I used to try but then it got too hard

-Colleen, SF- "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. (I am large. I contain multitudes.)" -Walt Whitman

[truestoriesaboutme]

I can't quite explain it, but Clue (1985), The Princess Bride (1987), Galaxy Quest (1999), and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) are all the same genre

[short-and-angry]

They aren't a spoof (roast) or a love letter (tribute), but a best man's speech; an expression of love with a gentle ribbing on ocassion.

[stuckinapril]

you seem avoidant for a girl who’s so hungry to experience the full breadth of human connection

[c00lkldd]

It won’t let me reblog EVERYONE LOOK

[liebelesbe]

attaching something to an email is so scary. what if i accidentally put hard-core porn in there. i don't think i have any downloaded but what if i do and i attached it to the email. what then.

[livesuffer]

sorry about all the mean things i said when i was right

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students.

The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit. 

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

One of the tenants is a creative writing major and Gomez and Morticia house them up in the tower because of the quiet and the inspiring view

They’re supposed to be working on a typical coming-of-age story but after living with the Addams for just a week the project is becoming a horror-Gothic-romance

They go to their room after classes one day and find Thing correcting the grammar errors in the manuscript with a red pen 

[specialstarfish]

and yeah, the students pay roughly market value for their rooms, but that doesn’t stop gomez from shouting “capital idea!” and handing them wads of cash when they tell him about their weekend plans or what they’re researching, so they basically end up living there for free

[gholateg]

In the same vein, half the them have to turn into exceptional fencers, because Gomez just doesn’t give a shit, and if he sees you in the library, its fucking Sword Fighting Time. 

Fester and Pugsley find out one of the college students is trying to get into chemistry and woo boy, there has never been a faster study of how to counter various acidic chemical reactions due to “water” balloons in campus history. 

Morticia and Grammy are keeping the horticulturalists on their toes with their Black Tulip/Rose hybrids, which can flick their barbs a foot away from their stem system. But it’s fine, one of the kids has managed to breed Aloe with the anti venom. 

Lurch makes sandwiches for everyone who’s too much of a coward for Grammy’s cooking. Any music major will find him looming over them, utterly stone faced as they practise until they finish, when he’ll smile, and slowly applaud. 

And the spookiest thing of all

Wednesday and Thing will find your thesis. They will critique it in every way imaginable. 

There is no escape. 

[aardvarkingmad]

I especially love the idea of Gomez spotting a student in the library, throwing a sword at a startled student, shouting, “En garde!” and lunging at him/her with a sword of his own.

Student (later in life), when asked how she jumps from quietly doing research to handling a sudden influx of ER cases so quickly and easily, says, “When you have to snap out of deep concentration on biochem to fight for your life then get back to biochem without losing your train of thought…you learn or you die.”

[soap-stains]

This has made me laugh so hard-

[tinygiantrobotsinouterspace]

And you know how chatty Gomez is when he fights, he’d probably help more students work through creative blocks via swordplay than any education counselor in a stuffy little office.

[breelandwalker]

Gomez Addams as the embodiment of the Rubber Duck Method for struggling students via surprise swordplay is directly on brand.

And I firmly believe that long-term residents who finish their degrees suddenly, mysteriously, find that their student loans have been paid off. The family attends every single graduation ceremony and claps and cheers for “their” students as boisterously as any parent. They make a particular point of doing so for the ones who have no other family in attendance.

[labelleizzy]

Oh my heart. 🖤🖤🖤

[kaitou-cure-prism12]

Sweet and Inspiring!!!

[kaitou-cure-prism12]

Fave Findings Version! 

#‘no other family in attendance’ #please #if that happened they’d be an Addams by the end of the day - that-halloween-gay

They come back for reunions as honorary Adams - yellowbirdbluetoo

All graduates will be referred to as “cousin”. Hahaha you’re an honorary Addams now. - jedochan

The Addams family also takes in LGBTQ+ kids who get disowned and kicked out so its college kids and LGBTQ+ kids helping each other out and the Addams family loves all of them - wishesovercas

Coming out to Gomez and Morticia because you’re too afraid to tell your own parents first/at all and they give you support and throw a lavish party in your honor - davekatzdefensesquad

Gomez will happily fence to death (or at least to first blood) any obnoxious overbearing stalker Ex’s you might have, on the simple principle of “If you love someone you treat them as something to be cherished and adored and honoured and brutally slay anyone who thinks them unworthy of worship.” - samarallewis86

Gomez looking at a Tired College Kid for approximately 2 seconds: Oh??? NEW CHILD??????? - kentallardd

I can just see the Addams family coming to your event that your miniscule Poetry club sponsored because they know how hard you worked, and they know your own family won’t come.

When some snobby frat house bashes on the event and Wednesday and Pugsley and Fester sneak into their frat house and set a bunch of rabid rats loose during their rager.

Meanwhile Morticia is going around snipping the flowers off the garden beds of campus with some organic poison, and Gomez is chatting with engineer majors about full scale trains and demolition ideas. He convinces the shy nerd to seduce the head jock’s girl, and he succeeds.

Lurch and Grammy discover the controls for the fountains and pour in a little surprise into the water system, and Thing is snapping appreciatively for every line recited by your club members. - athelise

One does wonder how they would handle a recovering addict. Like they are trying to stay off but they get so angry or depressed from withdrawl. - iconicdraconic

Found family College students with the Adam’s family is the unhinged lunacy I CRAVE - damion-the-skeleton

#”so ive bene thinking about making giant animal costumes for people but decent fur costs like $80 per metre” “CAPITOL IDEA!”

#”holy shit” #i like this a lot this is very fun - ain-person

#heart full #I genuinely love this so much #the Addams family has so much potential for wacky stuff like this #and there’s hardly ever mean vibes coz they love each other #which is Good  - raewentferal

I so want Gomez shouting “capital idea” at me and funding one of my many wishes. This is glorious. 

And let’s hear it for a cartoonist’s weird ideas surviving almost 100 years now. - johannadc

I HAVE to reblog. This is my head cannon for the Addams Family. Especially after watching the 60’s sitcom. - kquietgirl

Me now wondering what shopping with Morticia must be like - a-world-of-whimsy-5

Wednesday listening to the biology students with glee explaining what organs can be taken out that wouldn’t cause death - bi-tastrophe

@identity-you-decided you say this like Pugsley hasn’t already obtained his excitable materials engineering degree (at age 9) and will actually have at least 5 IED designs to teach you (all of which you can make with standard household items). - coppercorn-and-cauldron

@randomthoughtsandspeech because that’s where the overflow of swords and armour are displayed. They ran out of room in both the great room and the formal parlour. - coppercorn-and-cauldron

All my landlords were all creeps. The women were sometimes even worse than the men. Buy the Addams? Their creepiness doesn’t make me want to add an extra layer of clothes or wrap myself in a coarse horse blanket. - purplehazepaladin

Ok but…… what happens when Morticia meets the cultural anthropology major with a concentration on magic and witchcraft? - fleetwood-mac-andcheese

Also the medical students crying over messing up in lecture and Granny showing them how to properly cut or sew. They bring home their cats or pigs for practice and Morticia giving pointers. - starbright89

[bobblestheninja]

A biology/ecology major coming in and infodumping aboutvthe husbandry/enrichment needs of Aristotle (Pugsly’s octopus) and of the piranhas, and how they need very different tank conditions (more space and enrichment) and Gomez just responding with “I didn’t know that, but this is all capital idea” and next thing they know they’re helping set up a massive Amazonian river “tank” (let’s be honest it’s basically olympic swimming pool size, and in a greenhouse attached to the house) on part of the Addams land. Morticia is ofc helping pick the plants for the above-ground garden part (carnivorous as always) and there’s a glass wall that allows you to watch the piranhas as they go about their business.

Then there’s the octopus. Aristotle gets their own saltwater ecosystem as well. Another massive setup, and the Addams become very interested in endangered sharks and breeding programs to increase wild populations, and in ecosystem “tanks.”

Wednesday’s spiders? Well of course they need their own building too, and there needs to be a lizard house for all those poor underappreciated reptiles. And the bats, those poor endangered darlings, they need conservation efforts too…

Crocodiles, alligators, everything has a place at the Addams Family Conservation Centre (and its eventually worldwide branches, because you can’t tell me that Gomez wouldn’t hear one of the new “cousins” talking at length about the poor understudied “vulture bees” in the South American jungle and decide that they need to fund their various academic pursuits. Or that they shouldn’t set up a conservation centre in Sub-Saharan Africa for their beloved tsetse fly.

So much of the land around their property (the parts that aren’t valuble wetlands that need to be conserved) becoming dedicated to buildings helping conserve various species, with worldwide conservation efforts funded by the unending Addams wealth.

[seaworthinessthesecond]

After all these years

Finally, I have them all

[penandinkprincess]

"Why must we Madonna/whore the vegetables?" is a phrase I just felt super glue itself in my lexicon immediately

[thememedaddy]

[kazieka]

was outside earlier and a bird Came Up, squatted down, fluttered it’s wings at me and opened its mouth like a hatchling begging for food (it was a grown female) so I went and checked the seed cube in the feeder and the thing was completely covered in mold. this is one of the weirdest things that’s ever happened to me. how did she know im the one in charge of the birdseed. How Did She Know To Pantomime Hunger At Me. Hello.

[kazieka]

i have spent my afternoon confusedly getting dressed, driving to the store, purchasing a new seed block, driving home, washing the cage, and getting the feeder set back up. i don’t take this much care for my Own nutrition. ive been bullied into a grocery store run by a tufted titmouse. i feel so loved

[ladyfarona]

If you don't know what a Tufted Titmouse looks like, behold:

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No I trust the Americans, the cheese lovers, and the fans of the molasses flood to find this one on their own.

[manicpixienitemaregirl]

Idk who OP is but yeah

[wildseerbigwings]

We feed the rich to the poor, maybe.

[daysleftofsecondterm]

WE USE THE RICH’S MONEY TO FEED THE POOR

[three-crows-in-a-suit-of-armor]

tfw you have to read the entirety of The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green for AP Literature & Composition and school starts the day after tomorrow

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

don't worry i can summarize it for you: Humans are worth the trouble.

[alhashimis]

The Red Mass (S04E04) THE WEST WING (1999—2006)

[argumate]

love the genre of discourse that’s like “the world used to be [thing it never was] but now society is [I’m over thirty]”

[inphront]

evergreen post

[justsomeguycore]

but there actually are some social cues that can be taught. like the obvious one is when someone says “how are you” they usually mean “friendly noise” and are not actually asking how you are, although some people ARE genuinely asking how you are and it’s usually up to the context of your relationship to determine the difference

also that apparently “when you get a chance” usually means “when you take a break from the thing you’re immediately doing” and not “on a list among various other things you are doing today or tomorrow”

and when someone says “i’ll let you get going” they mean “please leave”

[justsomeguycore]

oh and you have to learn to weaponize “thank you for your understanding”. which means “there is nothing you can do about this so accept it”

[samirasystole]

rip chidi anagonye you would have had a category five meltdown about AI, data centers, flock cameras, and ID checks for social media apps

[thememedaddy]