not your wifey

Leilani. 20. manatee lover. SUTA '16 '17 SCVCG ‘18

[notyourfedora]

@sexymeopshit @laserbeamyourass @mixedbywayne @choesenart @goldenbelizean @darkcloudedvampire @itsnotgucci @inholymacklemony @emanuelspostss @atm-antium @kungfucharity @sadfacesociety @stopaskingaboutmytumbl-r @tonysnow1492-blog @ripsteez-blog-blog @kaimu9gichuki @eytelia-blog @aphrodoubte @underthenightskye @khembo @yournotsofriendlyblackgirl @jefeshit @dakineguy @fly-like-a-bird521 @stressmonster @liveforyourcity @scalene-lamp-cats @cala-jaskrawosc @africanolove123-blog @confessionsofamiddlechild @ynkili @ohsnapitssassy @blogbykatt @chynnaleelovee @dopenigga7-blog @housakaisforever @c-s-t2015-color @onoudonknowme @carlacruz @ajaydc2-blog @queenofhearts579 @lifesabitchanddeathsaslut @livefromplanetsram @juiceex @jkinglord1 @josephgabriel @ninjamacheo @indian420-blog @craftydude89 @whippursnapper 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[inabasket]

Last year for Easter, we got these cool egg decorating kits, with markers, stickers, stencils etc.

I was trying to do an elaborate floral pattern on my eggs, but the stencil kept slipping. I got reeeeally distraught. More distraught than I had any right to be. But no matter how much I concentrated, I couldn’t get the stencil to stay in the right place.

I was having an eggs n’ stencil crisis.

[grawly]

[notyourfedora]

I’ve been so sad but that’s nothing new

[judeccah]

I don’t like the term “self care” bc its so removed from my personal experiences. When I buy soap or take luxurious baths or buy a new sweater or indulge in literally anything the only thing im doing is pretending to be the rich old lady from aristocats

[myhyperfixations]

Ok just cause I’m still salty and this needs to be said: just because your story is a bit predictable doesn’t mean it’s bad. sometimes that just means that your story makes sense. if nothing in your story is predictable then you have crossed the line from “keeping viewers on their toes” to “nonsensical nightmare that doesn’t deliver on any front”

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

Lately a lot of stories that try to hard to be “subversive” and “unpredictable” have turned out shitty because they were more focused on not using certain tropes than telling a good story.

[elizabeths-banks-deactivated201]

cooking with jeff goldblum and bryce dallas howard

please turn the sound on you won’t regret it

[jturn]

I know Jeff Goldblum is the better part of this video but Bryce’s laugh is so anime hand face pose that I can’t believe it. She laughs like she’s at the peak of her abilities and my petty resistance to her might is nothing

[orange-peel-eater]

Yoshi can run no longer

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

[snotferret]

somebody sign Walter NOW. give him a GRAMMY.

[succ-my-pandas-dick]

My fucking lungs can’t with this

[xxxtictacion]

Me making a friendship only to find out they’re a dick

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

this is my mom making stroganoff

[pumpkinspicebluntwrap]

My brain cell when I say something smart every 2 months

[jewish-tutter]

someone explain the jewish holidays to me like i'm 5 years old

[rizaoftheowls]

Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)

Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.

Tu B'Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.

Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!

Tisha B'Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.

Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.

Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)

Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.

Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?

Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.

Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.

[rizaoftheowls]

Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”

[chillwerewolf]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

[betterthankanyebitch]

LPDZ dancing to 112-Dance with me

[catchymemes]

[gingersofficial]

[wolfgangreborn]

this is how i die

[yea-u-right-deactivated20190716]

OH OKAY

[notyourfedora]

Crying in the club rn

[toritheestallion-deactivated201]

[free-market-pluralist-deactivat]

[gordonm99]

Wtfgstagashshshshslspznxbxbdisjssnsj

[i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed-deacti]

me

[stevesfriend]

you done it

[chrisweedpiano]

congration

[creekfiend]

Thank fucking god for plumbers who are willing to go behind their corporate bosses’ backs and be like “yeah don’t pay the 150 dollar emergency fee just gimme 40 bucks under the table, also, don’t buy a water heater from us, my boss will charge u like 800 bucks. go to Lowe’s and ask for a Scratch n’ Dent, they’ll give you for like 200 bucks. Call me tomorrow and I can install it for you in like an hour” wow… solidarity

[creekfiend]

I cannot express how much I would rather slip one workperson 40 bucks directly into their pocket for doing me a solid by not making me get ripped off by his bosses, like…….. thanks bro