☀️

Zo 24 I don’t know what I’m doing but my dentist says I have great teeth.

[succubusboyfriend]

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

[succubusboyfriend]

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

[parkchanwoohoo]

[hollanovbiter]

(cottage- 2017 post-love confessions)

Shane is handing Ilya something. It looks like? a pair of shoes?

“Here,” Shane places the slipper things into ilya’s hands.

“What are these?” Ilya asks.

“Water shoes.”

“Why do I wear shoes in the water?”

“Because otherwise your feet will get muddy and sandy and touch rocks and seaweed and gross stuff,” Shane explains.

“So? I will just wash them. After.”

“But it feels yucky? On your toes?”

“I will be okay Hollander.” He hands the shoes back to him.

Shane looks extremely wary. “But what if you get a scratch on your foot from a rock or a zebra mussel?”

“Oh no, not a scratch,” Ilya says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shane makes his ‘disgruntled frown’ face, which of course makes Ilya’s heart go all mushy.

“Fine. I will wear the shoes. Give.”

Shane looks at him like he suspects Ilya is about to chuck the shoes into the lake, never to be seen again.

“Shane, moya lyubov,” Ilya tries. “I am going to wear these stupid water shoes for you so I do not get cuts. Give them to me.”

Shane gets this soft look in his eyes. “What does that mean? Moya Loo-Bof”

He butchers the pronunciation, but Ilya knows what he means. He didn’t necessarily mean for Russian the term of endearment to slip out, but it did, naturally. His entire face blushes red.

“My love,” he mumbles, scared, even after their confessions last night, that he’s spooked shane off.

It’s Shane’s turn to turn red at that, but he has a small smile on his face. “Put the shoes on, idiot,” he orders, affectionately.

[loungemermaid]

Soft butch Jane Hollander finally cutting her nearly hip length hair into a choppy razored wolf cut/shag and Lilya Rozanova legitimately forgetting how to breathe as she slams her rum and coke at a stupid bar in Tampa in a dress she thought would be funny but now looks stupid because god, she’s never even seen Jane in pants let alone the smudgy eyeliner and crisp button down with the sleeves rolled up and wide leg trousers, sunglasses tucked in her cleavage and oh my god, is she wearing a black lacy bra? Can she actually see Jane Fucking Hollander’s Bra ™? Did her awful fucking movie star boyfriend make her change her image?? If he did it would be a weird choice because prissy, perfectly feminine, princess Jane looks gay now. Really fucking gay.

[dragonpyre]

Ngl I totally forgot fandom discourse was a thing. I don’t care man, I have car payments

[rootbeerrex]

starting a collection

[clever-fandom-reference]

If I may submit:

[kisskisscantfallinlove]

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?

[whereisthatfrogomine]

I also think it would be really funny if Shane knew Armando as a real estate connection. Armando reached out to him (because they're both celebrities in real estate, obviously). Shane doesn't typically do networking, but this time he looks into this guy's properties and just thinks, "Oh! This guy actually seems to be really successful at this. I should definitely accept his invite and learn from him and maybe meet some other people with good advice. It would be silly not to." Armando at some point drops the most casual "You do hockey, right? How is that?" that Shane has ever heard from someone who seems to know who he his. Armando never brings up performing because everybody obviously knows who he is (obviously), and Shane never thinks to ask if he does anything else. Armando sends him a text inviting him to dinner or to parties he happens to be throwing when he sees Shane has a game in town, and Shane always accepts. It would be rude not to, and he likes Armando. Shane gets so accustomed to seeing Armando when he's in Miami that the first time he plays there without getting an invite, he texts him to let him know he's in town and ask him if he wants to get dinner. Sorry man, I'm on tour right now. Next time, brother. What does that mean? On tour? Like, on a tour of Europe? Or is this some slang he doesn't know? Doesn't matter, he's busy either way. No problem man, next time. 👍🏽 At least things are still good with his good buddy Armando. Maybe now he'll facetime Ilya tonight, instead.

[clovernebula]

prev how dare you hide this in the tags

[gingerpolyglot]

My soul for a Shane crash out where everyone keeps trying to reassure him that it's not his fault Montreal were assholes, that he did everything he could, that they're the problem not him, and finally he loses it like

"Of course it wasn't my fault, that's why I'm so pissed!"

And everyone has to reckon with how shitty it actually is that Shane had to be the one to leave, to upend his life and career, and just because he's happy in Ottawa doesn't mean he shouldn't have been able to be happy and out and with Ilya and get to keep playing in Montreal, and they have to deconstruct this narrative in their heads that Shane blames himself for things going sour in Montreal because they can't conceive of him having the self respect to be pissed instead.

[gingerpolyglot]

The problem I keep having is the more I go back to the text more I keep wondering what the hell else Shane was supposed to do. Like seriously, genuinely - what was he supposed to do differently that didn't involve either reading Ilya's mind or waving a magic wand to erase racism and homophobia?

Ilya wanted a Canadian passport and his contract was up, so Shane devised a plan that got him to Canada, to a team that would pay him his worth, and came up with a pretext for them to spend more time together and start to dial down the rivalry narrative.

Shane mentions how much he hates hiding and asks if Ilya is ready to spend another year hiding, and Ilya deflects.

Shane asks how Ilya is feeling, noticed he's struggling, and Ilya deflects.

Shane thinks about all of Ilya's trauma and gently suggests therapy, and Ilya shoots him down.

Shane doesn't leave Ilya to rot in Ottawa while he lives his life carefree - he's locked into a contract for three years longer than Ilya is (so Montreal probably offered him an 8-year contract while Ilya took a 5 year deal from Boston, both very normal choices) so it makes more sense for Ilya to be the one to move so they can be closer, and also, ILYA WANTS A CANADIAN PASSPORT. If Ilya had wanted to go for American citizenship, then that's a different story and maybe they should have talked about Ilya staying in Boston and Shane moving once his contract was up, but Ilya specifically wants Canadian citizenship and his contract is up first so it's an utterly moot point.

Shane asks after Ilya's mental health and gets stonewalled. He provides openings and opportunities for Ilya to speak up and gets rebuffed or Ilya doesn't take them.

Completely genuinely, what else was he supposed to do??? At what point are his communication issues actually the primary driver of their conflict???

[ragehangover]

also. i find it odd that reid spends so much time in the long game refuting shane’s perspective. shane ‘doesn’t know the dark side of hockey.’ shane is ignorant to the problems of others. shane is too obsessed with hockey. shane’s anxieties are insipid and selfish when compared to ilya’s righteous trauma. shane’s definitely not an eating disorder is a topic of ridicule. shane is sulking after being outed again instead of helping with dinner. everyone — ilya, his parents, rose, hayden — tell shane that he’s being ridiculous and small minded, that he isn’t considering others feelings, that he doesn’t appreciate what he has.

but then everyone else is wrong and shane is right. everything he predicted comes to pass. he is outed by his best friend. he is hatecrimed and ostracised by his championship team. his fiance fails to defend his integrity to the press. he goes to another team for less money and is stripped of a letter. like. it’s just so unbelievably bizarre. i understand that reid wrote this as the ‘comeuppance’ and punishment for shane quote unquote ignoring all of ilya’s more important problems, but then why prove him right? why not make him so passively ignorant that the ensuing horror is a total surprise?

reid has spoken about getting upset when people dislike ilya and his actions, so then why write an entire book where the explicit conclusion is that ilya was wrong, and then try to frame it as shane’s fears — while ultimately correct — simply weren’t worth the hassle? and why, at the end of that, is shane still the only one to apologise?

the only explanation here is that rachel reid has unintentionally reinvented cassandra of troy from her own beautiful mind

[isolabellz]

i’m assuming canada has ticks so i’m just imagining the first time at the cottage hollanov coming back from a hike and shane’s like “okay strip” and ilya’s like “say less” and shane has to explain to him “no this isn’t about sex im now going to meticulously inspect your body for bugs.” and ilya’s like “and this isn’t supposed to be hot…?”

[rougevelvet]

Shane felt like his chest was going to explode, but he huffed and pushed himself harder, refusing to give up. The pounding of sneakers on the trail and of Shane’s own heartbeat almost drowned out the laughter behind him. Shane tried to ignore it all as he focused on the trail exit just ahead. Suddenly, Ilya was right beside him, drenched in sweat, T-shirt balled up in one fist. Ilya winked at him before speeding past him like a cartoon character.

The buzz that we are going to get when it looks like they are running solo but we pan out to see they are now together is going to give life.

[honeypan-fanart]

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[anya-rozander]

we could be alone ✨together✨

[giveemhales]

I hate being that person but I read your Shane mad at Troy fic and now I'm desperate to know what happened with him and Ilya when he returned home

Ok I wasn't sure if I should respond to this because I am only 50/50 whether I will actually ever post a part 3. I have a partial draft that I am not sure I'll ever finish but so many people have asked what happens next so I'll share a basic overview and a snippet of what happens after. (For anyone unaware, this is about my fic Grin and Bear It, so this will only make sense if you read that first).

Ilya is obviously devastated when Shane leaves. Harris and Troy tried to comfort him at first, but he kicks them out after a couple of minutes because he is scared of Shane coming back and seeing them still there. They convince him not to go after Shane and to just wait it out at the house because they (correctly) believe he is not in a good state to drive. At first, Ilya just felt guilty and a little frustrated with Shane for storming out, but he assumed Shane went to his parent's house so he isn't too worried. But after over an hour of Shane not answering any of his texts or calls, he ends up calling Yuna, just to make sure Shane made it back okay. He starts freaking out when Yuna and David say they haven't seen him, to the point they are genuinely concerned about Ilya and go over to the house to help calm him down and figure out what happened.

Shane returns after a couple hours. Yuna is immediately asking where he has been and how he could be so reckless. He basically snaps back that he is not in the mood to be ambushed in his own home again and either his parents leave, or he does. Everyone is pretty shocked by this, because Shane never really talks to his parents like that, but Ilya convinces them to go home (it pisses Shane off that his parents seem more concerned with Ilya than him, but he is trying really hard to not be too angry because after his phone call with Rose, he realizes that Ilya and his parents are just small parts of much bigger problems, and he is still very grateful for them). Ilya tries to talk to Shane about what happened but Shane insists he is too tired and would prefer to talk in the morning. Things are awkward and Ilya offers to sleep on the couch and Shane tells him he's an idiot. They go to bed together because they both know how much better they each sleep when they aren't alone, and Ilya feels very relieved.

In the morning, they finally talk out what happened. Shane tries to stay very calm and objective, and tries to just repeat someone of what he told Rose without sounding like he is attacking Ilya. But of course things are emotional and end up getting heated. They fight a bit but that was something they needed. There's a lot of issues Shane had that Ilya was really oblivious too. He feels awful realizing that Shane has been dealing with a lot of the same feelings Ilya has dealt with. By the end, they are both apologizing profusely and Shane agrees to go to therapy. The conversation reveals cracks in the foundation in their relationship, but now that they know to address the problems, their relationship is stronger than ever.

Here is a little snippet of their conversation the morning after:

Like I said, I don't know if I will ever post a third chapter. I hope to, but it will be awhile if I do, because there's just too much I want to include. Hopefully this is mildly satisfactory in the meantime. I would love to hear what people think of this and if people imagined something different. It truly means so much hearing from people about this fic, I still can't believe so many people have read it!

[enid-nightshade]

I have feelings about Hayden Pike and how people portray him and how I feel like it reflects specifically on Shane and more specifically his autism.

Long story short, why does everyone is Ilyas life (see Sveta, Cliff, the Centaurs etc) get to be ""unrealistically"" supportive and fleshed out but Shane's friends either don't or are not talked about? Why isn't the autistic character allowed to have close friends that care about him on his own merit. Yes he gets accepted and loved by the Centaurs, but that's after Ilya. Yes in a lot of fanon he gets accepted and loved by Ilyas friends, but they're Ilyas friends first!

The one friend he is explicitly shown as having, a very common fanon I see is him being a bad friend, or not liking Shane that much, or them drifting apart when Shane moves or whatever. And the other person shown as being friendly is JJ but he very rarely gets developed into a character at all, is rarely even mentioned.

We see Hayden and Shane being friends! They're at each others house! They spend weekends together! They call in the office season! They are dinner together enough that Jackie knows Shane's very specific diet!

Let Shane have friends that care about him and that he cares about. He is allowed and able to have people in his life beyond his Mother and his boyfriend. They are even allowed to be close.

Idk man, it just pisses me off. But this maybe because I'm sick of the autistic character being the outsider even in a group of friends. Let them be loved platonically. It doesn't take a soulmate or a mother to love an autistic person.

Also I think Hayden has great fic potential. He can absolutely get into shenanigans with Shane. They're silly dude jocks together.

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[steamandcream]

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

[danceundersparklinglights]

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out