the second day after my ship’s change of command ceremony, i see the new cap come around the corner so i call attention on deck and everyone freezes and clears the way.
he walks past me and i’m about to relax but then he, stops, backs up and looks me up and down. i’m sweating bullets because we knew nothing about what kind of a cap was he going to be like was my shirt untucked or something oh god what did i do now???
and he just goes “where’s your book?”
and i blink because i am a third class petty officer but a captain is still kind of terrifying and he’s new and I DON’T KNOW WHAT BOOK HE IS TALKING ABOUT is he a stickler do i need to have a copy of the bluejacket’s manual on me at all times or what?
so i screw up my courage and ask him, “my book, sir?”
and he checks my name patch again and says, “you’re petty officer xxxx, you always have a book. where is your book? are you okay?”
cap has been onboard for less than 24 hours HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?
(i mean, he’s not wrong, i got a lot of shit from other senior personnel about the pocket on my uniform being stretched out because it always had a book in it.)
but i have an answer and he’s the new cap, so i give it: “i finished my last one and haven’t had a chance to get to my bunk and grab a new one.”
i broke the new captain goddammit LT is gonna kill me
and he goes “BUT YOU JUST STARTED THAT ONE YESTERDAY!”
and i’m just staring back now like HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK OUR NEW CAP IS PSYCHIC OR SOME SHIT
and because my brain has broken under the stress of this encounter i ask him
and he’s like “i saw you on the mess decks on my tour with [old cap] and you were on like page ten that book is like 400 pages how did you read it in one day?”
and i’m like SHIT he’s gonna be pissed because he thinks i was slacking because i read a bigass book in one day fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK
like this was not the first time i’d gotten in trouble for reading when i was on watch or whatever but i had maintenance watches i’m literally waiting for something to break and my chief didn’t mind
BUT THIS IS THE CAP IF HE MINDS CHIEF’S OPINION ISN’T WORTH A FISH FART IN THE OCEAN
and so i stammer, “i read a lot? so… i… i read fast?”
and he just stares and i don’t know what the expression on his face means
before i can process this though and come up with a new response, he’s grabbing my shoulder and turning me and pushing me ahead of him where little baby petty officers do not walk because CAPTAIN GOES FIRST
and i’m like “welp this is how i end up in the brig i get to be the new cap’s first captain’s mast it was nice knowing everyone”
idk that or he’s gonna throw me over the side honestly who knows my whole world was upside down at this point
and then he starts talking
he’s like “go get a new book what are you reading next did you like your last book tell your chief i sent you if he asks why you were gone what is your favorite genre and author have you ever read” and basically escorts me to my berthing grilling me about books and everywhere we go people are staring and oh god i’m going to die i am just going to die of shame and horror and this is it this is what takes me out does this count as dying for my country i don’t even know
and that’s how we learned that our new cap was married to a librarian and an avid reader and was not going to have an illiterate crew, dammit.
i never caught shit for having a book in my back pocket or reading on watch again. :D
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