NTD Prime @ntdprime - Tumblr Blog

i like this photo because it looks like i just told clefable we’re letting her go from her job were she’s been a loyal and dependable employee for 20 years

silkysong

the sequel. shes gonna get that fuckign cooki.

luulapants

Nothing more cringe-worthy than a story where the writer clearly thinks they're making some broad statement about the human condition in the modern day but actually it's just been too long since they left their specifically dysfunctional community, which is ultimately irrelevant to most of society. And 95% of the time that community is Hollywood.

luulapants

[writer who got his big break and moved to LA about 10 years ago] wow has anyone noticed how everyone has become an inauthentic, self-obsessed social climber in the past decade?

doggirlpaws

If I had capital-s Superpowers I wouldn't use them to punch alien gods, I'd use them to become a science youtuber.

"Hi guys, welcome back to the channel, I've got a real treat for you today! You might notice the lab looks different, I didn't want to risk putting anyone else in danger with today's experiment and if you've been reading the news this week you'll know that a bunch of big important people on Earth are pretty mad at me right now, so I'm shooting this episode on the moon!

"This is uranium-238, an extremely rarified form of the uranium used in some nuclear reactors. If I get the camera closer, you see that 'snow' appearing in the image? That's caused by individual radioactive ions escaping from the uranium. It's warm to the touch and very pliable. See how easily it's bending? Compare that to how much force I had to use to flatten out that tungsten cube last week, remember how that took both hands?

"Anyway, I know what you're going to ask,"

*voice clip of Snake from metal gear solid saying 'But how does it taste?'*

"Well, we're going to find out! I'm just going to tear off a tiny bit here... Hmm. The taste and texture is similar to lead, but warm and a little fizzy. That would be from those escaping ions hitting the skin cells of my tongue and bouncing off. I'd better spit this out quickly, if one of those bounces back into the uranium it could-

*a loud but muffled explosion sound is heard*

"Okay, so that was what's called a fission reaction! A little nuclear explosion went off in my mouth! That was certainly a new experience, I don't think I want to do that again. It wasn't nearly as much fun as the lava I ate back in the Hawaii video.

"Well, I'm going end this one here and get all these things ready for the next part of their journey. Stay tuned for part 2, where we see what happens when I throw the world's entire nuclear arsenal into the sun! As always, stay safe, stay curious, and have a Super day!"

bumblebeebats

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

cheekbonered

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

guessed-starred-deactivated2025

unclefather

psych-is-the-name

shinekocreator

Okay, this is actually funny

samshepard

candy before beer youre in the clear. beer before candy hurricane sandy

budcortofficial

OP, FYI, if you post on tumblr you post in real life

call-me-noa

play Kingdom Hearts

lakemojave

Addendum:

Are the same person

Not the same person

Play kingdom hearts

r4cs0

pandarson

showed this to my brother and he made this

thanks I understand even less

nonaferatu

Waver Velvet being held at gun point by a middle schooler to become one of the worlds most respected secret society political and philosophical leaders

nonaferatu

Mage Politicians and big-wigs: Lord El Melloi II...a frightening man who toppled his own mentor in his youth in one of the most bloodthirsty Holy Grail Wars to date. He is knowledgeable and capable, often times we call on him for assistance when our experiments get out of hand or mystics are too strange for us to decipher. But his intelligence and indiscernible nature make him dangerous

Highschoolers: dance white boy dance. we know you can floss, put your back in it

melonisopod

Everyone who doesn't know Lord El Melloi II personally thinks of him as some unparalleled genius and meanwhile he's getting bullied by an 8th grader and languishing in bed having dead wife flashbacks about Alexander the Great.

nonaferatu

El Melloi II has a mysterious assistant who smells of death and follows him dutifully in a cloak of rot

Waver Velvet has a highschooler friend who wakes him up to make sure he doesnt miss class because he was binge playing CIV and imagining being Iskandar's right-hand man (while crying for the above mentioned dead wife trauma)