“You’re Not The Midwest, You’re A Man”

Alex, 29, he/they, chronic attention whore, the Wettest Beast

[necro-romantic]

Happy Spotify wrapped bitches, if u want a new queer artist to listen to I make music that sounds evil and has too many synths most of the time

[svetzzi]

go away forever with me

[kopytki]

drew fanart of the thang

[beaft]

ever since i was a little girl i always knew i wanted to be some sort of horrendous freak

[crimsolyn]

I think the purest form of love is just wanting someone to notice life with you. "taste this. look at that. hear this song." again and again. until you can't imagine noticing life without them.

[beardedmrbean]

[whyenn-reader]

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

[whyenn-reader]

the more you twist yourself into a pretzel to avoid regret the harder it will hit when it eventually catches up to you.

[identitty-dickruption]

my safe clothing items that I wear day in day out for years and years should never break or rip or wear down. the power of friendship should stop that kind of thing

[lycaniums-room]

An ad for your deepest desires :)

[yugirimistwalker]

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[shofarsogood]

[anxeious]

[raccoonmilf]

I feel like it should be illegal for my insurance to deny my medication my doctor says I need

[gothycollie]

A long time ago, in the Age of Physical, software would be stored on beautiful mirrored discs, and inside each disc a tiny wizard lived who would install the software for you.

[anonpolls]

If you had so much money that you never had to work again (but were physically able to etc.), would you choose to work? (If you’re already in this situation, choose what you actually did.)

Yes, I’d do the same job I have now.

Yes, but I’d switch to a lower-paying but more fulfilling job.

Yes, but I’d choose to pursue a creative career.

Yes, but I’d start my own business.

Sort of. I’d volunteer or otherwise work without pay.

I wouldn’t work per se, but would devote a lot of time to a hobby.

I’d just relax, have fun, do whatever.

I’m not sure/Other

Voting ended onJul 27

Thanks, Anon!

-submit your poll!-

[princesszeldazbyebye-deactivate]

this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in any review ever

[princesszeldazbyebye-deactivate]

[pidgefudge]

[leftbraintrauma]

[guerrillatech]