might be pregnant, she’s tired, she’s losing weight. but that happens sometimes, too and although abortion is illegal here

she’ll be back in the US before that’s too big of an issue.

They’re in paradise. Their bodies look good in the moonlight, on the beach, by the laguna

Their bodies look good they’re young, they’re strong, they’re firm.

In the moonlight, they’re both angels.

[mylongago]

I laugh at things I think you would laugh at, because your smile brings me joy.

You reached into my heart and left your rum-soaked, cigarette-stained fingerprints all over it.

Don’t be jealous --- I prefer your brown eyes, your scars. I don’t like pretty boys. Don’t be jealous.

I didn’t meet you. I remembered you. I saw you and recognized you immediately, the way one walks into an art gallery and is gripped by one image in particular.

I still sleep on my side of the bed.

I knew, when I looked at you, that it would be over fast.

[mylongago]

Empath Affirmations

I am allowed to set boundaries. I am allowed to be happy. I am allowed to be stronger than people who try to hurt me or absorb my energy. I am allowed to say no. I am in control of my own time. I do not have to enjoy my passions in silence. I can be proud of my talents and desires. I am open to the universe while preserving my own unique energy. The universe wants me to express myself instead of absorbing the goals and energy of others.

[mylongago]

“Honey, I’m not jealous. You can have him. I’ll warn you though…if you stop being fun for even a day, his eyes will start to wander. Call me in a year and we’ll grab a drink.”

- From Honey

This is by far the most popular thing I’ve ever written, and that is a little heartbreaking. All of you deserve someone better.

(via todaysrandomluckywinner)

[mylongago]

“Do you like older men?” This was a common question posed to me in AOL chats when I was twelve. It was a bizarre question to me—Not for its inappropriateness, which is glaring to me now, but because the only “older” men I knew were my teachers and my father. I did like them, so an honest answer would be something like “Yes, I like my social studies teacher. He lets me wash the blackboard after class, which I find fun for some reason.” 

from Ghosts Wear Condoms

[mylongago]

Growing.

She was thirteen with a deep voice and a red halter top. She licked a lollipop a little too provocatively. It was uncertain how much she knew, and how much of it was bravado. She wanted to be a prostitute. She didn't want to be a prostitute. She wanted what a prostitute has without doing what a prostitute does.

[mylongago]

Eleven.

Eleven years in the city, and a lot of people who came here to be famous have babies now. Cocaine replaced with laundry day. It didn't take long---just one roofie during a night out, or few walks of shame through the long tunnel connecting Times Square to Port Authority. Maybe your ex started dating Rihanna and you starting hedging your bets with less impressive men. And it's not so bad. The bills are somewhat paid. Your students loans are going into collections, but you have time before the legal department calls your extended family.

[mylongago]

Rich.

Two of my four roommates are having sex. I'm quiet, headphones in, but I can still hear it. Sex has such as obvious, almost mechanical sound. I think of an egg beater hitting rhythmically against the inside of a bowl. I'm hungry. There's half an avocado still in the fridge. But I know if I get up to eat it, they will stop having sex because they will hear me moving. And they'll wait until I'm in bed trying to sleep before starting up again. "I need to be rich," I think to myself.

[mylongago]

Doing.

"I have to respect the things I'm good at. I can't keep putting aside what I love because someone else needs a babysitter or a secretary. I have to stop thinking that because I'm a woman, these thoughts are selfish. There are things only I can do and I'm doing them."