depressing and euphoric wonderland

[noenergytogetdressed]

it's not that hard

they say "just be happy" they say "just smile more" they say "it's all in your head" they say "it's not that hard. just snap out of it and stop being dramatic." i say "fuck off."

[noenergytogetdressed]

sleep

i’ve been sleeping a lot more, not because i’m tired, but because i love dreaming of a world where i don’t exist and everything and everyone is better without me

[noenergytogetdressed]

eye contact

people say to make eye contact when talking to another person, but the ground is the only thing that doesn't turn away in disgust when i look at it.

[noenergytogetdressed]

friends forever

i hung out with a good friend today. she had another old friend who she introduced me to. she spent the whole time with him while i cried in the bathroom.

[noenergytogetdressed]

i suppose i just kept my standards too high. everyone leaves and no one truly cares. how foolish of me to believe that.

[noenergytogetdressed]

no one is here

no one is here and i am getting bad again. really bad. 

[noenergytogetdressed]

negative mindset

my mindset of being alone and sad has come back with full force. 

[noenergytogetdressed]

if i didn’t care

if i didn’t truly didn’t care i wouldn’t be so sad over the feeling of being forgotten so easily 

[noenergytogetdressed]

forgotten..?

no one is here. have they already forgotten me..?

[noenergytogetdressed]

two hours

no one is home yet...it’s been nearly two hours

[noenergytogetdressed]

clingy..?

still no one.......am i too clingy....? are my expectations too much...? maybe...

[noenergytogetdressed]

expectations vs. reality

no one has come back. maybe i’m just expecting too much...traffic maybe..? or they need to pick up something..?

[noenergytogetdressed]

i’ll wait

[noenergytogetdressed]

foolish

the therapist said it’s ‘dangerous’ to leave me alone....they have to come back. it would be foolish of them not to.

[noenergytogetdressed]

error

i’ve come to the realization that my family has all left me alone at home. i think they’ve made an error. 

[noenergytogetdressed]

distraction

i am trying to study but my depression and anxiety are just having a fight in my head and it’s draining me i just want to bang my head on the fucking desk and die

[noenergytogetdressed]

one of many

i feel today has just been such a shitty day. i don’t feel good about anything today and i think ranting on this blog may provide some type of comfort?? i don’t even know..i just know this is just the beginning of my night