single and refusing to mingle

that means im aspec in case you didn't catch it

[ihatepissvortex]

[scribefindegil]

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

[ceruleanheaven]

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

[translatingpoststogerman]

himmelblauerhimmel

ich bin immer ein falsches wort davon entfernt von all den leuten erschossen zu werden die mich erträglich finden

Notes:

In German, when someone is being shot, you have to specify whether they were merely wounded ("angeschossen") or shot to death ("erschossen").

[anonymousalchemistz]

I do like that given the opportunity to specify, you did choose to kill op

[translatingpoststogerman]

I assumed that's what op intended

[ciricearts]

omg the ttk guy!!

[parkayquarts]

"what if someone regrets transitioning" if you are 18 or over in free country usa you can walk into any tattoo parlor and ask for a tattoo that will be on your body forever and ever and ever and they will give it to you with the understanding that if you dont like the result or you regret it later that's your fucking problem and not theirs

[death-himself]

no context game changer spoiler

[argillaforma]

shane and rose at a lunch catch up and rose is complaining because she stopped taking birth control so now she has to use condoms all the time and shane says something like i’m so glad i can’t get pregnant because i love when ilya…and then promptly stops himself when he realizes what he was about to admit and rose is like you just told me so much about your sex life that i didn’t need to know, please keep going

[tashaneva]

sometimes i wish my brain had a switch off button or something

[irishchemist]

playing modded minecraft:

playing unmodded minecraft:

[avidcollectorofdust]

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

[ilyarozanovsmouth]

You can literally see it in his eyes:

When he realizes that Shane isn't actually upset and he's going to have so much fun with this. His little smile, too!!

[ihopejakeydiesnow]

[argillaforma]

if i was shane and i was listening to the love of my life spill his heart in russian over the phone and the only thing i could understand from that whole conversation was 'svetlana' i think i would jump from a high building

[messsssmer]

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

[fireknightqueelign]

thy mother

[messsssmer]

Art thou for fucking real

[abbielauren2024]

Reblog if you’re grateful for your commenters <3

[toasted-rivalry]

A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.

[argillaforma]

ilya and svetlana's friendship is so good they're childhood friends, they're lovers, ilya is her gay best friend who is also a straight bro, svetlana is his only voice of reason, they fuck, they do girls night, they pick hookups for each other, sometimes they can't stand each other, they would kill for each other