sideblog safe space for the neurodivergent

toxel • 19 • it/its

[elldritch-horror]

Spicy-brained friends, I would like to propose an update to the very useful ‘if you hate everyone, eat, if everyone hates you, sleep, and if you hate yourself, shower’ mantra to live by

Have you suddenly become a petty, hateful little gremlin who thinks people should face the firing squad for (checks notes) leaving teabags on the counter, breathing loudly, or daring to exist in the same space as you? Perhaps mundane and reasonable requests like ‘hey, we agreed to hang out now, let’s hang out’ make you want to scream and move to a yurt in the woods.

You. Are. Overstimulated.

People talk a lot about being overstimulated, and the physical/mental effects of it. What I haven’t seen is people talking about what it does emotionally, and it took me an embarassingly long time to link up those nitpicky, resentful emotions with the state of overstimulation/meltdown/shutdown.

These feelings do not mean that you’re a bad person! They probably aren’t how you actually feel about the people around you. They probably do mean that your nervous system is at its absolute limit and any request/demand/stimulus is Too Much and taking you into fight or flight territory.

Go lie down in a dark room for an hour, or find somewhere safe and familiar to stim for a bit. If it’s happening a lot, schedule yourself regular low-stimulation shutdown time

Signed: someone who moved in with their nearest and dearest only to have a massive crisis of faith about Suddenly Hating All of Them. I don’t hate them, it’s just overstimulating living with people. If I can spare anyone else a similar 9 months of suspecting that they may actually be a bit of a shit person, then this post is worth it!

[nickfromguesswhohateclub]

what no one tells you about being autistic is people just don’t like you. maybe you make friends, but they get tired of you fast. even if you’re not actively bullied, your peers just…. don’t pay attention to you. something about you is offputting and weird to mostly everyone, and you literally cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.

[loser-kaz]

normalize wearing sweats to places that they aren’t “appropriate” for

it takes too many spoons in the morning to get dressed and for me to wear clothes that bother me sensory-wise would just not be worth it

simply pulling on a tshirt and sweatpants is much easier for me than planning an outfit and then having to button/zip/whatever else

i’m not gonna spend spoons in the morning for that and most nights i’m too fatigued to plan out an outfit anyway

wearing sweats when “not acceptable” is fucking punk and we shouldn’t judge others on what they wear

[disconnectivetissue]

i think it's important to remember that the "low/mid/high" in "low/mid/high support needs" describes the type of support you need, not how badly you need support.

[disconnectivetissue]

i think it's important to remember that the "low/mid/high" in "low/mid/high support needs" describes the type of support you need, not how badly you need support.

[avpdvoidspace]

Criticize peoples' actions without pathologizing them challenge 2023

[avpdvoidspace]

no more calling abusive people psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists. Call them abusive, manipulative, self interested, whatever language doesn't diagnose them with a fucking personality disorder. Having a personality disorder doesn't make you an abuser.

[magiclovingdragon]

Ableds really dont get that plans being made, changed or yes, even cancelled (especially when you have already used spoons getting ready) last minute is really annoying and distressing in a different way than it is for them.

Yes for you (abled person) its annoying the swimming pool down the gym is full of kids so you dont want to go. I, however have used spoons already getting ready to go & cancelling last second, so now I have to get changed back out of my costume and unpack everything from my bag, making me more tired & in pain, is infuriating.

And dont ask someone “are you annoyed now?” if you’re going to get pissy if they say yes… Yes, I know its not your fault but its still annoying

And they’re saying about going this evening now, saying this AFTER I’ve already changed again out of my costume and into my normal clothes… like no, the opportunity has been and gone. I’m tired, in pain and now I’m really annoyed, I’m not going and putting myself though even more stress

[disabledclassifieds]

what do you consider a disability vs not a disability? my partner has severely debilitating IBS but many disabled groups have ridiculed him for it despite it effecting his every day life and causing him to be unable to participate in many many activities.

I've gotten variations on this question a lot so far, so let me attempt to clear it up:

if you identify as disabled, this space is for you.

that's it. that's the only requirement. when i say disabled, i mean anyone who identifies that way. there will be no gatekeeping here on who "counts" as disabled or who's "allowed" to identify that way. period.

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

you don't have to be "burnt out" to justify tasks being difficult for you. Being autistic or having ADHD makes TASKS DIFFICULT INHERENTLY. WE ARE DISABLED.

[mortagesrants]

Autism: Comfort Objects

Many autistic and neurodivergent people have comfort objects.

A comfort object is usually something the person likes to bring with them wherever they go, or they like to keep it somewhere safe at home. This object brings them security and safety. We often think of security blankets or stuffed animals as comfort objects, but anything can be a comfort object.

Anyone can have a comfort object. Not just kids.

I have a comfort object I sleep with every night. Without it, I have a difficult time sleeping and often feel anxious.

I also have a comfort object that I take with me everywhere! I usually keep one of these in a backpack or in the car, but it comes with me wherever I go

If your child or someone you know has a comfort object, DO NOT:

- Take the comfort object away as punishment

- Tease the person for having a comfort object

- Joke about destroying or throwing away said comfort object

Those are ways to cause trauma. Comfort objects are not just objects a person really likes. This is an object they have connection to, and feel SAFE with.

Taking away a child’s (or adult’s) comfort object for a punishment is like taking away their safety.

Do not use the comfort object as a reward for good behavior either

[autistic-af]

I love you fellow autistics. I love you autistics with intellectual disabilities. I love you autistics with chronic pain. I love you hyperverbal autistics. I love you semi-speaking autistics. I love you non-speaking autistics. I love you AAC using autistics. I love you low support needs autistics. I love you moderate support needs autistics. I love you high support needs autistics. I love you.

[she-waves-at-cats]

I think it needs to become common knowledge that "inability to read social cues" can show up as overcompensating.

You don't know how much misbehaviour is allowed, so you become the perfect child who never tests rules.

You don't know if someone is irritated with you, so you'll be extra generous and self-effacing.

You don't know how much is expected of you at work so you'll kill yourself in a minimum-wage job and not notice that nobody else is working like this.

"Hardworking and quiet" should be as much of an autism red flag as "ignores rules and doesn't know when to stop talking". Or why don't we just start using words to communicate so i can stop tracking everybody's eyebrow twitches, that would be great.

[adhbabey]

Bro like. I felt this.

I'm gonna be honest, I do know some social cues, I do. But if I encounter a situation that I've not been in before, or someone tells me not to assume or say "I understand" at them, I'm not going to know what the fuck to do.

Like I don't know how the fuck to act or how to read people if it's not in my specific lil categories and archetypes and what not. I only am able to read people through stuff like astrology because it helps me understand in my own symbolic language.

And like I ask 50 different questions when getting to know someone to see how they answer and how they react, because I genuinely can't fucking take it if I don't know what's going on. Because then I start to panic because I feel too vulnerable in the situation because I'm confused.

Like. I have overcompensated to the fact that I have words for it. It's called hypervigilance and no, I cannot stop overthinking everything. And YES, it does put me in situations where I guess the wrong thing.

[blubefishy]

When people talk about internet safety, they often don't talk about mentally ill people and the neurodivergent, which they should because it's very important. Neurodivergent people and mentally ill people get targeted a lot online. Some people probably already know this, but others don't, and unfortunately, I've seen people fall into these things.

If you say that you're mentally ill and/or neurodivergent online, there's a chance that you will face stigma and possibly harassment. Even by people who say they're allies to you, they may have an underlying stigma or be lying, and put you under more harsh treatment and scrutiny compared to your mentally healthy and neurotypical counterparts.

Be careful who you disclose that you're mentally ill and/or neurodivergent to. Especially if you're a minor! Unfortunately, there are people who go and target mentally ill and neurodivergent people, knowing that they are, and end up bullying them and/or preying on them. I've seen predators and bullies do this so often, just please be safe. This includes people who you may find through kokobot.

If somebody tries to claim that you're 'faking' it, simply put, you don't owe them anything. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You especially don't need to show private and personal information, don't share that.

Please be safe.

[intersexfairy]

some people always knew they were trans. others can look back and realize they always felt trans in some way, even if they didn't know.

some were content with their assigned gender, until they weren't. others genuinely were trans, until they weren't.

some people chose to be trans, or see part of their transness as a choice. others thought they were trans, but weren't.

some identified as trans, but terms like cis nonbinary fit them better. others are unlabeled, even if they could identify as trans.

some people's identity change a lot, whether they're questioning, genderfluid, or struggle with identity.

all of these people's experience of gender are equally beautiful and real. gender doesn't have to be this (universally) innate quality for our thoughts, feelings, actions, and identities to matter. for us all to have the right to be treated as who we are, and be afforded bodily autonomy as such. gender means something different to everyone. that's okay. that's beautiful.

[starlightrosari]

Here’s a little reminder to trans people / people questioning their gender who are unlearning people pleasing

Ask yourself this: is what I tell people about my gender actually how I feel or am I just people pleasing out of fear of being judged?

I realized a lot of how I based my gender identity early on was based around what would make sense to other people and what would be easier for them to respect, but that didn’t help me at all in figuring out what I actually want or what my gender actually is. In figuring out your gender, it is crucial you don’t let other people define that for you. Think for yourself in full honesty and be kind to yourself. Also be patient because some things might take a while to understand, but you will get it eventually I promise

[empowered-together]

Friendly reminder that before diagnosis my disability, neurodivergence, or my mental illness were just as real as after diagnosis.

No diagnosis ≠ faking

You have to have the symptoms and show the signs to even be diagnosed in the first place!

[chaos-in-one]

ahem

A disability being more accepted and accommodated for does not make it no longer a disability

This includes people who are near sighted and farsighted (and yes, needing glasses to see is a disability aid... ppl with these literally cannot see without them...)

This includes people with more common mental conditions like depression and anxiety

This includes people with temporary disabilities like not being able to walk on your own because of a broken bone

This includes things like dementia in elderly people

Disability is defined by being less able or inable to do something that the average person is able to do, it is literally just being at a disadvantage in comparison to the majority of other people (remember majority = more than 50%!!! A disability can be more common and still a disability!)