Huh? You're still here?

19 || Any prns || Artist || Not too active, mostly yaps about animanga ongoings and is currently into LADS, Ikevil, and Tamon's B-Side

[nunkio]

Do you take the deal? ( i would)

Ver without tekst if u wanna use it as a sticker

[scythe-types]

Roger Barel x Plus Sized!Reader HCs

....rogerbarel on tumblr dot com is not allowed to read this bc what if I fuck up roger's characterization rogerbarel on tumblr dot com DNI

🐶 Roger, who wears a shit eating grin when he finds out you're worried about him scrutinizing your weight from a doctor's perspective. "Jude gets stabbed three times a week. You think I have time to care about your weight? What a silly puppy you are."

🐶 Roger, who gets in a legitimate bar fight at the tavern when a random drunk makes a comment about your weight.

🐶 Roger, who's clothes would be a little big on you due to the sheer size of him, intentionally hands you his shirts from a few years back when he was more lean just to watch you struggle to button them. One of the buttons on his shirt pops when you try to button it, and the shaking of your tits along with that tearfully embarrassed apology almost makes him cum his slacks.

🐶 Roger, who can't keep his hands off your ass to save his life. Who smacks and gropes and grabs your cheeks whenever possible just to watch them jiggle. Who drops things intentionally just to ask you to bend over and get them, entranced by the way even a dress can't hide the round curve of your cheeks.

🐶 Roger, who buries his face in the plush of your chest when it's late at night and the world has been a little too loud.

🐶 Roger, who fucks you in ways only a man of his stature could. You never saw yourself with your back pressed against the wall, completely off the floor with your knees hooked over the crook of his elbows, but here you are, getting drilled into oblivion. "What's that- hah- face for, pup? I told you I could do it." He even has the nerve to not look phased.

[cheshireliam]

Ikemen Villains Act 3 PV [Eng Sub]

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. Original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing. Do not re-upload onto other platforms or use without permission and credit. Reblogs appreciated.

The PV was uploaded onto IFC for advanced viewing. You can view in on the website after making an account and logging in. It will be made available for public viewing in approximately 2 weeks from now.

[lovetei]

Leviathan: *Nervous* MC has a video of me on all fours kissing their feet and apologizing to them...

Mammon: Well, MC has a video of me barking and playing fetch with their underwear, who cares really.

[jacegallery]

I still hate him ok

[jacegallery]

tears of joy

[gazzistt]

THE VILLAINOUS BIRTHDAY CONUNDRUM — hypothetical user birthday story event ⊹₊⟡⋆

summary: crown and vogel team up to make your birthday the best yet… but one can only expect so much when asking villains to work together.

notes: hypothetical story event obtained during (your) kate’s birthday - inspired by this post!

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) PROLOGUE

[ PALACE LOUNGE - NIGHT ]

Victor: “Now, I’m sure everyone is wondering why I called you boys here so late.”

Liam: “What’s with the serious face? Is there an important mission coming up?”

Jude scoffed.

Jude: “Knowin’ Queenie’s aide, it’s probably rubbish.”

Victor: “No, it’s something far more important…”

Victor’s serious expression suddenly turned into a gleaming smile.

Victor: “... It’s Kate’s birthday tomorrow! Yay!”

There were shocked faces all across the room, followed by light smiles and sighs of relief.

Jude: “Tch. That’s what ya’ called us here for?”

Liam: “Whew, I’m glad it’s nothing serious!”

Harrison: “There has to be a better way for you to tell us this ya’ old goat.”

Victor cleared his throat.

Victor: “Now boys, this is of utmost importance! Our dear robin has done so much for us, so it’s up to us to ensure her birthday is a success!”

William’s laughter rang throughout the room.

William: “How fun!”

Jude: “...What if I’m busy?”

William: “Oh? Well, how about we format it as a mission?”

Victor: “Good idea Will! Let’s call it, Operation: Birthday Success~♡”

Jude: “Tch. How annoyin’…”

Ellis: “Come on Jude, it’ll be fun. I’m sure it will make Kate really happy… I wonder how happy she’ll be?”

Victor: “Very happy! And to ensure this will be a success, I’ve split us all into teams!”

Alfons: “As long as I’m not partnered with that big oaf—”

Victor: “Elbert, Alfons, and Roger—you three are in charge of decorations!”

Alfons: “.........”

Roger: “Haha! What luck huh?”

Victor: “Jude, Ellis, and myself will be in charge of making the cake and tasty dinner!”

Jude: “Just great…”

Suddenly, the door to the palace lounge opened up to reveal the members of Vogel.

Darius: “Oh? I was wondering what all that noise was…”

Nica: “What’s happening here? Sharing state secrets?”

William: “Quite the opposite. It’s our dear Robin’s birthday tomorrow.”

Darius, Nica, and Ring’s eyes widened in shock.

Darius: “...Oh. (•_•)”

Ring: “W-What?! Really?!”

Nica: “There’s hardly any reason to shout, brother…”

Roger: “Haha, you got all excited like a pup Ring!”

Nica: “So it's the spatzi's birthday… But that still doesn’t explain what you all are doing here.”

Alfons: “We’re having a competition to see who can make Kate the happiest on her birthday.”

Elbert: “...Competition?”

Alfons: “Why not? It’ll be much more fun than us just splitting into teams.”

Nica: “How fun. How about we add gifts into that bet? Whoever gives the Robin the best gift will surely make her the happiest.”

Darius: “Hm, I don’t usually pay attention to the birthday’s of mere humans, but this seems interesting.”

Victor: “Of course! The more the merrier! That’s why Vogel and William will be in charge of gifts!”

Liam: “What? No fair! How will the others get gifts if we're in charge of something else?”

Harrison: “Better question… Did you know that Vogel would show up?”

Victor: “Nonsense, William would have joined you and Liam to distract Kate. But since Vogel is here, it’ll be better if someone from Crown joins them.”

Darius: “I can’t say I’m happy with a chaperone, but if it’s Lord Rex… I don’t mind.”

William: “I assume Vogel isn’t quite familiar with Kate’s interest. I’ll be glad to offer assistance.”

Victor clapped his hands dramatically, leaping up from his chair.

Victor: “Splendid! Now are there any objections?”

Alfons & Jude: “I have a few—” “Damn right I have—”

Victor: “None? Good! Now get ready my Cursed boys, let’s prepare for tomorrow!”

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) CHAPTER ONE

[ KATE’S BEDROOM - MORNING ]

Kate: (Mmh…)

I blinked my eyes a few times, adjusting to the bright sunlight streaming into my bedroom.

Kate: “Oh right… today’s my birthday.”

A soft smile spread across my face as I stretched. Birds sang beautifully outside the window, their melodies almost like a sign that today was going to be a good day.

Kate: (I still have a report to type from yesterday’s mission, and I’m sure Victor’s planning a dinner party later today. I should make the most of my day before then!)

After making my bed, I got dressed and headed towards my door. But when I opened it—

— SCREEN FLASHES WHITE —

Harrison & Liam: “Surprise!”

A cascade of streamers and glitter fell from the air around me as soon as I opened my door. Beside me stood Harrison and Liam, who had bright smiles on their faces.

Harrison: “Happy birthday, Kate.”

Liam: “Yeah, happy birthday! Did you like the streamers?”

Kate: “Are you kidding? Of course I did, that was so magical!”

Liam giggled.

Liam: “I told you she’d like it!”

Kate: “Well, what brings you two here so early in the morning?”

Harrison: “We’re your escorts.”

I tilted my head.

Kate: “Escorts?”

Liam: “We’re going to make sure you have the best birthday ever!”

[ CAFE - MORNING ]

For breakfast, Liam and Harrison took me to a brand-new café that had recently opened. Even though it had been open for a few days, it was already known for its sweet breakfast treats and charming ambiance.

Kate: (That being said…)

Kate: “I’ve heard that some people reserved a seat for this café months before opening, how did you two manage to get us a spot?”

Liam winked at me, leaning closer to whisper in my ear.

Liam: “Let’s just say that being a famous actor grants you a lot of opportunities.”

Harrison: “And don’t worry about being modest. Eat as much as you like, we’ll pay.”

My eyes widened.

Kate: “I can’t possibly ask you to—”

Liam shook his head, holding a finger up to my mouth.

Liam: “That won’t do Kate! We’re going to make sure that you don’t have to lift a finger during this day!”

Harrison's grin then turned wicked.

Harrison: “You’re stuck with us Kate, and we aren’t taking complaints.”

[ CROWN CASTLE KITCHEN - MORNING ]

Victor: “Alright my Cursed boys, are you two ready to make the tastiest dishes ever?”

Jude: “...Why do ya’ have to be so loud this early in the morning?”

Victor: “Well, we certainly can’t cook on low energy!”

The trio stood in the kitchen, each of them—including Jude—adorned in an apron. In front of them were various bowls, pots, and trays, each filled to the brim with ingredients.

Ellis: “Hey Jude, how about we make Guinness Stew? The last time we tried to, it burned before Kate could taste it properly.”

Jude: “Hm? It wouldn’t be too bad to see that dopey grin on her face.”

The look that appeared on Jude’s face was a bit concerning, but he quickly grew serious, grabbing a bowl of water to wash the carrots nearby. Then, he paused.

Jude: “......”

Jude: “... I never said a damn thing about this recipe to ya’ Queenie’s aide, so just how did ya’ get all the ingredients here?”

Victor skillfully ignored Jude’s questions, tying his long hair up into a ponytail.

Victor: “Let’s see, as for me… I’ll make my ultra buttery scones with extra butter and her favorite cake!”

Ellis: “Hey, how happy do you think Kate will be tonight?”

Jude: “As happy as I’ll be once ya’ stop yappin’ and help me peel these potatoes.”

Ellis: “Really? I can’t wait to preserve her happiness tonight.”

Victor: “Less talk about killing, and more chopping~!”

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) CHAPTER TWO

[ MARKETPLACE - AFTERNOON ]

In front of a flower shop…

Elbert: “Al… Is this arrangement beautiful?”

Alfons: “Hm, it’s alright, but not as beautiful as that one.”

Elbert, Alfons, and Roger have been in the flower shop for so long, a crowd started to gather outside.

Roger: “Why not this one? It’s the lil lady’s favorite color.”

Alfons scoffed.

Alfons: “It might be pretty, but flowers also have a pesky thing called meaning attached to them. We don’t want to send the wrong message to Miss Robin.”

Roger sighed, his eyes trailing back to the crowd of women standing in front of the store.

Roger: “Well we better make it quick. We might not be able to make it through the crowd out there.”

Elbert: “Hm… I think I want this one.”

Alfons: “Not bad Elbie. But do try to remember these flowers are for Miss Robin.”

After finally settling on table decorations, the three then went to the next store to purchase balloons.

Roger: “Hm?”

Roger paused in his step, suddenly holding his hand out. The suddenness of the action caused Alfons to run into his arm, which in turn caused Elbert to run into him, almost dropping the bags.

Elbert: “What’s wrong Roger?”

Roger: “... I can hear the lil lady. She’s with Harrison and Liam, and they’re heading this way.”

Alfons and Elbert froze, their eyes widening.

Alfons: “Well that’s just perfect.”

Elbert: “We can’t let her see us.”

Roger: “Let me see if I can find Liam. I’ll tell him to lead her away from here.”

Roger peeked around the corner, using his ears to listen for Liam’s voice. Once he spotted him, he waited until Liam made eye contact.

Liam jumped, clearly surprised to see Roger. His shock only deepened when Alfons and Elbert peeked their heads out as well.

Quickly, Liam placed a hand on Kate’s shoulder and turned her around, flashing a wide smile.

Alfons: “Ahha! I’ve never seen someone’s eyes get so wide.”

Elbert: “That was close…”

Roger: “You’re telling me.”

Roger sighed, though only he knew how close they had come. Not only had they narrowly avoided Kate, but he could hear Vogel and William nearby as well.

By the time all the shopping was done, it was already evening time.

[ CARRIAGE - EVENING ]

Roger: “...Hey Al, can’t you hold those balloons closer? They’re blocking my view.”

Alfons: “I fear there is nothing more I can do. We are in an enclosed space.”

Roger moved the balloons aside, looking at the two men that sat across from him. Beside them were a multitude of bags—much more than what was required to buy.

Roger: “Say… you two didn’t happen to do any extra shopping?”

Elbert: “Hm!”

Alfons sighed.

Alfons: “Well if you make such an incriminating noise, he’ll have no choice but to believe it.”

Roger laughed loudly, pulling out a bag of his own.

Roger: “I guess we all did some secret shopping. I haven’t forgotten about the competition, you know.”

Elbert: “Just how beautiful do you think Kate will be tonight?”

As that quiet question sat in the air, the trio could only imagine how the night would progress.

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) CHAPTER THREE

[ MARKETPLACE - MORNING ]

Nica: “So… what exactly does the Robin like?”

Darius: “Most female humans enjoy dresses and jewelry right? Tell me, does the Fairytale Keeper like such things?”

William: “That may be true, but our little Robin has desires much deeper than that.”

Ring, walking a little behind the group, stopped in front of a store. On display was a beautiful bracelet, its surface engraved with what looked like swans.

Ring: “Woah…”

Noticing that his brother fell behind, Nica turned around to see what caught his interest.

Nica: “Is that what you want to give the spatzi?”

The tips of Ring’s ear turned bright red as he backed away from the display window.

Ring: “Eh?! W-Well, I don’t know much about gifts or women… I just thought that it looked… c-cute.”

Darius: “Hm, you would still choose jewelry after William told us the Robin wasn’t superficial?”

Ring: “W-Well…”

William then approached the group, his laughter soft.

William: “I’m sure the robin will take any gift given to her with open arms as long as it comes from the heart. You should do what you desire, Ring.”

Ring hesitated for a moment before steeling himself with resolve.

Ring: ‘I-Is that so? Well then, if you excuse me!”

Ring ran into the store, returning a few minutes later with a small bag in his hand.

Darius: “That was quick. ( : ౦ ‸ ౦ : )”

William: “I guess the guard dog really is quick on his feet.”

Nica then turned his attention to a store across the street.

Nica: “How about we go there?”

[ DEPARTMENT STORE - AFTERNOON ]

As soon as the group entered the store, they immediately split into pairs. Nica and Ring went in search of a gift, while Darius tagged along with William.

As the twins walked past many shelves filled with trinkets, Nica grumbled.

Nica: “Hm, all of these things don’t suit the Robin at all.”

Ring: “How about we try the next store?”

Nica: “Good idea.”

Moving onto the next store, Nica’s eyes widened once he laid eyes on the perfect gift.

Ring: “E-Eh?! Nica, are you sure this is the right store?!”

Ring’s eyes widened in shock as he followed his brother into a risqué-looking store. Mannequins wore lingerie and garter belts, and a variety of bold, provocative items were on display.

Nica: “Relax Ring, even if you want to see the Robin in these outfits, that’s not what I came here for.”

Nica: “... This is perfect.”

Ring’s face grew redder with each passing moment in the store. Meanwhile, Darius and William wandered into a dress shop, where William’s expression lit up as he let his fingers glide over the soft fabrics.

William: “I wonder which one the Robin would like best?”

Darius: “... There are so many scents here. Perhaps we should close our eyes and pick?”

Although Darius had a smile on his face, it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

William: “Oh, you’re sensitive to smells right? How about we pick a dress we think the Robin would like and decide between them?”

Darius: “Of course! Leave it to William to come up with the best ideas! ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!”

The two split up, searching for a dress they thought would look best on Kate. After a few moments, the two returned and presented the dresses to one another.

William & Darius: “.......”

William & Darius: “Ahaha!”

The dresses in each of their hands were beautiful pieces, although it was clear that it wasn’t chosen without bias. While William held a stunning red dress, Darius held a beautiful gold dress.

Then, both pairs of eyes were drawn to a sparkle in the corner of the shop. It was a dress—not overly extravagant, yet elegant—and in Kate’s favorite color.

Darius: “Ah…”

William: “That one is perfect…”

Seeing the look on William’s face, Darius stepped aside with a smile, folding his hands around his cane.

Darius: “That’s a nice gift William, I wonder what I should give Miss Fairytale Keeper?”

William was momentarily surprised. He didn't expect Darius to step aside for him.

William: “I’m sure you’ll find something before the day ends.”

Just as William said those words, something nearby caught Darius’ eyes. It was a robin plushie, similar to the owl plushie Kate gave him some time ago.

Darius: “How cute. It’s the Fairytale Keeper.”

William appeared beside Darius, a light smile on his face when he saw it.

William: “Feeling sentimental? I’m sure the Robin would love it.”

Darius suppressed a scoff. There was no way he felt sentimental for a mere human.

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) CHAPTER FOUR

[ DEPARTMENT STORE - AFTERNOON ]

Nica: “So this is where you two were?”

Darius: “Nica and Ring? Have you two finished shopping?”

Ring: “Yes!”

William: “Perfect, I suppose we should head back now?”

[ MARKETPLACE - AFTERNOON ]

Ring: “I’m very curious to know what everyone got?”

Darius: “Fufufu, that’ll have to wait until the party. I can’t wait, I hope there’s baumkuchen.”

Nica: “Oh?”

Ring: “Isn’t that…”

Darius: “Miss Fairytale Keeper?”

All eyes turned to the sight just in front of them. Liam was hastily leading Kate away by the shoulder just as Alfons, Elbert, and Roger watched from a nearby street corner.

The ridiculousness of the situation made William burst into laughter.

William: “Ahaha! What a close call!”

— SCREEN FADES TO BLACK —

After spending a fun day with Harrison and Liam, the three of us were finally on a carriage back to Crown Castle.

Kate: (I did so many things with Liam and Harrison, I barely had time to think about writing my report…)

Harrison: “What’s got you smiling over there, Kate?”

Kate: (Hm?)

My hands immediately went up to my cheeks, and sure enough, I was smiling.

Kate: “I was just thinking about how much fun I had. Even though I had a report due, that was the last thing on my mind as I spent time with you two.”

Liam: “Aw, how sweet! If you thought you’re time with us was great, wait until you see what everyone else prepared for you.”

Kate: (Ah… I knew it.)

Kate: “I had a suspicion that everyone was up to something when the two of you took me out this morning.”

Harrison: “I guess it wasn’t really a surprise since that old man throws parties for everyone’s birthday.”

Liam: “But this year we wanted to do something extra special, so we all worked together to make you the happiest!”

A sweatdrop appeared on my forehead.

Kate: (The happiest? I bet Ellis was ecstatic when he heard that.)

The carriage finally stopped in front of Crown Castle, and before I could step out, both Liam and Harrison extended their hands out to help me.

Kate: “Thank you.”

Kate: (I can’t lie, I am liking the special treatment I’m getting.)

[ MAIN HALL - NIGHT ]

As the two of them escorted me inside, we were met with William, who stood waiting.

William: “Ah Kate, Happy Birthday.”

I smiled upon hearing his words.

Kate: “Thank you, William!”

He signaled to Harrison and Liam, who stood behind me, before extending his arm.

Kate: “William?”

William: “Allow me to escort you to your room.”

I tilted my head in confusion, wrapping my arm around his.

Kate: “Um, I know where my room is though?”

A soft laugh left his lips.

William: “I know, but I wanted to personally give you my gift.”

My eyes widened as my face began to warm.

Kate: “Everyone has been so attentive to me today, if this keeps up I might start wanting special treatment always.”

William smiled.

William: “How lovely it is to hear your desires. If that is truly what you wish, I would be happy to grant that for you.”

After we reached my door, William stepped aside and opened it with a smile.

William: “After getting dressed, come down to the dining room for the festivities.”

[ KATE’S ROOM - NIGHT ]

On my bed lay a medium-sized parchment, tied with a deep red ribbon. Beside it sat a card, topped with a delicate rose. I knew immediately it was William’s gift.

After reading his heartfelt note, I untied the ribbon and unfolded the parchment to reveal the most stunning evening gown.

Kate: “This dress—just how many paychecks would it have cost me to buy something like this?!”

The dress was almost too precious to even consider wearing, but since it was from William, I made sure to put it on.

Kate: (It fits me perfectly…)

With a light twirl, I wore a smile on my face before I headed towards the dining room.

( 𝜗𝜚⋆ ) CHAPTER FIVE

[ DINING ROOM - NIGHT ]

My hands reached to push open the doors, and then—

All: “Happy Birthday Kate!”

I covered my mouth with my hands, my eyes widening at the breathtaking scene before me. The dining room had been transformed into a magical place, filled with colorful balloons, streamers, decorated candles, and the most mouthwatering assortment of food I had ever seen.

Kate: “Wow, this place looks amazing! I can’t believe you guys did all of this for me!”

Victor: “You can thank these lovely boys over here!”

Victor stood beside Roger, Alfons, and Elbert, wrapping a large arm around them.

Victor: “They’re the ones who were in charge of decorating!”

Alfons: “Though I loathed working alongside that oaf, seeing that pleased look on your face is more than enough.”

Roger: “It sure is lil lady, Happy Birthday.”

I could barely contain my smile as I made my way to the table. Not only were members of Crown present, but Vogel was there too.

As I walked, I felt countless eyes on me. Roger let out a whistle, and Liam gasped.

Liam: “Wow, what a beautiful gown!”

Roger: “You really went all out, hm?”

I giggled humbly.

Kate: “I have no one to thank but William, he gave me this dress.”

At once, all eyes widened and turned to William. All except Darius, who kept a closed-eyed grin.

William: “As expected, you look even more beautiful in it than I imagined.”

As I took my seat, my eyes turned over to the intense collection of food placed around the table. In the middle, the centerpiece was a beautifully decorated cake.

Kate: “I can only guess that you prepared the food Victor?”

Victor shook his head.

Victor: “This time it wasn’t just me! I got help from Jude and Ellis!”

My eyes widened. It was easy to imagine Ellis helping Victor—but Jude?

Kate: (I wonder how much Victor paid him…)

Jude: “What’s with that look, princess?”

Kate: “Huh?”

Jude: “Yer looking as if there’s no way I would’ve helped cook.”

Kate: “Well… you’re not exactly the type to go out of your way for things like this…”

Jude: “I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Ellis: “What Jude means to say is that he did it out of the kindness in his heart.”

My eyes widened.

Kate: “Kindness… in HIS heart?”

Jude: “Tch, stop puttin’ words in my mouth.”

Victor: “You should have seen him! Jude was terrifying in the kitchen—he didn’t allow a single mistake!”

I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Victor’s mouth. I knew Jude was kind—even if he showed it in difficult ways. But I didn’t expect him to put so much care into my birthday. I turned to Jude and gave him a bright smile.

Kate: “Thank you, Jude.”

Jude: “…….”

Jude: “Yer welcome, princess. But make sure ya’ eat every lost drop. Don’t want my hard work to go to waste.”

Kate: (Eek! I guess it was too much to expect him to be kind the whole night.)

Kate: “Just when did you guys plan this? I hadn't the slightest clue.”

Ellis: “We’re much better at keeping secrets than you Kate.”

Jude smirked.

Jude: “It’s true. Your face would always have this dopey look. Straight giveaway that yer lyin’.”

Kate: “Hey! I’ve been working on it these days!”

Harrison: “So… you’ve been lying to people? I mean, isn’t that the only way to practice?”

Kate: (Well—)

Nica let out a chuckle.

Nica: “Next time you need someone to test your lying skills, come to me. I have no issue staring into your adorable face, Robin.”

My face began to flush with warmth.

Kate: “...Um, no thanks, I’m good!”

Besides, I practiced in my mirror. And they didn’t need to know that…

Before long, I found myself laughing. The sheer silliness of the conversation was too much to resist.

Ellis: “Say, how happy are you right now Kate?”

Kate: “Oh—”

Darius: “She’ll probably be happier once she receives her gift.”

Kate: “Gift?”

Darius narrowed his honey-colored eyes, a sharp smile on his face as he tilted his head.

Darius: “Vogel partnered up with William to find you the best gifts.”

Victor: “Yes! Of course, all of Crown is excited to see what you four picked out for our dear Robin!”

William: “You’ve already seen my gift Kate, so shall we start with… Ring?”

Shocked that he got picked first, Ring jumped up.

Ring: “M-Me?!”

Nica: “Haha! How great, you’re going first brother!”

Elbert: “It’s almost as if his tail is wagging…”

Roger: “Ring does act like an excited pup!”

Ring nervously made his way around the table to my side. Then he held out a small black box towards me, the tips of his finger red. As he spoke he averted his eyes.

Ring: “Um, I’m not very good with gift giving. But… you helped me pick a gift for Nica, so I wanted to give you something in return. You don’t have to open it right away…”

Alfons: “It’s almost like a schoolboy confessing to his crush.”

I took the box from Ring and opened it. Inside was a beautifully crafted bracelet, its surface adorned with intricate swan engravings. To top it off, it was from that high-end jewelry store on Main Street.

Kate: “It’s so beautiful Ring! Thank you so much!”

Ring: “I-It’s nothing…”

As Ring went to take his seat, Nica patted his shoulder.

Nica: “See, it wasn’t so bad.”

Liam: “Who's going next?”

Nica: “I am.”

Nica got up and walked up to me, holding out a thin long box.

Nica: “Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Robin.”

Kate: “Woah!”

I opened the box to reveal a beautifully decorated fan, complete with porcelain handles and delicate lace trim along the fabric. But what caught my eye most were the characters from my favorite play, meticulously painted on the fan’s surface.

Kate: “How did you know…?”

Nica: “Well, you do talk a lot about that play. It was only natural to think of it as your favorite.”

Kate: “Thank you Nica.”

Darius: “I suppose it’s my turn next?”

As Darius approached, I felt a twinge of intimidation. I wasn’t sure what kind of gift he might have for me.

Darius: “What’s with that look on your face? What did you think I’d get you?”

Kate: “I can’t say…”

Darius: “Fufu, well, I got you this gift because it reminded me of your adorable cheeks.”

Darius held out a cute Robin plushie, the size of his palm. Funnily enough, it did have a striking similarity to Kate.

Liam: “Aw! How cute!”

Alfons: “What a fitting gift, my dear.”

As I took the soft plushie, all I could think about was the day Darius joined William and I on an outing. The two ended up having a competition, and as a gift I gave them both lemonade, and Darius a stuffed owl.

Jude: “That’s it? You’d think a guy like that would get something crazy.”

Then, a single tear fell from my eye. Who knew Darius remembered that small gift enough to get a similar one for me?

All: “Kate?!”

Kate: “I love it!”

All: “…EH?!”

Darius: “Fufu, I knew you would.”

William: “Only those two truly know the meaning behind the gift. To outsiders such as ourselves, it seems strange.”

Kate: “Thank you so much for the gifts—”

Roger: “Hold it, lil lady, we’re not done yet.”

Kate: "There's more?”

Ring: “But I thought we were in charge of gifts…?”

Nica whispered into his brother’s ear, a knowing smile.

Nica: “We were, but I’d doubt these men would leave it up to us. After all, they all want to make Kate the happiest.”

William: “And when did you have time to get gifts?”

Darius: “Around the same time we were in town getting gifts.”

Roger: “That’s right. I alerted Liam to change course.”

Kate: (No way… so everyone was in town earlier today? I can’t believe I didn’t see them…)

Roger handed me a bag, and inside was a stunning necklace with a detailed bird perched on the pendant. Alongside it lay a book.

Kate: “A handbook on parlor games?”

Roger: “You’re so earnest to win whenever we play cards, and so I thought I’d give you a book to help out.”

Kate: “Wow, thank you Roger! This will be really useful.”

Harrison: “That’s awfully generous for someone who constantly challenges Kate to games.”

Roger shrugged.

Roger: “I think card games are all the more fun when everyone knows how to play.”

Elbert: “I guess I’m next…”

Elbert: “I wasn’t sure which perfume you liked, so I got you this bottle.”

Elbert handed me an ornamental perfume bottle. The glass was adorned with miniature cherubs and flowers, and a soft puff rested on the nozzle for spraying the fragrance.

Kate: “This is beautiful! I’ve never owned anything like this before…”

A smile appeared on Elbert’s face at the compliment.

Alfons: “Oh my. With all the great gifts, I fear mine will look cheap.”

Alfons handed me an envelope. Inside were three tickets. My eyes widened once I saw the first one.

Kate: “No way! You really got me tickets to this play? But it’s been sold out for weeks now!”

Alfons: “I have my ways.”

I continued to look over the tickets. They were not only for the most sought after plays, but they had the best seats in the venue. Not even my letter carrier paycheck could give me seats like these.

Kate: “These aren’t cheap at all Alfons… Thank you so much for the—”

I paused once I flipped over the last ticket. Suddenly my face turned red as I read over the title.

Kate: “…Alfons, I think you might have mixed in the wrong ticket.”

Alfons: “Did I?”

Victor: “What’s wrong Kate, your face has turned red like a tomato!”

I slid the ticket across the table towards Alfons to jog his memory.

Kate: “What’s this about front row seats to a strip show?!”

Roger: “Ahaha!”

Victor: “…Oh dear.”

Alfons: “That’s no mistake my dear, I bought it just for you!”

Kate: “May I ask why?”

Alfons: “No reason! But if it makes you nervous to attend alone, you can bring a plus one. I’ll be happy to volunteer as—”

Kate: “No thanks!”

Victor: “Alright let’s switch the topic! I also bought you a gift!”

Ring: “Huh? But weren't you in the castle cooking all day…?”

Victor: “Yes I was!”

Victor then pulled out a comically large box from his coat and placed it in front of Kate.

Victor: “Ta da! Happy birthday Kate!”

All: “…..”

Harrison: “…Just where were you hiding that?”

Victor: “You know a magician never reveals his secrets~!”

Kate: “Woah, this box is huge! I wonder what’s in it…?”

As I opened the box, a smile spread across my face at the sight of a music box. But this wasn’t like the ordinary one I owned—this one was brand new, gleaming, and adorned with gold embellishments.

Kate: “Victor—you didn’t!”

Victor: “I did! That music box of yours has been giving you trouble recently, so I decided to buy you this one!”

Liam: “Woah, that doesn't look cheap!”

Nica: “How unfair… we only had a day to get the Robin a gift but this is clearly something you’ve been saving up for.”

Kate: “Thank you Victor, I love it!”

Nica: “I almost feel sorry for whoever has to go next after that. How about you, Jude Jazza?”

Jude: “… Ugh.”

Jude then turned to me and handed me a book.

Jude: “I seen ya’ eyeing this book when we’re out on a mission. So I got it for ya’.”

Kate: (Oh yeah!)

The book Jude gave me was a newly published story by my favorite author. I had wanted to buy it myself, but it was selling out quickly at every bookstore.

Kate: “Thank you Jude, I really wanted this book!”

Jude: “Yer welcome.”

Ellis: “Hm, I went a bit more creative with my gift.”

Ellis handed me a slip of paper.

Kate: “A Get-Out-Of-Work voucher?”

Ellis: “Yup. Remember when you told me it would make you happy if Jude gave us a day off? Well I made a voucher you can use at any time if Jude asks you to do something you don’t want to.”

Jude: “… The hell?”

Roger: “Hah! Well, that’s certainly one hell of a gift!”

Jude: “That only works if I give it to her myself, ya’ loon!”

Ellis: “You mean it's void?”

Jude: “Of course it’s void!”

Roger: “Come on Jude, it’s the lil lady’s birthday.”

Ellis: “Think of the time I spent making it too!”

Jude: “No one asked ya’ to make it. That’s a shortcut of a gift if I ever heard of one!”

Ellis: “I just thought about what would make Kate happy.”

Hearing their conversation brought a smile to my face. I couldn’t help but feel tempted to tease Jude even more.

Kate: “Thank you Ellis, I can’t wait to use it!”

Jude: “Are ya’ daft? I said it’s void.”

Ellis: “You’re welcome Kate.”

Jude looked between the two of them and sighed.

Jude: “Do what you want. Just know the day you come back from that break I’m working ya’ to the bone.”

Harrison: “I guess it’s our turn?”

Liam: “Yup, save the best for last!”

Harrison pulled out a heavy box and placed it in front of me.

Harrison: “We had fun today, but Liam and I could tell that in the back of your mind you were still worried about making sure you finished your reports.”

Kate: (Ack! How did they know?)

Liam: “So, we got you this!”

Liam opened the box to reveal a brand new typewriter.

Liam: “You mentioned that the keys would get jammed sometimes, so we decided to get you a new one.”

Kate: “No way! Thank you so much!”

I looked at the brand new typewriter, the shiny, untouched material calling my name.

Alfons: “On that note, whose gift made you the happiest?”

As soon as Alfons posed the question, everyone leaned in, eager to hear my response.

Kate: (Hm?)

I looked around to all the gifts surrounding me, then to the food, the decorations, and then the faces of all my friends beside me.

Kate: “I can’t choose. Everyone here took so much time and effort to prepare this day, and give me a gift. You all made this day incredibly special, so you all made me the happiest.”

Everyone around me froze, seemingly at a loss for words. It was as if the same thought had struck them all at once. Then, one by one, they smiled at me.

Victor: “Cheers to another lovely year Kate, let’s make this night the best yet!”

Ellis: “Hey Kate, is this the happiest you’ve ever been?”

Kate: “I’ll probably be happier when I eat all this good food, wouldn’t you agree Ellis?”

Ellis: “Yes, Jude made his Guinness Stew, make sure to try it. It’s not burnt this time.”

Roger: “Harry… are you sure it’s a good idea to eat the cake first?”

Ring: “I’ve never seen so much food!”

Nica: “Yes, make sure to eat well brother.”

As Nica watched the dining room dissolve into chatter, he turned to Darius who had a pleased expression on his face.

Nica: “What are you smiling about Dari?”

Darius: “Hm, I’m just thinking about how much Crown cares for the Robin. It almost makes me want to take her aaaaaaaall for myself.”

Nica wasn’t sure if Darius was being serious or not, so he chuckled nervously in response.

And so, my birthday carried on late into the night, filled with games, delicious food, and me, blissfully unaware of the quiet competition unfolding beneath it all.

Fin.

after the story finishes, i can imagine you can obtain william’s letter saved in your memories, as well as a special avatar item (the dress you wore during the story!)

[canonsinthehead]

Bucchigiri?! Headcanons: How would they be on Social Media?

Welcome back! Let's go over how our beloved characters would be on their social media accounts/online "public figures". Mainly on TIK TOK but it applies to all other platforms as well.

TOMOSHIBI ARAJIN

Gooner Incel

ASAMINE MATAKARA

Mukbanger who never gains weight

Loves Tik Tok dances/challenges (& goes viral for it)

shows his Martial art/gymnastic practice online

Justice for Palestine, Congo, etc.

DOMAN KENICHIRO

hotep leader with large cult following (idk how because he dont talk much)

ZABU KAKERU

Tik tok beat maker

Livestreams himself playing video games

Have rants about legits topics but gets turned into a joke/meme

does skits with komao from time to time

caught that dude dancing ONE TIME and now its a meme and not a going anywhere anytime soon

Proffessional hater of the 2009-2013 era memes

SAKIGAKE KOMAO

Japanese Maya Winky

JIN MARITO

Unhinged Fashion dude who always has the juiciest story times

Got banned 3 times already

"I'm at your house! COME OUTSIDE!" (live streaming in front of his enemies house a 3:00AM

Got into a car crash during a live stream (he was driving recklessly anyway). not only walk out without a scratch but got a new car the week after

Casually reveals a humongous cash flow (yeah i own Clip Studio Paint...)

Wishes more people would have "beef" with him or got into more scandals

"I was invited to an influencer event and it was BORIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!!!"

JIN MAHORO

Internet Pick Me

Argues in favour of the alpha male idology because she really belives it and thinks it applies to her brother

AO3 soldier

Tumblr soldier

Cosplay Hobby-ist (making a lot of money from it cause of her large simp audience, they're cave dwellers btw)

OUTA TAHIDE

There's not much going on with his account but has a massive following

Work out routines & OOTD

goes live and answer quesitons in the chat (dont talk much)

Legit model or back up dancer

you dont know much about him in general

the suspected face censored buffy dude that appears in Marito's videos from time to time

JABASHIRI NAGARE

Gym Vlog

sitting in his car having the most insane/unhinged talks/takes in the world (if you overlook the profanities he is making sense a lot of times)

always get caught going back and forth with randos online

testing/reviews food in his car

WAIT HOW DID YOU AFFORD TO BUY A LUXURY CAR LIKE THAT?!

Will sometimes watch/look up what people recommend him in the comments or dm and ALWAYS REGRETS IT.

HAGURE TATSUTO

Social Commentary/Gossip

K-pop/jpop fan

Tik tok dances with my roomate/boyfriend (It's Jabashiri)

Talent hosting Lives

loves to answers questions in the comments and very active with his followers

love to rank music, media, food, and anything with his roomate/boyfriend

"come with me to go fry my hair with hairdye ANOTHER TIME"

"Let's make a bento for my roommate/boyfriend..."

SHINDO AKUTARO

Japanese Toni Fitness

Skinny Tok President and prolific scammer

Showcases his whipping skills online

Had monumental mental breakdown during a live stream before vanishing from all online spaces, nobody know what he is up to now.

[bokidoumi]

i think he likes sweets

[certifiedlesbianvampire]

bucchigiri fanart from 2024 i didn’t finish up until now 😭

[deaths-soft-lullaby]

Here are my thoughts on Banjo Kanon! Pt. 1

Spoilers!!!!!! cw: violence!

Buckle up, because I have a lot too unpack with this character. I'm going to start by ripping the bandaid off. Kanon is a masochist, being able to find pleasure in pain and we see this in almost all his scenes, but especially here!

I've got a lot to say about this actually.

For starters- and this is for sure a solid opinion I have on his character. Kanon is obsessed with the endorphin rush he gets from feeling pain. Addicted even.

I'm talking, to the point of having bad habits (his fights) in order to get those "highs". He throws himself at competitors that are equal to his strength/that he finds strong (or who even surpass him) because they can deal the damage that gives him this high! (of corse there is more to this, but I'll circle back.)

Kanon actually kinda reminds me of people who are addicted to working out and ultimately hurting themselves. He's just a bit more extreme.

Now!!! I'm am going to harp heavily on the fact that he is addicted to this rush/high.

This really is like a drug to him...we even see the "side effects" that he gets, both highs and lows. In fact, we meet Kanon during one of his lows. We see him standing in front of Kaji, biting his nails, a bad habit most likely being done because he feels antsy or even anxious because he's getting bored- he's coming down from the high he probably experienced in the unseen portion of their fight.

and it's making him agitated.

Now, as their fight progresses, we can see it's really only Kanon laying blows on Kaji and his friends- and this just makes him more and more upset.

It's almost like he's having really bad withdraws.

However, this changes when Kaji snaps and that beast inside finally comes out. Kanon starts getting all excited and immediately jumps into a "better" mood because he knows he's going to get that feeling again.

(this is yet again another example of that high he feels, the "I feel so alive" )

I'm also going to point out, on top of having this addiction/obsession with the endorphins he gets from pain. I think I can confidently say that Kanon actually experiences emotional dysregulation.

or at least something similar!!!

We witness this by the extremely quick shifts from emotional lows and highs he has in a short period of time. As said above: We meet him during a low, then he flips to a high when Kaji snaps, he then flips again to a low when Kaji can't fight, only for him to flip to a high again when Hiragi steps in!! and from what we can assume from the panels, this happens all relatively fast.

This doesn't even mention how he becomes overly aggressive when Kaji can't get back up to fight him.

and his aggression isn't even sadistic- Kanon isn't taking pleasure in slamming Kaji's face into the ground, he is genuinely disappointed and pissed and is showing it through an extreme output of aggression.

And I believe this is an example of uncontrolled feelings/him struggling to manage his feelings.

Another example of this is this moment from the first part of the fight he has with Kaji...

One of the people, on his side of the fight, had questioned him about fighting a guy who could barely stand.

and his reaction? Getting the guy to the ground and stomping him out.

All of these things also play into the fact that Kanon just takes things too far (as we all know)!! His boundaries for what is acceptable in a fight is very different from others. and we see it in all these examples above, but we also see it here, when he literally throws himself off a bridge with Hiragi.

And the craziest part is!!!! we know why he's like this- at least a bit!!!!

He literally explains it to us later on...

Kanon feels connected to others through violence and pain.

Which explains why (as I've stated above) he throws himself at strong competitors. These people are the ones he feels he can form connections with, "the stronger my opponent is, the stronger the pain, the stronger the connection."

Kanon has probably had this mindset for a while and being in Noroshi, which seems to have a more dog eat dog motif, isn't helping it. In fact him being the third strongest, really pushes me to believe that nobody has been strong enough or brave enough to try and lean him off this mindset (until Hiragi).

Anyway, moving on now.

Seeing Kanon's downfall was also super interesting, because to me, it's a really good example of the self sabotaging flaws in him "overdoing it". Not only do we get to see him push Hiragi to the point that Hiragi practically matches the energy back, but we see Kanon push himself too far as well.

After throwing himself and Hiragi over the bridge and into the water, Kanon jumps right back into initiating a fight. However at this point, Hiragi has snapped.

This entire part is a turning point, from now and until the end of their fight, we see Hiragi experiencing an incline and Kanon experiencing a decline.

I'm gonna chat about Kanon's decline for a second. It was so quick, jarring almost and, realistically, I know why.

It's because he threw himself into cold water, literally.

Cold water can be used to shock people out of states. It's why we see people, in shows and movies, splash water in their face when they start over thinking or panicking. It's a grounder, it pulls people back down.

By throwing himself into the cold water, Kanon effectively yanked himself down a couple pegs even if he didn't realise it.

Now on top of this, we also have a rage fuelled Hiragi. He is pissed at Kanon for doing what he did.

Now while Kanon would usually be extremely excited for a fight like this...he really isn't

Yes, he's smiling here, but his energy is gone- it seems like his body is experiencing shock for the first time and he doesn't pick up on it (yet).

Instead of getting up and throwing a punch, he starts questioning Hiragi's anger and we see this dark, gloom slowly begin to surround him.

This darkness is a key in to Kanon's feelings in this moment, things are getting tense, he doesn't have the upper hand and that realisation is closing in on him.

It isn't the first time the manga has shown us something like this, we saw it with Sakura and his tightrope. He was surrounded by darkness there, a key in to all his negative emotions that surrounded him at that time and we got to see it change too. When he realised he could rely on others, the scenery around the tightrope had shifted, everything became lighter, he was on a peaceful field...and looking back, he discovered the tightrope wasn't as high as he thought.

With Kanon we're seeing the opposite, he hadn't had this darkness before, he was so sure of himself because he probably never fought someone stronger then himself and now we're watching as he slowly gets swallowed by this darkness, these negative emotions he's feeling.

I said up above that Kanon was experiencing shock for the first time, and I stand but that because of this scene!

the weakness he feels, the numbness- everything is finally catching up to him and he's beginning to panic (we see the darkness closing down on him).

[certifiedlesbianvampire]

butler women + maid mahoro

[natalisdragon]

I'd like to encourage everyone in the fandom who has done analysis about Bucchigiri to repost them (both here and elsewhere), many of them were done when the anime was still airing, so it would be interesting to see your perspectives now that we have more information, nany offered very interesting ideas and it's sad to think that others will miss out, plus I think it would be a great way to liven up the community a bit and welcome new people, now that the fog of hate has disappeared (or at least greatly diminished) it seems like a good opportunity for other fans to see that there's a space, the Japanese fandom hasn't stopped, so I don't see any reason for us to do so.

[100casualties]

Rip gaurdsman. I hate this but idc enough to fix it

[dead-ghouls]

Hello. I’m sorry for begging again but my situation is pretty dire.

Recently, I’ve been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, stage 4. It came out of nowhere and was caught by sheer luck on an unrelated test. Stage four means my kidneys are shriveled up and almost dead - currently at only 17% working condition. When it drops to 10%, which is stage 5 (prognosis is within a year) I will require a kidney transplant and/or dialysis. You can not live without it, and prognosis for dialysis/kidney transplant patients are 10 to 20 years. I’m very young and I really would like to continue having a peaceful life and work on my art. I’ve had many hardships before - I’ve fundraised to get money for rent because of a homophobic attack I’ve suffered, I’ve fundraised to escape my country, all within 2-3 years. I’m really grateful for all the help I’ve gotten and I believe in people’s kindness.

Please, if you’re able, share or pitch in to my gfm campaign made by my fiancé. Link in the reblog.

My comms are also still open if you’d like to help in that way and get some art.

[dead-ghouls]

Kidney Transplant for Struggling Queer Couple, organized by Brooke May Rodabaugh

Howdy, We’re a neurodivergent queer couple, Sam (26) and Amon … Brooke May Rodabaugh needs your support for Kidney Transplant for Strug

[mask-pillow-deactivated20231126]

MC Being Severely Injured After Overblot - Azul, Riddle, Jamil Pt.2 (requested ao3)

A hurt/comfort for these

Azul:

You never see him in the halls, and he avoids you at all costs. But you notice the free healing herbs that are delivered to your door, your favourite flowers/plants.

You would have thought it was your friends, but you never mentioned a childhood memory to anyone than Ruggie. You were talking about a children's book that you used to have, but can't seem to find in any shops.

Ruggie would never waste money on a children's book. And Azul was at the table next to yours in alchemy.

You started saying how you wanted rosemary tincture because it was good for stiffness, but didn't have time to make it. It was 30 dollars in the shop, so you'd deal with a sore neck.

When you got to your dorm that night, a bottle was there on your desk with a little note saying no payment required.

You KNEW it was Azul. Nobody else would do so, and his writing matched.

You confronted him about it, and while he was evasive, you had cornered him. Azul admitted, he was the one doing these little favours for you. You could see the eyebags forming from how much he buried himself in work. He didn't know what he could do to make up for the injury's he caused you.

They would get better, sure. But they would never go away. You would always feel the pain. He couldn't accept you forgiving him, so he had to make up for it.

You told him to stop, that you were better. You rolled up your sleeve and showed him that you all healed up.

"Are you really....Really, okay?" he chocked

"Mhm! All better" you smiled

Azul started just asking you or noticeably checking up on you. He stopped just sending you stuff and asked if you need anything.

Riddle:

Riddle gets more sleep deprived and is always drinking tea.

Keeps sending letters addressed to you, asking if you've tried doing certain things to improve your injuries.

If you say hi to him in the hall, he'll reply, but tries not to look at you for too long.

Sometimes if he sees you struggling with a concept in class, he'll send you a note to explain it.

Never talks to you directly.

One day, someone from his practical magic class wanted to practice more with Riddle. Riddle said to come over to Heartslabyul so they can practice in the field past the gardens. They wouldn't disturb anyone there.

That same day, you were visiting Ace and Deuce. You were sitting in the garden. Riddle had to pass the garden to get to open field.

When he saw you, a bandage still wrapped on your body, a bruise still yellow. The weight of his magical pen in his hand felt heavier than the pressure of the deepest ocean.

Riddle saw black and red, then went pale.

He woke up in the infirmary from passing out. You were there, and he felt dizzy.

You knew why it happened. You told him that he wasn't going to hurt anyone but himself if he kept up his horrid sleeping habits. 11:45pm was late for Riddle. Especially when he wake up at 5:30 every morning.

You talked to Riddle after a few minutes. You told him that it's okay, and that nothing happened. He wasn't going to hurt you.

Riddle started talking about what happened during his overblot in regards to you, and the conversation made it's way to an explanation on what happened today.

"Riddle. There's magic all around campus. You and and I are both on campus, and pass each other during the day. You didn't hurt me those times. You didn't hurt me this time. Taking a step near me when you have your magical pen doesn't mean you'll hurt me, or anyone." you smiled "Ace practiced his magic yesterday and had the lousiest aim. My hair turned a different colour. No harm done though. So you can be near me, or actually talk to me, and not, y'know, have to worry."

There was also supervision in classes. Maybe it was okay to stop cramming history notes to forget? Everyone needs a break at some point.

Jamil:

Avoids you more than anything. If you're in the same hallway it's like getting the plague. Comes in at the very last minute of class so he can take the seat where nobody sits, away from you, or anyone else.

You JUST got out of the infirmary. You only have half days so far. Jamil is in one of those classes. Really can't watch you struggle, but he doesn't help. He'll only make it worse.

He becomes a shadow.

Doesn't learn that he isn't evil for a very long time. Jamil will never be okay knowing that he physically broke you and you can never be repaired. Sure, you got better, but it's not the same.

It takes a long time for him to process that you're getting better.

Out of habit, Jamil runs out of class to conjure up a pencil if he forgot his own. Yeah, it's magic, but it's away from absolutely everyone so if he goes berserk, no one will get hurt unless they come near him which no one is stupid enough to do.

He knows he should talk to you at some point, but it feels like everything will crash if he does.

Out of habit, he went to a secluded hallway to conjure up a pencil.

"Jamil?"

He flinched inside his skin. He whipped his head around with a terrified expression on his face.

You shouldn't have to see him use magic after everything. You didn't deserve that.

"Hey, it's fine. We both got help." Yeah, no. Not the same.

"Why are you here? You don't take this way" he would know

"I wanted to check up on you too. A little birdie told me that things have been different. I was worried about you. We both went through a lot."

How can you be so...nice, to him?

He ends up telling you that you shouldn't be late to class.

Jamil knows that he went through a lot too, but maybe things can get better? He was stable, you were getting there. You were nice to him and Jamil doesn't want to be a jerk. Talking to him must have been a lot for you to do.

Very slowly starts not avoiding you.

[dilatorywriting]

Pity Party

Gender Neutral Reader x Malleus Draconia Word Count: 3.3k

Summary: 'I'm going to do it,' you thought triumphantly. 'I'm going to invite Malleus Draconia to the next Unbirthday Party as my date.' And naturally, the Universe in all its infinite omnipotence, went 'lol bet.'

A/N: A very fun commission for the lovely @toast-tales

“Heartslaybul is having another one of their Unbirthday Parties this Friday,” you said, a bit stilted but enthusiastic nevertheless. “And I was thinking—well, it was just a thought! But! Maybe it’d be nice if we, y’know, went together?” You finished, looking up from beneath your lashes at the looming figure before you.

The Gargoyle, naturally, did not respond. A sound rejection if ever there was one.

But! That attempt had sounded really good, hadn’t it? Totally natural and everything! Not a single stutter, fainting episode, or bought of nervous vomiting to be seen!

“Okay,” you muttered, pacing back and forth as you diligently fought the urge to ring your hands. “Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. It’s just, like, two sentences—Three? Was that three?—Doesn’t matter! Focus! It’s not that hard!”

You circled and circled around the alcove. It was a familiar little corner, for all that you’d only ever seen it in the dark of the evening. This was where you’d meet up with Malleus for your nighttime rendezvous. Normally you didn’t bother popping by for at least another hour, but you needed all the practice you could get. And while, yes, the stone carvings overhead were hardly the best conversational partners, it was easier to practice your totally smooth pickup skills on their emotionless faces than, like, Grim. Or God forbid, Ace and Deuce. 

It was only Malleus, you reassured yourself yet again—your kindly, awkward, fey friend with the social awareness of a two-centuries-old potato. It was one thing to know, or at least assume, that he’d be sweet enough to take your offer in stride. It was another entirely to imagine the Briar Prince’s blank ass face saying something genuinely well-intentioned but harsh like ‘that doesn’t sound like a particularly riveting way to spend my afternoon,’ and immediately crushing your soul into itty bitty bite-sized pieces. It was an all too easy scene to picture, as you’d done at least a hundred times since your heart had set itself on its intentions.

You just—maybe just a bit more time. Yes. One more round of practice (perhaps two), and then you’d be ready. Like the Overblots, or whatever. Those hardly phased you at all anymore! It only took repetitive, mind rending, exposure therapy. That would do it. You just needed the teeniest bit more time to—

“Ah—Child of Man. I wasn’t expecting to see you here so earl—”

You jolted back with a truly heinous squawk and wheeled gracelessly into the stone pillar at your rear. You weren’t exactly a force of nature or anything, but the column hadn’t looked all that stable to begin with. So your frantic flailing took its toll, and the great, rock, beam creaked and fell. The Gargoyle perched atop it (the very one you’d been propositioning for the past half hour or so) crashed to the ground with an echoing BOOM and a cloud of debris fit to choke an elephant.

The poor thing lay in the dirt in pieces, its regal countenance split right down the middle. And Malleus Draconia, noted aficionado of all things carved from stone, looked two steps away from having an actual aneurism. So you hurriedly buried your invitation back in the depths of your brain and quickly went about carrying out the inanimate-object-equivalent of CPR.

“I think I have some super glue back in Ramshackle,” you offered. Even though you knew well enough that he could probably wave his hand and undo the entire thing. But it was the thought that counted, right?

“Supered Glue?” Malleus parroted, his neon eyes darting back and forth between you and the shattered gargoyle like you’d just offered him some mystical panacea. You nodded along and scuttled off in the direction of your dilapidated dorm.

‘Tomorrow,’ you promised yourself, as you rifled through your miscellaneous utilities drawer, tossing around rolls of tape and wads of too-thin elastic bands. ‘Tomorrow I’ll ask him.’

.

.

The next morning, you sat in Potion’s Class with the tacky remnants of last night’s nonsense dried along your fingertips. You sneezed and something ground unpleasantly behind your ear. You reached up to pluck a stray bit of gravel from your hair and flicked it aside.

Normally you tried to give Crewel’s lectures the entirety of your focus, primarily because you respected the man and wanted him to like you. And also, y’know, from the very rational standpoint of not wanting to lose your eyebrows or dignity when an incorrectly brewed potion exploded in your face. But today you were stuck in the clouds, replaying scenario after scenario and wondering what your next step in the whole ‘Ask The Crowned Prince of An Entire Nation Out to Lunch’ situation should be.

Your neck was itching again, and you scrubbed around mindlessly before pulling out another bit of gargoyle debris and tossing it. It bounced harmlessly off Jack’s shoulder.

“Did you get all that?” Your beastman friend asked, beginning the tedious process of organizing your group workstation for the day.

“Oh? Yes. Of course,” you nodded, not having heard a single word of what was going on. You grabbed your little instructions pamphlet for the day and made your way towards your own stool.

Jack turned and narrowed his yellow eyes at you in a way that clearly let you know that that superhuman schnoz of his had sniffed out your bullshit a mile away, but you generally had a better track record than the rest of the first years, so thankfully he let it slide.

Without further ado, you went about heating, and mixing, and tempering. And by the end, the pair of you had a lovely, silver, concoction that popped and fizzled like cola. Professor Crewel paused in his rounds of the rows to stare into your cauldron with an impassive sort of look that could have meant anything from ‘Content’ to ‘Outright Murder.’ Your eyes hastily flickered around the room, but everyone else’s potions looked liked Mercury Sprite too, so you couldn’t have been in too much trouble. You dipped the testing spoon into one of the bubbliest bits and brought it to your mouth to take a teeny sip. It tasted alright, and you smacked your lips as you tried to identify the flavor.

“Well?” The professor droned, crossing his arms over his chest in a fashion that looked entirely unimpressed. “How is it?”

You opened your mouth to reply and nothing came out but static. Literal static. Like you were some overloaded, old, plug—spitting sparks and whiny, high-pitched, nonsense that was most definitely an indication of some sort of fire risk.

Crewel hummed in that self-satisfied sort of way of his—the sort that was only mastered by those who were in the habit of being proven right during every, single, catastrophe.

“The Tickled Tongue recipe is fairly straightforward, you see,” he explained, stepping closer with a languid swishswish of his large overcoat. “It’s difficult to alter without any remarkable change or err. However,” he droned, “it is incredibly similar to the Stone Tongued Elixir. Do you know what the one, unique, ingredient in that brew is in comparison to our assigned project today, Prefect?”

You sighed fuzz.

“Stone,” he said, reaching out to pluck another bit of gravel from your hair.

Crewel brushed his hands against his vest and you debated if it’d be worth it to try jumping out of the window and escape while you still had at least some face.

“I’ve been kind enough to look the other way when you break curfew so that you may continue your… nightly excursions with a certain upperclassman,” he droned, and that open window was looking even more tempting. “But please at least give me the courtesy of cleaning up the evidence before attending my class in the mornings, yes?”

“Yes, sir,” you tried to say, but it just sounded like a busted landline.

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“Hello, Child of Man,” Malleus beamed, his lips curling pleasantly at the corners. His usual trio were flanking his hind, all watching with varying degrees of interest that ranged from sharp curiosity (Lilia) to outright hostility (Sebek).  “Would you care to accompany me for lunch?”

You opened your mouth and all that came out was the fucking AOL dial tone.

Lilia doubled over laughing and Malleus tilted his head at you like a dog listening to a whistle tone.

“Pardon?” He blinked.

“BZZZZZZ,” you said, miserable, and Lilia just laughed harder.

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‘Two days left,’ you reminded yourself miserably. You had just under forty-eight wretched hours to not only complete your initial Date Objective, but also somehow do that whole thing while making up for the ego-crushing failures of your first two failures.  

There was a Spelldrive match after classes today—another attempt for Leona to try and get one up on Malleus’s ‘Hall of Fame Worthy’ record before the pair of them aged out of the competition. And maybe that would be perfect! That was always sort of a Thing in teen movies, right? The big, heart wrenching, confession delivered on the field of whatever sport was in season. The fated couple lit all prettily beneath the glaring overhead lights and artfully drenched in a very timely shower of rain. This whole situation was practically writing itself.

So you tucked yourself into a warm, cozy, sweater fit for the breezy day and inevitable aesthetic downpour, and went to sit out in the stands. Which was your first mistake, because the match was being held on Savanaclaw’s practice field. So immediately you could feel sweat pooling along your lower back and along your brow as the magical, overhead, sunshine did its best to seer the flesh right off your bones. Malleus moved to step out onto the field and you went to wave at him enthusiastically, only to catch sight of the giant pit stains steeped into your stupid sweater. The dark spots opened up like the gaping maw on a beast, determined to derive its entire sustenance from your embarrassment alone. You clamped your arms back down to your sides and immediately began questioning the universe at large. Were you a murderer in a past life? Someone who scammed old ladies out of their pensions? What other reason could there be for the entire fucking cosmos to just perpetually go ‘hey, how about we make things worse.’

The game was probably going well or something, but you were swimming in so much swampy body heat at this point that you were starting to get dizzy.

With a sigh, you pulled the cute, wool, deathtrap over your head and tossed it aside—ruffling your sweat sticky hair for good measure to try and get some airflow going. It wasn’t the most dignified look or whatever, sitting there in only the thin cotton undershirt of your uniform and half drowned in your own secretions, but at least you weren’t in imminent danger of dying of heat stroke anymore. You leaned back on your elbows with another much more contented sigh and gave yourself a moment to let the last of that hot nausea settle.

“Oi! You horned bastard! Watch where you’re—”

There was a swirl of spitting green sparks and you looked back out onto the field just in time to get absolutely decimated by a Spelldrive disc to the face.

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“He really didn’t mean it,” Lilia said, but he was laughing so hard into his fist that it was hard to make out anything beyond merry gurgling. “In fact, he’s really very upset about the whole thing.”

You stared blankly at the off-white walls of the infirmary, wondering how it was possible for one person’s luck to be this bad.

“Where is he?” you asked. Your tongue felt thick and sluggish.

“I don’t think he would appreciate me saying that he was off hiding—pouting, even,” the fey tutted, floating up to sit cross-legged at your eyelevel. “But I don’t believe there’s a much more accurate way of putting it.”

“Why would he be hiding?” you trudged forward again, mouth still entirely uncooperative. “I wanted to ask him something,” you admitted, chronically dejected and acutely brain damaged.

“Did you now?” Lilia grinned, something mischievous and far too knowing lighting his wine-red eyes.

You nodded. You could feel the tug of the bandages around your forehead.

“Well, I’ll ask that you be patient with him,” he sighed fondly, reaching out to pat your cheek. “For all his years, our Prince is still a bit stunted.”

“Oh, please! He’s six and a half feet tall!” you complained.

Lilia laughed again, doubling over in the air and doing a full roll about—like a pill bug.

“Oh, dear,” he snickered, wiping a tear from his eye as he straightened back out to lounge upside down by one of the rafters. “You do deserve each other.”

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This was it. The final countdown. Friday.

The Unbirthday Party was this afternoon, and with God and the Heavens as your witness, you would be dragging Malleus Draconia there with you if it was the last thing you did.

‘The hardest part is supposed to be the rejection,’ you thought bitterly. ‘Not that crap leading up to it. This is bullshit. I want a refund.’

But no, if the Universe was going to be so cruel to you, then you were just going to have to be needlessly paranoid and prepared in advance. You set aside two spare sets of clothing and an umbrella. You packed an entire feast’s worth of provisions in case a fucking hole decided to open up in the ground or something and trap you in a cave for a week. You scribbled a little ‘Would you please go with me to the Unbirthday Party today’ on not one, or two, but three separate notes. Each in a different pocket. And laminated. And, perhaps most daring of all, you walked up to Ace and Deuce that morning with a stiff upper lip and an even stiffer spine.

“I’m going to ask Tsunotarou to come to the Unbirthday Party today,” you told them, fighting the urge to twist your hands into your jacket sleeves.

“What?” Ace choked, just as Deuce stepped in to clobber him over the back of the head and tell you very sweetly that he was sure that the House Warden would appreciate that very much.

“You must like him a lot,” your blue haired friend said, polite but clearly also at least a little unnerved.

“Yeah,” you sighed miserably, thinking of each and every horrible failure as the world at large fought your stupid affections at every turn. “I guess I do.”

So you went about your day like a soldier trudging through a warzone—always at the ready for something unknowable to fuck you over yet again. You looked twice around every corner, always let someone else walk through a doorway first, immediately spritzed Azul in the face with a spray bottle when he tried to start a conversation. It wasn’t paranoia when you knew the universe was out to get you.

The school day was coming to an end and so far you’d managed to avoid any catastrophes. When you caught sight Malleus off in the distance, you had to fight down the sudden swell of dueling panic and hope that blocked off your throat. You made eye contact with the fey prince from across the near empty corridor and he seemed to straighten. You took a deep breath and took one step forward, then another.

“Tsunotarou!” you called cheerfully. “I was wondering if you—”

“FIRE!” Crowley wailed, careening around the corner with all the urgency of someone who very much genuinely cared about the safety of their school and all its inhabitants. Which was outright ridiculous. His glowing, golden, eyes locked on you like you’d been the target of this caterwauling all along, and you wanted to scream. “Ah! My most darling and favorite of Prefects! You have to help! There’s a fire in—”

“No,” you snarled, like some great monster of old. And you watched the Headmaster pale beneath his bird mask. You reached out to pat his shoulder with a pleasantly threatening thump. thump. thump. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to sort it out on your own, sir. Have a lovely afternoon!”

And before you could chicken out, or something else could happen—like a tornado ripping the entire school up at its base and flinging you into Oz—you rushed forward and latched onto Malleus’s sleeve with a wide, panicked, sort of look in your eyes. Hisown eyes went round and wide, but he didn’t pull away, so step one complete.

“Please come to Heartslaybul’s Unbirthday Party with me!” You entreated. “As my date! With me! Together!” you word vomited, clutching at his sleeve even tighter.

“Oh,” Malleus breathed—those sharp, reptilian, pupils of his jumping into something soft and huge that swallowed the green of his irises in a sea of black. A pale, rose, pink crept along the tips of his pointed ears and you could feel your own cheeks blazing like a bonfire.

“Yup,” you nodded lamely, realizing you were still clutching his hand like a starving leper.

“Lilia had mentioned that you might…” he trailed off, gaze sliding to your fingers tangled beside his. “I hadn’t thought that—well…” He cleared his throat and stood to his full height with a puff that almost looked prideful. “Nevertheless,” he grinned, almost shy, and offered you his arm. “Shall we?”

You were going to die. Keel over. That would be the cosmos’s final strike against you. But though your heart beat like a rapid drum in your chest, you didn’t actually collapse in cardiac arrest. Your blood felt warm, but not with fever. It was… You’d actually done it!

You fought the urge to squeal and instead ducked excitedly against Malleus’s side with a secret little fist bump. His arm wound snuggly through yours and you were still too high on the thrill of victory to even consider being embarrassed about it.

“It may surprise you to know,” he said as you walked together towards the Queen of Heart’s Dormitory. “That I actually was attempting to ask something similar of you for this past week as well.”

“Really?” you gaped.

He nodded. “But it seemed as though fate itself was conspiring against me. The first evening went poorly, and then the next day you’d been cursed into silence. And you even ended up injured during one of my attempts.”

“The Spelldrive disc?” you blinked.

“Unfortunately,” Malleus sighed, leading you towards the familiar rose gardens. Which were lovely as always, and perfectly well painted for the afternoon’s festivities, and—

And… also on fire.

“Well what do you know…” you mumbled as you watched a furious Riddle chase a screeching Ace through the flaming fields. Trey had his head in his hands. Cater was filming the whole thing with an artful smear of ash drawn across his cheek.

Malleus made a low rumble of discontentment and you immediately swung the pair of you around to start heading back towards the Mirror Chamber.

“Not to worry!” you beamed, pointedly jostling the full picnic lunch in your bag. Sure, it hadn’t ended up being a gaping hole that had dragged you straight into the bowels of the abyss, but hey. Hellfire was hellfire. “I came prepared.”

“So did I,” Malleus smirked, the points of his canines peaking out of his lower lip. He twisted his fingers and the pair of you were surrounded in puffs of floating, sparkling, green lights.

And despite the Universe technically, yet again, having come out on top and flipped you and your date the proverbial middle finger, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be too upset at all.

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