It’s been a while. I just read through my whole blog a little update for future me and the fewer people that are still lingering around, im 18 in 50 days, so yeah.. i’ve been on my own for a long time. So this whole thing originally was going to be me losing weight, well it didn’t really go as planned, i am now at my heaviest that i’ve ever been which would be around 100kg aka around 220lbs. Remember that guy who cheated on me w a 14 yr old? Yeah well last summer we went into another relationship and he said loud n proud “ yeah i prefer skinny girls over you, but i still love you as you are” fucking pig. He was horrible and abusive. I adopted a kitten that i named Hana (blossom) and i broke up w my ex a month after that, as in september. I haven’t been in a relationship since. I did fuck a friend but sadly it was nothinf other then a one nighr stand. Hana turned 1 on the 4th of June, she really saved my life, she’s always there for me when i have panic attacks and she is very attached to me as i am to her. I have streched ears now, more piercings, 3mm septum, bleached hair, gray ish. I have alot of tattoos and scars. I’ve been eating like shit ever since the “ i prefer skinny” incident so yes, my anorexia turned into a binge eating disorder. Over a week ago i met some random lady who turned out to be Tiinas friend( Tiina- my friend of 7 years and im living at hers for the summer) she pulled me to the side n said “ i hope it isn’t rude, but were you skinnier before? Like you have huge strechmarks” NICE VERY GREAT THANK YOU FOR POINTING IT OUT MISS MA’AM. She also casually shot amphetamine when we went over to hers. Anyway with love there really isn’t much, besides Daniel, i really loved him, and i still do, he is my type, but the relationship between us is complicated n weird since he lives in Sweden. So we’re sticking as friends, we’ve known eachother for 8 months now. I met this other guy at the beach while drinking w my friends, his friends were cool and i sent Tiina to the club to go find him and get his info for me, gotta take my chances, i want to move on, i want to feel less alone. My depression has gotten worse, ADHD is even worse, I have BPD and i might be schizophrenic. Im doing great as you see. Im making music tho, so i guess that’s good. I saw my dad over 4 months a few months ago, it was nice. Calling the cps on my mom next monday, long story, but shems 37->38 and her boyfriend is 18->19, fucking nasty, we stopped talking and i blocked them both because my mum is a drunk( so is he) and he said he wanted a threesome( FUCKING NASTY) and mum said “ stop the bullshit “ apparently non of em remember it so they framed me into a liar. Ofcourse knowing their place in this town, nobody belives em. Shit’s barely going theese days, OH I WAS ALSO A DRUG ADDICT LAST SUMMER, yeeeaaa that shit was crazy. But im better now. I feel so guilty whenever im being touched by a guy, because i’ve been getting flashbacks of my abusive ex tryna rape me on his birthday 🙂👍. I feel that im unworthy of love. Im useless and worthless, i don’t know it’s such utter bullshit, but something clicked in me today, im falling back into old habits so i’ll be restricting again. I can’t belive this shit has been going in for 3,5 years now. Unreal. Tiinas fiance just woke up, oh also i had a simp at some point who paid me 450 per month and i managed to get a 1100€ laptop and i bought an iphone X, im startinf a job at the local pub on monday so id be able to buy a Nintendo Switch for my birthday, im so excited i really want it. I also want to get my nipples pierced. I don’t know what else to say, all my exes have new gfs, im starting to pay more attention to my weight again, but we all know how it’s gon go, i’ll weigh myself when i wake up, so then i’ll be able to keep track every weekend. Sayonara for now
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