NottaWriter

Reading, Writing, Fandoming - 18+ so very gay - they/them

[nottawriter]

I write Supercorp fics on AO3 - Recently started writing a polytrix fic too

Interested fan fiction, art, content creators, or fandom enthusiasts, esp sapphic or lgbtq:

nottawriter | Twitter, Instagram | Linktree

Writer & sapphic content connoisseur Wicked Gay & Kinda Trans, unwritten memoir

[e-adlirez]

Why do you think people like seeing their fav character angsty and suffering? I dont know but it makes me more glued to the character!

Oh I could make a TEDtalk on this as an angst lover LMAO

Ramble under the cut, prepare yourself ADSFGDFGFHJFGHJDSGFG

The way I see it, the amount of time you think about a character is directly proportional to how much you like them. Sure, that part's obvious-- especially in the peaks of a hyperfixation, you will be thinking about a certain character a lot. At this point in your angst journey, there are two possible routes your brain can take, depending on the franchise or the duration of the hyperfixation.

For the first route, sometimes a fandom gives you a lot of stuff to think about or a character's writing gives you a lot to think about, and thus you latch onto a certain aspect of it, as you do. Well-written characters have flaws or some sort of narrative irony to them that may or may not be supplemented by some background lore, and everyone latches onto it in a different way. However it happens, the eventual result would be "thankfully it doesn't happen in canon, but imagine if [insert character]'s [insert flaw/insecurity] dropkicked them somehow despite however much the other characters reassure them that it won't happen, that would actually suck". Using KPop Demon Hunters, for example, Rumi alone is already the perfect subject for this thought experiment: Rumi has self-loathing issues, is a compulsive liar and fully believes that her friends won't understand her if she revealed that she has patterns but isn't a demon (aka won't understand her ingrained justification for having them), and her patterns got revealed in literally the worst way possible; since we get a happy ending in the movie and Rumi lives to reconcile with her friends despite demanding for Celine to strike her down during her lowest moment, what if hypothetically Celine actually did strike her down that night and the girls end up finding her in the dirt by the tree? She's a compulsive liar, what if she's lied to the girls a lot over the years with lies of various sizes to keep up her "I don't have patterns" facade? The fact that she requested Celine kill her in her lowest moment is not a good indicator of her mental state, what if some custom homebrewed demon gene stuff makes it such that she's attempted by herself multiple times but just can't do it alone, and that tears her up every time (fair warning this is a heavy fic with really heavy themes so read the tags before going in)? In this case, you're given a lot to play with when it comes to their canon characterization, and when your brain is given full freedom to go hogwild, it will go hogwild with the possibilities.

The second route is more freeform. Say a franchise doesn't give you a whole lot about your favorite character to go off of. Well, that won't stop you from thinking about that character a lot, and if your brain has sampled the canon material enough that it's kinda like "well, now what?", your brain will start wanting to fill in the blanks that canon left behind. This is where headcanons come in, and unlike the sentiment that's become common in fandom space nowadays, your headcanons are not beholden to canon, and you're free to do whatever you want with them and interpret their personalities according to your personal preference. Either way, your brain will do some thinky thoughts, and eventually the thinky thoughts will go to "hmmm, how would this character deal with [insert undoubtedly fucked up scenario you absolutely just thought of after getting randomly inspiration-beamed one day]?" Sometimes it's an exploration of the headcanons you have of the character, sometimes it's a stress test of the character's strong qualities that may be put to the test in particular situations, or sometimes it's just the teen/adult equivalent of daydreaming about your favorite characters in scenarios they probably realistically wouldn't get into but fuck canon, it's cool or your brain's latched onto it and now it's gonna explore that thought for all it's worth. Again, using KPDH as an example, all we really know about Zoey from the movie is that she's bubbly, a little ditzy, is a chronic people pleaser, struggles with her Korean-American identity, and was a weird kid in school. Cool, now what? Well, a common theory fueled by her "tried to play both sides" line in the Golden music video is that her parents -- one who's Korean and one who's American -- got divorced and she wound up caught in the middle of that. Well, surely that couldn't have gone well, especially since looking at real-life, a lot of divorces are messy and complicated and leave a huge mental and emotional toll on the child caught in the middle. So naturally, she would be torn between the two. But what tore the two parents apart? One common reason is that the two parents just couldn't agree on how to raise their child (both are flawed in their own way), but neither parent was able to convince the court to give either of them full custody. Well, that can't possibly be easy on Zoey if this is the family life she has to deal with -- there must be some immense tension going on if this is how it is for her. Okay, immense family tension due to the ramifications of parents' divorce, on top of her idol career as an adult, on top of her people pleasing issues-- what if the conditions of her parents' divorce means she has to spend time with a parent she likes... significantly less than the other, for good reason, but due to multiple reasons, she has to keep her feelings about it to herself? What if this parent was the cause of her people pleasing tendencies? What if it got so bad that eventually Rumi and Mira discovered it and got roped into this messy-ass family and its issues themselves? Uhp, and would you look at that, we've got an angsty scenario on our hands :D and When the Sky Breaks West by Demodemodex

(Addendum for the previous point, it doesn't have to be as deep as that, but that is one of the ways the second route can go -- really, it depends on the character rotating in the ol' mental microwave, how that character ticks, and how your brain headcanons them up haha.)

Now, you know how I said that there're two routes? I lied. There's a third, and this third is big, enough so that it tends to entwine with the other two rather closely. If you have a favorite character, one of the reasons may be because you relate to them, either because of their characterization, backstory, or relationships with other characters. Maybe in some aspects, you can see yourself in them, and maybe the character has some life experiences that resonate with you and your own experiences deeply enough that you see yourself in them. In the end, fiction is fiction, but fiction means that you can explore and/or process emotions through elaborate scenarios within very much safe parameters. After all, if you need a break, just close the book or turn off the screen! For readers, viewers and writers alike, seeing something that happened to them happen to another character, while upsetting, can be an opportunity to find solidarity with that character's experiences, or see yourself from an outside perspective, which can be healing in some instances. The character's experience doesn't even have to be beat-for-beat the same as yours, usually just having a common emotion shared is enough. Maybe you've never had your family killed by a Big Bad Evil Guy, but maybe you have experienced losing a loved one who was close to you and it hit you very hard. That common ground can be enough. I say this is entwined with the other two routes, and this is especially true for the writers who bring these ideas to life. At some point, research may be done while developing a fic; or, especially in the case of the second route, your headcanons have to subconsciously come from somewhere. Some headcanons are bigger than others, and who knows, maybe a headcanon of yours may be influenced by something in your life, and you just don't realize it. Nothing wrong with it, by the way, but that's how it happens at times; we are all influenced by the things around us in some ways, big and small, and sometimes they help us out in visualizing our fucked up fictional scenarios where our faves go through the Tunnel of Pain and Agony because we love them.

In the end, though, as much as I've gone into detail about elaborate reasons for why people like seeing their faves suffer, in the end, what makes the experience enjoyable is the feeling of catharsis. Catharsis is a purging of negative emotions through certain means, which leads to a feeling of release or satisfaction. Fiction is one of the most common ways of finding catharsis, and we can go farther back than fanfic culture for this. Ancient Greek tragedies were the origin of the idea of catharsis, and while Overly Sarcastic Productions has a really good video touching exactly on this subject, the gist is that for a Greek tragedy to be a tragedy, the stage has to be set up such that a character has a flaw and an event or conflict that pops up ends up cracking that puppy wide open and sends that character spiraling inevitably down into ruin, and if the writer is really competent, every narrative loose end is tied up at the denouement somehow, leaving behind the feeling of catharsis. Even though it's not set in stone and we don't have to follow Aristotle's principles to the letter for our silly little scenarios of doom, the formula works and it's simultaneously evolved in form and stayed the same for a reason. While catharsis doesn't feel good good all the time, it's satisfying, and people like the feeling of satisfaction. Why else did the star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet become the quintessential tragic couple, or overthinker Hamlet became famous as the man who overthought his circumstances so hard he fucked up every little good thing he had going for him? The way their stories were written were tailor-made for catharsis, and that is what keeps people coming back to things like tragedies. Things like angst. Things like seeing your favorites go through the ringer with a little dose of "thank goodness it's not real", sometimes with a dash of "thank goodness this isn't canon" on the side.

Just be sure to have some fluff or hurt-comfort on hand afterwards, angst is satisfying, but angst also inflicts pain, and we all need breaks and remedies from pain ^^

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[burntundertones]

[fell-hound]

Meet me in the woods, I have a secret to tell you 🪭⚔️

My illustration for My Liege - A Queer Knights in Love artbook from @dames-zine and @novaandmali !

48 hours left on the KS!

My Liege

An art book about queer knights - celebrating all knights and their love.

[importantcatpics]

[nottawriter]

Mira could feel the hum of the audience and new Honmoon reverberating all around her, resonating through her body and soul. Gwi-Ma was gone.

She heard a disbelieving giggle from Zoey and for a moment, her heart felt full while they floated back down to the stage. As the skies that had lit up with their success faded back to night, she felt Rumi lean into her, weight slumping against her right side. She gripped her, eyes turning to their leader, “Rumi? Are you okay?”

When there was no response, Mira’s eyes glanced worriedly to a confused Zoey and back. The lyricist gripped Rumi too as they quickly helped her off stage, the two waving at the cheering crowd so as not to cause suspicion. The dancer guided them out of the audience’s sight, easing her to sit before taking her leader’s face into her hands. “Rumi, can you hear me?” Taking in her vacant eyes and slack features, Mira’s voice took on an urgency, “Talk to me, Princess.”

“Rumi?!” Mira’s head snapped up to see Celine running towards them. “What happened? She’s-?”

Zoey’s voice wavered, “We don’t know. She just kind of… drained? And isn’t responding. Shock, maybe?”

The dancer took in Celine’s eyes tracing the new paling patterns on Rumi’s arms up to her face. Her hands hovered, not quite touching the vocalist as she whispered, “Rumi.” Mira felt the urge to berate their mentor, but before she could, the woman looked at her and said, “We need to get her out of here.”

As much as she wanted to give Celine a piece of her mind, and maybe her fist too, Mira was just as anxious to get Rumi to the safety and comfort of their penthouse too, so she nodded, scooping the vocalist into her arms and swiftly standing. If Zoey or Celine were surprised, they didn’t comment. The mentor began clearing the way for Mira to carry Rumi out while Zoey spoke soothingly to their leader.

“Girls!” Bobby called out from behind them. They didn’t stop, but he quickly caught up. “Rumi! Is she okay?”

Zoey responded, “We need to get her home.”

He hurriedly nodded, immediately calling for their driver to bring their car around so that it was waiting when they exited. He rushed forward to open the back door, Zoey sliding into the back seat to help guide Rumi’s limp body in with her, Mira sliding in too. Celine got into the front passenger seat as Bobby told the driver to take them home and that he would follow shortly.

~

Dullness hummed in her ears. Blurriness hazed her vision. Numbness overwhelmed her entirely. She wasn’t even vaguely aware of her surroundings.

Had they actually succeeded? Was she dead? Would she ever get to see the women she loved again?

The thoughts flickered through her, but the only thing that stayed was the hum that came with the numbness.

~

Read the rest of chapter 1 and subscribe

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[nottawriter]

Chapter 11 Posted!

[mysilent879]

[viralfrog]

[whatthehellisthis-world]

Remember when there was a real push for more inclusive and granular language regarding experiences previously thought of as gendered?

Then a bunch of cis women terfs started getting pissy that this was happening because in their words it was "dehumanising"?

What happened to that? We need to return to that.

[iwasbored777]

My favourite Supergirl letterboxd reviews

[nottawriter]

Mira could feel the hum of the audience and new Honmoon reverberating all around her, resonating through her body and soul. Gwi-Ma was gone.

She heard a disbelieving giggle from Zoey and for a moment, her heart felt full while they floated back down to the stage. As the skies that had lit up with their success faded back to night, she felt Rumi lean into her, weight slumping against her right side. She gripped her, eyes turning to their leader, “Rumi? Are you okay?”

When there was no response, Mira’s eyes glanced worriedly to a confused Zoey and back. The lyricist gripped Rumi too as they quickly helped her off stage, the two waving at the cheering crowd so as not to cause suspicion. The dancer guided them out of the audience’s sight, easing her to sit before taking her leader’s face into her hands. “Rumi, can you hear me?” Taking in her vacant eyes and slack features, Mira’s voice took on an urgency, “Talk to me, Princess.”

“Rumi?!” Mira’s head snapped up to see Celine running towards them. “What happened? She’s-?”

Zoey’s voice wavered, “We don’t know. She just kind of… drained? And isn’t responding. Shock, maybe?”

The dancer took in Celine’s eyes tracing the new paling patterns on Rumi’s arms up to her face. Her hands hovered, not quite touching the vocalist as she whispered, “Rumi.” Mira felt the urge to berate their mentor, but before she could, the woman looked at her and said, “We need to get her out of here.”

As much as she wanted to give Celine a piece of her mind, and maybe her fist too, Mira was just as anxious to get Rumi to the safety and comfort of their penthouse too, so she nodded, scooping the vocalist into her arms and swiftly standing. If Zoey or Celine were surprised, they didn’t comment. The mentor began clearing the way for Mira to carry Rumi out while Zoey spoke soothingly to their leader.

“Girls!” Bobby called out from behind them. They didn’t stop, but he quickly caught up. “Rumi! Is she okay?”

Zoey responded, “We need to get her home.”

He hurriedly nodded, immediately calling for their driver to bring their car around so that it was waiting when they exited. He rushed forward to open the back door, Zoey sliding into the back seat to help guide Rumi’s limp body in with her, Mira sliding in too. Celine got into the front passenger seat as Bobby told the driver to take them home and that he would follow shortly.

~

Dullness hummed in her ears. Blurriness hazed her vision. Numbness overwhelmed her entirely. She wasn’t even vaguely aware of her surroundings.

Had they actually succeeded? Was she dead? Would she ever get to see the women she loved again?

The thoughts flickered through her, but the only thing that stayed was the hum that came with the numbness.

~

Read the rest of chapter 1 and subscribe

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[nottawriter]

Chapter 11 Posted!

[nottawriter]

[danger-honey]

🟣💥🚌

@tenderlumberjack

[hadalogic]

paused on a random frame only to be blessed with this I'm fucking cackling

[hadalogic]

Warmth

edit: due to popular demand here's the link to the fic I mentioned in the tags lol

[hadalogic]

Sun-Eater

(inspired by My Burning Heart by @moth-toebeans!!!)

[octoplods]

Happy Tr/xintines to all who celebrate. Very content polytrix cuddle pile. And Derpy!

I spent way more time drawing the fish on Zoey’s pjs than any other part of the dang image. Pls enjoy them.

[nottawriter]

Zoey’s pj pants :chefskiss: