Again
You ever just get so tired of patterns and cycles. I took a break from writing especially on here because I was getting tired of knowing that I was in toxic cycles but still repeating patterns and behaviours out of sheer comfort. So much has been happening and so fast. My birthday just passed, it was blah, I am not where I want to be and so I gotta keep working hard to get there. D said I am too much but at the same time thinks I am dope and hella cool, you better stay the fuck away from me with that shit, in true male fashion he still tried to have sex with me after the fact. Monitoring my mental heath has been challenging when someone says “I am too much” it triggers me, makes me think of all the ways I am too much and it even starts being less about him and more about how many times I have heard that from men and women alike. I think intensely about how the borderline and depression affect my day to day life. I think about how I feel like I ain’t enough most days, a cycle, how I fall for men who always find me too much.
