who?

My burps taste like gummies but my farts feel like hot sauce

[themakeupbrush]

Guo Pei: “An Amazing Journey in a Childhood Dream”

[bettydraperlookingpissed]

[goldkat-g0negrey-deactivated201]

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

[mediocrepresident]

YES

[fortangel]

No but my dad actually did this at McDonalds in the 70s!

So here’s a true story: my father, sometime in the 70s was looking for his first job. He went to the local McDonalds and told the staff, [manager’s name] said I was supposed to start today. They took his word for it and started training him and by the time the manager saw him and asked who he was, people just said “oh that’s the new guy.”

Somehow this actually worked. My dad worked there for a couple of years as a cook. He even won an award plaque which he had on the wall until the day he died.

[trilllizard666]

Confidence Helps

[advanced-procrastination]

Me, walking into FBI Headquarters:

“Name’s Burt Macklin, I work here now.”

[thebootydiaries]

What she texts: I'm finw

What she means: I'm fine

[ikeamalmdresser-deactivated2020]

[strangeparker]

christian memes are a thing I wasn’t ready to stumble upon

[bob-belcher]

[maswartz]

Did republicans forget Obama isn’t President?

[super-saiyan-rose]

There’s like no way they know what the word impeachment means.

[w0wls]

Careful or we will get impeached too

[wallnoises]

Guys this isn’t something to joke about, my dad got impeached last week :(

[iraffiruse]

[mermaidh3art]

[yohandere]

[djoswiftie]

you better watch out. you better watch out. you better watch out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

[great-tweets]

watch the whole thing, i’m begging you

[sushinfood]

this is NUTS

[ranger-truth]

Reblogging this again because I found out he’s actually the drummer in an all-mascot metal band called Charamel.

[hollowboobtheory]

wait a second

[jads-abum-rat]

[vespertineflora]

[audio transcript]

Woman: He’s fine. He misses you.

Man: Give him my love.

Woman: Will do. 

[woman looks at ridiculous oversized bird]

Woman: SQUAWK

Bird: SQUAWK

THE END

[stability]

Good to know shitposting has been around since the inception of cinema

[kelly-clarkson]

[themorningrarchive-deactivated2]

[ravensloane]

guess who made horny cowboy emogies instead of writing her essay

[pecharings]

@bunieboo

[ewaneneollav]