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@official-nepeta
You haven't been very active are you ok
I'm chill I've been focusing I'm my actual art blog and well life
This is my new favorite hangout spot. I walked here from home with a cup of tea and my watercolor supplies. A floating dock out of the reach of sun or rain floats underneath the marina. And it has friends. 😍
Hey since I haven’t been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how I became a local cryptid in my town?
Alright lets do this.
So I live in a small neighborhood kinda thing. Its honestly shaped like someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street, so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end, and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it’s Saturday morning, like 3 am and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside.
Little background, this dog is a saint bernard, lab mix, so he big. Hes also amazingly stupid. He’s only three and we got him a year ago so he still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and my sister is kinda dazed, still sleepy.
Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind my house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters palm skin. Whatever he’s chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So I run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after him. I thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back before they hit road, and then stretch around 5 miles horizontally.
I’m worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so I run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. I honestly thought I was going to die). After like 15 minutes of tripping and trying to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this point I still look a human so nothing happens, I dont see him anywhere, and I run back to the house cause I’ve realized I’m in a tank top and boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost 90 degrees out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks.
After chugging some water I take back off, this time going horizontally. I caught sight of something running so I took off, yelling my brains out, managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in the process. Around a mile down I lose sight of it so I turn and hike the mile back to the street just to make sure it didn’t go that way.
After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i last saw him and continue walking till I’m like 2 ½ miles away.
So my trip so far has been
1 mile to street > 1 mile home > 1 mile horizontally > 1 mile to street > 2 miles home > 2 ½ miles horizontally
So I’m about ready to die. I’m covering in blood from smashing my arm, one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I’ve got a limp, I’m breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I’m covering in leaves and sticks.
I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so I take off and after like 5 minutes I spot him. He is now howling like a banshee in distress. I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him, which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool, whatever. His leash is tied around two trees so I unravel it and he pounces on me in relief. He’s salivating like crazy so I take him to a stream near by to let him drink.
Mother fucker pulls me in. I’m too tired to be pissed. At this point now that I’m calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with both blood and water. I’ve got several scars on my thigh and they all got ripped open. So I’m gushing blood like no tomorrow. I soak my jacket in water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual. I take my shoes off and toss them over my neck and we’re about to start the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I’m holding the leash and I do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me with him. With are now covered head to toe in mud, shit, dirt, blood, and whatever the hell else is in those woods.
Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are gone. Whatever, I just want to get home. I pick a direction and walk until I end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street.
Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the ground for some reason, which I trip on. Now I have barbed wire practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I wanted to get home so bad I didn’t even bother to rip it off. I’d do that later and return it to the guy or whatever.
So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet. I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he can’t take off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which, from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. I eventually make it back to my house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever. He’s a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if I’m okay. I respond with “yeah” but I’ve been yelling for like 3 hours straight so it comes out as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in his house.
I get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine. UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting thing and hears an interesting story.
Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house, which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw (what they thought) was a “humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging a bear covered in blood around by its neck”
For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard the “horrific screeching” and how there was blood all down the streets and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling everybody that the “thing” growled at him and he could see it had blood red eyes.
So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood. Rumor states that you’ll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes sounds like a howl and a scream. People later found my boots covered in blood and said it was a “victim” of the demon. A week later a house that was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall, which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some more screeching was heard for a couple nights (coyotes most likely). Due to people “spotting” the demon (which was either their imagination or the actual bear) the rumor grew and grew so now its famous in my neighborhood.
So yeah thats how I became a “bear killing demon” in my neighborhood. I never corrected anyone because I was too embarrassed.
@gallusrostromegalus this story is honestly on par with some of yours
THIS IS FANTASTIC. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU.
today i learned fish can be dicks
m!a now your bendy has a body builder bod for the next 10 posts
HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE
USING MY OWN SHIT POST MAGIC ANON
AND CHALLENGE ME??
DO NOT CHALLENGE ME IN MY OWN HOME YOU FOOL
THIS IS MY DOMAIN
I LIVE FOR THIS IDIOCY
I THRIVE ON IT
AND WHEN I SHIT POST THERE IS NO LOW LEVEL
SO TAKE WHAT I PRESENT YOU CHILDREN
AND BE HAPPY WITH IT
When a camera’s shutter speed is in sync with a bird’s flutter speed. (via zombieborscht)
the most intense thing i have ever watched
I can feel the sheer, raw power just eminating from this video
television history
when comedy began
DRAG HIM
SHE DID THAT
She did T H A T
LOOK AT THIS LEGEND
this doesn’t fit my blog at all but i had to post it here because this story is legit the wildest thing i’ve seen this month and everyone needs to see it. unmute this I PROMISE YOU WON’T REGRET IT
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. I’m the one who told him about the game. I’m the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?
Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the “fat fighting orange dragon”
It’s gotten so bad he’s started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.
Okay adding to this. My dad isn’t great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:
“I have a cool pineapple head now!”
“I was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.”
“And the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!” (he still can’t remember what a Dragonite is called)
BUT THEN. but then. he’s also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? He’s level 27 and talks about how “the gym wars are brutal, babe,” and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)
And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I can’t stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that don’t because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? He’s about to evolve two more. H E L P.
and he says shit like, “Learning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.” and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??
This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point he’s so far beyond my skill with the game (he’s been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I don’t even know what to tell him. I literally can’t advise him.
My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.
Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like, “Okay I’ll join your team babe!”
And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.
I ain’t even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. He’s happy there. It’s his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. It’s super cute.
My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one
So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I don’t know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up with “some friends I’ve never met” to take down the gym for Team Instinct.
Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.
He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says, “hey I’m gonna go for a walk” and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforce ‘his’ gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.
At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.
Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.
This got a new batch of notes, so here’s a Dad Update.
He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently he’s watching the anime almost every night. He’s on season 2. I think he’s just gonna go through and watch it A L L which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.
Out of the 6 Gyrados he’s evolved, he’s kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see he’s caught 585 of them.
Five hundred eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??
Apparently he still hasn’t decided which Magikarp to evolve.
He should make level 28 in a day or so.
this dad will truly protect the world from devastation
My dad works on my college campus and every night when he comes home he comes to my room right away and tells me about all the pokemon he caught that day.
Oh look, I’m on my dash again. Seems as good a time as any for an update. I bought him a yellow PoGo keychain for xmas. I will let you know how he responds when I give it to him:
He has started wearing yellow shoes for #TeamInstinct pride lol:
And he’s started wearing a pikachu tshirt. He is on season 4 of the anime. He watches EVERY EPISODE in order. I’m dying. He’s level 30, going on 31. He has over 9 gyrados now, and has enough candy for two more, but doesn’t see the point. He’s about to get his 4th dragonite. One of his dragonite has been stuck at the top of a level 10 gym for like 3 weeks now, since before he hit level 30, and he’s upset he can’t get it back to power it up.
@bouncyenvos
Pokedad update, since it’s back on my dash:
He’s still wearing the shoes. He loved the keychain because he’s a DORK.
He’s level 34 now. 1.12 million xp. 1.25 million to level 35.
He estimates he’ll make level 35 by the first week of July. He joined on July 13 last year and would like to be at 35 by then. He still hasn’t spent a single penny on the damn game and is very proud of that.
His favorite from gen2 is Blissey, who he says is his “best gym defender” and he’s 8 candies away from powering up another high cp Chancy, so then he’ll have 2.
Another gen2 fave is “Hounder” along with “Umbrreon” and Espeon. He’s got a steelix, politoad, “the other slowbro type” and “multiples of those metal coat sunstone kings rock upgrade stuff”. Recently he got “that feriligator” and a typlosion. Not gen2, but he has a “really nice chariZard”
He was SUPER mad about the gym update since he had like 7 pokemon in gyms when it hit, but it hasn’t staunched his fervor. He’s just been buckling down and doing his best. He’s been saying stuff like “I have one raid pass waiting for a raid alert to pop” and I literally don’t know what that means??
But I know what you really want to know. What’s his magikarp situation??
He’s caught 1885 Magikarp.
That’s why he has so many gyrados and over 2k worth of candy. He says he has 5 “really nice” carp he could evolve if he wanted to. But… he doesn’t need to. I mean, look:
He described this as his “navy” and I think it’s pretty well stocked.
Also yes he caught a shiny: (older screencap so that’s why there’s fewer candies)
When we were in the Philippines together, he didn’t have data. And let me tell you: The man was borderline distraught to be away from his game for the 3 weeks we were away. Whenever we were at SM City he’d wander around and complain that there weren’t more pokestops or gyms within reach of the SM wifi. (Also he now has 4 pokemon shirts, all of which he brought on the trip)
HE HAS NEVER SPENT A PENNY??????????
Wow.
Does he have a red Gyarados??
1530 MAGIKARP CANDY W H A T
Behold the true pokemon god.
Pokedad is my favorite instinct player and I will never hear a word against him.
the honesty
THIS IS TOO PURE
also it’s true how baby cheetahs are considered “socially awkward” omfg we need to protect them at all costs
I saw this at the San Diego zoo. They were grooming each other and just chilling and it was so sweet
My Little Pony: The Movie comes to theaters this October.
sollux
He
He what???
He
My content gets shittier every day.
@horrorshowmania