Tanpa judul

[needsleep296]

Guys. If you see me keep liking your post please ignore me. I tend to forget things. If it's mess with your algorithm or you hate it you can tell me

[moseby]

I need boy advice help!

kill him

[hacked-by-jake]

can we somehow have jake with a dancer MC? 😭😭

P u t I t o n M e

No warnings, I believe.

A/n: I didn't know what dance sytel you wanted, dear anon. So I hope this here is okay and you will like it. I've always wanted to write something with a dancer MC because my OC I use for other fandom actually is dancer as well. So I was so happy to get this request. Thank you for trusting me with it. 💚 Please excuse any mistakes.

I used this song, but of course you can imagine it with whatever song you want. 🫶🏻

Frustration started to creep in as you lay on the floor, the polished wood cold against your sweaty skin. Your breath was far faster than you would have liked after only three repeats.

Rehearsing was like self-therapy for you. The only place you were... you. The only place you had full control without forcing it. You had it because here, it was in your blood. It had always been your life. From the moment you started in this bad hip-hop group at only 11 years.

Followed by ballet, breakdance and even three years of gymnastics. All to improve your passion for contemporary dance.

When you suddenly got pulled into Hannah's case, it became even more important to you. An outlet. A place where you did not have to think. Only feel. Only be. Almost weightless.

But today... today nothing really went the way you wanted to. An important performance for an upcoming competition. But no matter what... something was bothering you. Immensely.

But you couldn't pinpoint what it was. Well, you could, you had a problem with timing in the third 8th-circle.

And to say it was destroying your day was an understatement.

You let out a soft huff as you pushed your body back upright. For a second, you just looked into the big mirror on the wall. Your face was flushed, your bottom lip a bit swollen from biting onto it in concentration to finally hit the rhyme the way you wanted to.

But as fast as you had checked your reflection, your eyes wandered over to your phone. It was slightly propped up against your hoodie you had taken off before your practice.

It stood upright enough that the camera could capture the room... if there was a viewer on the other side.

Jake had never mentioned before if he had looked into your camera when you were rehearsing.

Usually, you hated it when he did. It was invasive, controlling, a breach of privacy.

But one part of you... wanted him to see.

To watch. To... appreciate seeing you like this.

Of course, as an adult you could do it very simply. Just ask. Or just tell him. "Hey, I'm at practice tonight, do you want to watch? I would like to hear your opinion."

But why do it easy when you could also do it the hard way.

However... this time when you looked at your phone, a sudden, strange tingle ran down your back. As if you could sense something. As if your body sensed... him.

You would have called yourself insane usually. Sensing him in your phone camera? How ridiculous.

When, in the moment you finally stood up again, a deep, slightly disoriented voice sounded right into your ear through the one earbud you were wearing.

"You're frustrated."

The way you flinched as it happened was probably very bad for your neck and shoulder muscles. But at the same time the shock and surprise went through you, your pulse already betrayed you. Your heart missed a beat, then picked up pace.

"My go— Jake!" you answered, looking back at your phone.

A short crackle on the other end, then the answer, "My apologies. It wasn't my intention to frighten you, MC."

The urge to smile at him hearing your name was almost too much to hide. But you managed.

Concentration, MC.

Instead, you changed the topic, not as casually as you would like. "What... what were you doing in my phone again?"

The barely audible laugh coming from him sounded creepy in your eyes. But this time, you couldn't fully suppress your smile.

To not let it show fully, you straightened again and walked back to your starting position.

"You're rehearsing," he stated, monotone as most of the time. But maybe there was a little bit of curiosity in the robotic voice.

"Yeah, I wrote you, you did not see it?" you asked, looking back at your phone once again, as if you were talking face to face with him this way.

Jake shifted slightly on his chair, the voice changer picking this up as well, "I did see it," he said.

You let out a small hum in acknowledgment, rewinding the song with the remote for the sound system.

"And how long have you been watching me?"

There was a pause on the other side as Jake thought about if he should tell you that he was always watching. Always admiring. Not your body, though, even he couldn't help but appreciate the view. No, he was admiring your skill, your talent.

Watching you dance was fascinating to him. Truly fascinating. It was the exact opposite of what he was used to.

Control vs. expression

Hidden vs. seen

Logic vs. instinct

He cleared his throat as he realized he was losing track of the reasons he actually had decided to make himself known.

"You're around 0.6 seconds late on the fourth beat."

"What?" you asked, the surprise was written all over your face, the confusion clear in your voice, "What do you— how do you know?"

Jake felt himself stiffen slightly as he realized he had accidentally given too much away about what he was usually doing when he was watching you.

His first instinct was to dodge the question, not answer, come up with a believable response. But then he decided to just be honest. After all, you two were a couple. Well, not officially. But telling each other about their love for the other was pretty... close, right?

His fingers moved to the small device on his desk, he switched the flip, and instead of the disorientation, his real voice answered you this time.

"I've... counted," he admitted. "You're 0.6 seconds late when you do this... acrobatic thing. Probably because you breathe in at the wrong moment. The intake of air at that moment is slowing you."

If it were anyone else than Jake, you would have probably laughed. "I breathe in at the wrong moment? You have a colorful imagination of how things work." But this wasn't anyone else. This was Jake. And so you knew, he wasn't joking, he wasn't trying to make a fool out of you. He was serious.

"You— you were counting," you answered carefully, as if the thought alone tasted weird, "And you...?"

"I saw your frustration. So I cropped your steps and synchronized the song with it. Then I analyzed your breathing and noticed the slight delay," the hacker explained. There was a bit of hesitation mixed into his usual matter-of-fact voice.

The words only slowly started to make sense in your head. He hadn't just watched. He had... put work into it. Had analyzed it for you with open eyes to then come and let you know.

"Jake— I—" you started, but he interrupted you.

"Reiterate."

You didn't refuse. Didn't try to make excuses.

You didn't question it. You just... listened.

Because it was him.

And when you started "Put It on Me" by Matt Maeson from the beginning and went into your starting position, you felt a flutter in your stomach. The slight nervousness that came with knowing, this time, he was really watching.

And yet, you had never felt as good before as you fully leaned into your choreography as if your life depended on it.

The beat buzzed through your entire being. You could feel it in your bones, your veins. Your eyes were closed, the music took over your existence.

And Jake? He became part of it. Counting your every step. Every beat. Analyzing every rhyme. He was learning your style, how you moved during every part. How your soul became... agravic.

He was tracking your every move. And when the part came you had been struggling with before, his voice guided you. "Wait... now."

And this time when you pushed yourself into the aerial cartwheel, it was as if the music adjusted to you instead of the other way around.

The next hour flew by without you feeling any of it. Jake became your eyes when you closed yours to feel.

"Wait. You're early."

"Again. On four."

His voice became your rhyme while he was learning your breathing patterns.

And when your practice ended, with a kind of confidence you had never felt before, Jake disconnected from your phone.

His lips twitching, once, twice, before he allowed the smile to fully spread over his face.

His eyes went unfocused for a moment as he replayed your words, your gratitude towards him, the way you smiled at him through your camera.

He secured the memory of those two hours in his mind, protected and available for the rest of his life.

His attention snapped back into reality. His hand moved to open another tab to check the progress of his loading program before he closed it again and once again opened the footage of your dancing.

He clicked the first video and then leaned back in his chair, allowing himself to fully dive into his administration for you.

"Put it on me," he murmured to himself.

[justjaned]

You know, I have this weird paranoia that someone might be watching me through my phone or tab. I know lots of people have this too so I usually throw a blanket over my cameras whenever I'm changing.

Although... If it was Jake? Ehehehhehehhehhehehh

I'm just sayin

[hacked-by-jake]

Pahahah yes, I have the same fear, absolutely. I always put my phone away when I'm changing or anything. I'm not taking any risks.

But.... The good thing is, with Jake having access, he would also immediately notice if someone else is trying to enter our phone system. So he or NYM-OS would immediately stop it. So... we are safe.

But if he wanna have a look... Well, not continuing this sentence.

[hacked-by-jake]

D R A B B L E | Sequel

The Confrontation. Jake finding out you're working on the Moonvale case.

A/n: Hello. I come to post a part two. To the last drabble I wrote. Here check it out. You need to read it to understand this part. Anyway. I was surprised how many or you loved it. And I was asked to do a part two. And I tried. I really hope this does justice to part 1. But this one was kinda harder. Anyway. Yeah. Jake x MC, kinda chat style, I guess. Yada Yada. Uhho hope you like it. 💚

Jake’s contact had a different signal tone than any other of your contacts. At first, during Duskwood, the reason was that you would immediately know it was urgent. But 90% of that was a lie. A different ringtone for your lover… cheesy, embarrassing—you loved knowing it was him already before seeing his name.

So when you heard the sound, an involuntary smile crept onto your face. He was back. For three days now. Thank God. You reached for your phone without hiding the anticipation.

But the second you read his message, the smile was gone again.

“Fuck…”

—

Jake hadn’t moved in seconds. No—he was counting down the seconds it usually took you to answer.

“15… 14… 13…”

Then—

Ping.

“You’re still awake?”

He almost smiled at that. Almost.

He shook his head, not answering your question.

“How long were you planning to keep this from me?”

A pause.

“…Keep what from you?”

His eyes flicked once more over the file. Your name. The timestamps. The locations.

“Moonvale.”

Silence.

He watched you type, pause, write.

“…You looked into it.”

Not a question. You knew.

His wording was sharper than he wanted to. But he send before he could change his mind.

“I don’t need to look into it. You made it very accessible.”

A huff of disbelief escaped you, “That’s not fair.”

His brow furrowed.

“It’s accurate.”

The typing indicator appeared. Disappeared. Came back.

“I was going to tell you.”

“When?”, he shot back.

The message stayed unanswered for several seconds.

“I don’t know. Soon.”

Jake leaned back slightly, gaze fixed on the screen, back straight, head held high. An attempt to make himself feel like he was still in control—and not getting lost in a sudden flood of unwelcome, unnecessary emotions.

“You’ve been working on it for weeks.”

“…Yes,” you answered.

“Consistently.”

“Also yes…”

“Even at night.”

A few seconds passed.

“Yeah… sometimes.”

Jake’s tongue pressed against his teeth, his right hand forming into a first.

“In person?”

“…Jake—”

He ignored it. Your answer was too important for him.

“Have you been in Redlog Pines?”

This time, your answer came sharper. Even he, who struggled to read emotions through text, understood it immediately.

“No, Jake. I’ve not been in Redlog. I’m once again having to watch it from afar.”

His fingers stilled again. By now he was fighting to keep his composure. In the corner of his eye, he could see several pictures. Adam. Charlie and MC laughing. Eric… The picture of this man, shirtless, on the phone of the person he lov—

“Damnit,” he muttered under his breath, forcing his attention back to the conversation. His fingers briefly drummed against the edge of the laptop.

Then he answered.

Calm. Controlled. He was neither of these things.

“You’re repeating the same pattern.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m handling it differently this time.”

His jaw tightened again.

“With unsecured contacts?”

A pause on your side.

“…What?”

“Eric.”

No answer.

He kept going.

“Ash. Charlie.”

Another pause. Longer now.

“You went through everything.”

“I didn’t have to go far.”

“That’s still—”

Before you could finish, he had already sent another.

“Careless.”

The word sat there. Harsh. Final.

A beat passed.

“You’re one to talk about being careful.”

He imagined you sitting on your couch, scoffing into the silence. He didn’t respond to that.

Instead—and it almost hurt him to write it out—

“You trust them.”

Quiet. Direct.

“…I work with them.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

The silence in the hotel room felt louder than before.

And maybe it was just his imagination, but your next message sounded softer.

“I don’t really have a choice.”

It sounded softer. Nonetheless, it didn't help his tight shoulders to ease.

“You always have a choice.”

“Not if I want to help.”

That—

That again.

He stopped. Took a breath. Enough time for him to register the shift in his chest.

“You’re getting involved too quickly.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“You don’t even know everything yet!”

The typing indicator flickered rapidly now as his fingers moved faster.

“I know enough.”

A second message added:

“You’re doing it again.”

“So are you.”

His fingers stopped. He felt something colder settle inside of him. He didn’t like it.

“…Explain.”

“You disappear. You come back. And suddenly you’re everywhere again. In my messages, in my files—”

“I was already there.”

“That’s not the point.”

“It is for me.”

Another message came right after. The tone shifting again.

“You don’t get to control this, Jake.”

The words lingered.

In the chat. In his mind.

In his chest.

For a moment, he didn’t type. Didn’t move. He looked down at his hands, fingers stretched over the keyboard. A part of him felt guilty.

Controlling. He knew he was. And he always told himself it was necessary. And caught in his worry for you, he still thought it now.

When he finally typed again, the response was slower.

More measured again. More himself.

“I’m not trying to control it.”

“…Really?”

“You’re exposing yourself to unnecessary risk.”

“That sounds exactly like control.”

“It’s assessment.”

“No, it's worry.”

That—

A muscle ticked in his cheek.

“You shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

“I’m not alone.”

His eyes flicked back to the names.

Eric.

Ash.

Charlie.

And this time, he let himself feel it.

Pain.

“Not alone” hit him like a physical blow.

“No. You are not alone,” he muttered. “You have me.”

His next message was the most emotional one so far.

“They’re not enough.”

The weight of it settled between them.

Longer this time.

When you replied, it was slower.

“…Why does this bother you so much?”

He stared at the question longer than necessary.

The cursor blinked.

Once.

Twice.

“It’s reckless.”

It wasn't the truth. Both knew.

“That’s not what I asked.”

His jaw tightened.

“You’re inserting yourself into an active investigation without proper protection.”

“That’s still not an answer.”

He stilled once again. Heat crawled up his neck.

Then—

“You didn’t tell me.”

The message sat there. Short. Plain.

But heavier than the rest.

“…I didn’t think I had to.”

That—

His expression shifted, just barely.

“You did.”

“Why?”

The air seemed to thicken between them. Even through screens.

“You know why.”

“No. I don’t.”

His fingers hovered over the keyboard. Stilled. Moved again.

“You’re doing the same thing again.”

“And you’re reacting the same way.”

“That’s because the situation hasn’t changed.”

“It has.”

“How.”

One word. Flat.

“I’m not depending on you this time.”

The words landed clean.

Too clean.

Jake didn’t respond immediately.

Didn’t move.

The cursor blinked in the empty field as something tightened in his chest— unfamiliar in how direct it was.

When he finally typed, the precision was still there.

But thinner now.

“…That was never the point.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No.”

“Then what was?”

His gaze dropped briefly to your name on the screen again. To the logs. The timestamps. The pattern.

To the absence of himself in all of it.

He took a deep breath. When he exhaled, it was uneven. Shaky. Less controlled than before.

“You weren’t supposed… to need to handle it alone.”

He hit send.

Then added two more messages.

“I should have been with you.”

“This was... ours.”

The reply didn’t come instantly, making him more aware of the tension building in his chest.

When it did, it was careful.

“I didn’t have a choice, Jake. Not if you’re not there.”

That—

That one did it.

His composure fractured. Not visibly. Not fully.

But enough.

Enough for his next message to come without the usual distance or control. Without the usual thinking before.

“I’m here now.”

No explanation.

No deflection.

Just that.

His eyes closed. Opened.

Clearer.

Then, more controlled again:

[needsleep296]

DELICIOUS

[duskwood-mc-art]

Dan: "Finally take off your mask and show us who you are!"

Jake:

[macchiholic]

I've been into Killer Chat recently so have some chibis! I love this group of killers! I can't wait to see more of the game in the future! ✨

And as add on: Feel welcome to use these as icons or pagedolls! ✨

[needsleep296]

Anyone know where to download the healing game? Crack/mod version

[rosesrotofficial]

what would all the KC characters be doing if they werent serial killers?

ronin - he'd be the lead singer in his very own death metal band, "devilwood", straight outta angelwood. man's got his groupies as he sings about misery... living the dream.

angel - still modelling :P but maybe with a healthier work/life/murder balance. i'd like to think she takes up v-tubing honestly as a healthier alternative to murder: sure, eyes are still on her, but they're not seeing her - judging her - making so much of her. and she gets to game???

misaki - working in their parents' corner store, trying to make ends meet, getting terrorised by loan sharks... :( but also in this verse i'd love to see her game with angel too, probably as a vtuber she ripped off vrchat or something like that LOL. i don't think they'd stream but they would maybe show up sometimes in angel's and people get all interested in her??? and maybe she gets to earn that sweet cash from the net???

v - a socialite who's busy spending his time raising money for charitable causes, helping the innocently accused, and reforming the justice system with an eye-watering amount of cash. it's not really working but he's trying.

[taldigi]

Hello???? Suggestions????

[needsleep296]

Yeah that too

[valtsv]

you cannot save me!! i am unsaveable!!! i have never been saved!!!!!!!!

[valtsv]

what the hell are you doing. stop that.

[inourselveswetrust]

I always headcanon my mc to secretly have a crush on Blair lmao. Just imagine mc focusing on Blair's lips/eyes whenever they had briefing together haha

I should tell you.... Blair's very observant 👀

[needsleep296]

Oh- my shy ass not surviving this

[luna-azzurra]

Character Movements (Lips) Part 2

Smiling: The character's lips curl upwards at the corners, indicating happiness, friendliness, or amusement.

Frowning: The character's lips turn downwards, indicating sadness, displeasure, or concern.

Pouting: The character pushes their lower lip forward, often conveying disappointment, sulking, or a desire for attention.

Biting lip: The character lightly bites or presses their lips together, suggesting nervousness, anticipation, or hesitation.

Licking lips: The character's tongue briefly touches or moves across their lips, indicating desire, anticipation, or hunger.

Pressing lips together: The character's lips are firmly pressed together, indicating determination, frustration, or holding back emotions.

Parting lips: The character's lips slightly separate, often indicating surprise, shock, or readiness to speak.

Trembling lips: The character's lips quiver or shake, suggesting fear, anxiety, or suppressed emotions.

Whispering: The character's lips move closer together, and their voice becomes softer, indicating secrecy, confidentiality, or intimacy.

Mouthing words: The character moves their lips without making any sound, often used to convey silent communication or frustration.

[luna-azzurra]

Writing a Morally gray character

Think about their backstory, what shaped them into who they are? What do they believe in? And, most importantly, what pushes them to get out of bed every morning and keep going? These characters aren’t simple good or bad. They’re caught in the middle, in that murky, complicated space between black and white. That’s where they get interesting because they’re constantly wrestling with themselves, trying to figure out the right choice, or if the “right” choice even exists for them.

You need to show this internal battle. Imagine your character being torn between what they believe is morally right and what they actually want. This is where the real drama comes in, it’s like watching them juggle their principles with their desires in real-time. They’ll mess up, and they’ll make decisions that are sometimes questionable, but that’s what makes them human and relatable. One way to really highlight their complexity is by putting them in situations where there’s no clear answer. You know, those moments in life where everything’s kind of a mess, and you’re stuck trying to figure out what the hell you’re supposed to do? Your character should face situations like that. These gray areas create tension because readers won’t know which direction the character will go, and honestly, your character might not know either.

And don’t forget, growth is a huge part of writing a morally gray character. People aren’t static, they change based on what happens to them, and your character should too. Maybe they start off with a strong sense of morality but, over time, that starts to shift. Or maybe they start with shaky ethics and slowly become a better person as they learn from their mistakes. Growth can also go the other way, they could spiral downward, giving in to darker impulses. Either way, they need to evolve, just like people do in real life. That’s what keeps the story fresh and unpredictable. The last thing you want is a character that stays the same the whole way through.

Also, please, no stereotypes. A morally gray character doesn’t have to be a brooding anti-hero with a tragic past (unless that’s your vibe, but even then, switch it up). Give them quirks that make them unique. Maybe they have unexpected motivations, like they’re doing something shady for a cause they genuinely believe in, or they’ve got a weird sense of humor that throws people off. Whatever it is, make sure they feel like an individual, not just a copy-paste character we’ve all seen a million times.

Even when your character makes decisions that aren’t exactly clean-cut or heroic, the reader still needs to understand why. Show their vulnerabilities, why they doubt themselves, why they hesitate, and why they ultimately make the choices they do. It’s all about making them relatable, even when they’re walking that fine line between right and wrong. People might not always agree with them, but they should at least be able to see where they’re coming from.

And remember, every choice your character makes should have consequences. They don’t exist in a bubble. Their decisions should ripple out and affect not only them but the people around them. Maybe they make a selfish decision, and it ends up hurting someone they care about, or they try to do the right thing, and it blows up in their face. One last thing, just because your character lives in that gray area doesn’t mean they don’t have any sense of right or wrong. They might have their own personal code they follow, even if it doesn’t line up with society’s morals. Maybe they justify their actions in a way that makes sense to them, even if other people wouldn’t agree. It’s all about exploring that space where they’re not totally good, but not totally bad either. That’s where things get really interesting.

Think about where your character is going. Is their journey going to push them to become a better version of themselves? Will they fall back into old patterns and never really change? Or will they stay stuck in that moral gray zone, constantly torn between doing what’s right and doing what feels right for them?

[luna-azzurra]

Describe your Main Character sheet

Skin

Tone: Pale, Rosy, Olive, Dark, Tanned, Alabaster, Ebony, Bronze, Golden, Fair

Texture: Smooth, Rough, Silky, Coarse, Flaky, Supple, Wrinkled, Calloused, Bumpy

Condition: Moles, Acne, Dry, Greasy, Freckled, Scars, Birthmarks, Bruised, Sunburned, Flawless

Complexion: Clear, Ruddy, Sallow, Glowing, Dull, Even-toned, Blotchy

Eyes

Size: Small, Large, Average, Tiny, Bulging, Narrow

Color: Grey, Brown, Blue, Violet, Pink, Green, Gold, Hazel, Crimson, Amber, Turquoise, Sapphire, Onyx

Shape: Doe-eyed, Almond, Close-set, Wide-set, Round, Oval, Hooded, Monolid

Expression: Deep-set, Squinty, Monolid, Heavy eyelids, Upturned, Downturned, Piercing, Gentle, Sparkling, Steely

Other: Glassy, Bloodshot, Tear-filled, Clear, Glinting, Shiny

Hair

Thickness: Thin, Thick, Fine, Normal

Texture: Greasy, Dry, Soft, Shiny, Curly, Frizzy, Wild, Unruly, Straight, Smooth, Wavy, Floppy

Length: Cropped, Pixie-cut, Afro, Shoulder length, Back length, Waist length, Past hip-length, Buzz cut, Bald

Styles: Weave, Hair extensions, Jaw length, Layered, Mohawk, Dreadlocks, Box braids, Faux locks, Braid, Ponytail, Bun, Updo

Color: White, Salt and pepper, Platinum blonde, Golden blonde, Dirty blonde, Blonde, Strawberry blonde, Ash brown, Mouse brown, Chestnut brown, Golden brown, Chocolate brown, Dark brown, Jet black, Ginger, Red, Auburn, Dyed, Highlights, Low-lights, Ombre

Eyebrows: Thin eyebrows, Average eyebrows, Thick eyebrows, Plucked eyebrows, Bushy eyebrows, Arched eyebrows, Straight eyebrows

Lips

Shape: Full, Thin, Heart-shaped, Bow-shaped, Wide, Small

Texture: Chapped, Smooth, Cracked, Soft, Rough

Color: Pale, Pink, Red, Crimson, Brown, Purple, Nude

Expression: Smiling, Frowning, Pursed, Pouting, Curved, Neutral, Tight-lipped, Parted

Nose

Shape: Button, Roman, Hooked, Aquiline, Flat, Pointed, Wide, Narrow, Crooked, Upturned, Snub

Size: Small, Large, Average, Long, Short

Condition: Freckled, Sunburned, Smooth, Bumpy

Build

Frame: Petite, Slim, Athletic, Muscular, Average, Stocky, Large, Lean, Stout, Bony, Broad-shouldered, Narrow-shouldered

Height: Short, Tall, Average, Petite, Giant

Posture: Upright, Slouched, Rigid, Relaxed, Graceful, Awkward, Stiff, Hunched

Hands

Size: Small, Large, Average, Delicate, Strong

Texture: Smooth, Rough, Calloused, Soft, Firm

Condition: Clean, Dirty, Manicured, Scarred, Wrinkled

Nails: Short, Long, Polished, Chipped, Clean, Dirty, Painted, Natural

Voice

Tone: Deep, High, Soft, Loud, Raspy, Melodic, Monotonous, Hoarse, Clear, Gentle

Volume: Loud, Soft, Whispery, Booming, Muted

Pace: Fast, Slow, Steady, Hasty, Measured

Expression: Cheerful, Sad, Angry, Calm, Anxious, Confident, Nervous, Excited, Bored

[luna-azzurra]

Here’s the Show, Don’t Tell freebie book and my newsletter.

[luna-azzurra]

unspoken feelings prompts

“i wish i could tell you how i really feel.”

“sometimes, the silence says more than words ever could.”

“if only you knew what goes on in my mind when i look at you.”

“i keep my feelings hidden because I’m afraid of what might happen if you knew.”

„every time I see you, my heart aches with things left unsaid.”

“i wonder if you can sense how much you mean to me.”

“there’s so much I want to say, but I can’t find the right words.”

“you have no idea how hard it is to act like everything is normal.”

“every smile, every laugh, it’s all a cover for what I really feel inside.”

“sometimes, i catch myself staring at you, wishing things were different.”

“i wish you could read my mind, so I wouldn’t have to say it out loud.”

“there are a thousand things I want to tell you, but I can’t.”

“if you ever found out, it might ruin everything.”

“every time i’m near you, my heart screams what my lips can’t.”

“i hope one day i’ll have the courage to tell you how i really feel.”

[cripplecharacters]

Writing a Schizophrenic Character: Everything But Hallucinations

Plain text: Writing a Schizophrenic character: Everything But Hallucinations

Hey! Mod Bert here. 

So: you’ve decided to write a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (there are other disorders on the schizophrenia spectrum but I will be focusing on these for today)

You’ve done it, you have their hallucinations and maybe even delusions picked out. Maybe they are one of many who experience auditory hallucinations or maybe they also have visual hallucinations or a combination. Maybe they have olfactory hallucinations as well. They may have persecutory delusions or delusions of reference or something like Cotard’s delusion or clinical lycanthropy. Awesome, you’ve done it!

What, I hear you say? What do you mean that’s only 2 of the 5 components needed to be diagnosed with schizophrenia? What do you mean, you don’t need to hallucinate at all to be schizophrenic?

What Goes Into a Diagnosis of Schizophrenia

Plain Text: What goes into a diagnosis of schizophrenia

Not a lot of people realize there’s more to schizophrenia and schizoaffective than just hallucinations or delusions. There are 5 diagnostic criterias that are needed for schizophrenia, and only 2 of the 5 are needed for a month, with larger symptoms happening for six months or more. Let’s get into it.

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech or thinking*

Disorganized or unusual motor behavior (catatonia)*

Negative symptoms (avolition, anhedonia, flat affect)*

I’m going to focus on disorganized speech/thinking, catatonia, and negative symptoms.

Disorganized Speech/Thinking

Plain Text: Disorganized Speech/Thinking

Schizophrenia and related disorders are often called “thought disorders” for a reason. Speech and thinking can be extremely affected, and for people like me this can be one of the first and most striking examples of an episode coming. Some people will always have disorganized symptoms that will flare during episodes. A myth is that schizophrenia can be indistinguishable with medicine: most people will have some level of symptoms even during moments of peace or “remission”. More on remission later. 

So, disorganized speech. Some examples are: word salad (schizoaphasia), thought blocking, poverty of speech (alogia), pressurized speech, clanging, and echolalia.

Word salad: a combination of words that do not make sense together. Often called schizoaphasia for its similarity to jargon in Wernicke’s aphasia, this is instead a disconnection with the brain and not due to damage to the language part of the brain.

(Example: the salad would be yellow in the fat cow).

Thought blocking: A severe loss of thought, often paired with connecting two trains of thought that are not connected

(Example: I went to the………Do you like grapes?)

Poverty of speech: A lack of organic responses to speech or organically speaking, it can be severe enough that a person only responds to questions or in one word responses. Can also happen in severe depression.

(Example: Person A: Did you do anything fun today?

Person B: Yes.

Person A: Oh, what did you do?

Person B: Store

Person A: How was it?

Person B: Fun)

Pressurized speech: A sort of frenzied way of speaking associated with psychosis or mania.

Clanging: Connecting phrases together because of what they sound like instead of meaning

(Example: I went bent tent rent).

Echolalia: Repeating word’s and phrases. Commonly also associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

(Example: Person A: I went to the store.

Person B: To the store.)

These are not the only examples but they are some ones I thought I'd highlight, either because they’re well known or I have experience with them, or because they’re famously thought of with other disorders as well and I wanted to point out how things overlap.

Personal experience: I had severe alogia for the duration of my last and worst episode. People thought I was mad at them because of the clipped way I spoke and the lack of really speaking. It got me in a lot of trouble. I didn’t realize what I was saying was different or weird (I have the least insight when it comes to my speaking patterns affected by my schizoaffective, meaning I can’t hear any difference and all of this is from repeated conversations with my mom, who was my caretaker for a bit and knows the most about my speech and what it means). The best solution was talking with people and being honest and educating myself and others. I don’t know about others, but I couldn’t have used AAC at that time.

Catatonia

Plain text: Catatonia

Fun fact: catatonia means unusual motor behaviors! Any unusual motor behaviors mean catatonia. This includes what we think of when we think of catatonia in schizophrenia (inability to move) as well as the opposite (being unable to stop moving) as well as strange movements and ways of holding and moving the body! Catatonia in the DSM-5 includes 3 or more of these 12 behaviors:

-Agitation unrelated to external stimuli

-Catalepsy

-Echolalia

-Echopraxia

-Grimacing

-Mannerism

-Mutism

-Negativism

-Posturing

-Stereotypy

-Stupor

-waxy flexibility

I have some experiences with catatonia-like symptoms but since they were never identified as such I’ll skip those for now. I will say that catatonia is a symptom that can happen in many disorders besides schizophrenia as well.

Negative Symptoms! Yay!

Plain text: negative symptoms! Yay!

So a positive symptom (Hallucinations or delusions) are symptoms that add something to reality or a person. Negative symptoms are symptoms that take away. There are 5 A’s:

-Alogia (Again, poverty of speech, our favorite)

-Avolition (Lack of energy and motivation)

-Affect (Blunted affect, or a flat way of speaking)

-Anhedonia (Lack of pleasure in things that used to bring you pleasure, often thought of with depression)

-Asociality (Lack of interest in social events and relationships)

There are also often cognitive changes including thinking and memory, information recall, understanding, and acquisition, and so forth. 

Schizophrenia and schizoaffective often (but not always) happen with what’s called a prodromal period. This period can be months to years (mine was a little less than a year) and mainly consists of negative symptoms. Slowly, positive symptoms are added. There are thought to be stages to schizophrenia including prodrome, active phases, and remission.

I’ll talk about that a little for a second because I’m currently in remission and no one knows what that means. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective depressive type in January 2021. As of February 2024, I no longer qualified to be rediagnosed because my symptoms were strongly under control and no longer severe enough to qualify for a diagnosis. They also didn’t distress me or impact my daily life severely. Day to day now I still have mild symptoms and take my antipsychotics (trying to go off them have made it clear that I still have some symptoms I choose to keep medicating) but I haven’t had a delusion in 2 years and been hospitalized in 3. There’s always a possibility of another episode but I work with my team to keep myself one step ahead if that happens.

What I want from a character with schizophrenia

Plain Text: What I want from a character with schizophrenia

Alright the writing advice part. What do I want from a character with schizophrenia or schizoaffective (which is schizophrenia plus either depression or bipolar). 

-Characters with caregivers.

-Characters using coping strategies (recording hallucinations to tell if theyre hallucinations, taking medication, having service animals that greet people so they know if they’re a hallucination, using aids for the cognitive symptoms like sticky notes and organizational tools)

-Characters who know other characters with their disorder, either online or in support group or through running in similar circles

-Characters having autonomy

-Characters who aren’t the killer or horror victim. I know it’s cool to have the schizophrenic protagonist in horror, and I love horror, but I don’t want to read about the horror being symptoms the whole time

-Characters who are in magical scenarios, who are in fantasy and sci-fi. The schizophrenic princess and the schizoaffective robot technician aboard the spaceship.

-Medication and hospitalization treated casually. Sometimes we need higher care. That’s morally neutral

-Characters with negative symptoms and speech symptoms.

-Characters with catatonia! 

-Characters with other disorders as well

-characters with side effects from medicine treated casually

-Characters with cognitive symptoms

Thank you for reading this incredibly long thing! Happy writing!

[notsogreatdion]

✶ INTERACTIVE FICTION RECS 4.0 ✶

✶ The Night Market 1 & 2 (wip) - @night-market-if

✶ Honor Bound - @hpowellsmith

✶ The People's House

✶ answer these 10 questions and i'll tell you what kind of lover you are

✶ Viatica - @fir-fireweed

✶ Aquarium, Thanksgiving and Valentine's (unfinished) - @hpowellsmith

✶ Press Play - @pressplay-if (wip)

✶ Misplaced - @calliopefiction (wip)

✶ Love and Leases - @loveandleases (wip)

✶ Fervency - @fervency-if (wip)

✶ Drink Your Villain Juice - @drinkyourvillainjuice (wip)

✶ Paved in Ashes - @pavedinashes-if (wip)

✶ The Muse - @themuse-if (wip)

✶ The Ballad of the Young Gods - @childrenofcain-if (wip)

✶ The Eternal Library - @leiatalon (wip)

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶

VN'S

✶ Tomorrow Will Be Dying - (wip)

✶ Keyframes - @blank-house (wip)

✶ Killer Chat! - @rosesrotofficial

✶ First Bite

✶ Draculesti

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶

BITSY

✶ novena

✶ Well Tended

✶ In the pines, in the pines, where...

✶ walk with me.

✶ ENDLESS SCROLL

✶ The Ritual

⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶

if recs 1.0 & if recs 2.0 & if recs 3.0 & new projects recs

secret shameless plug to check out if you want more if content - @if-whats-new