Hail Eris!

Consult your pineal gland, It's gonna get bland. Cisgender Male, Bisexual heteroromantic I prefer He/Him/His or They/Them/Theirs as my pronouns. I also prefer to deconstruct masculinity and avoid toxic, performative behaviors. Official unofficial condom fairy for Orycon, norwescon, westercon 2016, and Seadog Nights.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[nyarlathotep2317]

This sounds like a mountain goats song

[thenib]

Ruben Bolling.

[deliriumcrow]

The covid version of the story of the man on top of a flooded house, certain that God will save him. He is sent a rescue truck, a boat, a helicopter, and refuses all saying God will save him

He drowns, of course, and when reaching the pearly gates asks why God did nothing – he replies that he sent rescuers three times, what more did he want?

[cipheramnesia]

I’m so tired.

[nyarlathotep2317]

Last month my car died on the side of the interstate. It's 22 years old and I'm realizing it's not worth throwing more money at to fix. So I'm criwdfunding to try and get a newer used car. If like to get at least $2000 to serve as a down payment, if possible. Otherwise I'm gonna really be shit out if luck for a while. Please help if you can

I'm raising money until 09/09/2021 for help with getting a car. Help now:

https://paypal.me/pools/c/8BWIxnlQbQ

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Fun, someone said the words “prior authorizations” around me and now I’m pissed off at 730am on my day off. I go off on this rant all the time. ALL THE TIME.

[wayfaringmd]

Oof. This man gets it.

[fantomfox]

Imagine when a lukewarm take is so wrong that the author rightfully, publicly drags it....

"Say you've never read Sandman without saying you've never read Sandman."

[neil-gaiman]

It's definitely been a week. How did it get so normal and sensible on Tumblr, while the grumpy shouty people are off on Twitter? So odd...

[ruffboi-mags]

Lord only fuckin knows. Thank you for being a delight on either platform, though, sir.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[amber-acrylic]

[mossdftba]

Apparently this tiktok was deleted hours after I saved it.

[diioonysus]

greek mythology | cursed images

[after-the-raven-deactivated2022]

@godsofhumanity PLEASE VIEW THIS.

[homunculus-argument]

I keep thinking about that story I read online about some dude who moved to a bigger city for university, once remarked to his peers in the student housing that "it smells like a storm coming", and they were like bruh what the hell, and had a full-blown argument about whether you can smell a storm coming or not.

And then the next morning someone sarcastically asks him what today's weather will be, he decides to fuck with them and frankly answer the question, and then it becomes something of a routine, that he'll open a window or step outside to smell the air and tell them what he thinks it'll be like today.

And he's so reliable that they actually start to count on his predictions when they choose what to wear for the day, more than one of them actually tell their friends about "that dude in the dorms that can smell the fucking weather", not exactly a celebrity but it's just The Thing He Is Known For.

While really after the first incident he just started checking the day's weather forecast online before getting up.

[saltedweather]

“The really unforgivable acts are committed by calm men in beautiful green silk rooms, who deal death wholesale, by the shipload, without lust, or anger, or desire, or any redeeming emotion to excuse them but cold fear of some pretended future. But the crimes they hope to prevent in that future are imaginary. The ones they commit in the present – they are real.”

— Lois McMaster Bujold, Shards of Honor (via orphicfiddler)

[catchymemes]

[judedeluca]

This is the Magic Money Van.

Reblog this and you will gain large amounts of cash in unexpected ways.

[dndspellgifs]

[cargopantsman]

@anais-ninja-bitch

[perfectquote]

“I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.”

— Gayle Forman, If I Stay

[after-the-raven-deactivated2022]

“Dying is easy, young man, living is harder.”

[cargopantsman]

Young Man!

[nyarlathotep2317]

C

"Death is lighter than a feather. Duty, heavier than a mountain"

[shitpostsampler]

Been a good while since I stitched my first shitpostsampler pattern. Here’s a dump: part 1

They’re also displayed on my instagram: sisestitch

Submitted by  siseja

[hotboyproblems]

women’s shampoos be like: coconut; honey/milk; rose; tropical fruits; aloe vera

men’s shampoos be like: ARCTIC ICE; DARKNESS; GUNS; TESTOSTERONE; PAIN

[sophiebrophieswan]

men’s deodorant: ICON

AND THESE

BEARGLOVE

KRAKENGARD

WOLFTHORN

(with no scents or ingredients listed at all)

[ruffboi-mags]

WOLFTHORN SMELLS LIKE HAWAIIAN PUNCH. Seriously, like. Classic variety bright red Hawaiian Punch. It’s fucking DELIGHTFUL.

(iirc Bearglove is kind of like… citrus and spice? And Krakengard smells like the ocean)

Old Spice might not tell you what they smell like but they smell REAL GOOD.

[finalvortex]

They Might Be Giants songs for every human emotion

(inspired by this Lemon Demon post)

You think you may have fallen in love with an angel so you call God up on the phone and confirm it with him

You are struck by the revelation that there are millions of people that you will never meet

You are struck by the revelation that you will never see your own skeleton

Sometimes relationships don’t work out, and you feel like you’re stuck in a loveless place with nowhere to go, but it’s ok to break things apart even if it seems impossible

You are a small bird shaped nightlight

You meet a friend of a friend of a party and it turns out their political opinions suck

You went through a breakup so in response you are going to sink the island of Manhattan. Apologies to everyone else who lives there

Aliens are invading and you WILL kiss one

Sorry, what did you say? I was thinking about something else

Chronic illness is not going to stop you from becoming an astronaut

Dysphoria

You have a metal detector

The passage of time is inexorable

Hey, did that guy remind you of anyone?

You got lost

Man, it’s so loud in here

You are making an experimental film (guest starring Strong Sad)

Yes, I am a Cap’m. No, I don’t drive a boat. We exist

WHERE is the shadow government that secretly rules the earth when you need them

You are trying to get a garage band off the ground in ancient Mesopotamia

I’m sure you get this all the time, but you are without a doubt the cutest beheaded saint I’ve ever seen

You are an octopus driving a truck

You’re on fire

You are being crushed by the relentless monotony of living under late stage capitalism, and also you live underwater

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You astral projected too hard and now you can’t find where you left your  physical body

Hold on a minute has this microphone been switched on this whole time?

You are a lake monster and you have to make sure to get to the polls on election day

This one is called ‘Brain Problem Situation’. i think that’s self explanatory

You’re being tortured but that doesn’t matter right now because someone keeps moving your chair

Iconic 80s rock bands XTC and Adam Ant are engaged in a battle to the death

You have been reincarnated as an expired bag of groceries

[jonny-versace]

This game is literally the funniest thing that's ever happened and also only like top five Greatest Hits and also only like top 20 Whose line skits