It is true that a bedding ceremony was a historical practice where wedding guests saw the newly married couple off to bed with the expectation they would consummate their marriage (excerpt from Sex and the Church in the Long Eighteenth Century: Religion, Enlightenment and the Sexual Revolution by William Gibson and Joanne Begiato):
That being said, the practice of such a ceremony does not preclude the possibility of a double entendre in Hamilton's letter to Laurens. In the letter, the phrases "transgress," "final consummation," "a l’americaine," and "a la françoise" are all underlined. Hamilton does not just casually mention a bedding ceremony, he explicitly emphasizes the "final consummation," an inherently sexual act. Hamilton may have used the expectations of the time to hide a more suggestive meaning. "Transgress" could even have a double meaning here. Most obviously, Hamilton uses the word in a way that refers to crossing a boundary, as Laurens would have had to leave Pennsylvania (where he was confined as a POW) to attend the wedding in New York. However, "transgress" can also refer to the violation of a law or standard of moral character. Sodomy and sexual intercourse between multiple people/between unmarried people may have been considered types of sexual transgression. Furthermore, Hamilton clarifies that his soon-to-be wife Elizabeth Schuyler loves Laurens in the American way (i.e., as a friend), not in the French way (i.e., as a lover). If the mention of the "final consummation" was truly innocuous, why did Hamilton feel the need to make this point? While this line acknowledges that sex between the three parties would not realistically happen, it does add a sexual emphasis to the reading of this paragraph. There is no literal mention of a threesome, but there is a plausible interpretation that Hamilton was (facetiously) welcoming Laurens to the wedding night sex, if only Elizabeth loved Laurens in that way.
Sexual innuendo and underlined words with double meanings are used in other letters from Hamilton to Laurens, most notably in the April 1779 letter. In one line, Hamilton wrote, "To excite their emulation, it will be necessary for you to give an account of the lover—his size, make, quality of mind and body, achievements, expectations, fortune, &c." Again, the emphasized words (underlined in the original letter) suggest a sexual meaning. Hamilton isn't simply talking about his general stature - he's likely referring to the size of his penis and his experience in bed.
That being said, do I think this was a genuine invitation for Laurens to have sex with Hamilton and Eliza on their wedding night? Do I think a threesome would have occurred if Laurens had attended the wedding? No. Again, sexual teasing is seen in other Hamilton-Laurens letters. Hamilton was likely "lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in [his] power with [his] friend", as he wrote in the April 1779 letter. And of course, these are all our interpretations. The only one who could tell us the true meaning of the letter is Hamilton himself.
Additionally, your reading of the word "friendship" to invalidate the love between Hamilton and Laurens is frustrating. The use of the word "friendship" does not mean that love is absent or that Hamilton views Laurens less affectionately because of his upcoming marriage. Hamilton often referred to Laurens as his friend, even in letters that predate Hamilton's betrothal to Eliza. In fact, Hamilton's famous April 1779 letter opens with the line, "Cold in my professions, warm in ⟨my⟩ friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it m⟨ight⟩ be in my power, by action rather than words, ⟨to⟩ convince you that I love you" (emphasis mine). Additionally, it would have been unsafe for queer men in the 18th century to be explicit about the nature of their relationships in written letters. Your interpretation suggests that Hamilton would have used some word other than "friendship" in the September 16, 1780 letter if there was a deeply romantic or sexual nature to his relationship with Laurens. What word would he have used? "Adieu, be happy, and let buggery between us be more than a name"? This is also not an argument about whether Hamilton loved Eliza or Laurens more - his love for one does not negate his love for the other.
Also, a minor correction: while it is true that Laurens was a POW when Hamilton wrote the "final consummation" letter on September 16, 1780, Laurens was released in November 1780. He was not a POW when Hamilton and Eliza married on December 14, 1780. This is not to say that Laurens didn't attend the wedding for any reason related to his relationship with Hamilton - he likely did not attend due to his various duties in the ongoing war.
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