Natalie Shay

Natalie Shay, R.I.H.R, B.A is a registered Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor who has been working in the field since 2006. Her specialties include counselling individuals on stress management, work/life balance, anxiety/depression, self-esteem, and emotional eating. She has a strong passion for helping others, especially as they navigate through their stress in our fast-paced world. Natalie started in this field through her own personal journey of battling health issues which left her bedridden for two years. She herself has struggled with emotional eating and depression and now strives to help others overcome their challenges just as she did. She provides the necessary tools to identify the route of their struggles and works closely with her clients to create an action plan with realistic steps for improvement. She ensures her clients are listened to, supported in their process of change, respected, and deeply understood. Her methods have helped thousands of clients see improvements both physically and mentally. These include lowering blood pressure, battling heart disease, combating weight issue and improving sleeping habits. Her clients also report success in learning effective communication skills, building self esteem, mastering time management and creating work/life balance. Natalie is an international leader in the field of Stress Management. She has been featured in Tonic Magazine, Sweet Spot, the Globe and Mail and has worked with large organizations including Rogers, Bell Media, HSBC and The Toronto Health Network, to help their employees better manage their stress levels in effective ways.

[natalieshay1]

3 Tips to Fight Stress With Food

Happy New Year! I hope you all had a great holiday season and are ready to continue managing your stress for 2014! Many people have asked me if there are ways to manage stress with food, so to start you off on the right foot I have asked  international holistic nutritionist  Joy McCarthy to share some insights on how she recommends combating stress with food. Along with this I have tried many of her delicious recipes and they have become staples in my house.   Guest Post by:Joy McCarthy During times of stress we tend to crave foods that bring us comfort. However, this can be problematic if we are craving foods such as white pasta, ice cream and chips on a regular basis. These foods are not only nutrient-deficient but promote blood sugar imbalance making our cravings stronger! Here are three stress-busting tips to nourish your body during times of stress.   Vitamin C.    Vitamin C is the single most important anti-stress nutrient. It is essential for helping the body adapt to and deal with the negative effects of stress because it acts as an antioxidant in the body to protect the cells and provides immune support. It provides adrenal support to produce more stress hormones including cortisone and epinephrine. In fact, the adrenals store the highest concentration of Vitamin C in the body. The more cortisol made in the body, the more vitamin C is used up. You will notice most adrenal support supplement formulations will include vitamin C plus bioflavanoids.    The nice thing about whole foods is the vitamin C plus bioflavonoids are naturally occurring. Bioflavonoids help facilitate the delivery of vitamin C.    Eat plenty of vitamin C rich foods every single day because vitamin C is water soluble and gets used up very quickly by the body. Vitamin C rich foods include: papaya, bell peppers, strawberries, broccoli, pineapple, Brussels sprouts, kiwifruit, oranges, cantaloupe and kale. One of my personal favourite vitamin C rich foods might surprise you — Brussels Sprouts! I've got a wonderful recipe in my book JOYOUS HEALTH: Eat & Live Well without Dieting for "Walker's Spicy Brussels sprouts". If you are not currently a fan of these little lettuce buds, I promise you will be after trying my recipe. Plus they contain sulforaphane which is a powerful anti-cancer chemical.    B Vitamins.    Keeping your adrenal glands in tip top shape is essential for managing stress effectively. B-complex vitamins nourish the adrenal glands in a variety of ways. Although each B vitamin is chemically distinct, they regularly work together synergistically to maintain a healthy body in a variety of ways including cellular energy production, healthy red-blood-cell formation and healthy neurological function all of which can be effected when the body is under chronic stress. Most B vitamins, with the exception of vitamin B12, are not stored in the body so they must be obtained daily in the diet.    Just like vitamin C and bioflavanoids, B vitamins work better together as a family and getting them in a whole food form in the diet is extremely important. Most North Americans eating the Standard American Diet (S.A.D) simply do not get enough B's from their food.    Eat plenty of B-rich foods including: Eggs, fish, lean meat, chicken, nuts, seeds, spinach and avocado.     Eggs and avocado go together perfectly. One of my favourite breakfast foods is scrambled eggs with sliced avocado, a pinch of sea salt and cayenne (also great for fatigued adrenals) on a gluten-free bean toast.    Magnesium.    The most potent stress-fighting and the fourth most abundant mineral in your body is magnesium. It is the calming nutrient that is necessary for coping with stress. It is necessary for hundreds of enzymes! Stress is the number one cause of disease in the body which can result in heart attacks and high blood pressure. They are often accompanied by magnesium deficiency. Magnesium is needed to burn sugar for energy; it also calms the excitation of cells produced by the stress-induced release of calcium. If there is insufficient magnesium, or if there is insufficient rest in between episodes of stress, the body's magnesium stores are slowly depleted. Magnesium deficiency often manifests as tiredness, headaches, constipation and inability to calm the body during nerve-jangling times of stress.    Eat plenty of magnesium rich foods including: pumpkin seeds, hemp seeds, spinach, Swiss Chard, sesame seeds, fish, sunflower seeds, cashews and almonds. Try my Zucchini Pasta with Hemp Spinach Pesto (pg 243). This flavourful and nutrient-dense recipe contains both hemp and pumpkin seeds.      Joy McCarthy is a certified holistic nutritionist (CNP, RNCP), founder of JoyousHealth.com and wellness clinic Joyous Health, where she consults a global community of clients and teaches workshops. Author of the newly released “JOYOUS HEALTH: Eat & Live Well without Dieting,” she is also a faculty member at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition. Joy is an international speaker, and a featured nutrition expert on Global TV’s “The Morning Show” and CBC’s “Steven & Chris,” which also airs on ABC’s Live Well Network. To learn more about Joy and her holistic approach to a healthy lifestyle, visit www.joyoushealth.com, follow her on Twitter here, Instagram here and on Facebook here.

[natalieshay1]

5 Ways to Have a Stress-Free Holiday Season

Holiday time can be really fun, but it can also be very stressful. Not everyone has the Brady Bunch family to go home to. So how do you manage the stress of being around family?

1)   Pick some people

Start by writing a list of everyone who will be there and pick one or two people you feel more comfortable with. Spend as much time as you can with them.

2)   Get some space

If you are traveling to go home and it stresses you to be around your family, invest in a hotel room (or stay with somebody close by with whom you feel more at ease). The money you spend on the hotel will be well worth it if it lowers your stress. Remember that these gathering are not just stressful for one day; they can be stressful for a month beforehand, and the stress can remain even after the holidays are over. So you are investing in your health.

3)   Lie!

I know this sounds strange coming for me, but you do not need to tell your family you can only stay for a few days or that you want to stay in a hotel room because you do not want to be around them. Tell them that you have been having trouble sleeping and need your own space, or that you got a great deal on a hotel room.

4)   Breathe

Start practicing your breathing exercises now. You will be able to handle stress much more effectively if you are grounded. If you do not want to do these exercises on your own, download a mediation/breathing track and use that to help guide you. Feel free to email me and I will give you some good links.

5)   Journal

When you feel overwhelmed or frustrated by somebody, DO NOT start an argument. Now is not the time. Instead, write out exactly what you want to say to the person without holding back. You can then rip the paper up, but it’s important to get these feelings out of your system.

I hope you had a great year, and thank you for all your support! I look forward to writing for you in 2014!

Natalie

[natalieshay1]

3 Ways To Start Learning To Care For Yourself

Last month, we looked at 3 ways to figure out if you are selfish or self-caring . Most of us need to learn how to self-care more, and it helps to learn self-caring habits. Here are three steps to start getting yourself into these habits.

1)    Spend 30 minutes – 1 hour a day for yourself alone

I know this sounds like a lot, especially if you are working and have a family, but it can be done, and it will improve your life overall. You can take this time during your lunch hour (which means you have to start taking your lunch hour), or block half an hour off in your calendar each day.

2)   Do something you love!

What makes you happy, energizes you and brings you joy?

Some examples are reading, having a massage, going for a walk, going to a yoga class or doing a crossword puzzle or Sudoku. Anything that gets you out of your day-to-day slump. If you are struggling to make a list, feel free to email me and I will send you some ideas.

3)   Learn to say no.

This is hard, and it takes practice. If you find it especially hard to say no to a specific friend or relative, do not start with them. Pick somebody who is less intimidating to you and practice saying no at least once a week.

If this is new to you, write out how it felt to do this. There may be a lot of feelings attached to saying no that will come out if you make the time to listen to yourself.

Next month, we will focus on how to distress during holiday time!

I hope you have a stress free day! Natalie

[natalieshay1]

Are you Selfish or Self-Caring? 3 steps to help you decide

Happy October! Before I get into this months article I have had quite a few emails notifying me that people did not get all my newsletters over the summer on how to manage your stress levels. If you are missing any of them feel free to take a look online at natalieshay.com .I post my articles there.

This is one of the most common themes that come up in my sessions. Clients feel guilty that they are being selfish. Have you ever felt like you can’t win either way? Either you do something for somebody and are resentful for having to do it, or you say no and feel guilty. So how do you stop feeling guilty? Take a look at the three steps below.

1)   Notice how you feel

When somebody asks you to do something, check in with yourself and see how you really feel about doing what they’re asking. If you feel it’s something that makes you uncomfortable, gives you anxiety or adds any stress to you, you aren’t being selfish by saying no. You’re being self-caring.

2)  Check in with yourself

Ask yourself if what you’re going to do crosses one of your boundaries. Am I doing this to look good to others even if it comes at the expense of my feelings and myself?

If you are having trouble figuring this out, take a look at last month’s article on Setting Boundaries

3)  Understanding Self Care

Self-care is taking care of your own feelings, needs, wants and desires. When we constantly put others first, we put ourselves second and find unhealthy ways to get our needs met. These needs can come out in anxiety, food issues, drinking, drugs and any other way we self-medicate.

Chances are you are not being selfish, but in order to get rid of the guilt you will need to start changing the way you look at the situation. Once again, it is important to be GENTLE on yourself.

Next month we will look at three ways to start learning to care for yourself.

I hope you have a stress free day! Natalie

[natalieshay1]

4 Steps To Start Setting Personal Boundaries

Managing work, family, friends, commuting, and all the other things involved in our busy lives often leaves us feeling that we don’t have enough time to hear ourselves think. But we need this time for ourselves, and nowadays that often means that we need to make that time. We need to know what we can and can’t do, and we need to set boundaries on how much we do.

1)   Acknowledge that you need to start taking care of yourself and putting yourself first

Why is this important? Many feelings are masked by not having boundaries in place. Feeling burnt-out, angry,  resentful, like you are trying to say afloat... the list goes on and on. It’s time to start realizing that you have needs that aren’t being met, and that this situation is affecting your health and causing you stress. Write out why you feel you need to set boundaries for yourself and use this to remind yourself whenever you forget why you want to make this change.

2)  Create a list

Create a list of the boundaries you feel you need to make in your life.  You aren’t going to work on all of them right  now, but you now have a list of boundaries you want to start changing.

3) Pick one

Pick one boundary to start with. Write it out and work on it for a month. For example, you may decide that you will take half an hour a day for yourself. Schedule it, and make sure to keep that half-hour for yourself, even if somebody wants you to do something during that time.

Another example may be deciding on how long you talk to a friend or family member on the phone. You can let them know you have 15 minutes, and when those 15 minutes are up you let them know you have to go. If they continue talking, remind them that you have something to do (even if that something is sitting on your couch for 15 minutes before the kids get home).

4) Write it down

Write down every time you respect your boundary. This will remind you that you are progressing. Any time you need this reminder, take a look at your list and see how you have been improving.

Remind yourself that this is a learning curve. You may not always do it “perfectly,” and sometimes you may not do it at all. Don’t beat yourself up! Recognize that you are trying to make a change and be GENTLE on yourself.  The gentler you are, the quicker the change will happen.

Next month, we will look at ways to determine if you are being selfish or self-caring.

I hope you have a stress free day! Natalie

[natalieshay1]

3 Steps to Get Rid of Stress and Anxiety (Step 3 of 3)

Step 3 of Effective Breathing: Visualization

Last month, we went over Progressive Relaxation Exercises. If you had a chance to practice it over the course of the month, you should have noticed how it helps you relax.

  The last breathing exercise in our series is Visualization. It has been found extremely helpful for physical pain, headaches, muscle spasms and chronic pain. This is an easy type of meditation you can do anywhere, and we already tend to do it in our day-to-day lives without realizing it. Think about when you are daydreaming or have a memory that you remember in detail. Close your eyes and take few deep breaths and visualize the place that you enjoy most. It can be the beach, the ocean, a forest or any other place you find relaxing. Imagine yourself there doing what you love most: swimming, relaxing in the sun or walking barefoot in the ocean.

  Spend at least 5 minutes there and do a play by play. For example, think about some of the following questions. Are you with somebody? What you are wearing? What does it smell like?  What sounds do you hear? What are you feeling?  Try to be as detailed as you can. This will be a great alternative to escaping a stressful situation for 5 minutes at a time so you can look at your situation with a fresh outlook.

  Continue practicing these three exercises—Abdominal Counting Breathing, Progressive Relaxation and Visualization—and notice how well they work and how much easier they become. You can do the first easily at work or in the kitchen. The second is easier to learn at home, in the evening or even when you’re going to bed, but once you’ve got the hang of it you can also do it out of the house. And the third one requires more focus but helps you relax more deeply and take a mini-holiday, from which you can return refreshed to your daily life. If you would like further support with any of the techniques feel free to contact me.  

I hope you have a stress-free day!

[natalieshay1]

3 Steps to Get Rid of Stress and Anxiety (Step 2 of 3)

Last month, we went over Abdominal Counting Breathing. If you did not have time to practice it, take a few moments now and see if you can try it before reading the next technique.

This month, let’s take a look at Progressive Relaxation. This is another way to relax the body, and is helpful to do it with a CD. One that I find works well is by Eli Bay (elibay.com). This type of breathing is easier to do at home, but it can also work at the office once you get the hang of it. The benefit of this exercise is that is reduces your heart rate, blood pressure, irritable bowel syndrome, depression and fatigue – just to name a few of its benefits. It is also often recommended as an alternative to an anxiety pill.

Step 2 Of Effective Breathing: Progressive Relaxation

  You will want to wear loose clothing and make sure you are lying down in a quiet area (or if at work, sitting in a comfortable chair). Start with your hands. First, clench your fists and tighten. Hold this for 5 to7 seconds, notice the tension and then relax it completely. Then move to your elbows and do the same: bend your elbows, tighten and then release. Next, move up to your shoulders: pull them up to your ears, hold and release. You can continue this with every part of your body. The focus on the body helps you concentrate.

Practice this technique over the course of this month. It only takes a few minutes, and it’s worth it. You can even do it when you go to bed, and you’ll find that it can help you relax and fall asleep more quickly.

Next month, we’ll look at step 3.

I hope you have a stress free day!

Natalie

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

 Follow her on Twitter @destresstoday

[natalieshay1]

3 Steps to Get Rid of Stress and Anxiety (Step 1 of 3)

So what are these magical steps? It turns out they’re not magic, and they involve something we do every minute of every day. It is called breathing. We have all heard that breathing exercises are helpful in reducing stress, but most people do not know how to do them or why they so beneficial. Over three months, I will share with you some different types of breathing and mediation exercises that I use with my clients.

Breathing exercises are beneficial in that they help you find new techniques to cope with stressful situations. They also lower your heart rate and get your mind out of the fight-or-flight response.

Breathing exercises also balance the hemispheres of the brain. Brain waves move at different rates. When we are learning and deeply concentrated, we use Beta waves (14 to 21 cycles a second). When we are using Alpha waves (7 to 14 cycles a second), we are in a mediation or relaxation state. Theta waves (4 to 7 cycles a second) occur when we are sleeping, while Delta waves (½ to 4 cycles a second) happen in deep sleep. The different types of breathing exercises will help you learn to maintain the Alpha state, which helps our body and brain relax. Below, I have given the first of three useful techniques to get into the Alpha state.

  This technique can be helpful in any situation. Many of my clients use it at work to deal with a stressful situation because it is easy to do at their desks.

  Step 1:Abdominal Counting Breathing  

Put your hands on your stomach with your fingers touching and take a breath through your nose. Start off inhaling for a count of three and then exhale for a count of three. You can work your counting breath up to 7 seconds. This will slow your mind and your heart rate. You will notice your hands separating slightly on the exhale and coming back together on the inhale. Over the next month, try this once a day for a count of ten. It will help you become more grounded.

A useful tool is the Emwave Personal Stress Reliever. This portable device can help slow your breathing. It does so by monitoring your heart and helping you be aware of your stress levels http://www.heartmathstore.com/

  Next month, we will focus on step 2.

  I hope you have a stress-free day!

[natalieshay1]

4 Ways to Follow Your Gut

They don’t call it a  “gut instinct for nothing”. I can’t tell you the number of times I didn’t listen to my gut and regretted it; actually it’s every time! If you follow your gut instinct you will make the right decision 90% of the time according a study published in the journal of PNAS as mentioned in Science Daily http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121108131724.htm

When my clients come in and hesitate following their gut is because they fear other people may not be happy with them, but guess what… these other people do not have to live with the in congruency the decision maker is feeling.  The bottom line…Guilt should not overpower gut.

1)   Do not feel pressured to make a decision

This is not something I learned in school, but rather from my dad. He always told if you have to make a decision and the pressure is too much-walk away! The opportunity will come up again. It is hard to listen to your guy when you feel pressured so take a step back

2)   Breath

This is the time your mind needs a minute to relax because it has probably been in overdrive trying to make the “right” decision. Take 10 deep breaths with an inhale for a count of 4 and an exhale for a count of 4.

3)    Tune in

Tune into your body and notice if the decision is giving you a bad feeling or a good feeling in the pit of your stomach (or anywhere for that matter).

Everyone is born with this skill, now it is time to learn what your signals are.

4)   Distinguish between you gut and fear

Are you making the decision because you are fearful of how you will look to others? Or what they may say about you behind your back ? if so its time to start working on your self esteem. Last month I wrote about step to boost your self-confidence. This would be a great start to implement these steps.

  Following your gut is a skill that we are born with and that we lose along the way. It may take some time to get back in tune with it, but don’t give up! It is the greatest gift we have.

I hope you have a stress-free day!

Natalie

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

[natalieshay1]

4.5 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

They say the truth will set you free, so here it is…. I have low self-esteem. I lack confidence in quite a few areas in my life, so I work on it regularly. The thing is it’s not just me: statistics show that 95% of people lack self-esteem. This doesn’t just mean that somebody doesn’t like the way they look. It could be that they lack confidence in speaking their mind and end up keeping their mouth shut. Other people put on a “know-it-all act” to cover up their feelings.

Whatever area you feel you need to work on, here are 5 ways to start changing this feeling in your life now….

1.   Make a list.

List the things that make you feel good about yourself. Is it going to the gym? Hanging out with specific people? Getting a job done?

2.   Note what makes you feel inadequate.

This is definitely not a fun one, but we all have things that bring our confidence down. Do you feel overweight? Do you feel that you’re not good at a part of your job, like making presentations? Do you feel that you lack education? Debating skills? Whatever it is, it’s in your head already, so you might as well write it down, and then you can start taking it in baby steps.

3.   Start being nice to yourself!

If you do not speak nicely to yourself or treat yourself well, nobody else will either.

I always recommend carrying a picture of yourself as a child and asking yourself “Would I speak to her like that?”

4.1. Notice the negative statements you say to yourself.

We all have a voice in our head Start noticing what you are saying to yourself and write it down. Would you let somebody else speak to you like that?

4.2. Break it down into manageable steps.

   If your goal is to become a better public speaker, do not start agreeing to do presentations. The first step would be to research classes or courses that can help you learn how to make better presentations. If it is getting fit, it may be best not to join a gym right away, but to see how you can incorporate activity into your schedule. Maybe you can walk to the grocery store when you only have a few things to buy, for example. Or maybe you can take the stairs to your office.

I hope you have a stress-free day!

Natalie

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

 Follow her on Twitter @destresstoday

[natalieshay1]

5 Ways to Conquer Your Shopping Addiction

Q: I spend so much money clothes and purses and sometimes even hide it from my husband. I am nervous it has become an addiction. How do I know if it is a legitimate problem or if I am overreacting?

A:  Most women I know really enjoy shopping. Advertising, by encouraging our desire to be trendy and “keep up with the Joneses,” does not make things easier. But there is a difference between enjoying shopping and having a shopping addiction. How can you tell the difference between the two?

A shopping addiction, also known as oniomania, is when a person shops impulsively as a way of coping with a situation and finds it difficult to control their spending or shopping behaviour. They also use shopping as a way to deal with stress even if other areas in their life will suffer because of it.

Sophie* came to my office in a panic. She admitted that she was hiding her credit-card bills from her husband, but this behaviour was not enough for her to realize that her shopping was a problem.  It only became real to her when her credit cards were maxed out and she became anxious because she could not purchase anything. We spent over a year working on techniques to overcome her addiction. “I am now able to recognize my feelings, and I do not turn to shopping to deal with them. I still love shopping, but I realize I first need to deal with my feelings.”

So what are some ways you can start making changes on your own?

Here are 5 ways to conquer the addiction.

1) Make a budget of how much you can afford without leaving debt on your credit card.

2) Before you go shopping, go through your closet and see what you really need. Make a list.

3) Go with somebody who does not have a shopping addiction and will help you stay on track

4) Only shop with cash.

5) Now for the hard one…. If you notice that you are upset, angry, frustrated –deal with these feeling first and only shop when you are emotionally grounded. Take a look at my “4 ways to express your stress” (January 23, 2013) and release some of your feelings without reaching for your wallet.

Finally, if all fails and you feel out of control, speak with a counsellor to help you manage what is going on.

Remember, just because something is on sale does not mean you should purchase it.

  I hope you have a stress-free day!

* Names have been changed to protect clients’ confidentiality.

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

[natalieshay1]

4 Ways to Express Your Stress

Happy Wednesday! I hope you are having a great start to the New Year.

Before I go into some effective ways to express your stress I wanted to take a moment to thank you for all your support and continuing to read my newsletters. I will be continuing them, but instead of bi-weekly they will now be monthly. Feel free to keep your ideas and questions coming! Now for the good stuff....

Growing up, I was always taught to be tough and put up a wall.

Over the years, my clients have shared with me that this approach was what they understood to be the “healthy approach too,”  but they have come to me for help because it turns out not to be so healthy after all. Putting up a wall causes you to hold your stress in rather than finding an outlet for it.

So what happens to the body when you hold your stress in?

“ It can lead to heart disease, sleep problems, digestive problems, depression, obesity, memory impairment and worsening of skin problems.  Studies have shown that high levels of cortisol are associated with an increase in risk of death from cardiovascular disease.”http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/10/11/surprising-ways-stress-affects-your-whole-body/#ixzz2I9wBO7et

  Here are 4 techniques you can use to release stress from your body.

1. Yell into a pillow

Yes, I just told you to yell into a pillow!  Yell as loudly as you can. You may want to hold back because you think someone might hear you, but don’t.  Pillows absorb a lot more noise than you might think.

Alternatively, you can get a foam bat (amazon.com) and hit a pillow. Put your full body into it, and don’t be afraid to make noise! It may be easier to learn how to do this with a stress management counsellor to become comfortable with the process.

2. Write a letter

Write a letter to the person who is causing you stress as if you were going to send it to them and express all your feelings. After you are done, read it out loud with emotion and see how you feel. This should release some of your feelings and reduce the intensity of your emotions.

3.  Talk to somebody

Pick up the phone and call somebody you trust. If you call somebody who is judgmental, you are just going to feel worse, so choose who you call carefully.

4. Breathe

What is proper breathing?  It is breathing through your diaphragm and not through your chest.  Get a yoga belt and put it around your stomach. Try taking 10 breaths for a count of 4. Watch the band go up and down to ensure you are breathing correctly.  It’s hard to do this at first. We all think we already know how to breathe, so it’s easy to get distracted and stop doing this exercise before we get to 10 breaths. Don’t. Stick with it. It takes about a minute, and you’ll see how much calmer you feel.

  Expressing your stress will help heal your body, and you will find yourself much more relaxed once you get the stress out.

  I hope you have a stress-free day!

Natalie

[natalieshay1]

3 Ways to Stick to Your New Year’s Resolution

Now that the New Year has started, it’s time to start thinking about our New Year’s resolutions. Will be to stop smoking, lose weight, start balancing work and personal life? Those are just some of the biggies. So before you create a New Year’s resolution, ask yourself how many times you have created one that you were successful with. Why did it work? Why didn't it work? Here are three steps to make this New Year’s resolution stick. 1) Make a list of all the things you are considering for your resolution Get a piece of paper and think about the different areas of your life that you would like to work on. This is not about judging yourself or beating yourself up, so do it from a place of nurturing yourself. 2) Pick one resolution You may want to work on many different things that have been on your mind for years, but let’s tackle one at a time. You can save the others for future resolutions. 3) Break this one resolution down into smaller steps For example, if it is to lose weight then it will be hard to start exercising and change your diet at the same time. So break it down into steps and add a timeframe to it. Slowly add the next step when you feel that you are ready for it. Step 1: Research and join a gym. Timeframe: one week. Step 2: Start going to the gym two to three times a week. Timeframe: six to eight weeks. Step 3: Meet with a nutritionist.  Timeframe: one week. Step 4: Implement a change in one meal of the day. Timeframe: three to four weeks. Step 5: Implement a change in a second meal. Timeframe: three to four weeks. Step 6: Implement a change in a third meal. Timeframe: three to four weeks. Then you can focus on snacks. You may feel that you want to do everything at once, but think about how many times that has failed. Bestselling-author Leo Babauta estimates that when people focus on changing a single behavior at a time, the likelihood that they’ll retain their new habit for a year or more is around 80 percent. Those who try to change two or more at one time have a success rate as low as 20 percent. I hope you have a Happy New Year, and I look forward to sharing my stress-management techniques with you in 2013! Natalie

[natalieshay1]

How do you react as a parent when your teenager daughter is experiencing repeated panic attacks ?

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear your daughter is having panic attacks, that must be very difficult for you to watch. It is important to be there for your daughter in a way she will be able to take it in. When somebody is having a panic attack they cannot think rationally, so it is important to help start doing grounding exercise. Having her take deep breaths and breathe in harmony with you for a count of 4 is a start. Panic attacks stem from somewhere so it is important to identify what triggers them and where they are coming from and possibly consider having your daughter speak with a stress management counsellor.

I wish there was an easy answer, but when you get to the root of it the panic attacks should disappear . Feel free to email me at [email protected] and I can give you a stress management survey for your daughter to fill out and you can get a feel of how much stress she is under.

Natalie

[natalieshay1]

I read 5 Ways To Combat Stress Before Bed. These techniques sound good but falling asleep is not my problem. I close my eyes and I'm sound asleep. When I'm stressed I wake up around 3:00 am and stay awake with my mind racing with all the things I need to do for over an hour. What do you suggest to fall back to sleep? Ray

HI Ray, I am hearing you say that falling asleep is not the issue however there is a medical condition in the family of insomnia that you may want to ask your doctor about. If that is not a concern and your doctor has ruled it out then we can look at the physical ways to help you get back to bed. I would suggest ensuring you avoid caffeine after 12noon,do not eat close to bedtime to integrate some healthy changes. I would also do some breathing before bed and when you wake up at 3am (itunes has a bunch of them- john Kabat Zin's work is great). If that does not work  I would recommend you consider speaking with a stress management counselor or a psychotherapist and see learn specific stress management skills that are designed for you and your life situation.

Natalie

[natalieshay1]

5 Ways to Manage Your Stress During the Holiday Season

As this time of year comes around, my clients tend to have increase stress levels and end up needing to come see me more often. It might seem counter-intuitive, but the stress that the holidays bring can outweigh the joy. So if you notice that you are one of these people that need some extra support then acknowledge it and take action. Here are some tips to plan ahead so you can be more prepared for the highs and lows of the season.

1)   Set boundaries

Remember that you do not always have to say yes to every invitation you get. If it feels like it may be too much or you just do not want to go, remember that you can say no.

2)   Remember to have some “you” time

With all the family gatherings, parties and shopping, it can be easy to forget that you need some “you” time. Look at your calendar this week and book off 1 to 2 days or nights for yourself – for you to do whatever you feel like. As tempting as it may be throughout the month to book something in, remind yourself that it is very important to take care of yourself. If that reminder does not work, think of it as a doctor’s appointment you cannot miss.

3)   Get whatever you can out of the way now

Make a list of everyone you want to get gifts for and go online to see what you can get shipped to your door: this way you can do it day or night and get it out of the way.

4)   Accept help

If you are hosting a dinner for 30 people, let other people help you. I know how tempting it is to be stubborn, but helping makes other people feel good too! So do not turn down offers of help. If you do insist on doing it yourself, hire help for the prep and the cleanup. The last thing you need to be doing is spending the next day doing all the dishes.

5)   Be realistic

You are not perfect; do you remember any past holiday season that went exactly the way you wanted it to? If so, you were probably on Leave it To Beaver (for those of you who are too young to remember, it was a show from the 60s of a picture-perfect family).

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

 Follow her on Twitter @destresstoday

[natalieshay1]

6 Ways to Learn to Start Trusting Your Friends

Q : “I have lots of friends, but I am a very private person and do not feel comfortable turning to my friends when I am going through a hard time.  How do I start trusting people after so long?”

A: It would be impossible to feel comfortable confiding in everyone you know, but it is important to have at least a few people in your life whom you feel comfortable turning to when you want to lean on somebody.  If you are or have been in a romantic relationship, think about when you first started dating. It can take some time to feel that comfort with the person, and when you do you have a special trust. This is what a friendship can be, you can build the trust as you are getting to know the person on a deeper level. It can be slightly overwhelming to divulge all your thoughts, emotions, and fears right away(intimate or not) for both parties.

If this is new to you, it will be very scary. It’s important to start slowly. So let’s start….

1)   Write a list of 3 people with whom you would like to improve your relationship

Think of the people you know and pick the ones who are trustworthy. No one person who can meet your every need, which is why getting closer to more than one person is important.

2)   Put in the effort

If you want to build a stronger relationship, you need to put the time and energy into making it happen. This means making a commitment to yourself to speak with them regularly and make plans.

3)   Follow through and do not cancel plans

If you cancel plans because you are not in the mood or tired, it makes the other person feel that they are not important or respected.  Respect is the most important ingredient in a friendship!

4)   Start sharing small pieces of yourself that may be a bit out of your comfort zone

It is important to start slowly to build your comfort level. A small piece of yourself can include why you had a bad day, a small tiff between you and your partner, or something that makes you nervous in your life.

5)   Give and take

Relationships are a balancing act of give and take, so if you want to build that connection you must be willing to be there for the other person to turn to you as well.

6)   Give it time

The more time you spend with the person regularly, and the more you confide in them, the more the relationship will build – and the more your friend will become someone you can trust and rely on. Just remember that it takes time for both of you to get there. Think of it this way: if you were to take swimming lessons, you wouldn’t dive into the deep end. You would start in the shallow end and work you way from there.   

Friendship requires trust, and trust requires you to allow yourself to be vulnerable. To tell someone about your worries, concerns and hopes is scary: it requires you to show your weaknesses, to open yourself up to the possibility of judgment or rejection. So you have to choose the people to whom you make yourself vulnerable carefully. But it’s important to realize that making yourself vulnerable isn’t about making yourself weak. It’s about being strong enough to be vulnerable. That’s a gift to the person to whom you expose yourself. Choose carefully, and go about it slowly, but remember that the carefully chosen person will likely recognize the gift you’re giving them, and that they are likely to return the favour.

These two talks by vulnerability researcher Brené Brown demonstrate the power of vulnerability, and they remind us of how brave it is to make yourself vulnerable, and how rewarding the experience can be:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Natalie Shay is a Psychotherapist and Stress Management Counsellor. She works with individuals and consults with organizations with respect to topics such as stress management, burn-out prevention, work/life balance and emotional eating.  She works with clients to help them overcome ineffective habits and create healthier new ones.

Natalie can be reached at [email protected] or [phone].    

 Follow her on Twitter @destresstoday