This is part one of many please be nice english isn’t my first language!! none of this is fictional and all of this is real from my life experiences i hope some can relate and know you aren’t alone it sounds better with my playlist so if any would like it i would be grateful to share it just lmk!! and well yes i always love writing but can never get my grammar right but i hope you enjoy 💗
- 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞
────୨ৎ────
I remember the day when i learned my mom had leukemia. It was the beginning of covid and it was night time i was left with my brother that night however around eleven at night i was woken up to my brother telling me to get ready and go to the car. Confused i stayed in my pjs grabbed a blanket and my stuff animal and rushed to the car with my brother not wanting to be left behind. We drove to the hospital waiting and waiting in the car worried for our mom at first we surely thought oh it’s probably covid due to the outbreak of the pandemic. Cancer didn’t pass none of our minds i mean she was healthy why would it even happen right? Hours passed and we get a phone call, my mom she was quarantined the doctors didn’t know why she was throwing up and feeling sick they surely thought it was covid i mean everyone was assuming everything was covid. After they hit us with the news weeks later it felt like my world at 9 years old was falling apart. Like what do you mean MY mom has cancer MY mom that takes me out of school just to have mother and daughter dates? MY mom that wakes me up for school and makes me finds my clothes while she made my breakfast just to find me asleep on the carpet floor with my drawers open? MY mom who cuddles me to sleep everyday? MY mom who shows unconditional love for me? MY mom who literally went to parenting school to be a better mother? MY mother who went through SA and abuse from my father? MY mom who did the best to protect me? MY mom who would remember my friends names and say hi while i would call with them on snapchat? Because it couldn’t right? My mom was healthy she never drank or smoked in decades, it couldn’t be her right?
summary: oscar's girlfriend is a collector or in which she can't make some races and so oscar's a collector for her
warnings: none
you had always been a collector, you liked collecting things. not in the expensive hobby, shelves full of rare memorabilia sort of way, but int he quiet sentimentalist with a box under the bed kind of way. a pressed flower from a picnic date. a tiny wooden spoon from a market in italy. the keycard of the first hotel you and oscar ever stayed in together.
your life was made of so many little pieces, things that you had kept just because they tugged on specific little memories.
oscar had learned about this little habit of yours early on. he learned about it the day you found you slipped a single blue candy wrapper into your pocket after a walk in monaco.
"what're you doing with that?" he had asked, amused at you.
you shrugged having been a little embarassed. "it's pretty. and it's from today."
he didn't tease you. he just smiled, soft and fond in the way that only he ever looked at you.
and he never forgot about it.
at his home race, you had picked up a tiny enamel pin that was shaped like a kookaburra from a vendor outside of the track. it had been smaller than your thumbnail, but you beam at it like it's a diamond.
oscar had watched you examine it while he had been tying his shoes in the motorhome.
"another one for the collection?" he asked.
"mhm." you hummed as you held it up. "it's cute."
"you're cute," he murmured, not even bothering to think about it before saying it, and you glow just a little.
you place the pin into the little zippered pocket of your bag and he pressed a kiss to your cheek, almost subconsciously.
the next one was imola. he went alone this time. you had to stay at home because of work, and you had tried to hide your disappointment when you went to say goodbye at the airport. but he had noticed, of course he had noticed.
when he got home four days later you had been half asleep on the couch waiting on him. he crouched beside you, brushing your cheek gently with his knuckle.
"hi, love," he murmured. "i brought you something."
you had perked up immediately. from his backpack he had produced a tiny stone figurine, something smooth, pale, and barely an inch tall. a little turtle.
you gasp softly. "oscar, this is adorable."
"i saw it in a shop window," he says. "it reminded me of you."
"because it's tiny?" you tease.
"no," he said back, his voice warm. "because it looked...gentle."
you kiss him for that, him kissing back with a sleepy sweetness and jet lagged tenderness.
it was raining after fp2 in montreal, and while he was doing media duties you had wandered just outside of the track. there's a vendor selling beaded bracelets, simple little things, nothing fancy.
you picked one up with orange beads threaded through. oscar would have rolled his eyes having pretended to be offended that you had matched it to the papaya on his car, and then secretly love it.
when you had showed him later he had followed that exact script.
"really?" he asked, deadpan. "papaya beads?"
"yes," you answered, a small smile on your face. "for my boyfriend."
he tried not to smile but failed miserably.
he took your wrist, rubbing his thumb across the beads. "can i steal it sometimes?" he asked.
"depends," you respond, leaning into him. "how good are you planning on being at qualifying tomorrow?"
he tucked you into his side, laughing, shaking his head. "deal."
you weren't able to travel for silverstone either but you had woken up to a short video on your phone from oscar. the boy had filmed himself outside a tiny local stand.
"so," he says, zooming in on a small metal keychain, shaped like a teacup, "i know you already have about three hundred random things by now, but look. british. tiny. reminded me of you. perfect."
you laugh, replying with a sleepy selfie.
when he lands back home, he puts the keychain directly into your hand.
"it's heavy," you comment, weighing it.
"to make up for how light the last one was," he says. this was when you realized he remembered exactly which things he had gotten for you. you fell a little more in love.
in singapore the heat was unbearable, but you had found a perfect little paper fan, blue and gold, delicate, hand painted. when you brought it to oscar later, fanning him dramatically just to annoy him, he snatched it from your hand and held it between you.
"you're going to break this," he warned.
"i'm not," you protest.
"you are," he corrects, but he's smiling, that crinkly eyed smile that scrambles your insides. "let me keep it safe."
and he did. he carried it around the rest of the weekend. he tucked it into your backpack after the race, careful, almost reverent. like he had understood exactly why the little things mattered.
you had been packing to head home after the last of the year in abu dhabi when oscar dug around in his suitcase, a suspicious amount of purpose.
"i have something for you," he says.
your heart does its usual patented flutter.
he sits beside you on the hotel bed and holds out the smallest, softest plus camel you had ever seen. two inches tall, round, absolutely ridiculous.
you choke on a laugh. "oscar- why does it look like that?"
"i don't know," he had said honestly. "i just saw it and immediately though that this was something that you'd pick up. so i got it before you could."
you took it from him, cradling it gently.
"it's perfect," you say softly. and it was. because he got it for you with you in mind, like everything else he got you.
you look at him, warmth rising in your chest.
"you know," you say, "my collection is like mostly you at this point."
he blushed, his cheeks growing pink even under the soft hotel light.
"then i'll keep bringing you things," he said, leaning in to kiss your forehead. "so i'm always there, even when i'm not."
you kiss him properly this time, something slow, grateful, and all heart.
and when you went home you placed the camel on your shelf of tiny things. right beside the turtle. and the teacup. and the dozens of tiny, little treasures that made up your entire world. all of them small. none of them flashy.
but every single one proof of how deeply, quietly, oscar loved you.
it’s actually embarrassing how quickly I get wet. touch my waist? wet. kiss me with just a tad more heat than a peck? careful, I’m getting soaked. whisper something in my ear with a smile? oh would you look at that I’m dripping.
it’s actually embarrassing how quickly I get wet. touch my waist? wet. kiss me with just a tad more heat than a peck? careful, I’m getting soaked. whisper something in my ear with a smile? oh would you look at that I’m dripping.
alex carrying williams on his back by scoring 70 of their 86 points but if what i fear happens, no one will remember what he did for the team this entire season and that sucks.
guys i was literally bowling my eyes out and when i tell you my lash clusters DID NOT move i was so worried the the time cuz i didn’t want to reput them on again too much oh a hassleeeeee
Oh my gosh i have this outfit plan in my head for like four days already and mind you i haven’t put it on it’s like a white cami with a brown long sleeve top and a dark blue mini skirt and converse praying it looks good cuz i wont wanna change and im lowkey too lazy to shave but i need to shave because of the skirt idk…
if we were made to live once why do we feel so much pain?
Our hearts and bodies were made to only live once
Yet many grew up with pain in their hearts the second they were born
Our hearts twisted in pain and sadness
nothing will change
If we were made to live once why do we feel so much pain?
The loneliness that hits the second your alone and at night
Scrolling through your phone and all the bad memories come to mind
Crying uncontrollably you can’t stop
You held everything inside for to long trying to look strong
Why do we feel so much pain to only live once?
The pain in our bodies once the sadness hits
The nausea and headache hits when you are crying wanting to throw up
Your eyes bloodshot red trying to stop hyperventilating
The numbness spreads across your body till it hits your heart
everything stops.
If we were made to only live only why does our heart and body suffer so much
——
Haha hi guys can you tell i’m going through a depressive episode ☺️☺️☺️ it’s 11:12 pm and i need to go to sleep i have school tomorrow and ughh i didn’t even finish all my homework i don’t even have the motivation anymore
A/n im letting yall know the content early.. so if yall want some changes, lmk.. also, I will try my best to be punctual with the love loss stage lights series, too..
But yeah, im giving you the set list a month in advance!!
he is such a fucking prick. the difference in his reactions to lando and oscar’s wins show everything. but then he goes on to say stuff like this.
one thing that i can say confidently is that this championship is not being won on merit. one driver has the support of his team despite qualifying behind his teammate and losing positions.
the other driver is the championship leader, qualified ahead, held positions, made his plan for the race clear, and still gets fucked over by his team.
oscar is fighting this championship all alone. mclaren is backing only one driver and it is not oscar.
