[neoraso]

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⟢ bnd bf things

⟢ the princess and the puppy | lcy

⟢it's not living if it's not with you | lmh

⟢ meet me on the west side | syj

⟢ out of my league | pwb

⟢ my love is a flower in your hands | lcy

reqs open !

do not repost or rework/copy any of my posts here or on other sites

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[neoraso]

hey…

[neoraso]

i’m curious actually.. what timezone are yall in ..

pst

est

cst

other

Voting ended onNov 7, 2025

[neoraso]

bro what the fck do you mean..

is this a joke theres no mathematical way 😭😭😭

but if it IS true… thank yall so much. each one of yous gets a carrot and a piece of candy

[neoraso]

bf things with boynextdoor pt. ii

part i

sungho

takes THE prettiest pictures of you and is so unphased when you compliment them "you just look like that to me..."

let's you use him as a pillow literally anywhere- the train, a plane, at the park, at the movies. his shoulder or lap is now yours to use

learns how to fix your hair your favorite way and begs you to let him do it

he lets you play and joke around with him and stays unfazed. you pulling on his shirt or poking him or trying to put makeup on him or braiding his hair, he just lets you with no complaints

likes to have a bit of an agenda when he takes you out, but prioritizes you having fun

riwoo

meticulous about you- making sure you don't spill anything on yourself, food is wiped from your mouth, hands don't get dirty

doesn't matter how long you've been dating, he still gets shy when he catches you staring

treasures private moments with you the most. it feels so intimate to have you with him (or on him ,wtv) at night... talking about whatever and not worrying about anything else

he's usually pretty shy but you embolden him to do things like correct a waiter if they bring you the wrong item, refuses to let you pay for things or get swindled by shops

so calm and collected usually, but with you he can let loose and be cute, appreciates you up more than he lets on for making him feel safe

jaehyun

aggressive eye contact- he used to do it over-the-top to be funny but he seriously is obsessed with looking at you while you talk. he loves the way your eyelashes move when you blink, little things like that

so clingy- refuses to let you lift a finger. no lifting anything no opening doors, and absolutely NO paying for things

brings you up in every conversation he has with literally anyone- "well my y/n-" "that's so funny actually my gf does the same thing-"

he's a real big fan of mini getaways- even if it's just somewhere like an hour out of the city he likes the way that no matter where he goes you're still the most familiar place to him

reassures you and himself, comforts you, makes you laugh by aggressively pulling you to him

taesan

obsessed with taking optical illusion pics of you so it looks like you're being crushed under a leaf or he's picking up your head with chopsticks

pulls your hood up and draws the strings all the way together and groans because he "cant take how cute you are."

honestly.. loves to cuddle- he can deny it but he loves being able to just swing his leg over you and wrap his arms around your head and chill. plus he gets to trap you in for as many kisses as he wants

he loves to make things with you- cooking, legos, crafts, even music if you'll let him. he thinks it's so fun to see what you come up with and loves spending time with you doing something exclusive with you.

very protective of you and your time, doesn't let other people interfere when you're hanging out or when he's on the phone with you- he prides himself on making you a priority.

leehan

extroverted in almost an embarrassing way, he will ask random people on the street stuff like "doesn't she look so pretty?"

makes sure you always get what you ordered, buys you whatever else you want too

loves when you baby him too, feeding him, doing his hair care, picking out clothes for him

touches you without thinking, reaches for your hand or slides his down your spine without realizing it until you look up at him

so tender with your feelings, never makes you feel bad for being spacey or down or scared, just holds you while you work through it - refuses to minimize any of your feelings.

woonhak

when youre clingy he acts like he's being targeted but then you pull away and he's attached to you- walking while holding on to you

he's taking full advantage of not being treated like a baby and loves to pick you up and swing you around or buy you things and pretend to be cool about it

used to act so annoyed when you'd baby him but he secretly likes the cheek pinches

he loves taking videos of you- funny ones you make together or ones you don't know about where he thinks you look extra cute

loves picking you up from work/ school/ your house- anywhere. makes his heart bursts when you run up to greet him with a smile.

[neoraso]

the princess and the puppy | lcy

got requested about 87 years ago for some anton + princess treatment content, so now i have finally fulfilled my promise. and got rlly carried away this is connected to my other anton fic love these two!!) enyoy my lovelies ♡

wednesday 9:23 am:

anton was seven minutes early to pick you up for your 10 am class. he wiped the condensation off the iced latte he had bought for you, drying his hands off on his jeans. the next time he looked up from his phone, reading 9:37, he saw you rushing out of the elevator with your backpack hanging off one elbow and your jacket in the other hand, along with your keys and phone. chuckling to himself, he got out to reach your breathless figure first.

“hi. sorry, i came out late. were you waiting long?”

he lifted your backpack off your arm, swung it over his shoulder, and grabbed your free hand in his, eager to touch you.

“nah i wasn’t waiting long, i know when you say 9:30 you really mean 9:45”

your less-than-menacing side eye didn’t faze him as he picked up his pace to reach the passenger door first, waiting to hand you your bag as you sat down.

you placed your hand over his on the gearshift before he could start the car. His eyes met yours, curious

“aren’t you forgetting something?” despite your teasing, your breathing picked up as he leaned closer. you slowly tapped near your lips that were pouted out.

he would’ve taunted you and made you spell out exactly what you wanted had you not been running so late. instead, he grabbed your cheeks in his fingers and pressed his lips to yours twice, with a loud “mwah.” his chest burned in tandem with your cheeks as you sat back.

“let’s go, i don’t want you to be late.”

“did you get me this?” you lifted up the coffee he bought you. the condensation that had accumulated while waiting for you dripped onto your jeans.

“of course, babe. gotta get my girl a pep in her step”

“ha, thank you. what time is your class again?”

“um..” he was suddenly very focused on changing lanes.  “noon” he sheepishly admitted, already anticipating what you would say.

you almost spit out your coffee through your protest “you’ve been giving me rides to this class acting like yours starts near mine for a month!”

“i know but… noon is kinda close right? and i can just study during that time. plus i’m not letting you take the bus again so it’s like a win-win-…win.” he smiled at your deep sigh. “seriously babe it’s fine. i wouldn’t offer if i didn’t want to do it. plus… i always wanna start my day with you.”

you looked at his side profile as he drove, he snuck a glance at you and the corner of his mouth curled up.

“i can’t even be annoyed when you act so sweet like that.”

“good, let’s get a move on.”

saturday 7:22 pm

you weaved your way through the night market with anton, sohee and gaeul already having disappeared somewhere in the throng.

for the last hour you’ve been tasting food and buying trinkets, anton did not let go of your fingers for a second. he was always like this you’ve come to realize, guiding you from the front and reaching behind for your hand. he likes to say he does it because he’s traumatized from the time you went to the supermarket together and he couldn’t find you for ten minutes (“ten minutes is a long time babe you could’ve literally been kidnapped”) but sometimes it just seemed like he indulged in taking the lead.

you never felt more like his than when he stood in front of you like this, his broad shoulders making way for you as he guided you in the crowd. you occasionally tugged him to different stalls, he watched the orange lights create a halo around you, buying anything you laid your eyes on.

“toni i don’t need it, seriously you’ll go bankrupt tonight”

“you forget the benefits of me being a trust fund baby”

it was no secret anton’s parents worked hard for their wealth and made sure their sons were set up for success as well. anton could joke about it now, but it used to sting when sohee would make digs about how easy his life was. of course, now he didn’t care because it meant he could treat you the way you deserved. it was to the point where his own father would chide him for not buying you enough. anton would laugh it off because he knew you didn’t expect anything material from him, but he genuinely loved spoiling you- especially because you didn’t expect it. something about the shock on your face and the kisses you gave him when you said “you didn’t have to, toni” got him going in a way he never realize it would.

so now, after buying you a pearl necklace and a matching ring, two candles, three keychains and a partridge in a pear tree, you sat down, surrounded by his gifts and munching on crispy chicken at the end of a skewer. you hovered a bite in front of his mouth which he took wordlessly, scooting closer to you, his thigh pressing to yours as you watched him eat amusedly. the lights left a dizzying glint of gold in his hair.

you wondered if there was such a thing as being loved too much.

“is it yummy?”

he nodded, smiling tightly as he chewed.

“it’s really good, i’m glad you’re having fun.” he reached up to hold the pendant on your new necklace,

 “it’s pretty”

you felt your face heat up instantly.

“thank you toni, you really went all out with all this stuff, i really appreciate it. you didn’t have-“

“i know, but i wanted to. i’m your boyfriend, it makes me so happy to treat you. okay?”

you couldn’t help but concede and look at the ground instead of his eyes.

“okay…”

he pinched your cheek with his knuckles and snatched the skewer from you playfully to eat your bite.

thursday 5:43 pm:

though you had whined to study at anton’s place, he dragged you to the library (with a promise of any treat you wanted after).

he had to work on some boring finance project, and you had to finish up your latest research paper. you sat closely next to him at the table to protect yourself from staring at him the whole time and he liked it this way too so he could keep a hand on your leg every moment he wasn’t typing with it. even if you crossed your legs he held onto your ankle and messed with the hem of your sock. about an hour in he reached over and put your water bottle in front of you.

“you haven’t drank any since we got here.”

“you’re gonna drown me.”

he scoffed and pinched your ear with the back of his fingers as you sipped an acceptable amount of water.

“not sure why i need to remind a biology major to drink water but that’s okay.”

“it’s because all i need to survive is you~” you teased him with a singsong voice

he playfully rolled his eyes and looked back at his computer, but the slight squeeze on your thigh told you everything you needed to know.

⟢ ・⸝⸝

7:33 pm

you stretched your arms out wide and blinked your sleepy eyes at the glare of your computer screen.

“if i have to read the word ‘synthesis’ one more time my brain might actually explode.”

anton scrunched his nose to adjust his glasses and straightened his shoulders before looking over to you with a stifled laugh.

“come on sleepy head, you can stay at mine, i’ll get you a little frosty on the way. with fries”

you perked up a bit at that, closing your laptop and standing up to pack your bag.

“okay! let’s go!”

he saved his document for what had to be the thirtieth time before packing up too, snatching your bag before you could and sliding his hand into yours.

just as you reached the library doors, thunder cracked so loud it made you jump. he instinctively tightened his grip on your fingers.

“damn it must be storming. c'mon before it gets worse”

the moment you stepped outside you were met with a downpour. anton swung his bag over your head in a makeshift umbrella. you both bolted to the car, half-laughing, half-screaming. your shoes splashed through puddles, soaking the ends of your jeans.

he yanked open your door, covering your head still until you were safely inside, then ran to the driver’s seat. he shivered and turned on the car to get the heat running. under the dim light of the car light you could see the glint of his hair- drenched. beads of water slid down his neck, disappearing into the neckline of his shirt.

“oh, anton you’re all wet!” you reached over to thread your fingers through his dark hair.

he grinned, tugging softly at one of your dry strands

“worth it.”

friday 12:11am

today seemed like a good enough night to eat breakfast for dinner-or midnight snack. you and anton had been going on a late night drive for old time’s sake when he passed ihop, your stomach betraying you with a growl.

you sat at a little red booth by the window. mariachi music was playing way too loud- probably to keep all the staff awake and also, apparently to make you incapable of deciding on what to eat. anton had already moved his menu to the edge of the table, setting his phone down before tipping the plastic menu down from your face.

“you’ve been flipping back and forth for five minutes, babe.” “i just cant decide if i want my chocolate chip pancakes but these crepes look so good..”

he thought even the wrinkle in your brow as you waged a mental war with yourself was cute as he flagged down the waitress

said waitress, a young girl who looked too young to even be working this late looked at you expectantly for your order- hospitality hours must’ve ended.

just as you opened your mouth to say “oh actually i’m not ready yet” or even just order the first thing that came to mind under pressure, anton spoke up,

“we’ll get the breakfast sampler, and the chocolate chip pancakes,” the waitress finished writing on her pad, “and also actually can we get these uh… cinnamon bun crepes?” you watched anton take your menu and fold it closed, handing them both to the girl and folded your straw wrapper into a mini accordion to play as you waited for her to leave.

it started off as a joke, him always ordering anything you said sounded good. at some point though, it stopped being a joke and just was another thing he did for you, soyou stopped trying to protest this habit long ago. it didn’t matter if you never finished both dishes, or it was too much trouble, or your fridge was full of leftovers, he never let you want for anything-even pancakes

“sure thing.”

as the waitress walked away with your sticky menus and a deep sigh, anton snickered.

“don’t give me that look. you know once you say it i have to get it for you.”

he reached across the table to play with your fingers. the fluorescent light caught in his hair- not so golden as it is in the morning, but still soft. you used to think this love would swallow you whole. now, dodging the syrupy residue on this table you realized it was only asking to be shared.

“this is like total enabling behavior.”

“enabling my girlfriend to be happy maybe.”

you twisted his ring around his finger and ran your finger over the most prominent vein on the back of his hand and laughed

“that’s still enabling.”

“and i’d do it again.” he whispered with a grin.

friday 4:39 pm

you stepped out of your lecture hall and practically tumbled down the stairs to find anton right where he said he would be, his hands behind his back and that grin of his that was reserved only for you.

as you stood on the stair above the ground to nearly meet his eye level, he presented a mini bouquet of flowers, baby’s breath and daisies.

“for you, madame”

you gasped almost cartoonishly and took the flowers from him as he smoothly slid your backpack off your shoulder.

“toni, these are so pretty, what’s the occasion? i liked your little gift you left today too-“

you remembered the post-it note he stuck on your laptop at some point. “love you, don’t work too hard today ;)”  right next to the little snacks he slipped in your bag.

he leaned in as you spoke, kissing your cheek and indulging in a hand around your waist, his voice low against your ear.

“no occasion, i just think you’re cute, and it’s friday, time to party.” he pulled back with a smirk and gently led you off the stairs.

“by party do you mean not getting off the couch until tomorrow?”

“i was thinking more like, not leaving the bed until sunday but, up to you”

the scoff and shaking of your head was countered by the heat you felt in your cheeks.

he laughed and bumped your shoulder.

“what? it’s only cool when you say stuff like that? i’m a man, remember? and i always want you just as bad too”

you reached his car parked on the street and he held the door for you and you finally spoke up as you sat down.

“how many minutes to my place?”

he started the car and checked your seatbelt.

“too many.”

thursday 11:23

anton had left your place early to get to class, and yours was cancelled so he let you sleep in, but it didn’t stop him from texting you immediately- knowing you wouldn’t see it until you woke up

toni 8:18: i miss you :(

11:25 come back then :(

toni 11:26 i need to study thoo

11:26 come study me instead

toni 11:28 you’re insane

11:30 maybe. you don’t seem to mind

toni 11:37 omw

tuesday 8:12 pm

your phone rang loudly, shaking you out of your wallowing. you already knew it was anton because he was the only number you allowed through dnd. sighing and preparing your oscar-worthy “i’m okay” voice, you pressed the answer button

“hey baby. you good? i’ve barely heard from you all day- not even to complain about your roommate using your shampoo.” he tried to laugh but it fell flat and you knew he was worried- and then worried about seeming like an overthinker.

“hi, toni. i’m alright .. just swamped y’know. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to seem distant. how was your day?”

“you don’t have to apologize, i’m just glad you’re alright. my day was fine. obviously it would be better if i was with you, but i know you probably need to lock in. i just wanted to check on you..”

the stress that had been building up from the week boiled over into tears burning your eyes as you tried to stifle a sniffle.

“babe? are you okay?”

you tried to hide the tremor in your voice as he waited for you to answer.

“yeah, i’m okay, just- stressed out i guess. i’m okay”

“oh, babe. can i come over? we can talk about it or i can just hold you or whatever you need.”

“…. you really don’t have to do that toni”

“i don’t have to, i want to. if your evil professors are gonna pile on work then i gotta at least make sure you’re fed and kissed enough while you do it.”

you realized what you had described as his patience with you was actually persistence. he never stopped loving you, in any way you’d let him.

you managed to laugh past your tears while you heard rustling on the other end of the laugh.

“i got you babe, even if you wanna just cry. i’m down for whatever my girl needs. just give me uhhh… 14 minutes maybe 12, if i’m feelin’ risky on the road. want me to stay on the phone until i get there?”

you took a deep breath in, his interruption now a saving grace.

“yes please.”

“of course, i’m literally like toad in mario kart right now.”

“well don’t die on the way here.. who would kiss my tears away then?”

“my ghost would for sure.”

wednesday 7:39 pm

anton drove you to his house after your club meeting. as you scrolled through your playlist for a good song, he rolled to a stop sign and you suddenly spoke up.

“one of my club members was telling me her uncle is selling his car and asked if i was interested.”

he flinched almost imperceptibly before turning right, unable to say anything other than

“oh yeah?”

“i mean, obviously i couldn’t afford it right now, but it just made me think like- i feel bad making you drive me everywhere, i should probably start thinking of getting a car one of these days, right?”

“it’s… not a problem y/n. you know that, right?” you could hear the stretch of his voice trying to sound unbothered over everything he didn’t say.

“i ..i know but still, it has to get old sometimes. you’re practically my full-time chauffer at this point.

he huffed a laugh, switching lanes to get home a little too quickly.

“are you saying i’m gonna be out of a job?”

you reached over to run your fingers over the back of his hand, before lacing your fingers together.

“not at all, i just don’t want you to feel… pressured like you have to do everything for me.”

“that’s my favorite part though” he lifted your intertwined hands and pressed his lips to your fingers softly. “look, i’m not trying to throw a fit about this. i just…i want you to know that i do everything i do for you because i want to. if you really want a car and want to do your own thing sometimes, i’ll help with that too. i just don’t want you to do it because you think you’re… a burden or something. taking care of you is like- kind of the reason i live and breathe y’know?”

you stayed quiet as he let go of your hand to park at his complex, resting his hands on the steering wheel before looking at you.

“i love driving you around because we get to spend time together, even if it’s 15 minutes before class. and.. i know your lease is ending in a couple months, i was gonna ask if.. you wanted to just move in…with me. it’s already paid for so you can save money for your own car and share mine in the meantime.”

you looked in his eyes softly, finding the reassurance you sometimes refused- he took care of you not because he had to but because that’s just who he was.

pinching his chin softly with your thumb, you sat up and undid your seatbelt

“okay, but if i move in, i’m picking the movie tonight.”

you felt the waves of his relief as he exited the car to open your door, pulling up your hood against the wind. “we’ll see.”

saturday 9:43 am

anton woke up before you with a shiver, the pink comforter bunched over your figure that sprawled over his was his only cover from an early morning chill. his brain was still foggy and urging him to get up and make coffee for the two of you but he didn’t move to get up. he adjusted his arm that was pressed under you, his hand slipped under your shirt, lightly stroking your back out of habit.

it only took about ten minutes for you to stir with a groan, grabbing his side with cold fingers to pull him even closer.

“good morning, sunshine”

you mumbled your version of good morning before wincing at the temperature, wordlessly stretching the comforter over him too. he adjusted you and the comforter to hold you to him, pressing his nose into your hair.

suddenly more alert from his necklace touching your cheek, you spoke against his collarbone.

“you’re legally not allowed to make me get up for 20 minutes”

his chest rumbled under your ear, the kind of sound that was only for you.

“i wasn’t planning on it. but in 21 minutes if you end up needing coffee…”

“sure, sure”

anton watched the condensation drip down your window as your small tufts of air hit the base of his throat, probably not far from the marks you left the night before. he could taste you still, the jasmine of your shampoo intoxicated him.

he involuntarily squeezed you to him, enjoying the way you fit into him and even the coldness of your legs that fit between his. sometimes in moments like this he wondered if he could stay with you long enough to forget how to miss you. you were everywhere, even when you weren’t.

he wanted to say all kinds of things to describe how much he loved you but your skin that stuck to his, your quiet heartbeat told him, “i know, don’t stop.”

wednesday 6:32pm

you dropped your bag at the end of your bed, eager to escape your roommate complaining about oat milk and asking if you turned off her plant’s light “if it was an accident i totally get it- it’s just they really need it to stay on at night-“

whatever.

you collapsed face-down on the comforter that still smelled like anton from the last time he was there, inhaling deeply to try to relax and also to feel close to him.

in an effort to be responsible you had told him he couldn’t spend the night today or you would 100% fail your final tomorrow. he conceded without a fight, which was almost more annoying- curse him for being so sweet

finally gaining the strength to move from the bed to your desk you immediately noticed the mini plush keychain of jiji from kiki’s delivery service. there was no note- which didn’t matter because you know exactly who left it and decided to give him a call.

your boyfriend picked up within 10 seconds, even at an angle under his chin he was handsome. curse him.

he grinned, realizing you were at your desk,

“hey you.”

“hey you, yourself. thank you for my little gift” you said, holding it next to your face, “i needed a pick-me-up.”

he bit back a smile at you and reached for something in his fridge.

“it looked like you.”

“you know you don’t have to buy everything cute that has big round eyes.”

“but they all look like you.” he propped his phone up on his kitchen counter and ate a bowl of cereal, shrugging, “and plus, you banned me from the premises, so someone had to watch over you- even if it’s jiji.”

“if i had banned you from the premises- wait when did you even put this in here, you little sneak.”

“your roommate let me in.” he laughed at the visible snarl on your face.

your roommate had indeed not been deterred by your very serious relationship enough to not ogle your boyfriend right in front of you. it grossed both you and anton out- so now you sat horrified at the thought of him alone with her.

“relax, i shoved her out of the way, told her i was returning something you forgot and then hurried back out the door while she tried to accuse me of turning off her plant light.”

your jealousy dissipated just a bit at his genuine nonchalance. luckily you never had to worry about anton’s loyalty, but this made you even more eager to move in with anton.

“i wish you had turned her plant light off and maybe she’d finally leave you alone.”

“who knows,” he raised his brow and quirked his mouth mischievously, “maybe i did turn it off.”

you rolled your eyes with a smile.

“good. jiji and i approve of the sabotage.”

“thank god, i can sleep peacefully tonight.”

[neoraso]

riize masterlist

☞all members

bf things ✎

when they’re jealous ✎

☞wonbin

[21:39] ✎

like you like this ✎

end of a day ✎

on your special day ✎

out of my league ✎

☞ anton

my love is a flower in your hands ✎

pt. 2 the princess and the puppy ✎

[neoraso]

the princess and the puppy | lcy

got requested about 87 years ago for some anton + princess treatment content, so now i have finally fulfilled my promise. and got rlly carried away this is connected to my other anton fic (love these two!!) enyoy my lovelies ♡

wednesday 9:23 am:

anton was seven minutes early to pick you up for your 10 am class. he wiped the condensation off the iced latte he had bought for you, drying his hands off on his jeans. the next time he looked up from his phone, reading 9:37, he saw you rushing out of the elevator with your backpack hanging off one elbow and your jacket in the other hand, along with your keys and phone. chuckling to himself, he got out to reach your breathless figure first.

“hi. sorry, i came out late. were you waiting long?”

he lifted your backpack off your arm, swung it over his shoulder, and grabbed your free hand in his, eager to touch you.

“nah i wasn’t waiting long, i know when you say 9:30 you really mean 9:45”

your less-than-menacing side eye didn’t faze him as he picked up his pace to reach the passenger door first, waiting to hand you your bag as you sat down.

you placed your hand over his on the gearshift before he could start the car. His eyes met yours, curious

“aren’t you forgetting something?” despite your teasing, your breathing picked up as he leaned closer. you slowly tapped near your lips that were pouted out.

he would’ve taunted you and made you spell out exactly what you wanted had you not been running so late. instead, he grabbed your cheeks in his fingers and pressed his lips to yours twice, with a loud “mwah.” his chest burned in tandem with your cheeks as you sat back.

“let’s go, i don’t want you to be late.”

“did you get me this?” you lifted up the coffee he bought you. the condensation that had accumulated while waiting for you dripped onto your jeans.

“of course, babe. gotta get my girl a pep in her step”

“ha, thank you. what time is your class again?”

“um..” he was suddenly very focused on changing lanes.  “noon” he sheepishly admitted, already anticipating what you would say.

you almost spit out your coffee through your protest “you’ve been giving me rides to this class acting like yours starts near mine for a month!”

“i know but… noon is kinda close right? and i can just study during that time. plus i’m not letting you take the bus again so it’s like a win-win-…win.” he smiled at your deep sigh. “seriously babe it’s fine. i wouldn’t offer if i didn’t want to do it. plus… i always wanna start my day with you.”

you looked at his side profile as he drove, he snuck a glance at you and the corner of his mouth curled up.

“i can’t even be annoyed when you act so sweet like that.”

“good, let’s get a move on.”

saturday 7:22 pm

you weaved your way through the night market with anton, sohee and gaeul already having disappeared somewhere in the throng.

for the last hour you’ve been tasting food and buying trinkets, anton did not let go of your fingers for a second. he was always like this you’ve come to realize, guiding you from the front and reaching behind for your hand. he likes to say he does it because he’s traumatized from the time you went to the supermarket together and he couldn’t find you for ten minutes (“ten minutes is a long time babe you could’ve literally been kidnapped”) but sometimes it just seemed like he indulged in taking the lead.

you never felt more like his than when he stood in front of you like this, his broad shoulders making way for you as he guided you in the crowd. you occasionally tugged him to different stalls, he watched the orange lights create a halo around you, buying anything you laid your eyes on.

“toni i don’t need it, seriously you’ll go bankrupt tonight”

“you forget the benefits of me being a trust fund baby”

it was no secret anton’s parents worked hard for their wealth and made sure their sons were set up for success as well. anton could joke about it now, but it used to sting when sohee would make digs about how easy his life was. of course, now he didn’t care because it meant he could treat you the way you deserved. it was to the point where his own father would chide him for not buying you enough. anton would laugh it off because he knew you didn’t expect anything material from him, but he genuinely loved spoiling you- especially because you didn’t expect it. something about the shock on your face and the kisses you gave him when you said “you didn’t have to, toni” got him going in a way he never realize it would.

so now, after buying you a pearl necklace and a matching ring, two candles, three keychains and a partridge in a pear tree, you sat down, surrounded by his gifts and munching on crispy chicken at the end of a skewer. you hovered a bite in front of his mouth which he took wordlessly, scooting closer to you, his thigh pressing to yours as you watched him eat amusedly. the lights left a dizzying glint of gold in his hair.

you wondered if there was such a thing as being loved too much.

“is it yummy?”

he nodded, smiling tightly as he chewed.

“it’s really good, i’m glad you’re having fun.” he reached up to hold the pendant on your new necklace,

 “it’s pretty”

you felt your face heat up instantly.

“thank you toni, you really went all out with all this stuff, i really appreciate it. you didn’t have-“

“i know, but i wanted to. i’m your boyfriend, it makes me so happy to treat you. okay?”

you couldn’t help but concede and look at the ground instead of his eyes.

“okay…”

he pinched your cheek with his knuckles and snatched the skewer from you playfully to eat your bite.

thursday 5:43 pm:

though you had whined to study at anton’s place, he dragged you to the library (with a promise of any treat you wanted after).

he had to work on some boring finance project, and you had to finish up your latest research paper. you sat closely next to him at the table to protect yourself from staring at him the whole time and he liked it this way too so he could keep a hand on your leg every moment he wasn’t typing with it. even if you crossed your legs he held onto your ankle and messed with the hem of your sock. about an hour in he reached over and put your water bottle in front of you.

“you haven’t drank any since we got here.”

“you’re gonna drown me.”

he scoffed and pinched your ear with the back of his fingers as you sipped an acceptable amount of water.

“not sure why i need to remind a biology major to drink water but that’s okay.”

“it’s because all i need to survive is you~” you teased him with a singsong voice

he playfully rolled his eyes and looked back at his computer, but the slight squeeze on your thigh told you everything you needed to know.

⟢ ・⸝⸝

7:33 pm

you stretched your arms out wide and blinked your sleepy eyes at the glare of your computer screen.

“if i have to read the word ‘synthesis’ one more time my brain might actually explode.”

anton scrunched his nose to adjust his glasses and straightened his shoulders before looking over to you with a stifled laugh.

“come on sleepy head, you can stay at mine, i’ll get you a little frosty on the way. with fries”

you perked up a bit at that, closing your laptop and standing up to pack your bag.

“okay! let’s go!”

he saved his document for what had to be the thirtieth time before packing up too, snatching your bag before you could and sliding his hand into yours.

just as you reached the library doors, thunder cracked so loud it made you jump. he instinctively tightened his grip on your fingers.

“damn it must be storming. c'mon before it gets worse”

the moment you stepped outside you were met with a downpour. anton swung his bag over your head in a makeshift umbrella. you both bolted to the car, half-laughing, half-screaming. your shoes splashed through puddles, soaking the ends of your jeans.

he yanked open your door, covering your head still until you were safely inside, then ran to the driver’s seat. he shivered and turned on the car to get the heat running. under the dim light of the car light you could see the glint of his hair- drenched. beads of water slid down his neck, disappearing into the neckline of his shirt.

“oh, anton you’re all wet!” you reached over to thread your fingers through his dark hair.

he grinned, tugging softly at one of your dry strands

“worth it.”

friday 12:11am

today seemed like a good enough night to eat breakfast for dinner-or midnight snack. you and anton had been going on a late night drive for old time’s sake when he passed ihop, your stomach betraying you with a growl.

you sat at a little red booth by the window. mariachi music was playing way too loud- probably to keep all the staff awake and also, apparently to make you incapable of deciding on what to eat. anton had already moved his menu to the edge of the table, setting his phone down before tipping the plastic menu down from your face.

“you’ve been flipping back and forth for five minutes, babe.” “i just cant decide if i want my chocolate chip pancakes but these crepes look so good..”

he thought even the wrinkle in your brow as you waged a mental war with yourself was cute as he flagged down the waitress

said waitress, a young girl who looked too young to even be working this late looked at you expectantly for your order- hospitality hours must’ve ended.

just as you opened your mouth to say “oh actually i’m not ready yet” or even just order the first thing that came to mind under pressure, anton spoke up,

“we’ll get the breakfast sampler, and the chocolate chip pancakes,” the waitress finished writing on her pad, “and also actually can we get these uh… cinnamon bun crepes?” you watched anton take your menu and fold it closed, handing them both to the girl and folded your straw wrapper into a mini accordion to play as you waited for her to leave.

it started off as a joke, him always ordering anything you said sounded good. at some point though, it stopped being a joke and just was another thing he did for you, soyou stopped trying to protest this habit long ago. it didn’t matter if you never finished both dishes, or it was too much trouble, or your fridge was full of leftovers, he never let you want for anything-even pancakes

“sure thing.”

as the waitress walked away with your sticky menus and a deep sigh, anton snickered.

“don’t give me that look. you know once you say it i have to get it for you.”

he reached across the table to play with your fingers. the fluorescent light caught in his hair- not so golden as it is in the morning, but still soft. you used to think this love would swallow you whole. now, dodging the syrupy residue on this table you realized it was only asking to be shared.

“this is like total enabling behavior.”

“enabling my girlfriend to be happy maybe.”

you twisted his ring around his finger and ran your finger over the most prominent vein on the back of his hand and laughed

“that’s still enabling.”

“and i’d do it again.” he whispered with a grin.

friday 4:39 pm

you stepped out of your lecture hall and practically tumbled down the stairs to find anton right where he said he would be, his hands behind his back and that grin of his that was reserved only for you.

as you stood on the stair above the ground to nearly meet his eye level, he presented a mini bouquet of flowers, baby’s breath and daisies.

“for you, madame”

you gasped almost cartoonishly and took the flowers from him as he smoothly slid your backpack off your shoulder.

“toni, these are so pretty, what’s the occasion? i liked your little gift you left today too-“

you remembered the post-it note he stuck on your laptop at some point. “love you, don’t work too hard today ;)”  right next to the little snacks he slipped in your bag.

he leaned in as you spoke, kissing your cheek and indulging in a hand around your waist, his voice low against your ear.

“no occasion, i just think you’re cute, and it’s friday, time to party.” he pulled back with a smirk and gently led you off the stairs.

“by party do you mean not getting off the couch until tomorrow?”

“i was thinking more like, not leaving the bed until sunday but, up to you”

the scoff and shaking of your head was countered by the heat you felt in your cheeks.

he laughed and bumped your shoulder.

“what? it’s only cool when you say stuff like that? i’m a man, remember? and i always want you just as bad too”

you reached his car parked on the street and he held the door for you and you finally spoke up as you sat down.

“how many minutes to my place?”

he started the car and checked your seatbelt.

“too many.”

thursday 11:23

anton had left your place early to get to class, and yours was cancelled so he let you sleep in, but it didn’t stop him from texting you immediately- knowing you wouldn’t see it until you woke up

toni 8:18: i miss you :(

11:25 come back then :(

toni 11:26 i need to study thoo

11:26 come study me instead

toni 11:28 you’re insane

11:30 maybe. you don’t seem to mind

toni 11:37 omw

tuesday 8:12 pm

your phone rang loudly, shaking you out of your wallowing. you already knew it was anton because he was the only number you allowed through dnd. sighing and preparing your oscar-worthy “i’m okay” voice, you pressed the answer button

“hey baby. you good? i’ve barely heard from you all day- not even to complain about your roommate using your shampoo.” he tried to laugh but it fell flat and you knew he was worried- and then worried about seeming like an overthinker.

“hi, toni. i’m alright .. just swamped y’know. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to seem distant. how was your day?”

“you don’t have to apologize, i’m just glad you’re alright. my day was fine. obviously it would be better if i was with you, but i know you probably need to lock in. i just wanted to check on you..”

the stress that had been building up from the week boiled over into tears burning your eyes as you tried to stifle a sniffle.

“babe? are you okay?”

you tried to hide the tremor in your voice as he waited for you to answer.

“yeah, i’m okay, just- stressed out i guess. i’m okay”

“oh, babe. can i come over? we can talk about it or i can just hold you or whatever you need.”

“…. you really don’t have to do that toni”

“i don’t have to, i want to. if your evil professors are gonna pile on work then i gotta at least make sure you’re fed and kissed enough while you do it.”

you realized what you had described as his patience with you was actually persistence. he never stopped loving you, in any way you’d let him.

you managed to laugh past your tears while you heard rustling on the other end of the laugh.

“i got you babe, even if you wanna just cry. i’m down for whatever my girl needs. just give me uhhh… 14 minutes maybe 12, if i’m feelin’ risky on the road. want me to stay on the phone until i get there?”

you took a deep breath in, his interruption now a saving grace.

“yes please.”

“of course, i’m literally like toad in mario kart right now.”

“well don’t die on the way here.. who would kiss my tears away then?”

“my ghost would for sure.”

wednesday 7:39 pm

anton drove you to his house after your club meeting. as you scrolled through your playlist for a good song, he rolled to a stop sign and you suddenly spoke up.

“one of my club members was telling me her uncle is selling his car and asked if i was interested.”

he flinched almost imperceptibly before turning right, unable to say anything other than

“oh yeah?”

“i mean, obviously i couldn’t afford it right now, but it just made me think like- i feel bad making you drive me everywhere, i should probably start thinking of getting a car one of these days, right?”

“it’s… not a problem y/n. you know that, right?” you could hear the stretch of his voice trying to sound unbothered over everything he didn’t say.

“i ..i know but still, it has to get old sometimes. you’re practically my full-time chauffer at this point.

he huffed a laugh, switching lanes to get home a little too quickly.

“are you saying i’m gonna be out of a job?”

you reached over to run your fingers over the back of his hand, before lacing your fingers together.

“not at all, i just don’t want you to feel… pressured like you have to do everything for me.”

“that’s my favorite part though” he lifted your intertwined hands and pressed his lips to your fingers softly. “look, i’m not trying to throw a fit about this. i just…i want you to know that i do everything i do for you because i want to. if you really want a car and want to do your own thing sometimes, i’ll help with that too. i just don’t want you to do it because you think you’re… a burden or something. taking care of you is like- kind of the reason i live and breathe y’know?”

you stayed quiet as he let go of your hand to park at his complex, resting his hands on the steering wheel before looking at you.

“i love driving you around because we get to spend time together, even if it’s 15 minutes before class. and.. i know your lease is ending in a couple months, i was gonna ask if.. you wanted to just move in…with me. it’s already paid for so you can save money for your own car and share mine in the meantime.”

you looked in his eyes softly, finding the reassurance you sometimes refused- he took care of you not because he had to but because that’s just who he was.

pinching his chin softly with your thumb, you sat up and undid your seatbelt

“okay, but if i move in, i’m picking the movie tonight.”

you felt the waves of his relief as he exited the car to open your door, pulling up your hood against the wind. “we’ll see.”

saturday 9:43 am

anton woke up before you with a shiver, the pink comforter bunched over your figure that sprawled over his was his only cover from an early morning chill. his brain was still foggy and urging him to get up and make coffee for the two of you but he didn’t move to get up. he adjusted his arm that was pressed under you, his hand slipped under your shirt, lightly stroking your back out of habit.

it only took about ten minutes for you to stir with a groan, grabbing his side with cold fingers to pull him even closer.

“good morning, sunshine”

you mumbled your version of good morning before wincing at the temperature, wordlessly stretching the comforter over him too. he adjusted you and the comforter to hold you to him, pressing his nose into your hair.

suddenly more alert from his necklace touching your cheek, you spoke against his collarbone.

“you’re legally not allowed to make me get up for 20 minutes”

his chest rumbled under your ear, the kind of sound that was only for you.

“i wasn’t planning on it. but in 21 minutes if you end up needing coffee…”

“sure, sure”

anton watched the condensation drip down your window as your small tufts of air hit the base of his throat, probably not far from the marks you left the night before. he could taste you still, the jasmine of your shampoo intoxicated him.

he involuntarily squeezed you to him, enjoying the way you fit into him and even the coldness of your legs that fit between his. sometimes in moments like this he wondered if he could stay with you long enough to forget how to miss you. you were everywhere, even when you weren’t.

he wanted to say all kinds of things to describe how much he loved you but your skin that stuck to his, your quiet heartbeat told him, “i know, don’t stop.”

wednesday 6:32pm

you dropped your bag at the end of your bed, eager to escape your roommate complaining about oat milk and asking if you turned off her plant’s light “if it was an accident i totally get it- it’s just they really need it to stay on at night-“

whatever.

you collapsed face-down on the comforter that still smelled like anton from the last time he was there, inhaling deeply to try to relax and also to feel close to him.

in an effort to be responsible you had told him he couldn’t spend the night today or you would 100% fail your final tomorrow. he conceded without a fight, which was almost more annoying- curse him for being so sweet

finally gaining the strength to move from the bed to your desk you immediately noticed the mini plush keychain of jiji from kiki’s delivery service. there was no note- which didn’t matter because you know exactly who left it and decided to give him a call.

your boyfriend picked up within 10 seconds, even at an angle under his chin he was handsome. curse him.

he grinned, realizing you were at your desk,

“hey you.”

“hey you, yourself. thank you for my little gift” you said, holding it next to your face, “i needed a pick-me-up.”

he bit back a smile at you and reached for something in his fridge.

“it looked like you.”

“you know you don’t have to buy everything cute that has big round eyes.”

“but they all look like you.” he propped his phone up on his kitchen counter and ate a bowl of cereal, shrugging, “and plus, you banned me from the premises, so someone had to watch over you- even if it’s jiji.”

“if i had banned you from the premises- wait when did you even put this in here, you little sneak.”

“your roommate let me in.” he laughed at the visible snarl on your face.

your roommate had indeed not been deterred by your very serious relationship enough to not ogle your boyfriend right in front of you. it grossed both you and anton out- so now you sat horrified at the thought of him alone with her.

“relax, i shoved her out of the way, told her i was returning something you forgot and then hurried back out the door while she tried to accuse me of turning off her plant light.”

your jealousy dissipated just a bit at his genuine nonchalance. luckily you never had to worry about anton’s loyalty, but this made you even more eager to move in with anton.

“i wish you had turned her plant light off and maybe she’d finally leave you alone.”

“who knows,” he raised his brow and quirked his mouth mischievously, “maybe i did turn it off.”

you rolled your eyes with a smile.

“good. jiji and i approve of the sabotage.”

“thank god, i can sleep peacefully tonight.”

[neoraso]

i’m curious actually.. what timezone are yall in ..

pst

est

cst

other

Voting ended onNov 7, 2025

[neoraso]

can i ask what you’re doing a master’s in? :) i’m starting in january and i’m so nervous.

hey! i’m getting my master’s in elementary education ♡ what are you studying?

and hey, the thought of starting something new can be super daunting, but i just think like, “look at all the things you’ve done up to this point!”

you couldn’t be in a situation you weren’t prepared to handle, and i’m so proud of you!

[neoraso]

I love that you write about wonbin cus he’s my bias but if you want to write about someone else can you write about anton? Maybe like him giving princess treatment to his girlfriend?

get ready....

[neoraso]

started my master's program..saw tbz... saw seventeen again ,, and seeing riize again twice next month.... BUT finishing somethin up soon.

[neoraso]

it's not living if it's not with you | lmh

mark forgets a date, it's quite alright established relationship

you finished applying your lip gloss as you heard mark enter the front door. as per usual, he called out for you first.

“bathroom!” you had a feeling where this conversation was about to go and braced yourself as he stepped into your shared room. he whistled from the doorway upon seeing you, walking straight over and slipping his hands under your shirt to touch and smooth over the skin of your ribs and stomach.

“who are you getting all pretty for?” he pressed a kiss on your neck as you fixed up your mascara.

“you” you smiled, hoping it would lead him to realize his mistake.

“oh yeah? what’s the occasion?” he hooked his chin on your shoulder, careful not to mess up your hair.

“um..the date we had planned.. a month ago.. before you knew you had to work today” you smile despite knowing this was not the first or last time he would forget. his brief look of confusion melted away as he pressed his forehead against your hair and groaned.

“shit. babe i’m so sorry. okay give me like 10 minutes i’ll get ready again.”

you patted his arm holding you.

“mark it’s seriously okay. i kinda figured you forgot when you got home ten minutes before we had to leave.” you tried to laugh but it came out as more of a huff.

“babe why didn’t you remind me? i would’ve, like, sped home”

“i did. twice. you weren’t around your phone. it’s okay mark” you knew him well enough to read the expression on his face as despair. “we can just sit around and watch a movie while i have a full face of makeup on” you grin to ease his frustration. “are you hungry? i can just make you something” his grip tightened around you as he straightened his back.

“i’m not letting you cook for me when we were supposed to go out to a reservation i made a month ago to finally treat you right.”

he was way more upset than you anticipated. you shook your head and gave him the look that meant you had already accepted the situation, accepted that this was his job and that you still knew he loved you.

“mark-“ you tried to interject but he didn’t let you.

“no, i’m serious. you let me get away with too much. this is like the fourth time i’ve done this shit to you. i can tell myself all day long i work this hard for both of us but it doesn’t excuse this. i’ll call the restaurant and let them know we’ll be late and i will get ready and we’ll go.”

“mark…” you’d never seen him so fired up, so unwilling to laugh it off with extra kisses and your favorite movie put on as an apology.

“i mean it y/n. i love you more than this. i’m not letting this slide. i just.. i just want to set things up right for the future, when we’re married-“

“you don’t have to get married to me because you forgot a date.“ you turned around to pick up your perfume.

“that’s not what- hey.“ he grabbed your wrist with a firmness you’ve never seen in him “that’s not what i meant.” he let go of your wrist to pull you to him, his palm running down your spine. "look. go get dressed and i will too, we'll go have that fondue and champagne and come back home and i'll prove for hours you're the only place i want to be. okay?"

his arms were warm and firmer than usual.

"well how could i refuse such a generous offer?"

you could hear the grin in his laugh, the tension dissipating as quickly as it had come. only he could manage to argue with you over not being mad enough at him. something you knew you'd be dealing with for many years to come...

worth it though.

[neoraso]

meet me on the west side | syj

ex!eric picks you up when you're drunk. i love clichés sure, you were wasted, but calling him across town at 1am was certainly not necessary, especially considering you had been broken up for four months.

you had been the one to bring up the topic of separating first. weeks of constant arguments about useless things led to him staying at work later and later until he barely came home at all just to avoid another fight. it was immature and excruciating and you finally hit your breaking point, opting to end your two-year-long relationship instead of trying to work it out anymore.

at first, it seemed like you made the right decision. you spent more time with your friends, you weren’t chewing your nails to the quick or crying yourself to sleep anymore with only your echoes to comfort you. but after the second month of coming home alone every day, you missed eric badly. everything about the way he took care of you or made you laugh, knowing that he probably didn’t care if he ever saw you again, knowing you would have to find someone else leaded your insides to the floor. you thought it would get easier with time, everyone said it would and yet every week seemed to get heavier without him. you had so many messages you typed and deleted instead of sending to him, so many pictures in your phone you couldn't get rid of.

of course, you didn’t know he felt arguably even worse than you. he can admit, most of the time it was him that started the arguments between you two, insecurities or impatience getting the best of him. he thought not coming home until you were asleep would help give the two of you some space. but he could never forget your eyes watering and your voice breaking when you said “you don’t even want to be around me anymore, so let’s just end it.”

as your explosive fights, screaming at each other turned into you walking out of the house "for air," which turned into you just not saying anything at all when he snapped at you, he knew it was too late but he couldn't stop. anything to get a reaction from you, to know you still had a fire in you to keep going. at least when you would leave the apartment and cry in your car he could knock on your window and get you to let him hold you, his own tears falling on your shoulder "i'm sorry" he would whisper "i promise i'll change." how many times did he promise that with a kiss to your temple? enough times to know he deserved all the agony when you walked out for the last time, and for once he had nothing to say.

so today, when he got a text from you saying “can you come get me?” he immediately thought it was a mistake, surely you had a new boyfriend and you mistakenly clicked his contact. as two minutes went by and you added a “please” he really started to worry, replying quickly.

[12:55] are you okay?

y/n🍬💓: just drink

y/n🍬💓: drunk

y/n🍬💓: can y pick me up?:( i

y/n🍬💓: im at the garage

y/n🍬💓: dont want to gon in ytheir taxi

he was already in his car after your second message. it didn’t matter why you called him of all people, he let you know he was on his way.

the garage. that stupid fucking bar he had picked you up from too many times after you’d fight and your friends tried to “empower you” or whatever -which only ended up with you drunk and crying the whole way home, apologizing and apologizing for things he made you feel bad for. he’d take your makeup off for you and put you in his clothes, holding you like you two would be fixed in the morning.

he pulled up and parked right in front of the fire hyrdrant in front of the bar. he didn’t even need to go inside the uselessly crowded venue because you were already outside. he spotted two of your girlfriends laughing with each other as one draped her jacket over your huddling figure on the disgusting ground. jeans, kitten heels and a tight top with a necklace he bought you allowed you to squat against the glass wall. you were clearly trying to stay awake which instantly pissed him off. not at you, but at your friends who were constantly trying to distract you from your problems (not that he was any better, but still.) he tried to not let it affect his tone but he couldn't hide the anxiety when he called your name.

you lifted your head and your eyes found him immediately, tear streaks from your eye makeup and all, you were still so angelic to him. you tried and failed to get up from the ground as he sped up to lift you off the ground. as soon as you were standing, you fell into him, arms around his waist and gripping his shirt as you whined his name. your friends gave each other knowing looks,

“she refused to take a cab and was convinced you were coming.”

he cradled the back of your hair like he used to and briefly thought of offering your friends a ride home but then he realized, 1. these weren't his girlfriend's friends anymore and 2. he never liked them anyway and they let you get fucked up so they can hitchhike for all he cares.

"it's fine. i'll take her home, you guys have fun or whatever." your eyes were closed and wet against the low neckline of his tank top he threw on in his haste to get you. he looked down at your pitiful state, you whined his name again in your half-sleep. he put his own jacket around you as your friend grabbed hers off of you like you were a coat rack before they hopped in the next cab.

"come on babe let's go home." he didn't mean for the old pet name to slip out but he couldn't help it when you looked so pretty and he'd missed you so much.

he walked you the ten feet to his car and helped you inside, used to the drill. as he ran over to the drivers side, making sure your seat belt was on (it wasn't) and reached behind you to get a bottle of water from the back pocket. unfortunately the pocket was empty because he hasn't had a passenger in his car since the day you ended things. he could tell by the nodding of your head and small shivers you needed water so he started the car and headed for the nearest gas station.

"gonna stop to get you some water okay?"

you whined "jus' wanna go home"

it broke his heart to be unsure whether you meant his place or yours. his apartment- the apartment you two had once shared was 15 minutes out, and he was already on the way there.

"alright babe i'll take you home."

the short ride to his apartment seemed like it stretched on for a tortuous amount of time, every glance over at your miserable figure took a day off his life. eric had to force himself to not think about the rage inside him that your loser friends let you drink so much, let you sit on the ground, let you go home with him- the guy they all supposedly hated so much.

admittedly he often thought they were right to hate him. he helped you in situations like this but where was he the rest of the time? he constantly left you alone, constantly got defensive when you asked where he spent all his time, constantly made you feel like you were dramatic for asking him questions he didn't want to answer.

truthfully he didn't know where the avoidance came from. were you a reminder of another thing in his life he couldn't do right? every time he came home too late to you still awake, the look in your eyes trying so desperately to make things work... he couldn't bear it, so he would just come home later the next day.

he wasn't even doing anything wrong. most of the time he was just driving around or drinking with his friends (who told him to get his shit together which made him avoid them too). he would get off work and wander around, trying not to think of whatever last argument you'd had- the ones where he would make you feel like the problem, you'd cry and he would have to leave. he'd feel guilty and come back starting everything over again.

he knew he was too jealous, he was too rash, he was too impatient. the more he saw you try to change to make him happy the worse he felt.

the last conversation you'd had you said "i tried so hard to be perfect for you and it still isn't good enough." he wanted to say "you are perfect." or " you're more than i deserve."

but instead he said "i never asked you to do that."

another nail in the coffin or whatever they say.

finally he pulled up to his complex, from past experience he knew he could get you up the one flight of stairs. and you seemed to be a little more awake now- which made him slightly nervous that you'd call the police for bringing you to his house.

"hey, you alright? my place was closer, let's get you some water." he unbuckled your seat and briefly made eye contact with your teary ones before you looked down first.

eric took this as his opportunity to get out and open your door for you. he put his hand out for you and you took it, gripping tighter as you stumbled out of the seat.

"i got you." he said, trying not to let a pathetic flame of hope ignite in him that he could have a second chance at this.

as he guided you up the stairs and unlocked the door with you trying to bear weight onto the wall instead of him he helped you get your shoes off as you looked around the entrance, noticeably more alert.

"it's all the same, i know." he spoke out loud for you.

he hadn't changed a thing since you left. for a while, a part of him thought you would realize you made a mistake and would come back and scold him for moving the star-shaped mirror in the entrance or throwing out the plant his mom had gotten you- the one you couldn't bear to look at in a place that wasn't with him. so he didn't touch anything.

"oh."

his chest felt hollow as he led you to the couch.

"i'll get you some water."

you closing your eyes to avoid looking at your old living space. he set the water down in front of you and paused

"are you asleep?"

you opened one eye.

"oh, i'll be right back"

you sipped your water, wondering how you let this happen to you. the lamp you bought together was turned off, the tv was playing MLB highlights and all the pairs of shoes in the entrance were his, clearly no other girl stayed here. not that it mattered but it made you feel slightly better.

eric returned with some clothes and makeup cleanser and pads .. your makeup cleanser. he sat next to you like he used to.

"lay back, i'll help you."

"you don't have to do that."

"i know."

you leaned your head against the back of the couch and closed your eyes.

"i'm sorry for calling you." you felt his fingers gently wipe your mascara and all of the streaks off your face.

"don't be sorry. i'm glad i could help"

i'm still in love with you, i'm a dumbass, give me another chance.

his fingers were taking extra time on your face and you knew it. you let him.

"i have skincare stuff in the bathroom too and a toothbrush."

you paused.

"honestly i think maybe i should uber home, thanks for picking me up-"

"wait-" he held your shoulders rising from the couch, then immediately let go. "wait, just stay, i'll sleep on the couch, i'll sleep in my car! please don't go home. i'm worried about you still tipsy in an uber or at home."

"i've been doing it fine for four months"

he froze. "well.. you don't have to tonight. i'm here, you can leave in the morning."

"eric..." you could already tell what he was going to say

"listen, i fucked up. a lot. like every day when we were together. i know i did, i'm not trying to keep you here to get you to forgive me i just-please let me take care of you just tonight."

you scoffed, "why? so you can feel better about yourself?" you were too drunk for this conversation but not too drunk to get angry about him trying too late to be good to you.

"yeah- i mean no! no, just. i'm not-i know i don't deserve another chance. i know that but i want you to be okay just tonight. i couldn't take it if i let you go home and something happened to you."

against your will, hot, angry tears welled up in your eyes.

"i'm tired eric. don't do this to me again."

this was almost worse than not seeing you. having you here like this, crying because of him again and this time, he couldn't kiss it better, he couldn't hold you, you wouldn't wake up in his bed again. it wasn't his place anymore.

"why did you call me?"

"i don't know."

"i know that's not true"

"well what do you want me to say? that i miss you? that i love you still? i do. it doesn't change that i can't be with you. i can't-" you clenched your fists as your voice broke. "it was a mistake."

he choked on his breath before continuing.

"it doesn't have to be a mistake. we haven't talked in months- i. i've reflected on a lot. all the bullshit i was avoiding before... i'm dealing with it. i need you. i want to be better for you i'm trying to be better for you... please."

you looked in his eyes, underlined by evidence of lack of sleep but sincere.

"you say that now eric-"

"now and i'll keep saying it, i'll keep showing you. i don't want anyone but you. i wasn't good to you i know that. we can.. we can work on it together so i can be what you need. please."

it was a tempting offer, he had an unfair advantage with all of your pictures still hanging up in every corner of the room, he was so close and smelled just like you remembered.

"we... we can talk more in the morning."

"okay, okay." he let out the breath he'd been holding in. "i'll get the bed ready for you."

you took extra long freshening up and changing into his clothes before bracing yourself for stepping into your old bedroom where he fluffed the pillows. only his LEDs were on and the room was tidy but you stood in the doorway for an inordinate amount of time.

"how do you sleep here every night?" was all you said, but he knew exactly what you meant.

"honestly, i don't half the time. sunwoo let's me bum on his couch a lot. it's hard to be here at night alone"

you both looked at each other before he awkwardly moved from the bed towards the door

"make yourself comfortable, let me know if you need anything else."

you stiffly walked towards the bed, your back still too the door. you were sober enough now for the sight of him to be unbearable again.

"goodnight, eric"

"goodnight." he lingered for a moment before shutting the door, leaving you in the blue-stained room.

you lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, the dark blue hue of the room casting shadows that stretched on with your thoughts. the hum of his air conditioner was the only other thing distracting you as you replayed the night's events in your mind. you were really drunk, but you also knew he was the only one you trusted to take you home in that state. even if he didn't pick up.

the night stretched on and his presence permeated every inch of the room, lingering in your system, a mix of comfort and discomfort that you couldn't shake.

you closed your eyes, wondering what tomorrow would be like. could you even find the strength to face him again? or would you both just continue to drift in this uncertain space, not moving forward or necessarily backwards?

you turned over on the bed, realizing you naturally went to "your" side. the clock read 3:44am, meaning you had been laying here for two hours.

four months honestly wasn’t a long time, maybe with more time. maybe in a year, you could be fully over him. maybe it hurt so bad now so that you could overcome the pain and move on to something else, something that would fill the hole he left. seal the cracks in your heart. hearing him admit his fault (a miracle), and that he still loved you… you brought a pillow over your face to drown out all the noise, but the smell of him suffocated you. you’d never be rid of him. something would remind you of him in everyone you met, everywhere you went. you knew that, but would it be worth it to try again, knowing there was a possibility it would end again? could you bear it?

suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"come in" you said automatically

he stood in the door frame, seeming unsure, unlike the steely expression, the clenched jaw and squared shoulders he bore during the last weeks of your relationship.

"i can't sleep, figured you couldn't either. thought i'd at least ask if i could just sit with you."

even in the dark, he saw your small nod.

you'd never be rid of him, for better or worse.

[neoraso]

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[neoraso]

my love is a flower in your hands | lcy

third time is a charm… 9k words of anton and y/n yearning. <\3

there were only so many of these group hangouts you could endure. the passing hands over your shoulder or linking of fingers for a microscopic amount of time would make any woman crazy. you had always thought anton was cute- read: cute. you two were once even the same height until at some point he began to grow in more ways than one. he started to look more like his father and tampered his childhood whimsy into a calm demeanor like his mother. as you became adults, his soft features remained with him, but he had also started filling out his larger frame, his reservedness still seemingly kept him from catching up with what other people saw when they looked at him. even now in his twenties, he still gets embarrassed when his mom dotes on him in front of company and bashfully laughs off when his friends point out a girl hitting on him, blushing when he tells them, “she’s just being nice.” anton didn’t acknowledge his appeal, and if he did, he didn’t voice it, but you knew it was only a matter of time until he fell for a girl that wasn’t you- and that was terrifying for more reasons than one.

your thigh was pressed up against his on this couch with cushions so deep it concaved and funneled you between him and sohee, the latter of which had been joking and laughing loud enough for you and anton. this mini kickback was entirely planned by your mutual friend yujin, who claimed that college had separated your friend group long enough and you all needed a night to “unwind.”

her version of unwinding consisted of too much money spent on delivered food and alcohol while you all caught up on your, admittedly mundane, lives. the struggles of $6 coffees or boring professors ricocheted between the five of you as you cramped in yujin and gaeul’s shared apartment.

the get together was already underway when you and anton arrived, him having given you a ride after your last class that he said ended around his (he waited an hour and a half in the library while you finished up). the apartment was a cozy, albeit tight space which was now cluttered with takeout containers and half-empty bottles of alcohol, the remnants of your hard work unwinding. the dim lighting coming from only the kitchen cast a glow over your small group, made everything feel a bit more intimate as you talked and joked with each other. yujin was right about the fact that you never really saw your old friends anymore and it was relieving to know you still could fall back into your normal rhythm with each other.

it was a blessing and a curse having met anton at 12 and grown up together since. enough family dinners and birthdays and holidays spent together had solidified a sister-like position in everyone’s eyes--which truly hadn’t been an issue for you, until you hit 18.

you often thought of your birthday party that year when anton insisted on showing up to your house before anyone else, hands full of your favorite snacks and an offer to help set up. he had blown up balloons and hung them in all the places you couldn’t reach, his fingers calloused from years of playing cello still felt soft when they brushed yours while getting ready. that day your mom had given him a hug and thanked him for always being so helpful and kind, saying she wished she had him around all the time. his ears were pink, but he couldn’t hide his smile even when he met your eyes, looking away just as fast and telling her, “i’ll always be around, don’t worry.”

that party with your closest friends went as well as it could. anton stuck to you the whole time, teaming up with you during games and kept your hair from touching the cake’s frosting after telling you softly to make a wish. he insisted on staying after everyone left to clean up which wasn’t uncommon, but it was already 10pm by the time the house was empty. your friends gone and your parents were asleep upstairs. the plates and decorations were cleaned away, and he still lingered in the living room, hesitating before asking if you wanted to watch a movie.

something about the thought of being alone with him that night felt different. late night drives in his car were a regular occurrence where he showed you the new artists he was listening to, or sometimes he would invite you out to his old school’s playground after hours, but nothing had ever felt like this. there he was in your living room, looking like he couldn’t bear to leave. you ignored the flicker inside that hinted you were doing something slightly dangerous, one that said you should tell him you were going to call it a night and that he should text you when he got home safe. instead, you said okay and spent 20 minutes deciding on a movie as he fiddled with the threads on your sofa’s throw pillow before settling on nausicaa of the valley of the wind, a movie you had both watched every time you had a movie night growing up. the respectable distance you had maintained at first was forgone after you both fell asleep on the couch. all it took was waking up to his head on your stomach, his cheek puffed against you and the early morning sun hitting his cheekbones. with your legs cramping under his weight, you knew you’d never see him the same way.

tonight, you had intended to drink a bit, thinking you were spending the night with the girls and anton had said he had you covered. he poured you both a coke and pretended to add more than a mouthwash’s amount of liquor for you, skipping his own in case you wanted a ride home. it was just yujin, sohee, gaeul that made it, your high school friend group had fragmented but when you found the time every couple of months you made the effort to see each other. of course, you and anton saw each other nearly every day having made it into the same university. your friends -sohee- teased you constantly, pressing you on how the two of you were still so inseparable “was ten years not enough of seeing each other?”. no, it wasn’t and either way, the way anton would look at you smiling and chuckling out an ‘i guess not’ said he agreed. you had your own relationship with anton no one could touch.

sometimes you felt like you and him had to be soulmates in some way or another. who else got you like he did and vice versa? all it took was a shared look or a covert sigh and you could practically read each other’s thoughts. he had supported you through all of the transitions of teen and adulthood years. your friendship was so so special, and you knew he really would always be there for you just like he said. sometimes though, selfish as it may be, it wasn’t enough. you wanted more than a greeting hug or a surprise coffee on your study sessions. you wanted to tell people “yes, he is my boyfriend, isn’t he so cute?” or “yes, i’m so lucky aren’t i?.” instead of having to deny how involved you were, taking a step back so as not to fluster him further.

if you looked close enough and read between the lines, you might think he liked you back. the way he looks at you, eyes shining after you tell a joke and he laughed a little too much. the way he holds your hand when you try to balance on curbs on the way back home and holds you up when you eventually trip. the way he talks to your mom when she calls you and asks how he is. it all seemed like it should make sense and yet neither of you make any sort of move to make things clear. it used to be as easy as breathing and now you were being strangled every time you thought about what you could be

so now here you are again, already exhausted from the day and losing energy with every game you and your friends play while they questioned how you could remain so sober after all this time. you shrugged and looked back at anton who was leaned against the back of the couch and already looking at you. he gave you the smile that gets twisted when he’s too shy to feel so satisfied with himself, then spoke,

“yeah y/n, i even poured you extra. you must be like a super soldier.”

he pressed the back of his hand against your cheek where it would’ve been warm had he actually poured you anything. except now it was warm but only because of his proximity. you didn’t move away and let yourself enjoy the way he pinched the fat of your cheek with his knuckles.

it had been quiet until now save for the low music playing from sohee’s ridiculously expensive speaker he spent a month’s savings on. everyone seemed to be entertained enough watching your interaction before giving each other knowing looks and resuming their conversations.

you still held anton’s gaze until he dropped his hand from your face to your thigh only for a moment before you impulsively grabbed his hand only to slowly turn his hand over in yours. you ignored the corners of his mouth turning up in your peripheral as you held his fingers in both of your hands. your nails traced an ‘a’ on his palm as you sheepishly looked up at him. his grin took over his face, crinkling his nose, knowing you were bringing back the guessing game you used to play in junior high. he grabbed your smaller hand in his and traced your initial as well but then also drew something oddly similar to a heart before turning your palm into his, lacing your fingers together.

this was not the first time you two held hands, but it was the first time it was in front of people and for this long. the more you thought of the implications, the more nervous you got, and a rush of a prickling warmth spread through you. his grip was gentle, in a way that felt familiar but also so new, like you had been running on half-dead batteries your whole life and now were fully charged. for a second it felt like it was only the two of you in the room, the impossibly white walls trapping you in this friendship purgatory. before he could feel your hummingbird pulse, you tried to pull away.

“my hands are sweating.” you said as he gripped your fingers tighter

“i don’t care.” he said casually, but he didn’t break the eye contact.

“toni.” you gave him your best glare which only made him laugh. “are you drunk?”

“you think i’m that irresponsible of a d.d?” he tried to joke but you knew him well enough to feel his undercurrents of nervousness.

“who are you driving? i thought we were staying the night.” you looked around, genuinely curious.

he looked at you and blinked once before moving his gaze to the spot where your knee bent against the couch.

“you. in case you wanted to go home i didn’t drink.” now he shrunk back, seeming suddenly insecure of his own thoughtfulness. “do you want to go home tonight?” he asked softly.

you pondered for a moment, “well… i mean it’s late already but…” you remembered you had discussed a movie night after seeing your friends.

suddenly you heard sohee’s voice interrupting your conversation. “no, i think she definitely wants to go home.” his cheshire grin leered back at you, flinching with a giggle as you tugged your hand from anton’s to flick sohee’s hair. as you started to bicker while the girls laughed at you from their seats on the floor, anton couldn’t help but stare, getting lost in thought.

he had always thought you were pretty, even before he really liked girls in that way, you had a face that he could never move on from. he knew others thought it too, especially as the two of you got older, his own friends making comments, first about how there was no way anton wasn’t attracted to you and then about how pretty you were. it was a very fine line between admitting you were definitely not like a sister to him and then to not breach the topic of how bad he wanted you, how much he wished he could tell people you were his.

anton was famous for his unwavering patience. in the same way he quietly waited for his college admissions letters to come in, confident in his acceptances, he stayed by your side for nine years with a waxing and waning sliver of hope that one day you’d love him the way he does you. he would never complain about your relationship though, not when you called him every day you weren’t with him, shared everything with him, even the way you called him your best friend didn’t sting as much when he knew the depth of what you what you meant. all it took was you calling his name in your sweet voice and he would be anything you asked.

like tonight, when you had already promised you would watch nausicaa again for old times’ sake after meeting up with your friends. he knew what a lightweight you were so he made an executive decision (an admittedly selfish one) to keep you and him sober so you could still hang out. except now he felt a pang of insecurity. was he being overbearing or did you figure out he only wanted to hang out with you today? he wanted to be there for you in any way he could, but now he wondered if all this extra attention was pushing you away. grabbing your hand in front of everyone was something he would’ve thought was unbelievable two months ago, but lately you had been notably touchier unless of course he was making it up, wishful thinking or whatever. holding his arm when you went shopping, hands on his shoulder when you found him sitting at the library, fixing his hair that was growing by the day (definitely not because you said you liked it longer). anton felt like he was losing his mind overanalyzing every interaction-

“right toni?” you turned back to him smiling, clearly unaware that he hasn’t been paying attention for minutes. this room that was getting stuffier by the minute, the thick smell of fried food lingering in the air stuck in his nose making it even harder to breathe than just seeing you like this. he only stared back at you letting out a “hm?” that was probably only audible to you.

⟢ ・⸝⸝

anton’s parents understandably had their reservations when he told them he wanted to pursue music even just as a minor, he conceded to majoring in business economics - as dull as it was to him- to make everyone happy. what he would never admit to anyone is that the thought of taking care of you with the type of career he could get into with a degree like that kept him going. his mind often wandered to coming home to you after a long day at the office, you’d be baking or finishing one of your 10000 piece puzzles and he’d kiss you sweetly and melt into you just the way he wanted to, feeling like all his hard work was worth it. if he was feeling extra dangerous, he’d let his thoughts wander to imagine you at home as a mom, what your baby would look like, a little boy with your eyes and his nose or a little girl with a smile that made him as weak as yours does.

he once entertained the thought that it was because he was so young that he was so inexperienced with dating, that there could be more people besides you that he would have better luck reciprocating his feelings, but he knew there was no one for him but you. he physically couldn’t imagine his future with anyone else, even if it meant he was alone together with you forever-

and you were looking at him again,

“we were talking about that time sohee tried to microwave that- anton helloooo?” he had wandered off again, blushing when he smiled and coughed to avoid everyone’s eyes on him.

“are you that tired? it’s only 11:30.” gaeul said checking her phone, her lockscreen picture of her boyfriend glaring at him as he burned with wishing you could do the same with him. you looked over and seemed to realize he was spent and ready to go home.

rubbing your eyes and stretching your arms you checked the time too, pretending to be shocked at how late you’d stayed over.

“i’m pretty wiped out too, we had 8 a.m.’s today.”

“’we’ she says” sohee and the girls giggle to themselves knowing he meant you and anton. “alright well have fun doing… whatever it is you do when we’re not around.”

both you and anton flushed at this, no matter how many times they teased you like this, the back of your neck would always sting as if anton would be able to smell the desperation on you.

“ok! well, we’re going now. it was nice to see you guys, let’s do it again soon.” he said rushed and only half-heartedly as he extended his hand out to pull you up from that black hole of a couch. he looked away and lowered his eyes to the floor, suddenly so interested in the spotless carpet as you adjusted your shirt, the tight fabric having ridden up in all the places he wanted to be allowed to touch.

you gave a breathless smile and waited for the girls to stand up from the floor for hugs and squeals and kisses goodbye. they hugged anton too while still holding you, pouting as you got closer to the door.

“i’ll see you soon! in the daytime. when i’m not half asleep and more fun.” you winked and blew a kiss to yujin’s puppy dog eyes before she slowly shut the door behind you.

thankfully the girls lived on the bottom floor, so you were already immediately outside. you sighed and threw your arms out in the fresh air.

selfishly, anton also felt relief at having you all to himself again. the streetlights against the pitch dark of night cast a soft glow on your face as you walked back to his car, he tried to slow his steps to match yours just so he could look at you. your hair had fallen out of line from the long day, it framed your face in a way that made his heart ache. maybe it was all the yearning from the last few years having built up like sediment, but today it was nearly unbearable. even the soft sounds of your footsteps and your jeans brushing the concrete as you kept up with his long legs brought on a surge of emotion that made him want to grab you and not let go.

“i didn’t realize we parked so far away.” you laughed as you hopped up on the curb as usual, balancing like you were on a tightrope, toeing a line just like anton as he grabbed onto your wrist when you leaned a little too far over the edge.

“do you still want to watch the movie? my roommate is gone tonight so you can come over no problem.” your question was innocent enough, but you nearly tripped on the last word. you gave up on balancing, too drunk on his closeness and the way the tips of his eyelashes were illuminated as they looked down at you- still taller than you even on the ledge, and he was still holding your hand.

“i’m down if you’re not too tired. we had a long day.” he was feeling really bold since you hadn’t pulled your hand away and you looked like a deer in the headlights turning your head back up to him.

“oh i’m fine. i wanted to watch it..too ...” your voice trailed off at the end and he wanted so badly to be able to taste the thoughts that remained on your tongue. every step you took towards the car, which was now in sight, thickened the tension until anton felt like he was choking on his confession.

it took all of his willpower to let you go to unlock the car. the black bmw was a gift from his parents for his high school graduation and it had seen many of yours and anton’s moments, especially since you didn’t have a car, so naturally, anton drove you everywhere he could.

you connected your phone to the stereo automatically and played your shared playlist on the way home. he knew the way to your complex by heart, but he put extra care in pretending like he was concerned about the empty streets and stoplights instead of looking at you. after finally reaching your parking garage, he pulled into his usual spot making sure you unbuckled your seatbelt and gathered your things out of the corner of his eye--itching to do everything for you. you hummed and talked about moments from the day all the way up to your floor as he trailed behind you, chuckling when appropriate and clenching his fists to keep from touching your shoulder or your pretty hair.

once you made it inside, he calmed down a bit at the familiar smell of your apartment, jasmine and something clear like rain. your half-finished sketches and paintings covered the wall, a hobby of yours he swears could be a career.

you had also surrendered in your own way to your family, joining the art club as your creative outlet while you focused on molecular and cellular-focused biology. honestly, he didn’t even know that was a thing but then again, you had always been smart. never in a haughty way, just enough so that it left him in awe when you rambled about the new things you were studying. as if you weren’t busy enough with your classes, you still found time to meet once a week with people from complete opposite ends of campus for your club meetings just so you could “get it out of your system.” anton thought it was cute you liked to socialize with people who shared your interests, and he definitely didn’t mind that it had become a tradition for him to pick you up from your weekly meetings and hang out at one of either of your apartments.

that being said, a few weeks ago had almost given him a stroke when one of your club members walked out with you and noticed him parked on the street with his window down. he heard her say to you “is that your boyfriend?” as your eyes widened and you tripped on the words “no, just my friend” all the way to the car, the girl smirked and nudged you with her elbow telling you “he’s cute, have fun~” wiggling her eyebrows as if that would help anything at all. he feigned ignorance to whatever had just happened in front him as you slumped into the passenger seat. at first that night, he felt good about himself that you could be so flustered thinking about him, then he started to wonder if maybe the idea was so bad… that couldn’t be it, right?

people often thought anton was too soft, that he was fragile and meek because he was soft-spoken and didn’t pick fights, but he knew that of the two of you, you were softer than him. you spoke up for yourself, but you were still delicate, always so helpful and kind which sometimes led to you getting taken advantage of. he wanted to protect you, he wanted you to let him be the one to do anything for you, even if that was pathetic, especially if it was pathetic.

you removed your shoes, leaving your keys on the hook by the door and headed towards the kitchen, the silence settled around you, realizing he had been unnervingly quiet since you got in the car. you knew him well enough to know he only got like this when he had a lot on his mind and when he had a lot on his mind it made you worry too. you ran through all of the events of the day, which had been ordinary until…whatever that was at the girls’ house, but he initiated it right? maybe you pushed your luck asking him to come over. you washed your hands for the full 20 seconds and he was in the living room, looking for your remote.

“do you want anything to drink? or snacks? i still have those jellies you like.”

“no thanks, i’m good.” he said absentmindedly, finding the controller under one of the throw pillows gaeul had embroidered for you last year. he smiled to himself at the crooked bees and flowers decorating the pillow, it was just so cute how much you loved your friends, and he was so lucky to be loved by you in any way. he tugged off his zip-up and started setting up the movie.

your apartment seemed like it used all of its space for the living room, with enough area for a sofa, a love seat and all 763 of your roommate’s plants. your two bedrooms and bathroom were shoved to the rear of the floorplan like an afterthought. your bedroom was big enough for your things and a bed too small for the both of you to sit on without your ankles knocking together while you watched movies on your laptop, which could be a good or bad thing depending on the day.

you poured the both of you a glass of water regardless of what he said and sat beside him on the plush couch you had gotten from anton’s parents who had helped you move in. he had not hidden his displeasure at not being in the same building as you, but it was closer to the bus station and your school and he had already signed a lease elsewhere. anton thought your roommate was fine enough, but she always gave him the eyes and laugh girls gave him when they commented on his height or how impressive his major was.

he wasn’t dumb, no matter how many times he brushed off his friend’s jokes about his cluelessness, he knew when girls were interested in him-whether he understood why or not. not you though, much to his dismay, you had been friends for so long it was impossible to tell the difference between friendly affections and ones that said what he ached to hear. nevertheless, anton avoided your roommate like the plague when she was home and he was over. you would always laugh when he would shut your bedroom door behind him in a hurry, sick of her half-lidded gazes- but admittedly, your nonchalance you kept at first irked him. as time went on though, you started to hold onto him when she was around and pull him into your room or suggest going out to avoid her. he liked the way you grabbed his sleeve or stood in front of him like you could possibly hide his taller frame behind you. it made him giddy at the thought of you being possessive, of you making him yours.

now, in the middle of the couch, you were just far enough away to make him itch. he sat up to grab the water you brought for him, thanking you before sitting back down close enough for your thighs to touch while he pressed play.

it was so unlike him to act like some teenage boy who had never been alone with a girl, but he couldn’t help it anymore.

he was relatively sure you could move on from him confessing his near decade of love, but there was still a chance you felt the same. maybe sohee had gotten in his head but there was no good reason why you, a perfectly normal girl would spend every waking moment with him, a normal boy if you didn’t have some kind of feelings. “it’s inevitable, you know anton, when a man and a woman are around each other long enough, eventually-“ he stopped sohee there, but the impact was the same.

as usual, within 15 minutes of the movie starting you became a bit restless, getting up periodically, eventually changing into pajamas and bringing more snacks. it seemed like you were back to a rhythm of your usual dynamic but something else was in the air, prickling your side. you couldn’t stop looking at him.

obviously you thought he was good looking but something about tonight…maybe the late hour or whatever went on earlier in the night made your fingers twitch. besides his arms that were suddenly out, his hard work at the gym he went to for some reason was evident every time he wore anything but a sweatshirt. the slope of his nose was drawn out by the light of the one floor lamp in the corner of the room and his lips were naturally pouted as he focused on the movie, making you realize you probably should be too.

at some point, your legs ended up over his lap and he kept them there, playfully using them as an armrest, even as he leaned back into the couch. after a bit of silence with you laying down across the entire couch he spoke up,

“this is kinda like your birthday party huh” he asked thoughtfully

“which one?” you looked at him, knowing exactly which birthday party he was talking about, “you’ve been to practically all of them.”

“your 18th a couple years ago.” he looked from the screen to his lap, the yellows and blues of the tv screen danced on his face as he continued, “when i accidentally stayed the night.”

“oh… that one.”

anton often thought about that day too. he had purposefully waited after everyone left until the house was quiet, your parents already asleep. about to start college like everyone said to. he had already done a lot of thinking about his future, somehow it always came back to you. when he was in junior high he dreamed of pursuing music professionally, with fantasies about being in a band or as a coveted producer. as he got older and hardened by the realities of the world, he started to fantasize about any job that would let you live comfortably with him. that night of your birthday, all he could think about was how much he wanted to be a part of your life as so much more than a friend. he had offered to watch a movie just to give him a couple more hours with you, but as you stayed up talking about college and becoming adults, he hung on your every word until you started to drift off after the second movie played in the background. as creepy as it sounded (and maybe was), he watched you sleep like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen, well past the time he should’ve gone home. he woke up that next morning half on top of you, the warmth of your body against his and the peacefulness of the morning made him yearn for a life of doing this forever. he enjoyed it for some minutes until he fell back into you, letting himself enjoy your fingers tangled in his hair and your soft breaths underneath him.

since then, and especially these days, he agonized over how selfish he felt. maybe you didn’t return his feelings, and he was suffocating you in a simmering hope for something that would never happen. he could never resent you if you didn’t reciprocate, this was his problem that he wasn’t really doing anything to solve. but maybe tonight would be different.

“that was fun” you said wistfully, “my mom still brings up when you brought all those cute decorations.”

he looked down at your feet that fidgeted, smiling in a way that made your breath catch.

“can i- “

“i still- “

you both spoke at the same time, and he poked your calf, “you go ahead.”

“it’s nothing… just that i deflated one of those heart balloons you got and it’s still in my closet at home, makes me happy when i think about it.” he said nothing which made you instantly burn up until you noticed his smile that was impossibly wide.

he chuckled softly before looking down again,

“i was gonna ask if you remembered the morning of the next day.”

suddenly his face was earnest and bashful before he looked down, his ears burning.

“oh.” you quickly tried to salvage the mood, “you were so heavy i thought i’d get necrosis in my legs.”

he indulged you with a weak chuckle before looking back to your soft pajama pants with stars on them, he traced one with his finger and you tried not to let it affect you.

“i’ve been thinking about that day a lot lately. i did all that stuff hoping you’d feel special, 18 seemed like a big deal for some reason.”

hoping you’d feel special

his words reverberated in your ears until you felt dizzy.

“18 is a big deal.” you paused, not knowing where this conversation was going or if it was appropriate to say what you wanted to next. “you did make it special. and i was glad you stayed after too.” you were looking at his side profile, wondering how you could paint it, hoping he could read between the lines.

“y/n” he said without waiting, suddenly meeting your eyes with an intensity you weren’t used to.

“yes?” you replied meekly suddenly sitting up, wanting to soothe the flash of panic on his face at you moving away.

i love you i love you i love you is all that ran through his mind.

“i… do you feel like we’re becoming like, more than friends? i mean do you see me that way? i’m sorry to spring this on you right now i guess just want to know.”

for an infinitesimal moment, you froze and burned until you collected yourself. scooting closer to him on the couch.

“anton,” you smirked at him, covering up your nervousness with teasing, “are you trying to trick me into confessing first so you don’t have to say it?”

“i’m in love with you.”

he said the words with such finality it shocked you enough to suck in a sharp breath. he was looking directly at you, those same eyes you had known for what felt like your whole life. his bangs hung against his temples in a way that made you want to brush them behind his ears. and you knew he meant those words completely. he didn’t need to say anything else for you to feel the weight of years of heartache, just like you. despite knowing it you still asked the most intelligent question you could.

“you what?” blinking in shock.

he sighed and looked around the room like one of your roommate’s monsteras could save him.

“i love you, i have for forever and i…” he dug his tongue into his cheek before continuing, “i don’t care- i don’t mind how slow you want to take it, if you feel anything for me please just give me a chance.” his eyes were pleading- and suddenly you realized he really never realized you loved him too.

“anton.” he looked down at your tone of voice, already anticipating rejection.

“there’s no way you didn’t know i feel the same.”

he perked up immediately at your words, searching your face for any doubt.

“are you being serious?”

you couldn’t help but giggle as you brushed the tip of his nose with your finger

“mmhm”

he let out a sigh, throwing his head back against the back of the couch. if an outsider was watching they might think this was anticlimactic, but anton felt like he was coming down from a mountain, exhilarating relief and easy steps.

his hand inched forward against his will and settled on your waist, both of you tried not to notice how he was practically covering your whole ribcage.

“this ok?” he asked, his words were polite but the way his fingers dug in and encouraged you to move closer to him were a little less so.

you nodded with a grin, still in disbelief this was real. your ankle hooked over his thighs, he leaned his head back as if that would give him any respite.

if it were anyone else, this would’ve been incredibly awkward. but now that everything was out in the open, it was once again as easy as breathing. you scooched over until you sat up, straddling him at a respectful distance.

“this ok?” now you really were teasing him.

he cleared his throat, and his eyes moved from your own to your lips as he kept his hands impossibly still against your hips.

you laughed at his expression and brought your hands up to his shoulders, your thumbs brushing against the sides of his neck as he looked up at you like you hung the moon.

looking down at him, in a position that you could’ve only ever dreamed of being in not even three hours ago, you couldn’t stop the giggles that came out of you.

his mouth fell open in mock offense, but the tips of his ears burned as he grabbed your waist tighter.

“what’s your deal? stop laughing at me!” he screwed his eyes shut at how embarrassing it would be if this was all some sick joke.

“im not!” you choked back another giggle and moved your hands over his chest reverberating with his drumming heartbeat. “i’m not laughing at you, this whole situation is just ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“ridiculous?” he swallowed and used all of his willpower to not slip his pinky finger under the hem of your shirt.

“we could’ve been doing this a long time ago.” you emphasized your point with a poke at his shoulder, the sting left behind by your fingernail made him burn for more.

he swallowed thickly. “yeah, i guess so. you know how i am though.”

“yeah i do.”

neither of you said anything for a beat before you couldn’t take the weight of the tension anymore,

“if i asked you to kiss me now is that bad manners? are we supposed to wait for some kind of holiday? oh- “

his hand crept up to the back of your neck while he simultaneously angled his head towards you. it felt like you were moving towards him fast enough to knock his teeth out but also in slow motion. once your lips actually met his plush ones, you wondered how long he had been hiding this side of him.

this wasn’t your first kiss, but it felt like it, with the sweaty palms and slight panic. but this time instead of feeling slobbery and gross you felt like all the butterflies and the bees inside you that had been fluttering around for years were finally quiet. your whole body melted into him as if crying out finally!

when you asked him to kiss you, you had expected a couple of shy pecks and maybe some soft petting, not this. not panting into each other’s mouths with uncharacteristic pg-13 grabbing on his end. it was like all the high school years you kept this side of yourselves from each other culminated into this absurd makeout session on his parent’s old couch. it began to feel like you had been kissing anton for hours, you couldn’t stop, every time you pulled away, the lick of his tongue against your teeth brought you right back in. he slowly sat both of you up, probably sick of leaning his head back, and he maneuvered you to lay against the armrest of the couch. you took the opportunity to run your fingers through the hair at his nape, earning a gasp from him that ignited you to make him do it again and again. his eyelashes were tickling your face at this angle and his breath was hotter than ever against your mouth. he was everywhere and it still wasn’t enough, so you gripped his shirt with a whine to pull him back down to you. chuckling a bit, he indulged you for a few minutes, letting himself enjoy the way your noses grazed each other and the sighs you let out before realizing this was very ungentlemanly of him.

he pulled away with a thick swallow at your furrowed eyebrows.

“okay. let’s-“he was cut off by the screen going dark from inactivity.

thankfully you laughed, being snapped back into reality too.

“it’s not that- i. i just don’t want, oh sorry.” he paused realizing you were still trapped underneath him. the way your eyes watched him made him shiver as he helped you sit up. your legs were over his again, but now you were much closer with his arm around you, just the way he liked it.

“it’s ok.” you smirked, knowing what he was trying to convey. “you’re a good kisser.”

he choked on his breath, not expecting you to be so bold.

“i… well thanks. you are too. i don’t- i didn’t mean to get carried away. and just so you know, i’ve never kissed anyone like… that really so don’t think i’m like…”

“going around stealing girls’ hearts with your expert tongue?”

“ugh gross dude!” he screwed his eyes shut from the embarrassment. “no, and any girl i ever kissed i imagined was you.”

you couldn’t help your genuine smile

“oh toni, you’re so sweet” hooking your arms around his neck to pull him in to kiss his cheek that was getting pinker by the second.

he reached down to lace your fingers together.

“we’ll be alright won’t we?”

“yeah we’ll be just fine.”

your phone suddenly lit up, showing not only the time being 2:13 but also yujin’s text asking something so nsfw about your current activities with anton that you had to put your phone face down to not think about it.

“it’s pretty late huh?” he spoke up but made no intention of moving.

“why don’t you stay the night?”

he cleared his throat.

“oh. yeah… right… i can do that, i just don’t have any clothes or anything.”

“i might have some of yours.” you said casually as you stood up. he automatically followed you to your bedroom.

as you rummaged in your dresser he took time to really snoop around (visually only of course, he wasn’t a total freak). the dinosaur plush he had won for you miraculously at a carnival, the framed picture of the two of you at your high school graduation, your cute pink comforter and teddy bear you’d had since middle school. he was suffocating on the fact that you reciprocated his feelings, that he could just reach out and touch you, like he was right now.

as you searched for an old shirt you knew you had he suddenly put a hand on your waist making you look up at him in confusion. he gently put the sweats you held in your hands on the dresser as he stole a kiss from you, and another, and another before kissing your forehead.

“you’re so cute you know that?”

your heart beating in your chest made you feel like your brain was rattling around.

“anton seriously…” you pretended to sound exasperated but the smile on your face couldn’t be helped especially when it spread to him. he picked the sweats up with a look of amusement and you cut off his thoughts. “i forgot to give them back when i washed them after sohee spilled coke on you… and i promise this isn’t some plot to undress you but i really can’t find that shirt of yours you gave me like three years ago so…”

“it’s fine i’ll just wear my hoodie.” he pinched your cheek and headed towards the bathroom.

“there’s a new toothbrush in the cabinet!” you called after him. his quiet affirmation as he shut the bathroom door behind him left you alone to try and collect yourself. in an attempt to calm down you texted your group chat with the girls, “have you guys ever realized how beautiful life is?”

you put your phone down before waiting for a reply, getting up and brush your own teeth right as anton opened the bathroom door, bare from the waist up.

the shock you felt must’ve shown on your face because he giggled and explained as he walked to the living room “i forgot i left my hoodie out here.” he said, quickly zipping it up, trying to hold back from laughing at your pitiful form still standing in the hallway. he grabbed both of your cups of water from earlier, still full and nudged you with his elbow to the bathroom. “go brush your teeth crazy girl.”

after an extra-long face washing and teeth brushing routine, you finally stepped back into your bedroom. the clock reading 3:02 didn’t upset you as much as anton laying there tucked into your covers, holding your childhood teddy bear with the hand not holding his phone.

“comfy?” you asked, suddenly shy from his eyes.

“yeah, turn the light off and come here. i’m tired as hell.” he scooted over knowing you hate sleeping against the wall.

“ok, guess i’ll just,” you turned the big light off, walking over to the bed, “come over and just lay…” he scoffed and reached out to grab your hand, tugging it lightly.

“just come lay down already.”

wordlessly you crawled under the covers, his arms already waiting to hold you to him. his hoodie smelled just so like his cologne and so like him you could die from its potency. he seemed so nonchalant, but you could feel his heartbeat against your ear, drumming to the same beat as yours which made you feel a little better. this was just as new territory for him as it was for you.

he was playing with your hair before clearing his throat,

“yeah this is way better than that birthday party.”

that made you burst out laughing as you slotted your ankle in between his. his low chuckle shaking you slightly as you agree.

“why did you never say anything?”

“probably the same reason you didn’t” he answered like it was simple. either way, your eyes were already closing as you replied,

“hm i guess so…”

he adjusted your head and said goodnight with no response, but he didn’t mind.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

the next morning, anton stirred, feeling the warmth of the early morning sun on his eyelids. his eyes fluttered open, and he found you still nestled against him. the soft rise and fall of your breath against his collarbone him made him wonder if this is what it was like to be on ecstasy. he could feel the gentle cramping in his arm from the weight of your head, but it didn’t matter when he saw your hair splayed against him and falling over your eyes, your jasmine shampoo bringing him back to earth and making him realize this was real, you did love him back and you weren’t going anywhere.

he let out a contented sigh, his fingers instinctively brushing against your skin, tracing the outline of your waist. he would give up anything for a life of waking up like this forever.

luckily though, he wouldn’t have to, as you started to wake up, grumbling and shifting around. he thought you were trying to escape his hold, so he begrudgingly let go of you, only for you to sluggishly move all the way on top of him. the sleep in your voice evident when you spoke against his neck,

“anton?”

“morning.” he moved to pet your head, “were you hoping for someone else?” he teased you, only getting a groan in response. he let both of you enjoy the closeness before breaking the silence again,

“get up you little sloth, don’t you want coffee?” he pinched your hip lightly for emphasis.

“mmm but you’re so warm” you whined, the plush of your lips moving against his pulse.

partially to distract himself from that pulse reaching anywhere else in his body, he reached over to his phone on the bedside table to see the time was near 10:30. not bad but also it didn’t matter because it was saturday, and he would go anywhere you said anyway.

he could feel your breath evening out against him, and he laughed a bit as he lifted you up carefully and moved you to the side earning a groan and a scramble of your fingers to grip his sleeve in a weak attempt to keep him where you wanted.

“you’re like a toddler in the morning you know that? cute though.” he already started shifting to carefully move over you, ignoring your whines. “i’m just gonna get dressed and then we can make some breakfast.” but he couldn’t help leaning over to kiss your forehead.

“why are you so productive as soon as you wake up.” you mumbled against the sheets. suddenly perking up when you heard his hoodie unzipping. squinting your eyes against the sunlight to his back. “okay i’m awake now.”

he whipped around with his shirt bunched around his arms and neck, raising his eyebrow at you.

“who knew you were this much of a pervert? preying on an innocent guy like me...” he shook his head playfully, rummaging in your drawers still.

“oh please” you sat up and tried uselessly to fix your bedhead. “you asked for it. working out every day, wearing those slutty shirts, always offering to lift things for me.”

now he let out a real laugh “it worked though didn’t it?” walking over to you with a comfortable change of clothes to pull you up to stand in front of him. “it’s okay i like when you check me out, glad to know i’m not the only one.” your hands hung at your sides even as he leaned over to kiss your cheek. “don’t sulk baby, let’s go get some coffee to wake you up.”

he turned around to let you change while you scoffed at his manners, but still kept your mouth shut.

once you were dressed, you reached to grab your phone from the bedside table. he turned to open the door with you holding onto the bottom of his shirt. he opened it to your roommate lunging back from her nice listening spot in the doorway.

you looked at her, then to anton who was frozen in place. until you smiled at her,

“good morning.”

her eyes trailed to your hand full of anton’s shirt.

“morning…”

he cleared his throat and inched to the side of the door to nonverbally tell her to move and said, “we were just leaving.” you couldn’t hide your smile at his attempt to get away from her and also that she finally got the hint he was not interested.

she moved back towards her room with a halfhearted “have fun.” before he started leading you to get his keys.

“anton, we didn’t even brush our teeth, i have no makeup on and-“ he turned around and held your chin in his hand kissing you so delicately.

“it’ll just be a quick run and then we can come back or do whatever you want, okay?”

you ran your fingers up his arms, leaving goosebumps in your wake.

“anything i want?”

he closed his eyes in mock exasperation at your sparkling eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitched as he gently pried your hands away from him. smoothing his thumbs over your wrists as he placed them at your sides.

“you’re gonna kill me. can i just please take you on an actual date first?”

he already started moving halfway out the front door, grabbing both of your keys off the hook with you trailing close behind

“what do you mean? i just thought we could play uno…”

he shut the door behind him, grabbing your hand without having to look for it.

“sure.”

oh, this was going to be fun.

[neoraso]

why does this keep getting hidden from the tags...

[neoraso]

my love is a flower in your hands | lcy

third time is a charm… 9k words of anton and y/n yearning. <\3

there were only so many of these group hangouts you could endure. the passing hands over your shoulder or linking of fingers for a microscopic amount of time would make any woman crazy. you had always thought anton was cute- read: cute. you two were once even the same height until at some point he began to grow in more ways than one. he started to look more like his father and tampered his childhood whimsy into a calm demeanor like his mother. as you became adults, his soft features remained with him, but he had also started filling out his larger frame, his reservedness still seemingly kept him from catching up with what other people saw when they looked at him. even now in his twenties, he still gets embarrassed when his mom dotes on him in front of company and bashfully laughs off when his friends point out a girl hitting on him, blushing when he tells them, “she’s just being nice.” anton didn’t acknowledge his appeal, and if he did, he didn’t voice it, but you knew it was only a matter of time until he fell for a girl that wasn’t you- and that was terrifying for more reasons than one.

your thigh was pressed up against his on this couch with cushions so deep it concaved and funneled you between him and sohee, the latter of which had been joking and laughing loud enough for you and anton. this mini kickback was entirely planned by your mutual friend yujin, who claimed that college had separated your friend group long enough and you all needed a night to “unwind.”

her version of unwinding consisted of too much money spent on delivered food and alcohol while you all caught up on your, admittedly mundane, lives. the struggles of $6 coffees or boring professors ricocheted between the five of you as you cramped in yujin and gaeul’s shared apartment.

the get together was already underway when you and anton arrived, him having given you a ride after your last class that he said ended around his (he waited an hour and a half in the library while you finished up). the apartment was a cozy, albeit tight space which was now cluttered with takeout containers and half-empty bottles of alcohol, the remnants of your hard work unwinding. the dim lighting coming from only the kitchen cast a glow over your small group, made everything feel a bit more intimate as you talked and joked with each other. yujin was right about the fact that you never really saw your old friends anymore and it was relieving to know you still could fall back into your normal rhythm with each other.

it was a blessing and a curse having met anton at 12 and grown up together since. enough family dinners and birthdays and holidays spent together had solidified a sister-like position in everyone’s eyes--which truly hadn’t been an issue for you, until you hit 18.

you often thought of your birthday party that year when anton insisted on showing up to your house before anyone else, hands full of your favorite snacks and an offer to help set up. he had blown up balloons and hung them in all the places you couldn’t reach, his fingers calloused from years of playing cello still felt soft when they brushed yours while getting ready. that day your mom had given him a hug and thanked him for always being so helpful and kind, saying she wished she had him around all the time. his ears were pink, but he couldn’t hide his smile even when he met your eyes, looking away just as fast and telling her, “i’ll always be around, don’t worry.”

that party with your closest friends went as well as it could. anton stuck to you the whole time, teaming up with you during games and kept your hair from touching the cake’s frosting after telling you softly to make a wish. he insisted on staying after everyone left to clean up which wasn’t uncommon, but it was already 10pm by the time the house was empty. your friends gone and your parents were asleep upstairs. the plates and decorations were cleaned away, and he still lingered in the living room, hesitating before asking if you wanted to watch a movie.

something about the thought of being alone with him that night felt different. late night drives in his car were a regular occurrence where he showed you the new artists he was listening to, or sometimes he would invite you out to his old school’s playground after hours, but nothing had ever felt like this. there he was in your living room, looking like he couldn’t bear to leave. you ignored the flicker inside that hinted you were doing something slightly dangerous, one that said you should tell him you were going to call it a night and that he should text you when he got home safe. instead, you said okay and spent 20 minutes deciding on a movie as he fiddled with the threads on your sofa’s throw pillow before settling on nausicaa of the valley of the wind, a movie you had both watched every time you had a movie night growing up. the respectable distance you had maintained at first was forgone after you both fell asleep on the couch. all it took was waking up to his head on your stomach, his cheek puffed against you and the early morning sun hitting his cheekbones. with your legs cramping under his weight, you knew you’d never see him the same way.

tonight, you had intended to drink a bit, thinking you were spending the night with the girls and anton had said he had you covered. he poured you both a coke and pretended to add more than a mouthwash’s amount of liquor for you, skipping his own in case you wanted a ride home. it was just yujin, sohee, gaeul that made it, your high school friend group had fragmented but when you found the time every couple of months you made the effort to see each other. of course, you and anton saw each other nearly every day having made it into the same university. your friends -sohee- teased you constantly, pressing you on how the two of you were still so inseparable “was ten years not enough of seeing each other?”. no, it wasn’t and either way, the way anton would look at you smiling and chuckling out an ‘i guess not’ said he agreed. you had your own relationship with anton no one could touch.

sometimes you felt like you and him had to be soulmates in some way or another. who else got you like he did and vice versa? all it took was a shared look or a covert sigh and you could practically read each other’s thoughts. he had supported you through all of the transitions of teen and adulthood years. your friendship was so so special, and you knew he really would always be there for you just like he said. sometimes though, selfish as it may be, it wasn’t enough. you wanted more than a greeting hug or a surprise coffee on your study sessions. you wanted to tell people “yes, he is my boyfriend, isn’t he so cute?” or “yes, i’m so lucky aren’t i?.” instead of having to deny how involved you were, taking a step back so as not to fluster him further.

if you looked close enough and read between the lines, you might think he liked you back. the way he looks at you, eyes shining after you tell a joke and he laughed a little too much. the way he holds your hand when you try to balance on curbs on the way back home and holds you up when you eventually trip. the way he talks to your mom when she calls you and asks how he is. it all seemed like it should make sense and yet neither of you make any sort of move to make things clear. it used to be as easy as breathing and now you were being strangled every time you thought about what you could be

so now here you are again, already exhausted from the day and losing energy with every game you and your friends play while they questioned how you could remain so sober after all this time. you shrugged and looked back at anton who was leaned against the back of the couch and already looking at you. he gave you the smile that gets twisted when he’s too shy to feel so satisfied with himself, then spoke,

“yeah y/n, i even poured you extra. you must be like a super soldier.”

he pressed the back of his hand against your cheek where it would’ve been warm had he actually poured you anything. except now it was warm but only because of his proximity. you didn’t move away and let yourself enjoy the way he pinched the fat of your cheek with his knuckles.

it had been quiet until now save for the low music playing from sohee’s ridiculously expensive speaker he spent a month’s savings on. everyone seemed to be entertained enough watching your interaction before giving each other knowing looks and resuming their conversations.

you still held anton’s gaze until he dropped his hand from your face to your thigh only for a moment before you impulsively grabbed his hand only to slowly turn his hand over in yours. you ignored the corners of his mouth turning up in your peripheral as you held his fingers in both of your hands. your nails traced an ‘a’ on his palm as you sheepishly looked up at him. his grin took over his face, crinkling his nose, knowing you were bringing back the guessing game you used to play in junior high. he grabbed your smaller hand in his and traced your initial as well but then also drew something oddly similar to a heart before turning your palm into his, lacing your fingers together.

this was not the first time you two held hands, but it was the first time it was in front of people and for this long. the more you thought of the implications, the more nervous you got, and a rush of a prickling warmth spread through you. his grip was gentle, in a way that felt familiar but also so new, like you had been running on half-dead batteries your whole life and now were fully charged. for a second it felt like it was only the two of you in the room, the impossibly white walls trapping you in this friendship purgatory. before he could feel your hummingbird pulse, you tried to pull away.

“my hands are sweating.” you said as he gripped your fingers tighter

“i don’t care.” he said casually, but he didn’t break the eye contact.

“toni.” you gave him your best glare which only made him laugh. “are you drunk?”

“you think i’m that irresponsible of a d.d?” he tried to joke but you knew him well enough to feel his undercurrents of nervousness.

“who are you driving? i thought we were staying the night.” you looked around, genuinely curious.

he looked at you and blinked once before moving his gaze to the spot where your knee bent against the couch.

“you. in case you wanted to go home i didn’t drink.” now he shrunk back, seeming suddenly insecure of his own thoughtfulness. “do you want to go home tonight?” he asked softly.

you pondered for a moment, “well… i mean it’s late already but…” you remembered you had discussed a movie night after seeing your friends.

suddenly you heard sohee’s voice interrupting your conversation. “no, i think she definitely wants to go home.” his cheshire grin leered back at you, flinching with a giggle as you tugged your hand from anton’s to flick sohee’s hair. as you started to bicker while the girls laughed at you from their seats on the floor, anton couldn’t help but stare, getting lost in thought.

he had always thought you were pretty, even before he really liked girls in that way, you had a face that he could never move on from. he knew others thought it too, especially as the two of you got older, his own friends making comments, first about how there was no way anton wasn’t attracted to you and then about how pretty you were. it was a very fine line between admitting you were definitely not like a sister to him and then to not breach the topic of how bad he wanted you, how much he wished he could tell people you were his.

anton was famous for his unwavering patience. in the same way he quietly waited for his college admissions letters to come in, confident in his acceptances, he stayed by your side for nine years with a waxing and waning sliver of hope that one day you’d love him the way he does you. he would never complain about your relationship though, not when you called him every day you weren’t with him, shared everything with him, even the way you called him your best friend didn’t sting as much when he knew the depth of what you what you meant. all it took was you calling his name in your sweet voice and he would be anything you asked.

like tonight, when you had already promised you would watch nausicaa again for old times’ sake after meeting up with your friends. he knew what a lightweight you were so he made an executive decision (an admittedly selfish one) to keep you and him sober so you could still hang out. except now he felt a pang of insecurity. was he being overbearing or did you figure out he only wanted to hang out with you today? he wanted to be there for you in any way he could, but now he wondered if all this extra attention was pushing you away. grabbing your hand in front of everyone was something he would’ve thought was unbelievable two months ago, but lately you had been notably touchier unless of course he was making it up, wishful thinking or whatever. holding his arm when you went shopping, hands on his shoulder when you found him sitting at the library, fixing his hair that was growing by the day (definitely not because you said you liked it longer). anton felt like he was losing his mind overanalyzing every interaction-

“right toni?” you turned back to him smiling, clearly unaware that he hasn’t been paying attention for minutes. this room that was getting stuffier by the minute, the thick smell of fried food lingering in the air stuck in his nose making it even harder to breathe than just seeing you like this. he only stared back at you letting out a “hm?” that was probably only audible to you.

⟢ ・⸝⸝

anton’s parents understandably had their reservations when he told them he wanted to pursue music even just as a minor, he conceded to majoring in business economics - as dull as it was to him- to make everyone happy. what he would never admit to anyone is that the thought of taking care of you with the type of career he could get into with a degree like that kept him going. his mind often wandered to coming home to you after a long day at the office, you’d be baking or finishing one of your 10000 piece puzzles and he’d kiss you sweetly and melt into you just the way he wanted to, feeling like all his hard work was worth it. if he was feeling extra dangerous, he’d let his thoughts wander to imagine you at home as a mom, what your baby would look like, a little boy with your eyes and his nose or a little girl with a smile that made him as weak as yours does.

he once entertained the thought that it was because he was so young that he was so inexperienced with dating, that there could be more people besides you that he would have better luck reciprocating his feelings, but he knew there was no one for him but you. he physically couldn’t imagine his future with anyone else, even if it meant he was alone together with you forever-

and you were looking at him again,

“we were talking about that time sohee tried to microwave that- anton helloooo?” he had wandered off again, blushing when he smiled and coughed to avoid everyone’s eyes on him.

“are you that tired? it’s only 11:30.” gaeul said checking her phone, her lockscreen picture of her boyfriend glaring at him as he burned with wishing you could do the same with him. you looked over and seemed to realize he was spent and ready to go home.

rubbing your eyes and stretching your arms you checked the time too, pretending to be shocked at how late you’d stayed over.

“i’m pretty wiped out too, we had 8 a.m.’s today.”

“’we’ she says” sohee and the girls giggle to themselves knowing he meant you and anton. “alright well have fun doing… whatever it is you do when we’re not around.”

both you and anton flushed at this, no matter how many times they teased you like this, the back of your neck would always sting as if anton would be able to smell the desperation on you.

“ok! well, we’re going now. it was nice to see you guys, let’s do it again soon.” he said rushed and only half-heartedly as he extended his hand out to pull you up from that black hole of a couch. he looked away and lowered his eyes to the floor, suddenly so interested in the spotless carpet as you adjusted your shirt, the tight fabric having ridden up in all the places he wanted to be allowed to touch.

you gave a breathless smile and waited for the girls to stand up from the floor for hugs and squeals and kisses goodbye. they hugged anton too while still holding you, pouting as you got closer to the door.

“i’ll see you soon! in the daytime. when i’m not half asleep and more fun.” you winked and blew a kiss to yujin’s puppy dog eyes before she slowly shut the door behind you.

thankfully the girls lived on the bottom floor, so you were already immediately outside. you sighed and threw your arms out in the fresh air.

selfishly, anton also felt relief at having you all to himself again. the streetlights against the pitch dark of night cast a soft glow on your face as you walked back to his car, he tried to slow his steps to match yours just so he could look at you. your hair had fallen out of line from the long day, it framed your face in a way that made his heart ache. maybe it was all the yearning from the last few years having built up like sediment, but today it was nearly unbearable. even the soft sounds of your footsteps and your jeans brushing the concrete as you kept up with his long legs brought on a surge of emotion that made him want to grab you and not let go.

“i didn’t realize we parked so far away.” you laughed as you hopped up on the curb as usual, balancing like you were on a tightrope, toeing a line just like anton as he grabbed onto your wrist when you leaned a little too far over the edge.

“do you still want to watch the movie? my roommate is gone tonight so you can come over no problem.” your question was innocent enough, but you nearly tripped on the last word. you gave up on balancing, too drunk on his closeness and the way the tips of his eyelashes were illuminated as they looked down at you- still taller than you even on the ledge, and he was still holding your hand.

“i’m down if you’re not too tired. we had a long day.” he was feeling really bold since you hadn’t pulled your hand away and you looked like a deer in the headlights turning your head back up to him.

“oh i’m fine. i wanted to watch it..too ...” your voice trailed off at the end and he wanted so badly to be able to taste the thoughts that remained on your tongue. every step you took towards the car, which was now in sight, thickened the tension until anton felt like he was choking on his confession.

it took all of his willpower to let you go to unlock the car. the black bmw was a gift from his parents for his high school graduation and it had seen many of yours and anton’s moments, especially since you didn’t have a car, so naturally, anton drove you everywhere he could.

you connected your phone to the stereo automatically and played your shared playlist on the way home. he knew the way to your complex by heart, but he put extra care in pretending like he was concerned about the empty streets and stoplights instead of looking at you. after finally reaching your parking garage, he pulled into his usual spot making sure you unbuckled your seatbelt and gathered your things out of the corner of his eye--itching to do everything for you. you hummed and talked about moments from the day all the way up to your floor as he trailed behind you, chuckling when appropriate and clenching his fists to keep from touching your shoulder or your pretty hair.

once you made it inside, he calmed down a bit at the familiar smell of your apartment, jasmine and something clear like rain. your half-finished sketches and paintings covered the wall, a hobby of yours he swears could be a career.

you had also surrendered in your own way to your family, joining the art club as your creative outlet while you focused on molecular and cellular-focused biology. honestly, he didn’t even know that was a thing but then again, you had always been smart. never in a haughty way, just enough so that it left him in awe when you rambled about the new things you were studying. as if you weren’t busy enough with your classes, you still found time to meet once a week with people from complete opposite ends of campus for your club meetings just so you could “get it out of your system.” anton thought it was cute you liked to socialize with people who shared your interests, and he definitely didn’t mind that it had become a tradition for him to pick you up from your weekly meetings and hang out at one of either of your apartments.

that being said, a few weeks ago had almost given him a stroke when one of your club members walked out with you and noticed him parked on the street with his window down. he heard her say to you “is that your boyfriend?” as your eyes widened and you tripped on the words “no, just my friend” all the way to the car, the girl smirked and nudged you with her elbow telling you “he’s cute, have fun~” wiggling her eyebrows as if that would help anything at all. he feigned ignorance to whatever had just happened in front him as you slumped into the passenger seat. at first that night, he felt good about himself that you could be so flustered thinking about him, then he started to wonder if maybe the idea was so bad… that couldn’t be it, right?

people often thought anton was too soft, that he was fragile and meek because he was soft-spoken and didn’t pick fights, but he knew that of the two of you, you were softer than him. you spoke up for yourself, but you were still delicate, always so helpful and kind which sometimes led to you getting taken advantage of. he wanted to protect you, he wanted you to let him be the one to do anything for you, even if that was pathetic, especially if it was pathetic.

you removed your shoes, leaving your keys on the hook by the door and headed towards the kitchen, the silence settled around you, realizing he had been unnervingly quiet since you got in the car. you knew him well enough to know he only got like this when he had a lot on his mind and when he had a lot on his mind it made you worry too. you ran through all of the events of the day, which had been ordinary until…whatever that was at the girls’ house, but he initiated it right? maybe you pushed your luck asking him to come over. you washed your hands for the full 20 seconds and he was in the living room, looking for your remote.

“do you want anything to drink? or snacks? i still have those jellies you like.”

“no thanks, i’m good.” he said absentmindedly, finding the controller under one of the throw pillows gaeul had embroidered for you last year. he smiled to himself at the crooked bees and flowers decorating the pillow, it was just so cute how much you loved your friends, and he was so lucky to be loved by you in any way. he tugged off his zip-up and started setting up the movie.

your apartment seemed like it used all of its space for the living room, with enough area for a sofa, a love seat and all 763 of your roommate’s plants. your two bedrooms and bathroom were shoved to the rear of the floorplan like an afterthought. your bedroom was big enough for your things and a bed too small for the both of you to sit on without your ankles knocking together while you watched movies on your laptop, which could be a good or bad thing depending on the day.

you poured the both of you a glass of water regardless of what he said and sat beside him on the plush couch you had gotten from anton’s parents who had helped you move in. he had not hidden his displeasure at not being in the same building as you, but it was closer to the bus station and your school and he had already signed a lease elsewhere. anton thought your roommate was fine enough, but she always gave him the eyes and laugh girls gave him when they commented on his height or how impressive his major was.

he wasn’t dumb, no matter how many times he brushed off his friend’s jokes about his cluelessness, he knew when girls were interested in him-whether he understood why or not. not you though, much to his dismay, you had been friends for so long it was impossible to tell the difference between friendly affections and ones that said what he ached to hear. nevertheless, anton avoided your roommate like the plague when she was home and he was over. you would always laugh when he would shut your bedroom door behind him in a hurry, sick of her half-lidded gazes- but admittedly, your nonchalance you kept at first irked him. as time went on though, you started to hold onto him when she was around and pull him into your room or suggest going out to avoid her. he liked the way you grabbed his sleeve or stood in front of him like you could possibly hide his taller frame behind you. it made him giddy at the thought of you being possessive, of you making him yours.

now, in the middle of the couch, you were just far enough away to make him itch. he sat up to grab the water you brought for him, thanking you before sitting back down close enough for your thighs to touch while he pressed play.

it was so unlike him to act like some teenage boy who had never been alone with a girl, but he couldn’t help it anymore.

he was relatively sure you could move on from him confessing his near decade of love, but there was still a chance you felt the same. maybe sohee had gotten in his head but there was no good reason why you, a perfectly normal girl would spend every waking moment with him, a normal boy if you didn’t have some kind of feelings. “it’s inevitable, you know anton, when a man and a woman are around each other long enough, eventually-“ he stopped sohee there, but the impact was the same.

as usual, within 15 minutes of the movie starting you became a bit restless, getting up periodically, eventually changing into pajamas and bringing more snacks. it seemed like you were back to a rhythm of your usual dynamic but something else was in the air, prickling your side. you couldn’t stop looking at him.

obviously you thought he was good looking but something about tonight…maybe the late hour or whatever went on earlier in the night made your fingers twitch. besides his arms that were suddenly out, his hard work at the gym he went to for some reason was evident every time he wore anything but a sweatshirt. the slope of his nose was drawn out by the light of the one floor lamp in the corner of the room and his lips were naturally pouted as he focused on the movie, making you realize you probably should be too.

at some point, your legs ended up over his lap and he kept them there, playfully using them as an armrest, even as he leaned back into the couch. after a bit of silence with you laying down across the entire couch he spoke up,

“this is kinda like your birthday party huh” he asked thoughtfully

“which one?” you looked at him, knowing exactly which birthday party he was talking about, “you’ve been to practically all of them.”

“your 18th a couple years ago.” he looked from the screen to his lap, the yellows and blues of the tv screen danced on his face as he continued, “when i accidentally stayed the night.”

“oh… that one.”

anton often thought about that day too. he had purposefully waited after everyone left until the house was quiet, your parents already asleep. about to start college like everyone said to. he had already done a lot of thinking about his future, somehow it always came back to you. when he was in junior high he dreamed of pursuing music professionally, with fantasies about being in a band or as a coveted producer. as he got older and hardened by the realities of the world, he started to fantasize about any job that would let you live comfortably with him. that night of your birthday, all he could think about was how much he wanted to be a part of your life as so much more than a friend. he had offered to watch a movie just to give him a couple more hours with you, but as you stayed up talking about college and becoming adults, he hung on your every word until you started to drift off after the second movie played in the background. as creepy as it sounded (and maybe was), he watched you sleep like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen, well past the time he should’ve gone home. he woke up that next morning half on top of you, the warmth of your body against his and the peacefulness of the morning made him yearn for a life of doing this forever. he enjoyed it for some minutes until he fell back into you, letting himself enjoy your fingers tangled in his hair and your soft breaths underneath him.

since then, and especially these days, he agonized over how selfish he felt. maybe you didn’t return his feelings, and he was suffocating you in a simmering hope for something that would never happen. he could never resent you if you didn’t reciprocate, this was his problem that he wasn’t really doing anything to solve. but maybe tonight would be different.

“that was fun” you said wistfully, “my mom still brings up when you brought all those cute decorations.”

he looked down at your feet that fidgeted, smiling in a way that made your breath catch.

“can i- “

“i still- “

you both spoke at the same time, and he poked your calf, “you go ahead.”

“it’s nothing… just that i deflated one of those heart balloons you got and it’s still in my closet at home, makes me happy when i think about it.” he said nothing which made you instantly burn up until you noticed his smile that was impossibly wide.

he chuckled softly before looking down again,

“i was gonna ask if you remembered the morning of the next day.”

suddenly his face was earnest and bashful before he looked down, his ears burning.

“oh.” you quickly tried to salvage the mood, “you were so heavy i thought i’d get necrosis in my legs.”

he indulged you with a weak chuckle before looking back to your soft pajama pants with stars on them, he traced one with his finger and you tried not to let it affect you.

“i’ve been thinking about that day a lot lately. i did all that stuff hoping you’d feel special, 18 seemed like a big deal for some reason.”

hoping you’d feel special

his words reverberated in your ears until you felt dizzy.

“18 is a big deal.” you paused, not knowing where this conversation was going or if it was appropriate to say what you wanted to next. “you did make it special. and i was glad you stayed after too.” you were looking at his side profile, wondering how you could paint it, hoping he could read between the lines.

“y/n” he said without waiting, suddenly meeting your eyes with an intensity you weren’t used to.

“yes?” you replied meekly suddenly sitting up, wanting to soothe the flash of panic on his face at you moving away.

i love you i love you i love you is all that ran through his mind.

“i… do you feel like we’re becoming like, more than friends? i mean do you see me that way? i’m sorry to spring this on you right now i guess just want to know.”

for an infinitesimal moment, you froze and burned until you collected yourself. scooting closer to him on the couch.

“anton,” you smirked at him, covering up your nervousness with teasing, “are you trying to trick me into confessing first so you don’t have to say it?”

“i’m in love with you.”

he said the words with such finality it shocked you enough to suck in a sharp breath. he was looking directly at you, those same eyes you had known for what felt like your whole life. his bangs hung against his temples in a way that made you want to brush them behind his ears. and you knew he meant those words completely. he didn’t need to say anything else for you to feel the weight of years of heartache, just like you. despite knowing it you still asked the most intelligent question you could.

“you what?” blinking in shock.

he sighed and looked around the room like one of your roommate’s monsteras could save him.

“i love you, i have for forever and i…” he dug his tongue into his cheek before continuing, “i don’t care- i don’t mind how slow you want to take it, if you feel anything for me please just give me a chance.” his eyes were pleading- and suddenly you realized he really never realized you loved him too.

“anton.” he looked down at your tone of voice, already anticipating rejection.

“there’s no way you didn’t know i feel the same.”

he perked up immediately at your words, searching your face for any doubt.

“are you being serious?”

you couldn’t help but giggle as you brushed the tip of his nose with your finger

“mmhm”

he let out a sigh, throwing his head back against the back of the couch. if an outsider was watching they might think this was anticlimactic, but anton felt like he was coming down from a mountain, exhilarating relief and easy steps.

his hand inched forward against his will and settled on your waist, both of you tried not to notice how he was practically covering your whole ribcage.

“this ok?” he asked, his words were polite but the way his fingers dug in and encouraged you to move closer to him were a little less so.

you nodded with a grin, still in disbelief this was real. your ankle hooked over his thighs, he leaned his head back as if that would give him any respite.

if it were anyone else, this would’ve been incredibly awkward. but now that everything was out in the open, it was once again as easy as breathing. you scooched over until you sat up, straddling him at a respectful distance.

“this ok?” now you really were teasing him.

he cleared his throat, and his eyes moved from your own to your lips as he kept his hands impossibly still against your hips.

you laughed at his expression and brought your hands up to his shoulders, your thumbs brushing against the sides of his neck as he looked up at you like you hung the moon.

looking down at him, in a position that you could’ve only ever dreamed of being in not even three hours ago, you couldn’t stop the giggles that came out of you.

his mouth fell open in mock offense, but the tips of his ears burned as he grabbed your waist tighter.

“what’s your deal? stop laughing at me!” he screwed his eyes shut at how embarrassing it would be if this was all some sick joke.

“im not!” you choked back another giggle and moved your hands over his chest reverberating with his drumming heartbeat. “i’m not laughing at you, this whole situation is just ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“ridiculous?” he swallowed and used all of his willpower to not slip his pinky finger under the hem of your shirt.

“we could’ve been doing this a long time ago.” you emphasized your point with a poke at his shoulder, the sting left behind by your fingernail made him burn for more.

he swallowed thickly. “yeah, i guess so. you know how i am though.”

“yeah i do.”

neither of you said anything for a beat before you couldn’t take the weight of the tension anymore,

“if i asked you to kiss me now is that bad manners? are we supposed to wait for some kind of holiday? oh- “

his hand crept up to the back of your neck while he simultaneously angled his head towards you. it felt like you were moving towards him fast enough to knock his teeth out but also in slow motion. once your lips actually met his plush ones, you wondered how long he had been hiding this side of him.

this wasn’t your first kiss, but it felt like it, with the sweaty palms and slight panic. but this time instead of feeling slobbery and gross you felt like all the butterflies and the bees inside you that had been fluttering around for years were finally quiet. your whole body melted into him as if crying out finally!

when you asked him to kiss you, you had expected a couple of shy pecks and maybe some soft petting, not this. not panting into each other’s mouths with uncharacteristic pg-13 grabbing on his end. it was like all the high school years you kept this side of yourselves from each other culminated into this absurd makeout session on his parent’s old couch. it began to feel like you had been kissing anton for hours, you couldn’t stop, every time you pulled away, the lick of his tongue against your teeth brought you right back in. he slowly sat both of you up, probably sick of leaning his head back, and he maneuvered you to lay against the armrest of the couch. you took the opportunity to run your fingers through the hair at his nape, earning a gasp from him that ignited you to make him do it again and again. his eyelashes were tickling your face at this angle and his breath was hotter than ever against your mouth. he was everywhere and it still wasn’t enough, so you gripped his shirt with a whine to pull him back down to you. chuckling a bit, he indulged you for a few minutes, letting himself enjoy the way your noses grazed each other and the sighs you let out before realizing this was very ungentlemanly of him.

he pulled away with a thick swallow at your furrowed eyebrows.

“okay. let’s-“he was cut off by the screen going dark from inactivity.

thankfully you laughed, being snapped back into reality too.

“it’s not that- i. i just don’t want, oh sorry.” he paused realizing you were still trapped underneath him. the way your eyes watched him made him shiver as he helped you sit up. your legs were over his again, but now you were much closer with his arm around you, just the way he liked it.

“it’s ok.” you smirked, knowing what he was trying to convey. “you’re a good kisser.”

he choked on his breath, not expecting you to be so bold.

“i… well thanks. you are too. i don’t- i didn’t mean to get carried away. and just so you know, i’ve never kissed anyone like… that really so don’t think i’m like…”

“going around stealing girls’ hearts with your expert tongue?”

“ugh gross dude!” he screwed his eyes shut from the embarrassment. “no, and any girl i ever kissed i imagined was you.”

you couldn’t help your genuine smile

“oh toni, you’re so sweet” hooking your arms around his neck to pull him in to kiss his cheek that was getting pinker by the second.

he reached down to lace your fingers together.

“we’ll be alright won’t we?”

“yeah we’ll be just fine.”

your phone suddenly lit up, showing not only the time being 2:13 but also yujin’s text asking something so nsfw about your current activities with anton that you had to put your phone face down to not think about it.

“it’s pretty late huh?” he spoke up but made no intention of moving.

“why don’t you stay the night?”

he cleared his throat.

“oh. yeah… right… i can do that, i just don’t have any clothes or anything.”

“i might have some of yours.” you said casually as you stood up. he automatically followed you to your bedroom.

as you rummaged in your dresser he took time to really snoop around (visually only of course, he wasn’t a total freak). the dinosaur plush he had won for you miraculously at a carnival, the framed picture of the two of you at your high school graduation, your cute pink comforter and teddy bear you’d had since middle school. he was suffocating on the fact that you reciprocated his feelings, that he could just reach out and touch you, like he was right now.

as you searched for an old shirt you knew you had he suddenly put a hand on your waist making you look up at him in confusion. he gently put the sweats you held in your hands on the dresser as he stole a kiss from you, and another, and another before kissing your forehead.

“you’re so cute you know that?”

your heart beating in your chest made you feel like your brain was rattling around.

“anton seriously…” you pretended to sound exasperated but the smile on your face couldn’t be helped especially when it spread to him. he picked the sweats up with a look of amusement and you cut off his thoughts. “i forgot to give them back when i washed them after sohee spilled coke on you… and i promise this isn’t some plot to undress you but i really can’t find that shirt of yours you gave me like three years ago so…”

“it’s fine i’ll just wear my hoodie.” he pinched your cheek and headed towards the bathroom.

“there’s a new toothbrush in the cabinet!” you called after him. his quiet affirmation as he shut the bathroom door behind him left you alone to try and collect yourself. in an attempt to calm down you texted your group chat with the girls, “have you guys ever realized how beautiful life is?”

you put your phone down before waiting for a reply, getting up and brush your own teeth right as anton opened the bathroom door, bare from the waist up.

the shock you felt must’ve shown on your face because he giggled and explained as he walked to the living room “i forgot i left my hoodie out here.” he said, quickly zipping it up, trying to hold back from laughing at your pitiful form still standing in the hallway. he grabbed both of your cups of water from earlier, still full and nudged you with his elbow to the bathroom. “go brush your teeth crazy girl.”

after an extra-long face washing and teeth brushing routine, you finally stepped back into your bedroom. the clock reading 3:02 didn’t upset you as much as anton laying there tucked into your covers, holding your childhood teddy bear with the hand not holding his phone.

“comfy?” you asked, suddenly shy from his eyes.

“yeah, turn the light off and come here. i’m tired as hell.” he scooted over knowing you hate sleeping against the wall.

“ok, guess i’ll just,” you turned the big light off, walking over to the bed, “come over and just lay…” he scoffed and reached out to grab your hand, tugging it lightly.

“just come lay down already.”

wordlessly you crawled under the covers, his arms already waiting to hold you to him. his hoodie smelled just so like his cologne and so like him you could die from its potency. he seemed so nonchalant, but you could feel his heartbeat against your ear, drumming to the same beat as yours which made you feel a little better. this was just as new territory for him as it was for you.

he was playing with your hair before clearing his throat,

“yeah this is way better than that birthday party.”

that made you burst out laughing as you slotted your ankle in between his. his low chuckle shaking you slightly as you agree.

“why did you never say anything?”

“probably the same reason you didn’t” he answered like it was simple. either way, your eyes were already closing as you replied,

“hm i guess so…”

he adjusted your head and said goodnight with no response, but he didn’t mind.

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝

the next morning, anton stirred, feeling the warmth of the early morning sun on his eyelids. his eyes fluttered open, and he found you still nestled against him. the soft rise and fall of your breath against his collarbone him made him wonder if this is what it was like to be on ecstasy. he could feel the gentle cramping in his arm from the weight of your head, but it didn’t matter when he saw your hair splayed against him and falling over your eyes, your jasmine shampoo bringing him back to earth and making him realize this was real, you did love him back and you weren’t going anywhere.

he let out a contented sigh, his fingers instinctively brushing against your skin, tracing the outline of your waist. he would give up anything for a life of waking up like this forever.

luckily though, he wouldn’t have to, as you started to wake up, grumbling and shifting around. he thought you were trying to escape his hold, so he begrudgingly let go of you, only for you to sluggishly move all the way on top of him. the sleep in your voice evident when you spoke against his neck,

“anton?”

“morning.” he moved to pet your head, “were you hoping for someone else?” he teased you, only getting a groan in response. he let both of you enjoy the closeness before breaking the silence again,

“get up you little sloth, don’t you want coffee?” he pinched your hip lightly for emphasis.

“mmm but you’re so warm” you whined, the plush of your lips moving against his pulse.

partially to distract himself from that pulse reaching anywhere else in his body, he reached over to his phone on the bedside table to see the time was near 10:30. not bad but also it didn’t matter because it was saturday, and he would go anywhere you said anyway.

he could feel your breath evening out against him, and he laughed a bit as he lifted you up carefully and moved you to the side earning a groan and a scramble of your fingers to grip his sleeve in a weak attempt to keep him where you wanted.

“you’re like a toddler in the morning you know that? cute though.” he already started shifting to carefully move over you, ignoring your whines. “i’m just gonna get dressed and then we can make some breakfast.” but he couldn’t help leaning over to kiss your forehead.

“why are you so productive as soon as you wake up.” you mumbled against the sheets. suddenly perking up when you heard his hoodie unzipping. squinting your eyes against the sunlight to his back. “okay i’m awake now.”

he whipped around with his shirt bunched around his arms and neck, raising his eyebrow at you.

“who knew you were this much of a pervert? preying on an innocent guy like me...” he shook his head playfully, rummaging in your drawers still.

“oh please” you sat up and tried uselessly to fix your bedhead. “you asked for it. working out every day, wearing those slutty shirts, always offering to lift things for me.”

now he let out a real laugh “it worked though didn’t it?” walking over to you with a comfortable change of clothes to pull you up to stand in front of him. “it’s okay i like when you check me out, glad to know i’m not the only one.” your hands hung at your sides even as he leaned over to kiss your cheek. “don’t sulk baby, let’s go get some coffee to wake you up.”

he turned around to let you change while you scoffed at his manners, but still kept your mouth shut.

once you were dressed, you reached to grab your phone from the bedside table. he turned to open the door with you holding onto the bottom of his shirt. he opened it to your roommate lunging back from her nice listening spot in the doorway.

you looked at her, then to anton who was frozen in place. until you smiled at her,

“good morning.”

her eyes trailed to your hand full of anton’s shirt.

“morning…”

he cleared his throat and inched to the side of the door to nonverbally tell her to move and said, “we were just leaving.” you couldn’t hide your smile at his attempt to get away from her and also that she finally got the hint he was not interested.

she moved back towards her room with a halfhearted “have fun.” before he started leading you to get his keys.

“anton, we didn’t even brush our teeth, i have no makeup on and-“ he turned around and held your chin in his hand kissing you so delicately.

“it’ll just be a quick run and then we can come back or do whatever you want, okay?”

you ran your fingers up his arms, leaving goosebumps in your wake.

“anything i want?”

he closed his eyes in mock exasperation at your sparkling eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitched as he gently pried your hands away from him. smoothing his thumbs over your wrists as he placed them at your sides.

“you’re gonna kill me. can i just please take you on an actual date first?”

he already started moving halfway out the front door, grabbing both of your keys off the hook with you trailing close behind

“what do you mean? i just thought we could play uno…”

he shut the door behind him, grabbing your hand without having to look for it.

“sure.”

oh, this was going to be fun.