I've been here since 2011 and i can't escape please help me

Hi, I'm Sam. 30-something. Mostly shitposts, partially Cosmere.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"smart appliances" fuck u i want them dumb as a brick and incidentally as sturdy and enduring

[romanceyourdemons]

rip to the guy who posted his very expensive yixing teapot to r/tea, only for the comments to be not compliments on his taste as he expected, but instead GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY and I SHOULD CALL HER. he then crossposted it to r/gongfutea, which is ordinarily more dignified and self-serious, but was it? was it?? of course not, because this is reddit, and this was the teapot

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

everyone knows that space is very very cold, and the sun is very very hot. so i assume there's a bit of space kind of near the sun which is just right. balmy space

[porcupine-girl]

Yes, that’s. That’s where we are.

[eschocat]

Pee changing color depending on ur hydration is very intuitive game desigm

[ofchaosgoddess]

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

[nothereforthedrama]

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

[javascript-official]

We need to conquer space travel for the only reason that zero-g would allow for new never before seen pastries, you know how the top of the muffin is the best part? Well that is because it is exposed to air so it changes the chemistry, in normal earth gravity it is impossible to make a muffin that is all top part because it needs to be placed somewhere which would restrict air flow, however in zero g it would be possible to make a bubble out of muffin dough which gets optimal airflow and becomes an all-top part muffin... This is the dream...

[uinferno]

IDK what to do with this but it exists now.

[uinferno]

I don't want to be doing what I'm doing.

[uinferno]

These aren't being made as a group. I work in home insurance noting down the construction materials of people's homes and every 10 minutes a new one of these comes to mind. This isn't a bit I'm genuinely like this.

Omegaverse DNI.

[effiecalvin]

eevee should have a normal type evolution called eeveevee and it's just an eevee but bigger and floofier

[escapedaudios]

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

[tictacpbandai]

[magicmistral]

My uncle is really into warhammer and would win every miniature painting competition he was in. I have not very steady hands and he saw me messing up my nail polish for prom. He sat with me and carefully painted my nails and that moment meant so much to me all these years later.

[blackwatersinkingship]

When I finish this whale shark lamp all 4 of you are gonna be So I'm pressed

[blackwatersinkingship]

She glows now, just so you know, and she's full of string deliciöusee string

[god-sent-gender-bent]

Are you gonna show us the lamp? 👀

[blackwatersinkingship]

Good news! Whäle shark lämp 🥰

[hollyevolving]

A lot more than 4 of us are impressed

[penny-anna]

Cross stitch kit instructions: make sure you wash your hands before touching the aida to make sure you don't get any chocolate on it

Me: lmao what kind of idiot gets chocolate on their aida

Me, later:

[thecryptkeeper]

how it feels to drink water out of a mason jar

[beemovieerotica]

please vote for tylenol to have her face on a beer can $1 for 1 vote and the donation goes to the baltimore animal rescue and care shelter

[reversalsun]

TYLENOL HAS MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN LETS FUCKING GO

[beemovieerotica]

VOTE NOW SO WE CAN SEE TYLENOL'S FACE ON BEER CANS IN THE DITCHES BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!

[reversalsun]

If you all will allow me a moment to analyze the competition as it exists, there's something interesting going on with the numbers.

As we all know, thanks to the support of the good people of Tumblr, Tylenol has experienced a meteoric rise to second place. Even though her competition is stiff, I believe in Tylenol's ability to go the distance.

But let's take a look at the competition:

Elmer seems to be a lovely boy. I have no qualms with Elmer, and think he would look fantastic on a beer can. But what about Elmer's campaigns? Who is the power behind the throne here, and how have they managed to find such breakout success on this competition?

A handful of wealthy donors are trying to buy this competition.

At the end of the day, all donations are good donations here. This is a charity event so every penny earned is going to help animals in need. But it's not lost on me that Elmer's current ranking is thanks entirely to a few individuals with the financial means to put their thumbs on the scale.

Tylenol's donors, comparatively, are small and numerous, mostly $1-10 donations from many passionate believers in what she stands for (autism and pain relief I think).

Overall, the donations tell a very different story than what the base ranking shows you. Elmer is held aloft by just 24 donors and bolstered by a few wealthy patrons, whereas Tylenol has won the hearts of literally hundreds of people. Even the current third place, Abby, owes her ranking to numerous small contributions rather than one or two large ones.

Tylenol is the people's princess.

[beemovieerotica]

Tylenol is the people's princess

[sunderwight]

Early 2010's shippers on tumblr did not work overtime coming up with some of god's most unhinged crack and crossover ships for people in the 2020's to try and claim that smashing together Ryan Gosling and Markiplier's conventionally attractive doomed space men is some kind of absurdity.

[normystical]

wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck

[jabberding0]

it's just a little bit of wind

[ailithnight]

Walking tents are always fun, but the pants are what killed me. Then, fresh off that death, GIRAFFE.

[callmestannismaybe]