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@normal-is-a-raging-psychopath
to my darling @normal-is-a-raging-psychopath <3
it's funny how this was supposed to be a holiday gift lol but today is still a special day :D thou shall have the honor of being my first artwork on tumblr i love u so so so much!!
oh my god
youve stunned me speechless sweetheart
thank you thank you thank you
words alone cannot express to you how much I cherish you my dearest wife
it’s hot here
lesbian beach time 🐚🏖️
Guys, I’m not saying Shane should automatically be handed captaincy of Ottawa. I’m saying he’s worth a consideration based on merit and results and factors that went into Ilya getting the captaincy over Bood. (My personal opinion is that Bood should actually be the captain of Ottawa lol)
I know it’s relatively uncommon for the super star to come into a team and displace the leader who’s been there for longer. That’s why it was weird for Ilya to be made captain when Bood was still there. I’m assuming it had something to do with his history of leading his team to great results, skills as a player and star power. If those were the criteria, they should apply them to Shane as well.
You can’t be like……well despite Bood having great leadership qualities, being well liked, loyal, a great player and on the team for longer and know everyone better, Ilya got the captaincy because he was the better player and bigger star, THEN totally ignore all that when it comes to Shane. If you look at one guy and think about who’s loyal and well liked, and then look at another guy and think about who’s a bigger star and more experienced at leading a team towards better results.
Shane managed to lead a group of homophobes who hated him to a Cup. That’s exceptional leadership skills. If I had the chance to get a guy like that on my team, I’d seriously be thinking about what he could accomplish here if given the chance. It’s weird for him to be automatically moved to the “back of the line” literally and symbolically.
What I always find in this fandom is that if you take an argument that’s been used favor of Ilya and try to apply it to Shane, people are really not able to accept it.
they're tired
hello allo person in a fandom. let’s play a game. in front of you are two characters. your challenge is to okay and you’ve already started shipping them. well the crusher machine is going to activate now goodbye.
Gerard P. Donelan comic original in full color via the artist's instagram
I think we don't talk enough about how Shane and Ilya are literally best friends. Like you cannot be on their level of soulmate and deeply in love without that person also being your bestest friend in the whole world. These two are making jokes and laughing at each other in the middle of sex. They have a plethora of inside jokes that they frequently terrorize the centaurs with. They say the same shit at the same time semi frequently. Absolutely no one, including people within their own circle, is safe from the way they gossip and talk shit with each other. Any time anyone even suggests that one of them finds the other annoying or might want to take space away from the other they get DEEPLY offended. Like being dudes they hear guys constantly talking about how they love their girlfriends/wives but that they like being away from them and getting to be with friends and hollanov is like "... Your not friends with your wife?" And the guys are like "no?? That's my wife???" And hollanov are like "what the genuine fuck is wrong with these people"
Gonna be honest a lot of people deep down view cheating as worse than abuse which is why so many people view downright controlling and manipulative behavior in a relationship as 100% permissible so long as that behavior is centered around either preventing or discovering cheating.
Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles
The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.
But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!
I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.
I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.
i’m obsessed with the idea of the centaurs mixing around their lines for Fun against low-ranked teams. they’ve got the two best players in the league, plus bold, luca, and troy who are really all first line players
when the centaurs play low-ranked teams they don't really have a rivalry with, they're totally gonna fuck around. shane and ilya on wing, bood in the center, and shane and ilya are competing against each other to score the goal. they’re all collaborating to get wyatt the most goalie goals in league history through a mix of dubiously legal curling tactics and fucking with the fourth line. fuck it, empty next because wyatt is on the other side of the ice. (crucially, the only reason he’s there is because shane and ilya peer pressured him into it. he does NOT want to be out of the crease) shane is living his best life doing two minute shifts but staying on the ice to tell the younger players what to do. they’re trying to score goals exclusively with backhand shots (ilya and shane are top of the league in them respectively and shane IS trying to change that). shane and ilya are slamming each other into the boards with a player from the other team in between them. fuck it, hold ilya out of the first few rounds, then throw him in the fourth line. scare the shit out of the other team and make the 4th line step it up. pride night pride line. ilya is telling everyone how he’s going to suck shane’s dick and shane is pretending to be embarrassed but secretly loves it. there is ABSOLUTELY a secret hollanov challenge that determines what type of sex they’re having. sometimes it’s arbitrary.
this does backfire on them once or twice, and they accidentally lose to buffalo because they were so locked in on the goalie goal (achieved) but uh. buffalo definitely snuck some pucks in when wyatt was playing offence. (weibe yells at them and actually punishes them for that one, yeah it was funny but what the fuck were you doing, we’ve lost four games this season and one of them was to buffalo???)
disclaimer idk ball (puck?) that much but like. the centaurs are an absolutely STACKED team, they’re practically running an all-stars team against teams barely scraping by. shane and ilya both need competition like they need air to breathe, and they’re gonna make it on their own if they have to
i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good
it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong
so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing
it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself
it's actually so important to me that even before they had REAL space for it in the cottage, ilya and shane have always been able to understand when the other is going "play??"
everyone always seems so surprised when shane is funny or makes a joke, and i don't think it's meant to be mean, but like? yeah shane is funny. he's always been funny. he's picky about his audience (because he has his image to think about and also because he's just naturally reserved), but he is snarky and quick with it. you know who has ALWAYS found him funny, though?
and on ilya's part, he chirps partially (i think) strategically to have the other team playing annoyed because that's not going to have them on their a-game, but also?? it's for fun. he is puppy nipping and going "play??? play back??? play??" and with almost everyone (because of the reputation he's been branded under), the response he gets is fuck off and a refusal to engage, like we saw with scott hunter. you know who's always understood that this is supposed to be for fun, though?
like these two have SO many communication issues between them, but it's so special to me that from the START they've been able to go, "play????" "yeah, i'll play"
once they live together in ottawa, hollanov have the tidiest, cleanest, most intensely kept up house ever.
shane needs things to be neat. maybe its the autism, maybe its his upbringing, maybe it’s both (looking at you yuna), but all of his stuff has an inherently correct place to be, which is clearly labeled with his top-of-the-line label-maker, even though he’d never forget anyway. everyday items are ordered perfectly to best maximize the efficiency of his and ilya’s routines, thank you very much, and any broken appliances have at most one (1) business day to resolve themselves before a professional will be called. if, god forbid, there’s no one available, well then david and his tool box are on their way over and by golly, shane and him are figuring this out themselves.
ilya, on the other hand, needs things to be clean. it’s definitely some sort of slavic trauma response thing but don’t say that to him, he will deny it. the perfect storm that was his childhood (see: dead mother, verbally abusive father, russian work ethic) manifests itself as a man who must be useful at all times. he cannot be lazy, meaning dishes are done immediately after dinner. the floor is swept, vacuumed, and mopped at least twice a week. sunday, much to her chagrin, is Anya Bath Day every week without fail. the threat of any company at all means everything is getting deep cleaned. like he’s breaking out the feather duster.
together they combine to create the most spotless and put together house ever inhabited by two jocks. they’re intense enough about it that everyone they know is aware and a little scared of them. the centaurs in particular are hyper vigilant whenever their captains invite them over for team events. in my mind they have luca house sit while they’re on their honeymoon for whatever reason and the pages of instructions they leave behind freak him out so bad that he has a panic attack in their linen closet.
anyway shane has an office at the irina foundation HQ in ottawa bc he can never get any work done at home and its important to him that hes Somewhat Involved even if he doesnt get to spend much time there. ilya comes by to pick him up so they can go to dinner post-outing and gets five seconds into a joke about sexy mr hollander and his big fancy desk before he notices there’s a framed picture of him just. sitting there. on the big fancy desk. shane framed a picture of him and keeps it on his desk, in public. it’s not even that good of a picture, it’s just ilya sitting on the couch in sweats and smiling at the camera. probably one of the many pictures that shane has sent to his parents over the years, proof of life after an injury or something equally inane.
but it’s there, in a nice frame. and ilya stops mid-joke and points at it and says “this is me?” as if it could be anyone else. shane’s shrugging his jacket on and doesn’t even know what he’s talking about, not really, until he looks over to where ilya is pointing. and he looks between ilya and the desk a few times, confused, because… yes? obviously?
“you have a picture of me on your desk?” ilya asks, and he’s trying so hard to play it off like it’s nothing, something to tease him about, but. but.
shane shrugs. “well, yeah. i like that picture of you.”
“is a bad picture, hollander.”
“fuck you. it’s my desk. i can put what i want on it.”
and maybe ilya would say something like oh i’ll put you on the desk in a minute if he wasn’t suddenly feeling very raw. a few years ago he would’ve said it anyway, but he’s so stuck on the fact that shane has a picture of him on his desk. after a decade of deleting pictures and messages, being so careful not to be photographed anywhere near each other, not even being able to have pictures in their own homes— now shane has a soft, domestic, printed fucking photograph of him framed on his desk in his office. in the headquarters for the charity they share. named after his mother. named for his mother, a name that shane chose, for everything she went through.
“baby, oh my god,” shane is panicking, dashing over the few steps to ilya and wiping the tears from his cheeks with the sleeves of his jacket, “ilya, if you don’t like the picture i can change it.”
“no, no,” ilya tries to wave him off, feeling silly, feeling vulnerable, but shane doesn’t let him go. eyes so wide, so earnest and worried. “no, i like it. i like you. i like you a lot. fuck.”
and shane laughs, but it isn’t mocking or mean or anything ilya would expect from anyone else who might catch him crying. it never is, not with his shane. he just smooths his thumb over ilya’s cheekbone and presses closer to him and says, “i like you too. it’s a good job we’re married, ‘cause otherwise it’d be, like, embarrassing how much i like you.”
Arthur Pike is 9 years old when he really gets into his bugs and insects phase. And it's cute at first, Jackie buys him lots of picture books with bugs that they read together and Hayden is happy enough to trade the usual tiger time time at the zoo for more time where Arthur stares at the various big and small bugs crawling around behind the glass walls.
It's not until Jackie's cousin, in a well meaning gesture to support Athur, gifts him a tarantula. Which, well. He buys him the appropriate terrarium and hands Hayden a stack of pamphlets on how to take care of a tarrantula. Which is all well and good except for the fact that there is now a fucking enormous tarrantula in their home.
Arthur squeals with joy. Jackie and Hayden less so. Next to them on the couch, Ilya pulls his feet back from where they almost touched the newly unwrapped terrarium.
But it's fine. Hayden loves his son and wants him to be happy (although he did high-five Jackie after she pulled her Cousin to the side to tell him in a kind but very firm way to never ever gift them an animal again without consulting them). So, it's good. It's fine. Toby the Tarrantula happily lives withe the Pike family while Hayden manages to not completely freak out whenever goes into his son's bedroom. It's fine. It's good.
It very quickly turns very bad though on a sunny Saturday evening. The evening had started out well enough, with Shane and Ilya coming over for dinner while Jackie was out for dinner with her old college friends. There was a slight hitch when Hayden realised that he had promised the girls pancakes for dinner without checking the fridge. But even that problem was quickly resolved with Shane simply grabbing his car keys and announcing that "I'll get them, i'll be back in 10 minutes".
No, the very bad part started just after Shane had left the driveway, when Hayden bumped into the tarrarium which was currently staying in the living room while they got Arthur's bedroom painted. The thankfully still intact but unfortunately very empty terrarium.
"Rozanov, I'm gonna ask this once and you better be honest", Hayden said, focing himself to stay calm while his eyes were still locked on what should be Toby's home. "Did you take the fucking Spider out to fuck with me?"
Ilya just gave him an unimpressed stare. "It's a tarantula, Pike", he said drily. "And no, I did not take it out of the terrarium. Why?"
Hayden swallowed. Fuck.
"Pike? What-"
"It's empty."
Hayden finally turned to look at Ilya. Ilya took over with staring at the terrarium in horror.
Shit.
Shane finds both of them huddled together on kitchen stairs when he gets back 15 Minutes later with a carton of eggs and some blueberries in hand.
"Are you guys okay?"
Hayden and Ilya both do a horrible impression of acting casual.
"Of course we are, Solnyshko", Ilya assures him, casually leaning against one of the kitchen cabinets. If it weren't for his shaking hands and the way he kept glancing at the terrarium every two seconds, he'd almost pull it of.
"Yeah man, all good", Hayden adds in a voice that sounds only slightly panicked.
"If you say so", Shane says, unconvinced. "Why are you both standing on chairs?"
Hayden and Ilya look at each other. Look at Shane. Turn to look at each other again.
Ilya raises an eyebrow.
Hayden crosses his arms.
Both of them turn back to Shane.
"Easier to keep an eye on the kids that way, you know", Hayden says. Ilya nods. "Direct view to garden", he adds. Hayden nodds.
"For sure", Shane agrees easily before turning to put the eggs into the fridge to hide his smile. Even if he didn't know them as well as he did, it wouldn't be difficult to figure out that they're lying. It's also not particulary difficult to figure out why they chose to stand on top of two chairs that allow them to look at the terrarium while also being as far away as possible (and, to be fair, still keep an eye on the kids playing outside in the garden).
Of course, it's also not that difficult to remember that Jackie dropped off Toby at the Vet before heading out to meet her friends. And it's just as easy to know that Jackie will definitely want picture proof of her husband and Ilya Rozanov furiously whispering at each other while standing on top of two chairs -
"Why don't you get down and look for him"
"You crawl around the ice all the time, probably advantage for you to find him"
"Oh fuck you-"
- before he tells either of them the truth.
the thing about mothers in fiction is that a lot of fandoms seem to be under the impression that the worst thing a woman can possibly do is be a bad mother. like they can forgive deadbeat dads easily but the moment a woman is a bad or even mediocre mother she's the devil incarnate to them. and then you're like "i like her and i think she's interesting" and they immediately go "oh so you think it's okay to be a bad mother (which is the most evil thing a woman can be)". and don't even get me started on how they react to female characters who are bad stepmothers
Hollanov crime au where Shane has been forced into a marriage alliance with Alexei and utterly loathes him. Throughout the years, he’s gotten semi-close with Alexei’s younger brother, who spends most of his time off the estate doing things for his father. Shane doesn’t actually remember ever meeting him in person, not even at his wedding. He’d gotten a random text from Ilya and, after confirming it was actually him, they’ve spent years getting closer through texts.
So Shane has spent his entire marriage hating his husband and slowly falling for his brother in law. It sucks. And then Grigori gets sick and is dying. Alexei is content to ignore this, but when Shane tells Ilya, he hires appropriate staff for his father. It really highlights to Shane that once Grigori dies, they’re all fucked when Alexei takes over.
Except, on his death bed, Grigori tells Shane and the Counselors that he hates both of his sons and he’ll be damning his legacy either way; whichever of them gets to his bedside first is the one that will be in charge.
While the counselors immediately start arguing, Shane slips outside. Shane knows what will happen: he is the eldest son’s husband. If Ilya becomes the boss, he may very well have to kill Alexei and anyone associated with him in order to enforce his rule.
Shane doesn’t care. He’d rather die for Ilya’s cause than help facilitate Alexei’s rise to power. So he calls his brother in law, for the first time ever, and tells him what’s going on. He hangs up before Ilya can reply and he slips back in to Grigori’s room and waits.
It takes Ilya 30 minutes to get there. Shane knows it’s him not because they keep any photos of him in the house (they don’t), but because he wears the gold cross and curls that match the single portrait of Irina Rozanova that hangs forgotten in an out of the way corridor, a small boy painted at her side.
Ilya is there when his father dies and he inherits the title and empire. Counselors tell him who Shane is, point him out, and expect Ilya to take care of him right there.
Shane bows his head, understanding his fate, but is caught off guard when Ilya hooks two fingers under his chin and raises his head, meeting his eyes.
He is beautiful, is the first thought Shane has when looking into Ilya’s eyes.
“You all misunderstand,” Ilya says, not looking away from Shane. “My brother is dead, so this is his widow, not his husband.”
Shane’s heart speeds up, joy slowly creeping in, at the realization that Alexei is gone and finally no longer his problem.
“I understand your hesitation, however,” Ilya continues, tilting Shane’s head from side to side, examining him. “To mitigate the possibility of him running off and telling anyone about our operations, I will just have to marry him instead.”
