Peter Solarz
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@nerdyerror
Hello Folks, I am officially open for commission!
Here is an example of my previous commisioned work:
This was for @sigrid-of-solstheim
It’s of Baurus from TES IV: Oblivion
If you are interested in a commission please contact me @nerdyerror!
i looked up the source for this and its from an anime where a dude has to keep a constant boner for a month straight or he loses his house
is this the episode where he lost his house
omg
No one:
Demetrius Desmond, marrying the love of his life.
He’s actually overjoyed
His beloved Theresia
they met at college and met someone who’s freak complemented his
Big fan of Murdoch & his weird little brother
Episode: 19x11 - Strangers on Paper
to be clear theyre each other’s weird brothers
One must imagine Meg happy
me and my Meg grows up to be a doctor gets happily married and adopts stewie who then comes out as trans au
Get warm with papa
(For context this is a male rescue cat who climbed into an incubator full of orphaned kittens and went mine now)
i know im late to this trend, the thing is I dont care
Why my current Farmer doesn’t get check ups:
Harvey: How are you alive?
Ileana (one of my farmers): Vhat I don’t understand?
Harvey: YOU HAVE NO BLOOD!
Ileana: I have blood.
Harvey: Not in your body???
Ileana: This is not true I have blood in my body.
Harvey: not HUMAN blood
Ileana: … Don’t vorry about it…
I don’t think i have an explanation for this
Albus Severus Potter is legit a year older than me to be clear
And he and Scorpius are AT LEAST 19 in the drawings above.
i cant believr they robbed another art museum so soon
from the books/movies the least toxic marauders + lily and snape ships are
THIS ISNT TO SAY THAT YOUR SHIP (if not here) IS BAD
James x Sirius
Remus x Severus
Lily x someone else, jesus christ get her out of there
and
Peter x dying in a hole
not to say that these ships aren’t toxic either,
Snupin both parties just need therapy and then they’d genuinely be wonderful together.
Jirius? oh uh Starbucks are both so codependent i’d rather just keep them to themselves.
i think the solution to the Jily vs Snily debate is to let her marry some guy named Dave she met in Connecticut - I think that would be better for everyone
I am well aware that I am swinging a massive bat at a massive hornet’s nest.
It would’ve been soo easy to make the Cursed Child a great story
Starts out the same, Albus and Scorpius meet on the Hogwarts Express, become fast friends.
Albus gets sorted in Slytherin, Scorpius into Gryffindor, they are both outcasts in their respective houses, bcs a Potter in Slytherin and a Malfoy in Gryffindor. They’re very close.
Albus and Scorpius are both very smart. Albus is smarter, on paper he should be the best in his year, but his spellcraft is crap (potions and herbology are his best subjects as they require significantly less wand use)
Third year comes around and Scorpius starts to become popular in Gryffindor house, he’s kind and funny ofc he becomes popular. Scorpius unintentionally leaves Albus in the shadows a little bit, they began to drift apart… (Lily and Severus style)
Fourth year, Albus and Scorpius still keep in touch over the past summer but now that class has started back up they’re basically in completely different worlds. Albus is taking every class he can (like his aunt Hermione) his wandwork is still not where it should be. During Ancient Studies class Albus discovers a secret passageway in Hogwarts, he goes down there and finds something…
Jk jk jk
He finds the personal studies of the founders, all of them have specialized locks, however he can open Salazar Slytherin’s office because it has a parseltongue lock and Albus is a parseltongue (i think it’s much more interesting if Harry is a natural parseltongue who passes that trait onto Albus). Albus discovers that while, yes, Tom Riddle was the direct descendant of Slytherin and therefore his heir, so are the Potters. Albus finds Slytherin’s wand and it claims him. Suddenly Albus is the best in class his wand-work is perfect overnight and he begins to become popular amongst his peers in Slytherin. But he’s also becoming more radical, he’s conversing with his ancestor’s spirit, his ambition is shining through. Albus wants to create equality for all magical and non-magical sentient creatures. He wants to clear the name of Salazar Slytherin, who had similar ideals to him (not the opposite of what was attributed to him but rather that the term “pure-blood” shifted meaning after Slytherin’s death.) He keeps mostly quiet about his beliefs for the remainder of his time at Hogwarts.
Fifth year rolls around and now Albus goes by “Sev” partially because they’ve come out as nonbinary partially because they’re embracing their identity as the true heir of Slytherin (though no-one know that yet). Sev continues to excel in his classes and begins taking muggle classes too. At the end of seventh year he applies and is accepted into Oxford University (amongst others, though this is the one he is attends).
Scorpius on the other hand also excels, but the gap between them feels too wide to bridge Though both are popular it’s in very different ways. Scorpius graduates with top marks, he works as an Auror for a couple of years before becoming the DADA professor at Hogwarts.
———— this is where this book would end.
Severus Potter is now known as Severus Slytherin they’re the outlaw leader of a group of abolitionists. For the first half of the book Sev is set up as the villain, because of recent violent acts, that are admittedly out of character for a group which have become criminals for using magic to save muggles and free goblins and house elves. Around the second half, Sev breaks into Hogwarts seeking help from Scorpius, there it’s revealed that Sev is being framed. The climax of the second book is a confrontation with Scorpius, Rose (who’s also a professor), Sev, and Dora (an oc who’s the child of Nuna bcs that ship was peak, and is also Sev’s righthand) and Chaddeus or some shit (a gryffindor who was a friend of Scorpius’ in school, and wants to sabatoge the union of the muggle and wizarding worlds for profit and/or to maintain the status quo.)
Post climax, they’ve (Sev dealt the final blow) killed Chaddeus Orsomeshit. Scorpius and Rose bring Sev and Dora inside (they need to patch Sev up), Sev and Scorpius have a heartfelt discussion about how they drifted apart, suddenly, the ministry is at the door, they have to leave says Dora though she looks at Rose clearly reluctant. Just as they’re about to climb out the window, Sev turns around and gives Scorpius a first goodbye kiss. Scorpius is left standing there heartbroken for what could’ve been.
———— that’s the end of that one.
If there would be a third it would be about Scorpius and Rose, joining in on Sev’s revolution, and aiding in the union of the muggle and wizarding worlds and the freeing of the goblins and house elves. Maybe it would end with rose marrying dora and sev and scorpius marrying and a flash forward to Sev and Scorpius having kids or something.
I just had a realization: (by like i mean want to/have romanced)
Romanceables I like in SDV: Penny, Clint
Romanceables I like in Fallout 4: Cait, Danse
Romancebles I like in TES V: Skyrim: Ysolda, Aela, Farkas
Penny: soft-hearted red-head
Cait: Could kick my ass, red-head
Ysolda: soft hearted, auburn hair (reddish-brown)
Aela the Huntress: could kick my ass, auburn hair
Clint: Saddest wettest round baby blue eyes, gives kicked puppy dog energy
Danse: Saddest wettest brown eyes, gives kicked puppy dog energy
Farkas: round ice blue eyes, gives golden retriever energy
I fear i have a type…
“Vivian! Why don’t you share an unpopular Stardew Valley opinion?”
Fine. I’m not mad over the fact that we can court Clint and I think the new update will finally fix his character and give him layers other than “he’s shy and is head over heels in love with Emily”
Someone who has a reasonable critique of clint
smash or pass: CLINT
smash
pass
repeating this poll for science.
Smash smash smash sorry not sorry
Damien Desmond, sometime in the future: My brother has been married for three years… and we found out last week when he sent birth announcements for his CHILD
I have a weird spy x family fanfic and I love to tip my toe into fandoms in the most unhinged ways so:
Oscar and Tessa
Basic backstory: Oscar was “Loid’s” older brother. When they were young, during a bombing, Oscar disappeared and was assumed dead. Oscar did not die, he grew up, he joined the military, he had a daughter then he died about two years prior to the events of spy x family. Theresia, or “Tessa,” was that daughter a sickly, but genius child.
AUs: WISE goes on a search for a child to join Eden, they find Tessa, her poor health and good excuse for why she hadn’t joined earlier. Twilight had already found Anya, so now he has to deal with a telepathic five year old and a thirteen year old autistic genius who keeps enabling her. Tessa is also terrified of rejection, and feels utterly inadequate. Twilight manages to convince himself that their shared appearance is merely coincidence.
The Westalis Social Sevices Agency, spends two years and some change tracking down any possible living relatives of the orphaned Theresia, and manages to track down Loid Forger through several layers of covert operations, and contacts him directly. Yor reads the letter first, and Twilight decides that it would be “Detrimental to the mission” if he didn’t take her in, because “that would be out of character for doting family man Loid Forger,” all the while dealing with the guilt of missing out on his older brother’s life. This also provides him the opportunity to open up Yor about his past without blowing his cover.
———
In my heart they exist in the normal universe they just never cross paths.
In color and flipped version:
Red Hood, in the middle of a meeting with his goons: So we’ll gather over here at-
Batman, dropping down from the ceiling: Red Hood
Goons, trembling in fear but standing up to fight: Shit… what’s the Bat doing here
Red Hood, aggressively: What are you doing here, old man?
Batman, pulling out a lunch box: You forgot your lunch in the cave *walks over and hands it to him before peppering his cheeks with kisses*
Red Hood: Oh my gosh, Pa! Stop! You’re trying to embarrass me on purpose! *pushing Batman away and blushing under his mask*
Batman, taking out his grappling hook: No idea what you mean. Stay safe. Bye *leaves*
Goons, stunned: Whoa… boss, you are so red
Red Hood: Shut up! No I’m not! *shoves helmet on to cover his blush*
——
Tim, squished in a chair with Bruce: … so tight… so uncomfortable…
Bruce, typing away on his computer: That’s your fault. It was a perfectly fine chair with only me in it, then you suddenly came
Tim, squirming: Yes, but…
Bruce: Want me to move? You’ll have the chair to yourself
Tim, practically in Bruce’s lap: No
——
Bruce, watching TikToks in his room: Hmm *watching a video about Velcro babies*
Bruce, looking up: Hrn…
Jason and Duke are playing Sorry!. Dick is allowing Cass to adorn his hair with accessories. Steph is painting her nails. Damian is snuggled into his side, drawing. Tim is asleep across his lap. All of this was done on his bed
——
During an interview
Bruce: -So I believe that it would be best for us to leave that land alone for the native wildlife.
Bruce: Taking and destroying such precious land for a profit is disgusting, and I think Lexcorp should really start to think of the environment more
Bruce: Anything to add, baby?
Damian, half asleep on Bruce’s hip: … fuck Lex Luther
Bruce: …
Bruce: Well… you heard him
——
Tim, high on morphine from a procedure: Dad…?
Bruce, carding his finger through Tim’s hair: Yes, baby?
Tim, starting to cry: Daddy… I have something t-to tell you!
Bruce, panicking: Tim? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?? Do you feel pain? Are you-
Tim: I-I like girls a-and guys!
Bruce: What?? Oh… oh sweetheart. I already knew that
Tim: Do you… Do you still love me??
Bruce: More than all the stars in the sky. Why don't we try to get some sleep, hmm?
——
Reporter, running up to Batman: Mister Batman! Mister Batman
Batman: … *debating on escaping*
Reporter, holding up a picture of Signal: The world wants to know... is Signal yours?
Batman: …
Batman: What’s that in his chest?
Reporter: The symbol? … I guess it looks like a bat
Batman: Okay. Now stop asking me stupid questions. Use your brain.
Batman: I own the bat. Why else would anyone wear it? *disappears*
——
Steph: Hey, B man
Steph: I want a piggyback ride
Bruce: To where?
Steph, tense: Nowhere. Yes or no, man
Bruce: ? *wants to ask if she’s ok, but she’s got a vibe about her*
Bruce, in a joking tone: What’s in it for me, toots?
Steph, relaxing at not being interrogated: Undivided physical contact with me, your lifelong dream
Bruce: Deal
——
Alfred, strained: I love you very much
Bruce, searching his face: …
Bruce, genuinely confused: When did you get so bad at lying?
——
Duke, delirious from food poisoning: I… I can see a light
Damian: Shush, Thomas, you’re staring straight at the lamp
Duke: G-Grandma Wayne? Is that you?
Bruce: You’ve never met your Grandma. Stay with me, Duke!
——
Cass, sending Bruce a fit check video: -and then the boots you bought me last time
Bruce, texting back: Is that my jacket?
Cass: Nope
Bruce: I’ve been looking for that. You know I’ve been looking for that
Cass: No clue what you’re talking about dad
Bruce: Princess…
——
Bruce: I’m in Stephanie’s Hulu
Dick: We both know you have enough money to buy the company itself
Dick: Why are you on Steph’s Hulu
Bruce: I dunno, but I am
Bruce: She made an account for me, and she changes my profile picture every day
——
Duke: We’re supposed to talk about our emotions
Damian: Like what a healthy family is supposed to do?
Duke: Yes!
Bruce: Yes, we’re all in this together
Bruce: Like a hostage situation
——
Texting
Tim: Daddy-o, where are you
Bruce: I’m currently at the mall
Tim: You hate the mall?
Tim: Whore you with
Bruce: Please use an apostrophe
Bruce, sending a zoomed-in forehead pic of Stephanie grinning: Guess
Tim: You ever think it’s weird how my ex-girlfriend has integrated into our family?
Bruce: No
——
Alfred, sorting through a mountain of bouquets: …
Bruce, popping his head in: What are you doing? Why are there so many flowers?
Alfred: They’re all for you, Master Bruce
Alfred: I suppose someone is trying to woo you
Bruce: Oh…
Bruce: So what are you doing?
Alfred: Putting them away
Alfred: One pile for the wilted and dead. Another for my compost bin, and a third to donate to the women’s shelter
Bruce: …I don’t get flowers?
Alfred: No one is good enough for you, my boy
Alfred: I’ll buy you flowers later
Bruce: Okey. Yay <3
——
Bruce, on the couch, cuddling with Damian for the past two hours and watching Gray Ghost: *looks up when Tim enters the room* Hi, love
Tim: Can I-
Damian: No!
Damian: You had Baba all to yourself yesterday while I was at school
Damian: He’s mine today
Tim: Jealous bitch-
Bruce: Tim!
——
Cass: You okay?
Bruce, visibly on the verge of tears: Yeah *emotionless*
Cass: You are a lying liar who lies a lot
——
Bruce, rubbing his temples: Urg…
Jason: Whoa, what’s up with you?
Bruce: I’ve got this insistent headache that won’t go away… It’s killing me
Jason: Shit… did you get poisoned?
Jason: What was the last thing you ate?
Bruce, thinking: …
Bruce, thinking harder: …
Jason: …
Jason: When was the last time you ate something?
Bruce, thinking: …
Bruce, thinking harder: …
Jason: Dad! *dragging him to the kitchen*
——
Steph: *trips and falls on her face* Ack!
Bruce, desperately trying not to laugh: Oh, gumdrop *helping her up*
Steph: You sound incredibly condescending *allows Bruce to brush her off and hug her*
Bruce, hiding his face in Steph’s hair so he doesn’t laugh: No, of course not
——
Dick: Strongest immune system? You don’t count
Bruce: Hmm
Bruce: Could be Duke. He keeps eating shit off the ground, and we’re in Gotham
Duke: Hey!
Dick: True, it’s probably radioactive
Duke: I’m literally fine! You guys are mean!
——
Bruce: Hi, I’m Bruce, and when I was eight years old, my parents and I were coming back from the movie that I begged to go to on my birthday, when they were shot and brutally killed in front of me in a botched mugging
Bruce: I then had to stay with their dead and cooling bodies for hours in an alley way, covered in their blood, holding their hands, with people walking past and seeing me but not calling anyone, until the police finally arrived in the morning where they continued to ignore me for hours and kept me sitting in a pool of my parents blood, and when they actually started talking to me the first thing they did was ask if I was the one who killed them
Bruce: And people till this day question why my parents decided to go down Crime Alley, but it literally wasn’t called that back then. It was just Park Row. The crime was the murder of my parents. That’s why it’s now called Crime Alley, literally because of the crime of my parents’ murder. Their deaths fundamentally changed all of Gotham
Bruce: And I brought jumbo sour gummy worms
Duke: … Damn, coming out with the big guns right away
Cass: I told you this wasn’t the right ‘mood game’ to play in this family, especially
Dick: Now, if I follow up with my parents dying in front of me, it sounds like I’m copying you
Dick: Also, you being there made it significantly better for me
Jason: That’s why you gotta have more than one dipshit
Dick: I do have more than one! That’s just the first one
Steph: Wait, that’s seriously why it’s called Crime Alley?
Steph: Damn…
Bruce: I tried going for the least traumatizing thing that’s happened to me… I guess
Tim: I’m just glad you didn’t start the cult story; that one scared me
Bruce: … which cult?
Tim: ?
Tim: The super scary one that you were telling me about
Bruce: …
Bruce: That actually doesn’t narrow it down for me
Damian: Baba, the fact that there are so many that you don’t know is truly worrying
Cass: I’ve killed some clut members…
Steph: Inspiring Cass, truly
Cass, shrugging: Felt like I needed to say something
Cass: Can I have that as my thing?
Steph: No
Jason: We’ve all killed a few cult members before, you’re not special
Damian, nodding along: Yes, it’s quite easy
Duke: The fact that you’re not saying anything against that statement is concerning, Bruce
Bruce: Technically… I only indirectly caused their deaths… mostly
Dick, sneaking a hand into the bowl: I’m learning so much about you
Bruce, smacking his hand away: Don’t eat the gummy worms before anyone else has gone!
——
Bruce: I promise to rest for at least a week
Bruce: No, I swear it. On my life
Alfred: Master Bruce, you are suicidal in the highest degree
Alfred: Swear on anything else
——
Bruce, giving Dick something he hasn’t had since childhood: Here
Dick, ecstatic: Whoa! How’d you remember I liked this?
Bruce: Photographic memory. Total recall, chickadee, remember?
Dick: No, but you obviously did *kneels over laughing and slapping his knee*
——
Jason: I’m gonna torture you
Bruce: I told you, I didn’t even eat the last brownie
Bruce: I'm only a calorie deficit for a photoshoot
Jason: I’m gonna gather every single person you know
Jason: And we’re gonna form a human circle around you
Bruce: Where is this going?
Jason: Then we’ll just shout compliments at you! And they’ll be meaningful and deep, not surface-level!
Bruce, horrified: Don’t you fucking dare
——
Bruce: Damn, Alfred is inquiring about upping my anti psychotics
Dick: Ha, loser
Bruce: Bitch I’ll make him up yours too, don’t test me
Jason: Since when do you two need psych meds?
Bruce, looking over at Dick: Uh
Dick, sweating: Umm, you know, it doesn’t really matter
——
Duke: You ever notice how a swarm of bats always follows you?
Bruce: Hm?
Duke: Like, when you're bat-manning. Bats come out of the woodwork
Duke: It really adds to your whole aura
Bruce: I… I don’t think that’s a thing
Duke: It is
——
Jason, angry: Why do you keep walking away from me when I’m talking to you?!
Bruce, refusing to look at him: You talk with your hands
Jason: …
Jason: Fucking so?!
Bruce: So.
Bruce: You’re carrying your gun. You keep waving it in my face
Bruce: I can handle a lot of things from you, but not that
Bruce: Never that
——
Bruce, sick: Oh, it’s a cold, cruel world out here
Steph: I can ask Alfie to make you hot chocolate
Bruce: No, he makes it with water instead of milk
Bruce: It’s nasty
——
Alfred, trying out a new bread recipe: What do you think, Master Bruce?
Alfred: It is made from whole wheat flour and a small amount of cornmeal. It also contains oats, chia seeds, flax seeds, and hemp seeds. I also took the liberty of adding walnuts, almonds, and pistachios.
Bruce, chewing on the grainy and crumbly piece of bread, close to tears: I feel like a bird…
Bruce: Is this punishment? Did I do something wrong?
Alfred, offended: It’s healthy
Bruce, already crying: What did I do??? I don’t like this! *crumbs flying everywhere*
——
Batman: Between hurtling into traffic at 180 mph and changing this song
Batman: I will change this song
Dick: Dad! Both hands on the wheel!
——
Bruce: I so sleepy
Alfred: Go upstairs and take a nap
Bruce: Noooo. I won’t be sleepy if I have to move
Alfred: You can’t nap here, you’ll get a crick in your neck
Bruce: Everyone has to make sacrifices
——
Bruce, pale: Urgh…
Jason: Damn, Pa, what’s up? You lookin' fucking horrible
Bruce: I’m supposed to hang out with Cass and Damian today…
Dick: And…? What’s that gotta do with you looking sick
Tim: Oh, I get it. It’s an anxiety thing
Jason: Huh
Bruce: It’s just… leading up to an outing is always the worst. The impending sense of doom is very strong
Bruce: I know I’m gonna have fun when I get there, and I’ll enjoy myself. But I wanna cancel, I feel like throwing up, and I’m so fucking nervous
Jason: Yo… these are your children you’re hanging out with
Bruce: I know, you’d think my body would get the memo and chill out, but no
Tim: Yeah, I get it all the time
——
Texting
Bruce: Oh my gosh, why is nobody answering their fucking phones
Bruce: I’ve called you all a million fucking times
Bruce: What do I pay your stupid ass phone plans for
Bruce: Someone, come pick me up
Bruce: NOW
Bruce: I just got hit by a car pedestrian style
Bruce: I’m so fucking embarrassed
Several people typing at once
——
Tim: You ever think it’s weird how we can’t see Dad’s face when he’s wearing the cowl?
Dick: Hm?
Jason: Oh, the shadow thing?
Tim: Yeah!
Steph: It freaked me out the first time it happened
Steph: Like, no matter where I moved or what I did, I couldn’t see his face
Damian: Yes, I was… shaken the first time, when I could only see his white eyes peering at me from the shadows
Damian: His silence and stealth are unimaginable
Dick: Oh yeah… I guess we’ve all gotten used to it, huh?
Tim: I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it most of the time
Jason: Pa makes himself scary, but he’s oblivious to the fact that he' didn’t do that to make him scary 's scary without trying sometimes
Steph: You think it’s enchanted?
Dick: Like the cape?
Tim: Oh my gosh, the fucking cape!
Tim: I tried to figure out the logistics of that thing and almost gave myself an aneurysm
Jason: I went nuts the first time he became a blob in front of me
Steph: Love when he does that
Steph: Is it weird to call a grown man cute?
Damian: It makes me wonder where Father sourced his items
Dick: Dad makes them with regular fabric, believe it or not. He’s been making them since before I came around
Jason: Then what the fuck??
Steph: This is giving me a headache
Tim: Think he’d tell us if we asked?
Damian: Baba? No
Dick: True
——
Bruce, walking into the theater room: What’s everyone-
Dick: Shhh!
Steph: Yeah, man, the movie’s about to start
Cass: Been waiting on this release for two years
Duke: My hands are shaking. Literally, I’m dying
Jason: I’m only here because they forced me-
Tim: Shut up! You’ve been waiting for this since forever, just like the rest of us
Damian: Quiet, heathens! It’s starting!
Watching the movie silently in awe, then Bruce comes on screen
Cass: … what
Tim: Dad, you need to start suing someone cause they took your likeness
Bruce, raising an eyebrow: Thanks, but no. That’s me, sweetheart
Bruce: I am famous, remember?
Dick: When did this happen?!
Bruce: A while ago? Dickie you were there
Dick: …
Dick: I have actually nothing to say in defense of myself. I thought it was just a regular shoot and fell asleep
Jason: You’re such a fucking idiot
Steph: What the fuck, man?!
Damian: Baba, you should have told us you were going to star in such an important movie for this generation
Bruce: It’s literally on my calendar
Bruce: You’d know that if any of you bothered to look at it
Duke: Do you have other movies and shows lined up?
Bruce: *shrugs* Check the calendar
——
Tim, angrily: I can take care of it myself. I don’t need your help
Bruce, rolling his eyes and so over it: Sure thing, burger boy, I’ll leave it in your capable, greasy little hands
Tim, offended: What?! Burger boy?! Greasy little hands?! *shrill and high-pitched voice*
Bruce: Hey, you’re the one who named yourself after a fast food restaurant
——
Damian, trying to sneak out through the front door: …
Bruce, walking by: Ah ah *snaps fingers and points upstairs* Go
Damian: Ugh! *planning to sneak out the window*
Bruce: Don’t even fuckin think about it.
Damian: How did you-
Bruce: Oh, please. Do you see how many siblings you have? I’ve seen it all
Alfred: And done it all too
——
Steph, walking into the library: Whoa, what the fuck is happening?
Cass, actually on the verge of tears: Dad is ignoring me
Bruce, reading peacefully on a nearby couch: …
Steph: No way, B-man would never purposely ignore us when we’re not being shits. Especially not you
Bruce, turning his head and looking surprised: Oh, hello, girls
Bruce, taking out his ear plugs cause he was overstimulated earlier: Honey, Cassandra, hello. When did the two of you get here?
Bruce, looking at Cass, concerned: Are you alright, princess?
Cass, completely embarrassed: Peachy. Let’s go *tugging Stephanie out*
Steph, elated and laughing: Super assassin who notices everything did notice that-!
Bruce, confused: Hrn? Oh well. *puts earplugs back in*
——
Dick: Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving the country for two weeks?
Bruce, holding his luggage: Well, hello to you too, Richard. Yes, my plane ride was fine, I’m good, how’re you?
Dick: Cut the shit. You can’t just go missing like that
Dick: What if Gotham needed you or something?
Bruce: I wasn’t missing
Bruce: I told the people who needed to know
Dick: I-
Bruce: Besides, you haven’t talked to me in a week. Why would I tell you?
Bruce: Did you realize you needed me for something? Is that the only reason why you reached out and noticed I was gone?
Dick: That’s not-
Bruce: Dick. I just got home. Before we start another screaming match, can I see my other children first?
Bruce: I’d like to see Damian and Tim while I’m still in a good mood
Dick: … mhm
——
Tim: Hey, Dad-
Bruce: Not now, child number three
Tim, looking confused: Child number- *muttering to himself*
Bruce: Duke, Damian, and Cassandra are causing a ruckus
Bruce: If I don’t intervene now… people will die
Tim: The fuck are they doing?
——
Bruce: Alfie, I got a paper cut *holds up finger*
Bruce: See? It’s bleeding
Alfred, very serious: Oh my, that’s quite serious
Alfred: Shall I bring out the big guns? Dinosaur Band-Aids?
Bruce, also very serious: Yes, dinosaurs are very necessary
——
Batman, jumping from roof to roof during patrol: …
Marco, a seven-year-old boy who lives nearby: Mister Batman, Sir! Hello!
Batman: Hrn *jumps down* Marco
Marco: Oh, yay! You remember me! That’s good
Batman: Are you safe?
Marco: Yup! I just wanted to give you this! *holds up drawing* Mama said you’d really like it, so I did my best
Batman, gently taking the paper and exchanging it for a lollipop: I do. Thank you
Marco: Ooo, candy! Thank you, Mister Batman! Have a good day- I mean, night fighting crime! *runs away waving*
Batman: *gently folds the paper and puts it away. Pulling out his grappling gun and returning to patrolling*
I know I shouldn’t talk
But speaking of waving guns around u just shot me through the heart
