Carl Parsley

Girl Talk, you're positive? 🐕

[perequiste]

things will work out + it’s still early + not everything is lost + trees

[theskydoesgreatthingsnow]

LOTR abridged

[pseudomantis]

[is-the-owl-video-cute-deactivat]

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

[phaeton-flier]

How about you mind your own damn business

[bitethebullets]

the loss of the audio jack is due to puritan culture hating on penetration

[lesser-flamingo]

I love the old timey phrase "you forget yourself". bro that was so impolite like do you even know who you are rn

[damazcuz]

em dash is so fucking sexy. puts her in a paragraph 8 times.

[damazcuz]

People in the notes are telling me the opinions of Twitter and Reddit users. Let me make myself clear: redditors and Twitter users are not people to me. I do not value their opinions on my hot wife, the em dash. Puts her in a paragraph 20 times.

[dyrdeer]

when ur talking to a new online friend and they say "bloody" for the first time

[dyrdeer]

I have been corrected

[tchaikovskaya]

[lastoneout]

The Pope, desperate to avoid ever interacting with JD Vance again, went to the one place the Vice President couldn't follow: heaven.

[is-this-blasphemous]

No

[lastoneout]

[sunsugarsuntzu]

"We need more complex female characters" you guys can't even handle Chappell Roan, Real Life Woman with Boundaries

[knitmeapony]

Did a little fan art of a popular post on blue sky.

[todaysbird]

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it

[todaysbird]

despite never being reprimanded for getting sick if my dog throws up she will ‘tattle’ on herself and run over to me, show me the throw up, then hide and start shaking uncontrollably. nobody taught her to do this. she has decided that throwing up is a punishable offense until the end of time

[ajarofpickledtears]

[todaysbird]

my dog has decided that it’s solely on her shoulders to ensure there is peace in my house…if the cats fight she stands between them to ‘break it up’ and/or herds them away, if my rats have an argument she goes to the cage door and barks until they stop. not sure why she has decided she must carry the weight of the world but she has

[fauxcoral]

[thecrossroads]

This woman always feeds a squirrel, and that squirrel returned the favour by leaving a cookie for her.

[autumngracy]

[kineticpenguin]

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

[kineticpenguin]

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

[kineticpenguin]

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

[onion-souls]

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

[phaeton-flier]

Elf Fentanyl works exactly the way cops think human fentanyl does

[yupokaysuremhm]

op turned off reblogs but I want this forever

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[pipebombgf]

gender-affirming surgery is a months-long dark comedy. what the fuck do you mean you're charging me double for everything. what do you mean they itemize the bill by left and right ball. what the fuck.

[pipebombgf]

they billed me for three?? three balls???

[pipebombgf]

[fangsforfags]

fake idgafer. i saw tht haunted look in ur eyes

[fangsforfags]

fake idgafer. i saw u replace ur guilt with anger