i got bit by the nirvana bug and now officially i'm here lmao.
🌙 q / quartz • 26 • they/them, it/its and ghost/ghostself • white • nonbinary queer
🌙 this is a sideblog! i follow/like from goldenrosetea. main sideblog; @starburnedkisses
🌟 art/writing tagged here under #mine
🌟 my ao3 (i currently write all my fics for nirvana under a pseud on my main acct.)
☀️ #1 kurt/krist enjoyer. get more insane about them, i'm begging y'all.
☀️ read my opinion piece on kurt being bisexual please and thank you <3
✨ new to nirvana? here's a list of resources to get you started!
this account may not be nearly as active as i'm hellbent on not being on tumblr all the time. so posts may be sparse. i've been into nirvana since i was 16, this hyperfixation is recent (blame my gf, leah). they are a very important band to me, but i will not hold them up on a pedestal. i will NOT be discussing kurt's suicide here, that's a very touchy subject for me.
please talk to me!!! i'm always open to conversation and wanna find new nirvana buddies ^^ !!
I always see people praising that movie but I watched and I feel pretty neutral tbh
this answer your question lol
but in all seriousness, my thoughts about last days under the cut;
i watched this movie almost a year ago at the zenith of my nirvana hyperfixation (i'm still hyperfixated dw, it's just when i was first starting out lol) and i hated every second of it. i don't remember most of the details since i only watched it the one time but i distinctly remember thinking that gus van sant did not seem to give a single shit about kurt from the way he portrayed him. or "kurt" in this instance since it's not really him but we can read between the lines. in any case, van sant bought into the rock and roll martyr myth that permeates kurt and decided to make a movie about it for some reason. why? we'll never truly know.
for those who are unaware; last days is a pseudo kurt biopic that follows him after his escape from the rehab center he'd been checked into at the time and what his last few days might've looked like before taking his life. i'm already quite sensitive to depictions and discussions of kurt's passing but this one really struck a particularly harsh chord with me. it felt less like an empathetic view of kurt's mental health struggles that were exacerbated by drugs, touring and the struggles with fame and more like an exploitative what-if fanfic scenario van sant dreamed up one night in a haze. like "what if i directed a movie that's about kurt cobain, but not really kurt cobain, and made him out to be the most miserable piece of shit on the planet? what if i inserted my own ideas of what he was like at that period of his life without consulting with loved ones beforehand? jackpot! someone get me a producer!"
it doesn't feel humane, it feels like a cash grab well over a decade after his passing. i hate it.
the movie itself is mundane at points, very quiet and barely legible since kurt is mumbling his dialogue for the majority of the time he's on screen, which was van sant's intention as he wanted to emulate slow cinema movies. though, i think in some parts it works well, other parts feel like they drag on longer than they should while others feel unnecessarily short. did we need the scene with kurt donning a dress to be so long? or in the movie at all? like yeah look he's wearing a dress, which he did all the time, do you guys know who the inspiration was for this? huh? do you? or did we need the scene with two male house dwellers hooking up randomly in kurt's house? (i personally think we don't, like yes gus van sant we know you're gay but do we really need this in a pseudo biopic about kurt cobain of all people?). also why is kim gordon there playing a record exec??? hello?? completely unnecessary, idk why she was cast in this movie. from what i've read, she was allowed to improvise the dialogue between her and kurt, so i guess she said some things she wished she'd said to kurt but still. feels very gross and unnecessary.
van sant's depiction of kurt also gets under my skin. he's a quiet, muttering man who stumbles through his mansion doing random things, having half-assed conversations with invasive roaches clinging to his wealth and home and being miserable until he offs himself in the greenhouse at the end. if you've been on my blog for any period of time, you're probably well aware of my views on kurt and how media has depicted him in the over 30 years since his death. if not, then i suggest you read through my posts i made for the nirvana doc project. the myth of the rock and roll martyr as well as the tortured artist have clung to kurt's corpse for decades now, reshaping his image from what he actually was like to what we're familiar with in popular media. was he a depressed drug addict? yes. did he make poor decisions that impacted his relationships and isolated him? yes. did he surround himself with people who thought about his optics more than his well being toward the end? yes. did he refuse help? yes, multiple times. those are truth's about kurt's life before his passing. but what i cannot stand is this caricature reanimated before our very eyes only a decade or so after his passing.
while he was struggling with his addiction, that did not mean he turned into a loathsome, bumbling, incoherent waste of a person like how the film depicts him. people loved kurt, which is why they tried to get him help at a rehab facility before he escaped it without telling anyone. fucking krist tried to drive him to rehab only to jump from the backseat and run off. it was the last time he'd see kurt alive. he was still creating even at the worst of his drug addiction. have you listened to "you know you're right" or "do re mi"? the guy still loved making music at his core. and though his drug addiction clouded his senses, kurt still deeply adored his daughter, frances. yes, it is upsetting that she had to grow up without her father or concrete memories of him, that i will not deny. it's a terrible thing to do to a child. however, when he was alive, he was as attentive as he could be with her. loving on her, making her laugh with silly faces and noises, doing everything possible not to emulate his own upbringing. to be the difference for his young daughter that he never got. watch any interview where frances is present or the snippets of home video where she's featured, there's no denying he loved that little girl with his whole heart. does this come across in this movie? nope. not even in the slightest. there's no attempt to humanize him, only mythologize and suck the cock of someone who is most certainly not kurt cobain, the man. but kurt cobain, the legendary rocker.
is this how he'd want to be remembered? i'm not sure nor do i want to dwell on that. we will never know kurt's intentions for taking his life or what he was truly doing during those last days in april of 1994. speculating on his life any further is of no use, you're just imposing your own biases and beliefs onto someone you have no relation to. which is exactly what van sant did here with last days.
i detest this version of kurt. i detest it, i reject it and refuse to acknowledge this movie exists. also to add more salt in the wound, vant sant had met kurt at some point in 91, going on to describe him in an interview as, "[...] very quiet. Extremely quiet." (from this interview with royal ballet and opera), though also went on to say, "It was definitely interesting to meet him – he was a legend." just tells me everything i need to know really.
anyways don't watch last days. it's not worth the energy or time. anyone who praises this movie doesn't know anything about kurt and who he actually was. they just want to be fed the myth over and over to satisfy their biases about someone they put on a pedestal he never wanted to stand on.
sixth up to bat for the nirvana doc project is "nirvana: the untold stories", directed by simon bisset and released in 2003
quick summary; comprised predominantly of talking heads interviews with occasional supplemental photographs and voice over narration, bisset takes the viewer through a crash course of nirvana's history up until the subsequent end of the band.
thoughts; well ok, i think i found a contender with "nirvana: up close and personal" for documentaries that truly leave my head after i finish watching them. i did truly give this the old college in trying to retain information while watching this but in the end i'm just left with a shrug and some minor inaccuracies to take note of. i found the whole ordeal boring, which i guess is a breath of fresh air compared to previous entries in this project (i'm looking at you "soaked in bleach" and "kurt and courtney"). but really? this is the best we could do pertaining to a documentary about nirvana? a boring made for tv documentary that felt sluggish despite the short run time? christ. was this the best documentary in the whole world? not really. the presentation was grating, given the rip of this i watched had some blinking lights from age throughout and the random zoom ins with a black and white filter over interviews were incredibly distracting. this was made without permission from anyone involved with nirvana, which is why many of the interviews conducted were with people around the band or kurt instead of with direct members. this isn't new, but it really did feel like they were reaching a lot of the time. leland cobain was in this one (ugh) but not for long, so i'm forever grateful about that. if i have to hear that man talk one more time i'm blowing my brains out. i will say though, it does go deeper than the shallow "wants to be about nirvana but it's really about kurt" type that i continue to encounter throughout this project. a good chunk of this doc is dedicated to the formation of nirvana, their performances that eventually led to recording bleach, nevermind and in utero before kurt's tragic passing. though there still is a bunch of time dedicated to just kurt, of course, can't skip out on that for a second. overall, an inoffensive piece i wish had more time and effort put into. feels like something a college student would slap together in a week for a project. i need something meatier for this project one of these days i swear to god.
is the information in this doc accurate?; somewhat. much like "nirvana: up close and personal" there's a mix of inaccurate and accurate information. however, this one differs in that i'm unable to verify a lot of stories that were told throughout. friends of kurts and those who attended the first nirvana performance were interviewed, telling stories of the experience being near the members early on in their lives. it's hard to tell if a personal anecdote is true or not, so i won't touch on those. charles r. cross is in this doc and stinks up some of the run time by putting his personal opinion on whether they were a good live band or not early on into their later years in it for some reason. like ok we get it, you were a music journalist in the seattle music scene before you became The Kurt Biographer (tm), you heard them perform and didn't care for them until nevermind. shut up dude i'm tired. anyways. they discuss kurt's relationship w/ courtney starting in 1990 when that isn't true, he was w/ mary lou lord until 1991 when he dumped her during their european tour, then got with courtney sometime later. the most important thing i need to mention here is that WE FINALLY GOT A DOC THAT MENTIONED THE OTHER DRUMMERS!!!!!! FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!!! yes, this doc mentions that nirvana went through numerous other drummers before landing on chad for bleach and dave for the remainder of their run and i'm beyond excited about this information. you have no fucking idea how many of these i've watched at this point that just Don't mention aaron burckhard or dave foster or even fucking dale crover before chad and dave!!!! so i'm giving it points just for that alone (and also being accurate when they were in the band, but not for the reasons why they were kicked out lol). one of these days though we'll get a doc that mentions the brief period of time when they played the bleach tour with jason everman. one day. they also skimp over krist's life entirely, as well as dave's, but give particular attention to kurt's. this is absurd to me cause come as you are was already out by that point, so why not reference it at least? it has information about all their lives in it and their upbringings, why even mention them if you're going to skim/ignore them entirely? and with that, i really cannot recall much else tbh that needs to be addressed. like i mentioned above, there's a lot of information i didn't retain as this doc bored the life out of me despite my best efforts to pay attention. if you do watch this, just remain skeptical about what stories are being told and who they're being told by is all i'll say.
final rating; 3 out of 5
where can this be watched?; currently "nirvana: the untold stories" is free to stream off tubi.
sixth up to bat for the nirvana doc project is "nirvana: the untold stories", directed by simon bisset and released in 2003
quick summary; comprised predominantly of talking heads interviews with occasional supplemental photographs and voice over narration, bisset takes the viewer through a crash course of nirvana's history up until the subsequent end of the band.
thoughts; well ok, i think i found a contender with "nirvana: up close and personal" for documentaries that truly leave my head after i finish watching them. i did truly give this the old college in trying to retain information while watching this but in the end i'm just left with a shrug and some minor inaccuracies to take note of. i found the whole ordeal boring, which i guess is a breath of fresh air compared to previous entries in this project (i'm looking at you "soaked in bleach" and "kurt and courtney"). but really? this is the best we could do pertaining to a documentary about nirvana? a boring made for tv documentary that felt sluggish despite the short run time? christ. was this the best documentary in the whole world? not really. the presentation was grating, given the rip of this i watched had some blinking lights from age throughout and the random zoom ins with a black and white filter over interviews were incredibly distracting. this was made without permission from anyone involved with nirvana, which is why many of the interviews conducted were with people around the band or kurt instead of with direct members. this isn't new, but it really did feel like they were reaching a lot of the time. leland cobain was in this one (ugh) but not for long, so i'm forever grateful about that. if i have to hear that man talk one more time i'm blowing my brains out. i will say though, it does go deeper than the shallow "wants to be about nirvana but it's really about kurt" type that i continue to encounter throughout this project. a good chunk of this doc is dedicated to the formation of nirvana, their performances that eventually led to recording bleach, nevermind and in utero before kurt's tragic passing. though there still is a bunch of time dedicated to just kurt, of course, can't skip out on that for a second. overall, an inoffensive piece i wish had more time and effort put into. feels like something a college student would slap together in a week for a project. i need something meatier for this project one of these days i swear to god.
is the information in this doc accurate?; somewhat. much like "nirvana: up close and personal" there's a mix of inaccurate and accurate information. however, this one differs in that i'm unable to verify a lot of stories that were told throughout. friends of kurts and those who attended the first nirvana performance were interviewed, telling stories of the experience being near the members early on in their lives. it's hard to tell if a personal anecdote is true or not, so i won't touch on those. charles r. cross is in this doc and stinks up some of the run time by putting his personal opinion on whether they were a good live band or not early on into their later years in it for some reason. like ok we get it, you were a music journalist in the seattle music scene before you became The Kurt Biographer (tm), you heard them perform and didn't care for them until nevermind. shut up dude i'm tired. anyways. they discuss kurt's relationship w/ courtney starting in 1990 when that isn't true, he was w/ mary lou lord until 1991 when he dumped her during their european tour, then got with courtney sometime later. the most important thing i need to mention here is that WE FINALLY GOT A DOC THAT MENTIONED THE OTHER DRUMMERS!!!!!! FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!!! yes, this doc mentions that nirvana went through numerous other drummers before landing on chad for bleach and dave for the remainder of their run and i'm beyond excited about this information. you have no fucking idea how many of these i've watched at this point that just Don't mention aaron burckhard or dave foster or even fucking dale crover before chad and dave!!!! so i'm giving it points just for that alone (and also being accurate when they were in the band, but not for the reasons why they were kicked out lol). one of these days though we'll get a doc that mentions the brief period of time when they played the bleach tour with jason everman. one day. they also skimp over krist's life entirely, as well as dave's, but give particular attention to kurt's. this is absurd to me cause come as you are was already out by that point, so why not reference it at least? it has information about all their lives in it and their upbringings, why even mention them if you're going to skim/ignore them entirely? and with that, i really cannot recall much else tbh that needs to be addressed. like i mentioned above, there's a lot of information i didn't retain as this doc bored the life out of me despite my best efforts to pay attention. if you do watch this, just remain skeptical about what stories are being told and who they're being told by is all i'll say.
final rating; 3 out of 5
where can this be watched?; currently "nirvana: the untold stories" is free to stream off tubi.
also yes i'm aware there's a million asks in my inbox right now, i'll get to them soon i promise!!! work is kicking my ass currently and i'm exhausted all the time whenever i get home but i will get to them!! just give me time!! thank you <3
