Sketches and Musings

Artist, Fangirl, Tragic Academic (Look, I'm still figuring some things out)

[paxamericana]

[occidentalavian]

[cwicseolfor]

PLEASE

FUCKING

VOTE

[black-bloc-antifa]

[ndreamswake]

The stress of doing things you love

[ndreamswake]

How my anxiety feels Part 2

[ndreamswake]

Just me an my Anxiety hanging out. “What my anxiety feels like, Part 1″

Thanks to the last couple of years of therapy, I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing anxiety flare ups before they spiral out of control. It’s still a surreal moment. It’s like getting a visit from a familiar and unpleasant acquaintance. Sometimes it’s a sign I need to take a break or examine some shit, (or that i’ve accidentally overdosed myself on caffeine) but often anxiety just seems to drop by for the hell of it. We hang out for a bit, make some art together, run some errands and journal a whole lot. And eventually things get a little lighter.

(Thought I’d drop a few of these here, even though I use tumblr mostly for following fanfiction writers -- you folks are awesome -- I can be found on instagram at tesskjacobs)

[ndreamswake]

I suppose I should probably post some of these here too. Been doing little doodles from my journal entries. This one was inspired by my dissertation. 

[ndreamswake]

Today I defended my dissertation and became a doctor of philosophy. There were a whole lot of people I got to thank publicly in my acknowledgements, but the acknowledgement of my heart goes out to the fan fiction writers whose commitment to fun, fandom, blatant tropes, and taking not always serious things very seriously, pulled me through the last hellish months of dissertating. You may be strangers on the internet, my dissertation had nothing to do with fandoms, but you were very much a part of this process. Thank you for keeping me sane (sort of) and out of the worst of the depressive slumps.

[ndreamswake]

Promo_Short Information Form.docx

My good friend and dissertation buddy is conducting research on asexuality and fan fiction communities. She looking for dissertation research participants who have experience with fanfiction depicting asexuality. If this sounds like something you think you could contribute to, I highly encourage you to check it out. Reading Jasmine’s work helped introduce me to the world of fanfiction which has been such a fun adventure. It’s also taught me a lot more about asexuality and just how wonderfully diverse human experiences of sexuality, romance and selfhood are. Her research is thoughtful, sensitive, passionate and so very important. 

I am very new to tumblr so please re-blog, repost, or whatever you do to spread the word. 

[olderthannetfic]

This is from May 1st, 2020 and had like one note. Let’s get some eyeballs on it, please.

[acespnminibang]

A survey about ace fanfic!!

[hazeldomain]

For easy accessibility of link copying, the survey is here:

https://forms.gle/6FunzvkthFeh3pie7

Representations of Asexuality in Fanfiction

The Ohio State University Consent to Participate in Research Study Title: Representations of Asexuality in Fanfiction Protocol Number: 2019

[shamelesslymkp]

OK, so the original post was actually fairly clear and I just didn’t read it closely, but I just want to emphasize the following:

this survey is NOT just for asexual/ace-spec fans

this survey is NOT about asexual/ace-spec fans’ experiences with fandom as a whole

this survey IS for all fans, ace and allo alike

this survey IS about asexual/ace-spec characters as depicted by fandom

I personally found the survey somewhat alienating as an ace-spec person and somewhat frustrating in its format and methodology as an autistic person, but I encourage people to fill it out regardless of those things! Some warnings and pointers:

the splash screen explanation of the project and the survey calls asexuality a ‘very new’ orientation. Please keep going anyway. the author seems to sincerely care about this research and likely did not realize how that phrasing comes off.

there are multiple yes/no questions with short answer fields; I’ve assumed that since there were also yes/no questions with radio button answers that the author wants us to expand on our answer and provide specific examples.

one of the questions asks you to estimate the number of fics you have read featuring an ace-spec character; the answer field will only accept a number, not a range or anything more nuanced than that. I decided to base my answer of 100 on the fact that I have currently somewhere between 50 and 60 fics bookmarked and tagged as featuring ace-spec characters, knowing that there are probably at least double that which I have read and not bookmarked or bookmarked without tagging. This answer was probably lowballing it but I had no idea how to give a more accurate answer

make sure at the end to hit submit AFTER it gives you the link to her research site!! your answer has not actually been submitted until you get the response ‘your answers have been recorded’.

Important: Survey Closes June 5th 2020

(I apologize, OP, if this addition is rude – I simply do not feel comfortable signal boosting this survey without providing this additional information and as the survey closes on June 5th (2020), I assumed it would be better to signal boost with the extra information than to skip it entirely. If you would like me to delete this reblog, please let me know and I will do so.)

[ndreamswake]

Not rude at all :) Thank you for signal boosting and adding information that you think will help others navigate the study. On the consent page, Jasmine offers her contact information specifically for concerns, questions etc about the study. If you wanted to voice these concerns directly to her she might find it useful for building further studies and continuing this particular study. I am also happy to pass this info along personally, or not (just let me know if there is action you would like or not like me to take). 

Additionally, thank you everyone who has shared this post in the last few days. This is getting a really wonderful response and I am vicariously very excited about my friend’s research. 

[ndreamswake]

Corona Poetry #1

In another version of this time,

you would let me hold your baby.

She’d be curled, perhaps, upon my breast

as we walked, side by side, and tumbling toward the water.

There’d still be wild daisies doubled overhead

And a sea full of grass turning gold beneath the green.

With your child in my arms, I’d feel like we were sisters

—as I did sometimes when we were children—

I’d know for sure then, that some loves come back blooming

even after they’ve been fallow.

And all around us would be Spring promising

That all things just come out right in the end.

[ndreamswake]

Late night painting and new paints. 

[ndreamswake]

Promo_Short Information Form.docx

My good friend and dissertation buddy is conducting research on asexuality and fan fiction communities. She looking for dissertation research participants who have experience with fanfiction depicting asexuality. If this sounds like something you think you could contribute to, I highly encourage you to check it out. Reading Jasmine’s work helped introduce me to the world of fanfiction which has been such a fun adventure. It’s also taught me a lot more about asexuality and just how wonderfully diverse human experiences of sexuality, romance and selfhood are. Her research is thoughtful, sensitive, passionate and so very important. 

I am very new to tumblr so please re-blog, repost, or whatever you do to spread the word. 

[propinquitous]

watched 2.07 aka plan b aka possibly the greatest?? episode of syfy’s the magicians last night and had never connected the dots before that margo’s knowledge of bank robbery, which she says she did in high school, implies that she knew about magic at that time

which could mean that she, like el, had some sort of early trauma that revealed her abilities (she also says that she “had issues” right after she mentions the bank robbery) and i am now utterly obsessed with the idea that she and el met not that first year at brakebills but were actually baby hedges who met on a wicca message board when they were 15

[propinquitous]

yes i am currently reading my 2003-2009 livejournal to remind myself what it was like to be an adolescent in the 00s and literally all i can think about is 14 year old eliot using ^_^

[propinquitous]

jesus fucking christ

[ndreamswake]

Can someone write this young Margo + Eliot fanfiction please?

[ndreamswake]

The informational webpage for Veblen's theory of Conspicuous Consumption has embedded advertisements; they are trying to sell me plain yet quite expensive luxury underwear/loungewear.

dear reader, I wish I could say I resisted.

[ndreamswake]

Trying out a little bit of fanart. Inspired by all the beautiful art nouveau fanart out there <3