My Uterus and Me: A Trying-To-Conceive Blog @myuterusandme - Tumblr Blog

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2 years down and a lifetime to go.

So, it's anniversary day! :)

It's been fairly relaxed. Thankfully our day is on a Saturday this year, so we were both off and just seized laziness as a way of making each other feel special. Other than the random trip to Petco with our pups, we slept in, watched movies and made dinner right here at home. Things will change when we're married, I'm sure (we both have different expectations for wedding anniversaries), but this is wonderful for now. I just enjoy his company so much.

Believe me, I get incredibly sick of him sometimes, but I am still doubt free about him being the love of my life. I'm able to love him, even when I don't like him. 😅😅

In 2014, I got a new best friend. 👧👦

In 2015, I fell in love with that best friend. 💏

In 2016, I said "yes"!! 💍👫

In 2017, we have grown while figuring out our marital future...

In 2018, we will say "I do" in Maui. 🗾👰🏖

In 2 years, you've shown me that nothing is out of my reach, that I'm smarter than I thought I was, and most importantly, that I could love myself.

I'm so thankful for all the memories we've made together and all the doors you've opened in my world.

I love you, Cody! Happy 2 years. ❤❤❤

#2yearanniversary #engaged #soontobemrspasson #loveofmylife #tryingtoconceive #hopingforamiracle

Such a beautiful day for a run, I felt great! ❤

#novembervibes #eatclean #healthybodyhealthymind #fitblr #fitness #healthandwellness #workingonme #soontobemrspasson #hurley #running #growth

Through a series of trials and tribulations, Cody and I have managed to love each other. It has been hard at times, and euphoric at times, but it has always been rewarding.

We have officially been engaged one year this November. With just under 10 months to go until our big day, time is passing at a quickened speed and our planning has come to a halt. Talk about mental whiplash. We have been through some major stress and want to move back North by spring, so we've been a bit distracted. Forget trying to conceive, my goodness.

Because of all the stress and turmoil that we've been through we ARE stronger, but it helps to think of all the good memories we have together. On March 31st of this year, my purse was stolen out of my car with my entire life (literally) inside. My phone, my wallet with important IDs, my kindle... even my stupid hairbrush was in there. I'm sad I lost any of it, but the root of my grief is my journal.

I had a daily habit of writing down my life, and hopes and dreams. When I was with my ex, I wrote detailed summaries of my days at least every other evening. When our toxic relationshit (not a typo) finally ended and Cody and I fell in love, I was writing in that journal.

Next month we will also have our 2 year date-aversary as well, and I don't write anymore... I got really depressed for a thousand reasons and just stopped, so my heart aches daily to read the memories of the beginning of my relationship, knowing we have grown out of the dark, are now getting married and planning on forever together.

SO.

My 'band aid' to help me heal this silly wound in my heart is to just buck up and start writing again... but writing what I remember. Our first kiss. The first time we made love. The first thanksgiving with my family. Meeting my soon-to-be stepsons and the loss of my mother-in-law. All of it, so that I don't have to be sad a thief stole my "mind" from me.

I'm so excited to share my boring little life with you guys. Even if no one reads it, phew. It feels good. ;)

lifeisyourstomiss

You are building yourself one day at a time. Be patient. Keep going. You can do this.

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I learned to run large

At 280lbs, six years ago, I started running.

I had a one mile loop around my Georgia apartment. I would push myself. It was the most calories I could burn with the least amount of work.

In so many early runs I would make it to the top of a short steep hill that marked the half mile point and I would vomit until there was nothing left.

But I kept going.

I didn’t run every day. I didn’t run every time I planned to. I didn’t run every step of every run. But even if it wasn’t the workout I wanted it to be, I didn’t stop trying.

Today I weigh 195lbs and my body craves movement.

Make a decision. Change your life.

You can absolutely do it.

Never stop trying.

And the 2 week wait begins! #20

Hilariously and on accident, we managed to catch ovulation this month if the Glow app predicted it right.

C and I went out for the weekend and camped with the stepsons. It’s a trip we do every year with friends I’ve had since grade school; camp at the coast, go crabbing, and spend days catching up on our over-filled lives around a fire. It’s awesome, and I feel rejuvenated in a way I didn’t know I needed. C and I got lots of quality time together, but no sex.

Camping sex is the best, but I was glad we brought the boys this time. They had a blast, and it meant we had to wait until we got home and the boys went back to their mother.

After it happened (thinking we’d missed ovulation and just enjoyed it 😈), I checked the app and lo and behold, O day! We were planning on taking a break and just not preventing anymore instead of temping, using OPKs, testing early etc.

I’m not even excited about TTC chances at the point, I’m excited because if it were to happen this month, C is more on board than ever! We’re both healthier, we have worked on stabilizing our debt and and after a camping trip? We relaxed! 😍

All ingredients for a wee babeh!

We used nothing but sex and prenatals this cycle. I also only track cervix position, cervical fluid and basic health things: sleep, hydration and symptoms if any.

O day (9/24) - BD💑

cramps

backache

hot flashes

mild headache

side soreness (breasts)

Little discharge in panties.

1dpo (9/25) - BD💑

vivid dreams about positive tests last night

Dull ache like cramping

backache

hot flashes (weird ones! Beading at my hairline and forehead, barely felt warm)

headache increased (needed medicine)

breasts are full; mildly sore when touched

2dpo (9/26)

woke up needing to pee (went to bed on empty bladder); had to pee again an hour later after no liquids

Backache 😵

Headache is still here and is annoyingly strong

Breasts are full/rounded; sore on sides.

Throbbing and twinges on left side of pelvis/abdomen(left ovary??)

feeling super wet down there

3dpo (9/27)

Headache seems to finally be wearing off, mild today

Backache (Strong! Hurts when leaning over 😵😵)

Sides and lower abdomen are really sore

Throbbing in lower back

Weird AF like stomach feeling..things...

Stronger breast pains; throbbing/shooting pains to nipples

Fatigued 😱

Still weirdly wet down there

4dpo (9/28) - BD💑

Emotional today

Runny nose Frequent urination Weird bubble cramps in stomach area Pelvic cramping Discharge in panties sides hurts Backache Acid reflux symptoms

Feel really good/better than I have in weeks and happy to tackle the day, even with uncomfortable issues.

5dpo (9/29)

Bloating

Hot flashes

Emotional...missed mother-in-law today

Weird insomnia that resulted in 9 hours of sleep. Oof. 😵

Sore breasts

Frequent urination

Weird dull cramping on left side of groin/pelvis

Mild backache

6dpo (9/30) 💑

Backache...all over this time

Stay tuned!

Woke up tasting pennies...still do

Back and side cramps

Shooting pains in breasts

Forgetfulness/clumsiness at work

Itchy skin

Hot flashes

Heaviness/let down feeling pelvis

AF like feelings...kept thinking it was here

😵

7dpo (10/1)

Frequent urination (woken up from sleep)

Slept until 11am

Mild metallic taste

LOTS of energy in afternoon! Felt better than I have in days!

Lower belly bloating (mild)

8dpo (10/2)

Woke up feeling sick... plugged/stuffy nose sinus pressure Headache Hips are sore Full/heavy breasts, pains still Stomach cramping & hurt upon waking Napped from 4:30pm to 6pm (had already slept 9 hours) Left side cramping/pulling Backache came back in afternoon All I want to do is go back to bed...

9dpo (10/3)

So uncomfortable when I sleep now!!

Weird insomnia/fatigue combo; energy doesn't seem to run out, yet during the day I'm excited for bedtime 😪

Breast soreness is really increasing!

Left side pain

Diarrhea twice 😵

Excessive thirst

Mild headache

FIRST TEST: BFN

Stay tuned!

#tryingtoconceive #symptomspotting #ovulation #twoweekwait #waitingformybfp #ttc #firsttimemomwannabe #dpo #tww #pinned

My Ectopic Pregnancy Story

This post is going to be long, and maybe tough to read. I promised myself when I made my blog that I wouldn't post about a life I wish I had, but rather I'd share my real life uncensored, so please do me the kindness of reserving judgement. This post is simply to express loss. My fiancé and I found out on Easter Sunday that we were 5 weeks pregnant with a December baby. We were incredibly excited, as I've wanted to be a mother for a long time... but this is my 3rd pregnancy and we were cautious from the start. I took tests 3 days in a row before going to a nonprofit clinic for an official positive result. It was faint still, at 3 days later, but I didn't stress about it and made an intake appointment for a blood test. Everything was going according to plan, until week 7. I started feeling weird and knew something was wrong, and suddenly most (and eventually all) my pregnancy-related symptoms were gone. I woke up and I was no longer bloated or swollen or sick. I still had lingering symptoms, so I could trick myself into still staying connected to my pregnancy, but the three weeks to my first ultrasound were the longest I've ever experienced and I knew something was wrong. On April 22nd, I started to spot, so I immediately accepted I was miscarrying and went to the ER. C and I were anxious the minute we sat down in the waiting room, but inside, I was already waiting for bad news. That's not where things got tough. Turns out I did have a growing pregnancy, 2 weeks behind the expected size... in my right tube. The ultrasound showed a mass on the cartilage connecting my right tube to my uterus and the egg implanted on the wall just centimeters from a safe place. And...it was 3 cm by 2 cm. A pretty large mass. Long story short, I went in for my 3rd appointment at 8.5 - 9 weeks and found out I have an ectopic pregnancy. I chose not to do surgery, because the risk of rupture was INCREDIBLY high and if they opened me up, it most certainly would have, which then guarantees the loss of my right tube. Therefore I got a methotrexate shot to make the cells stop multiplying, with weekly blood draws and ultrasounds. The mass dissolved fairly quickly, and by May 8th my hcg level was at a 9. I had to just sit and wait for the first cycle to return, and another cycle after that before we could have sex without protection again. This month begins the end of that process, and the first time we begin to try again. I decided to write this, in the end, because I plan on doing everything I can to heal properly. To see things from a lighter side and look for positivity. I love all of you, so much. I enjoy the photos of your families, of your babies. ❤ To all of you who are expecting, will be expecting soon, or have had children: Your babies went through several natural obstacles to be here. Please remember the journey you both went through and appreciate every single moment that you get. Because, like me, many wait years and years and still may never get it. I celebrate you, Mothers. you created miracles from scratch.

#ttc #tryingtoconceive #infertility #6yearstrying #ectopic #tubalpregnancy #tryingagain #patientlywaiting