Not Spells from a Spellbook

These aren’t your grandpappies spells

[notspellsfromaspellbook]

Summon ant (1)

[slugmoji]

be the wizard you wish to see airbrushed on the side of van

[sandmandaddy69]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Jingsuit (Jeans Wingsuit); does not allow full Jlight (Jeans Flight) but does allow for Jiding (Jeans Gliding) from heights

[str-ngeloop]

casting spell of : i dont think that's true

[str-ngeloop]

you have to remember that people will simply say all kinds of things

[tsaomengde]

My fiancee and I were discussing the worst metal to use to make armor, and the obvious answers are lead and gold, but she cunningly suggested mercury. Which is a fair point, but then I wondered if solid mercury is any good. Googling told me that the melting point of mercury is -38° c (-37° f), so first you get it really fucking cold. At that point, it turns out that mercury has a tensile strength of 1900 mpa, compared to lead’s 18 and steel’s ~500-940 (depending upon the kind of steel).

Now, I know that tensile strength is not necessarily the best measure of a material’s ability to function as armor, but I’m a liberal arts major and didn’t care to actually do that much more research before going straight to, “EVIL ICE DEMONS IN MERCURY ARMOR. THE PCS CAN’T LOOT IT BECAUSE WHEN THEY PUT IT ON IT MELTS AND KILLS THEM.”

[dr-archeville]

Ice Demons wielding weapons made of frozen mercury.  Spearheads that break off & melt inside the target.  Swords that leave tiny bits of melted mercury inside the wound (the swords re-freeze to razor sharpness while in the ice demon’s claws).

[randomitemdrop]

Item: blades, spears, and/or arrowheads made of mercury frozen by Ice Magic; can only be used by one with Ice Magic, but deliver whatever damage the weapon type would normally make plus equal amounts of Cold and 1d8 Poison. Once the wound has been delivered, it continues to deliver 1d8 Poison until the mercury has been removed by healing magic, Wish, &c.

[linguisticparadox]

Apparently I’ve seen this before? But this EXACTLY matches the description of the Morgul blade in LOTR? It felt like “a dart of poisoned ice” (or something like that), it left a piece in Frodo’s shoulder that slowly poisoned him, and the blade melted away when Aragorn looked at it. And Glorfindel warned them all to handle it as little as possible, too!

[anarchopuppy]

dnd setting where dungeons are as ubiquitous as roman ruins are in parts of europe

"i was just trying to dig a pond in my yard when i hit some kinda puzzle door, now i gotta get the adventurers guild involved. they say its gonna take at least 3 months to explore the whole thing, can u believe that?"

[littlesweatermart]

(source)

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Tunic of the Dancing Frog; allows the wearer to summon dancing frogs at will. Each frog does a little song and dance number and then disappears.

[lake-lady]

Slutty wizard. Whorelock, if you will

[notspellsfromaspellbook]

Superwhorelock

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

I've always thought it's too bad that disco is the only kind of dance that comes with an artifact. It's compelling that disco has a Ball. I want to know what secrets will be revealed if I gaze into it. There should be a hip-hop Cube. A ballroom Amulet. A swing Diadem.

[catcrumb]

[depsidase]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: horse repellent incense

[cheeso]

shower gel label:  immerse your self in this new   “Me Time” luxury   fruity tooty.    abandon all sense of identity and dissolve  Your memories into this   soothing chemical broth    One billion melons are in this tube… use them wisely

[notspellsfromaspellbook]

Roll a wisdom save to not be consumed by melon luxury

[funtergeist]

i could be so powerful if i had more patience to animate……

[funtergeist]

thats exactly what i was reffering to

[sandmandaddy69]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Loud Teapot

[leonkennedysprostate]

"don't assign human morality to non human things" is so true except when it comes to printers. they know what they are, they understand dilemmas and ethics and morality. they choose to be how they are, they choose to be evil, at their very core they are rotten

[notspellsfromaspellbook]

Printer as BBEG - rôle initiative

[slutshame-alexanderhamilton]

Twitter is sometimes worth keeping around because of posts like these

[animate-mush]

"Ben Franklin smote the earth and out sprang: George Washington, fully grown, and riding on his horse"

[theriu]

Don't forget that one time he summoned and bottled electric fire from the sky.

[lunnefisk]

BRING ME THE COURT MAGE

[evilwizard]

this shit again my liege?