My blog for deeper thoughts, self care and relationship advice, neurodivergent lifestyle advice, and answer questions for those who think I may be able to assist their personal issues!
The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.
And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).
His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"
And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.
The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.
I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."
I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.
So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.
My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.
My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.
Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.
I wanted to share a meal of mine to show that I practice what I preach!
A meal can look like anything, and this makes me feel good. I have Greek yogurt for protein, crackers for starch and carbs, a fresh cut apple with peanut butter to dip, and 2 microwave smores
It's a little sparse, and smores don't look too healthy, but they aren't bad for you in moderation!
The Dandies marshmallows and honey graham crackers I use have quite a bit of added sugars, but as long as I stick to the serving size (2 marshmallows and 2 crackers, really works out!) they also give me good heavy metals, potassium, and sodium (which I need because of my heart condition!)
Added sugars only become an issue when intake passes what the body can handle, that goes for everything really! And I really struggle to get carbs as a part of my meals due to internalized shame, so this really helps me!
It's the one minority anyone can join at any time. The minority with the most intersectionality. The minority you can force someone else to join, even! (Don't do that though)
A common issue is that all disabled people get lumped together into this idea of what "disabled" looks like. Disabilities are so diverse in how they can limit you, or even provide you insight and abilities able bodies people don't think about! I can talk underwater since I talk with my hands, after all!
It's funny how there's a kinship between a minority where every experience can be vastly different. But the one thing we all seem to agree on (for the most part, absolutes tend to come with exceptions) is that the accessibility in today's society doesn't particularly fit ANY of us properly.
There is this "perfect disabled person" that seems to be what most places are providing for. A wheelchair user who has the strength of 5 men to push up these steep ramps that barely follow ADA laws. One who can't get up and down unless they want people to stare, but also must be able to get up and down to navigate the building. Lines must be no issue in a chair, because you're just sitting! Nevermind the fact that you need to lock your chair to safely sit in one spot, and locking and unlocking it over and over can create danger, tripping others in line etc etc
And if you use a cane well... that's not disabled enough for accessibility. No where to sit if you're tired (you should just have a chair if you're that disabled! Nevermind how expensive they are), tripping hazards literally everywhere
And if you're blind, or deaf you better have a handler of some sorts. No one will want to deal with you if you seek independence— you're such a hassle! And if you don't have access to a friend who can help you...sucks to suck! It's like in people's heads they want to go back to when disabled people weren't allowed outside, cause it's just easier for everyone else
Don't even get me started on epilepsy! Flashing lights are necessary for police and ambulances apparently, nevermind giving other people seizures on the way. You wanna see a movie? Seizure. You wanna see your favorite band? Seizure. You wanna go outside? Street performers decided to do an impromptu rave, might as well just stay inside.
And God forbid you don't look disabled but ask for accessibility, you should just push through it! Oh you can't? Should've just stayed inside then!
I have met loads of lovely people who help me in many ways outside. I'd even say the majority of people are trying to be considerate— but no one really knows how. People walk on eggshells or ignore you completely, not wanting to offend or make things worse. But the most important thing you can do for a disabled person is treat them like a person. Talk to them, ask if they need assistance if they seem to be struggling, respect their answer no matter what it is, just like you'd do any other stranger.
Look out for your neighbors, it's all we have right now. Not just disabled people, everyone. Get off the Internet and remind yourself what it means to be in a community. To help those who need it without considering anything other than what the right thing to do in that moment is.
I am guilty of overthinking, but being a good person is way easier than the last couple decades have made it seem. No one outside gives a shit what you post, who you ship, what you watch or read, or your reasoning behind doing good things. If you help someone, or compliment someone, or offer assistance to a disabled person, there's no deeper ethical dilemma. It doesn't matter why you did it or if tumblr or Twitter or tiktok would support your choice. What matters is doing the right thing, putting a smile on someone's face. Making them feel seen. Reminding others and yourself what it means to be human.
If you ever struggle with the internal duality of wanting to change the world and knowing you can't doom scroll constantly, let me help you!
Do you think, "it feels wrong that I can be comfortable when so many are in horrible situations, I should see them, it's the least I can do..." ?
Well then I respond, "How are you meant to make productive change of your so weighed down by everyone's situations? If everyone's putting themselves in the shoes of the worst off in the world, who will be left?"
There are so many atrocities, and my heart goes out to anyone experiencing them right now.
To those experiencing a more nominal level of horror, or lucky enough to be well off; if you are guilty, then you change nothing. If you are mad, you change some things, and if you have hope, you change the world.
"But what if people will pretend to need this accessibility option so they can be lazy! People who don't need it will use it!!" I don't actually care
I dont care if 9/10 of the people who use the wheelchair ramp arent actually in wheelchairs. As long as the 1 person who needs it has access to it.
I dont care if 9/10 people who use the automatic push button on the library door can actually push the door open themselves. As long as the 1 person who the door is too heavy for gets to use it.
I dont care if 9/10 people who buy the can tab opener, or the little guitar clamp that holds the chords for you, or the hand grip that helps you hold chop sticks, don't need any of it and just get it to "be lazy". As long as the one disabled person who needs it gets access to it.
I do not care. Oh my GOD I do not care. As long as there's a disabled person on this planet who the accessibility device will benefit, the accessibility device is necessary.
Also, if you're so worried about people being "lazy" by using accessibility devices, MORE worried than you are about disabled (visibly or not) people not having access to them, you have unchecked ableism you need to work through.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if the majority of people prefer using something and it makes the populations life easier as a whole while also providing accessibility to disabled people: that's a net win!
If you hate laziness SO MUCH you'd rather have as limited options for disabled people as possible so you can weed out these people: you've been brainwashed by capitalism
People are tired right now. We are all overworked and underpaid, and if we all wanna use the benches and the big stalls, maybe we should have benches everywhere and all big stalls!
I think a lot about romantic love, and how hard it is to describe the difference between how it feels compared to platonic or familial love. I'm aroace, but I didn't realize I was until I met my husband, because I felt romantic love for the first time and realized all the feelings I had in the past were me wanting to have that because society said it was necessary, and so I forced myself into that box.
I don't want to uphold any stereotypes, aroace people can happily live single their whole lives. My husband didn't "fix" me, nor was anything ever broken about me being aroace.
It does make me think, however, if I would've come to terms with me being aroace if I didn't have romantic feelings to compare to other kinds of love
Point being, if you've had that thought of "what's so different about it? Is romantic love just fake? Are people upholding this idea of romance because they want to, when in reality it all feels the same?" I need you to know it feels distinctly different in an indescribable way, and there's a good chance you're on the aroace spectrum.
To try and describe the difference the best I can, basically it's more all encompassing. It makes you wanna be around a person 24/7, makes every part of your body activate in what you're feeling (not in a sexual way, I'm purposely not using sex as a distinction because I think leaning on sex being necessary for romance is part of what makes this so hard to understand/describe). It's almost like an obsession, but in a way that makes you wanna take care of yourself too. You wanna grow and be better. If the relationship is healthy at least haha
And to reiterate, this is dissecting a complex difference in somewhat similar emotions and not a reinforcement of toxic ideas about being aroace at all. Just something interesting I ponder
I don't typically spread fundraisers on this blog, but my good friend has to pay out the ass for a lawyer to get a protective order from her bio mom who keeps harassing her, if you have anything or could spread it would be much appreciated
Idk man it’s so easy to get bogged down in all the bullshit online but when my then-6 year old cousin found out I was trans he said “ok” then corrected my grandma when she misgendered me. I was once the third between a gay man and a lesbian. Two lesbians once invited me back to their place when I presented as a man. I met an AMAB nb butch who looked strikingly to outsiders like a cis man and it was one of the more sapphic experiences I’ve had. I nervously wore a boydyke shirt to pride and got 3 different cis-looking femme folks tell me they loved my shirt. I once told a trans group at a protest that any pronouns were fine for me and one person said “wow, I’m impressed and intimidated by people like that. I don’t know that I could be that chill with pronouns.” I once told a GNC friend I wished I could wear a type of “opposite” gender clothing after I had already transitioned and so it would be associated with my AGAB and he said “You could just do it.” I’ve had cishet men fight cops for me before. The first time I had a doctor ask me if my name was different than what was on my forms I had to try not to cry. Last week, a phone call with a doctor’s office where I am generally cis passing asked unprompted if my name listed is what I want to be called. It touched me then too. I told a lesbian friend once I felt like my attraction to men AND women both felt gay. She said “makes sense.” And we moved on. I go by different pronouns in different circles. I’ve had gay women love my facial hair. I’ve had gay men like my tits. It’s all out there, I promise. It can be hard to find it but I promise there is community like you and community who likes you. And it’s more messy and beautiful than tumblr discourse makes it out to be.
It's the one minority anyone can join at any time. The minority with the most intersectionality. The minority you can force someone else to join, even! (Don't do that though)
A common issue is that all disabled people get lumped together into this idea of what "disabled" looks like. Disabilities are so diverse in how they can limit you, or even provide you insight and abilities able bodies people don't think about! I can talk underwater since I talk with my hands, after all!
It's funny how there's a kinship between a minority where every experience can be vastly different. But the one thing we all seem to agree on (for the most part, absolutes tend to come with exceptions) is that the accessibility in today's society doesn't particularly fit ANY of us properly.
There is this "perfect disabled person" that seems to be what most places are providing for. A wheelchair user who has the strength of 5 men to push up these steep ramps that barely follow ADA laws. One who can't get up and down unless they want people to stare, but also must be able to get up and down to navigate the building. Lines must be no issue in a chair, because you're just sitting! Nevermind the fact that you need to lock your chair to safely sit in one spot, and locking and unlocking it over and over can create danger, tripping others in line etc etc
And if you use a cane well... that's not disabled enough for accessibility. No where to sit if you're tired (you should just have a chair if you're that disabled! Nevermind how expensive they are), tripping hazards literally everywhere
And if you're blind, or deaf you better have a handler of some sorts. No one will want to deal with you if you seek independence— you're such a hassle! And if you don't have access to a friend who can help you...sucks to suck! It's like in people's heads they want to go back to when disabled people weren't allowed outside, cause it's just easier for everyone else
Don't even get me started on epilepsy! Flashing lights are necessary for police and ambulances apparently, nevermind giving other people seizures on the way. You wanna see a movie? Seizure. You wanna see your favorite band? Seizure. You wanna go outside? Street performers decided to do an impromptu rave, might as well just stay inside.
And God forbid you don't look disabled but ask for accessibility, you should just push through it! Oh you can't? Should've just stayed inside then!
I have met loads of lovely people who help me in many ways outside. I'd even say the majority of people are trying to be considerate— but no one really knows how. People walk on eggshells or ignore you completely, not wanting to offend or make things worse. But the most important thing you can do for a disabled person is treat them like a person. Talk to them, ask if they need assistance if they seem to be struggling, respect their answer no matter what it is, just like you'd do any other stranger.
Look out for your neighbors, it's all we have right now. Not just disabled people, everyone. Get off the Internet and remind yourself what it means to be in a community. To help those who need it without considering anything other than what the right thing to do in that moment is.
I am guilty of overthinking, but being a good person is way easier than the last couple decades have made it seem. No one outside gives a shit what you post, who you ship, what you watch or read, or your reasoning behind doing good things. If you help someone, or compliment someone, or offer assistance to a disabled person, there's no deeper ethical dilemma. It doesn't matter why you did it or if tumblr or Twitter or tiktok would support your choice. What matters is doing the right thing, putting a smile on someone's face. Making them feel seen. Reminding others and yourself what it means to be human.
and while we’re at it, fuck this idea that ONE ACCOUNT has to belong uniquely to ONE PERSON. This is the same thing these silicon valley fucks want; their vision of the future where everyone has a unique biometric ID code implanted in their body is the ultimate extension of Netflix’s “no password sharing” policy. You want to use your friend’s car? Sorry, you can’t, you need to be an authorized user. Your mother wants to let you look something up on her OED account? Too bad! That’s only for her! The concept of perfect market efficiency gives them greedy little money bag eyes.
If I pay money to have a newspaper sent to my house, they don’t charge me extra when I show it to my dad. This password sharing thing isn’t just a Netflix problem; don’t be surprised if it shows up elsewhere in other forms. Stamp this idea out now or we’ll be stuck with it.
This is by far the most popular post I have and I have to say: good, I’m right. Password sharing and ID verification are going to kill the internet. not oooh in 50 years. in like 5 more.
And just like so many things it targets the disabled demographic disproportionately. I have selective mutism, and yet it's almost impossible to make official phone calls through my husband. We are legally married but I have been pulled every direction by the DISABILITY OFFICE because I can't talk on the phone.
It obviously targets impoverished people disproportionately, but there's not always a focus on disabled people. Especially disabled impoverished people who have a hard enough time surviving alone— let alone affording nice things like streaming services!
I'm sure it affects racial communities and other minorities disproportionately in some way— but I'm not as educated as I should be about password sharing and the like on those communities so no comment. If there's anyone who is please chime in🙏
I wish there was more direct action with these conversations, if anyone has links that could assist the people affected please chime in
Finding joy in the things you can't change, as if seeing rainbows in oil spills, is necessary for the sake of motivation to pressure what you can change
Actually Good Tips For A healthier Diet: Fuck Diet Culture Addition!
Hi hey hello! I'm American— so this will be directed mostly at other Americans!
I'm going to list ACCESSIBLE tips for having a broader diet that fills you with more energy, and shocker it's not just "only eat salads and eat less"
1) switch your white bread out dear God, bread is so good but white bread is more sugar than bread! If you need a sweeter bread there are TONS of affordable options! The clearance bakery section of Walmart typically has baked bread of all kinds that's much better for you for cheap (usually it is about to pass the sell by date— but should safely last a couple days easy!)
2) fruit and veggies are necessary! If you are in an area where you struggle to access them, I find speedways and some other gas stations sell apples and bananas cheap too! I've had a lot of luck incorporating fruit using yogurt, applesauce, frozen fruit
3) every. food. has. something. Food is not a villain, of you eat too much of anything it'll be bad— so eat what you like in moderation and as long as you are getting enough PROTEIN, GRAINS, CARBS (YES CARBS. ESPECIALLY CARBS), FRUIT AND VEGGIES you will feel full! If you struggle understanding what "full" feels like— just plan your meals like a charcuterie board, it doesn't have to be home cooked meals but you need the important stuff! Most of my meals consist of a hodge podge of my favorite good treats
4) if you put something on a fruit/veggie/healthy struggle food of any sort and it helps you eat it, it's good. Point blank. There's no such thing as "ruining" food. If you eat too much veggies slathered in butter it's because of the quantity, not the quality
5) heavy metals and omega vitamins are so so important, you get these from fish and red meat, of you can't get those a lot or don't eat meat there are many ways to incorporate them! I love a spinach salad with way too many carrots absolutely doused in zesty Italian dressing— and I take a cheap multivitamin every day to make sure I have the energy to function
6) you really should be taking a multivitamin because the economy is crap and our food is so unregulated right now, if you have the energy to take life by it's nards a shitty government will be no issue! Every store sells one these days— look for daily ones that have heavy metals and omega supplements. The cheapest places are convenience stores a la safeway
7) buy beans. So many beans. If you like beans get so many cans. They are so so good for you and are a great protein in a time where meat is so expensive
8) I know never buying fast food isn't always an option, but try and limit where you can! As mentioned previously food had become very unregulated and honestly it's so expensive right now it's hardly worth it— find joy in the process of making a shitty sandwich and eating it where you can
9) freezer meals > fast food, they're much cheaper these days and are a better fast solution health wise
10) carbs are so yummy, and there's literally no one saying you can't just eat two meals to cover the food groups. Eat Mac n cheese and a burger. Burger is actually pretty good for you when it's more meat than chemicals!
11) please buy canned food. Fruit is more accessible this way, so are veggies, meat, beans, please buy beans
That's all I've got for now— community is strength in hard times, and all you need to grow lots of herbs and foods is a small patch of land, water, and love
Take care of yourself, it's the best resistance out there
As an autistic/adhd person going through the job search process I’ve learned to phrase my autistic/adhd traits as corporate friendly things. Here’s some examples:
I have trouble reading between the lines and picking up on implicit information? Actually, I’ve learned the importance of giving and receiving precise, specific instructions in order to avoid time consuming miscommunications.
I’m easily bored with only one task? Actually, I have a curious mind and thrive in places with a wide range of tasks as I prefer dynamic environments where I can contribute to many projects.
I have trouble with white lies that are merely social niceties? Actually, I prioritize a transparent work environment where we can tackle issues head-on.
This way I don’t have to lie, but rather just spin my truth in a way that’s palatable to them.
If you are younger or unsure of your reading comprehension levels, read on while I tell you a short story, and break down why a simple story is one of love and respect.
My husband was looking for cars online, browsing nearby dealerships while I say by him on the couch.
"Would it annoy you to scroll on Shorts out loud?" I ask.
"No you're fine" they reply.
I scroll on Shorts with the volume fairly low, lightly leaning against them, until my stomach growls.
"I'm hungry. I'm gonna make a snack, do you want anything?" I ask
"No" they reply
"Oka—"
"Grapes actually!" They remark with a sense of remembrance
I laugh at their accidental interruption with delight, the timing bringing a humor to the interaction.
"Alright" I respond with a smile in my tone.
"Can you rinse them please?" He requests.
"Of course, love" I respond, before grabbing the green grapes from the fridge, and a plate. I consider just grabbing a paper towel, but remember my husband doesn't like the texture of a wet towel. I walk to the sink and set the bag and plate next to it. Reaching in, I grab a stem and rinse the grapes gently under the faucet, scrubbing each one individually. I pluck them off the stem and place them on the plate. I do this until the plate has a decent amount, and then place the bag back in the fridge, dry my hands, and walk the plate to them with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.
I walk back to the kitchen to start preparing myself a salad, and hear him exclaim, "oh you took them off the stem too, thanks!"
Now, what about this story shows love?
Let's go step by step!
At the beginning, I ask my husband his preference on my phone noise. I think about my actions and take into account how they'll affect my loved one.
When they agree it's okay, I still intentionally keep my volume low, knowing it would overstimulate them to have it too loud.
When I decide to make myself a snack, I include them in that decision. I know I have the energy to do that for them and want them to feel loved.
When they interrupt me after forgetting they did want a snack, I take it lightly. I trust my partner, there's no resentment, and if I felt talked over, I could say it. You can read into this by the way I react!
When he asks me to rinse them I agree, I trust my partner, and know that if they ask me to do something I know they have good reason. I can over the grapes probably haven't been rinsed and need to be for them to feel safe eating them
I consider his sensitivities when choosing a plate over a paper towel, and pluck the grapes of the stem knowing he hates doing this.
When I deliver it, their exclamation of joy seeing this shows there's no expectation of more than they asked. I feel appreciated!
Remember, every word you say has meaning, and that doesn't have to be exhausting. Its actually rewarding, if you treat others with respect and they do the same to you
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