calc-u-later!

i don’t fkn know, 30ish

[orteil42]

Wait, you were actually born in the 1900's? Thats so cool

i am going to eat my own entire skin

[monochrome-stars]

big fan of telling people "have fun" when they say theyre going to the restroom

[knifefightscene]

[girljeremystrong]

[unbreakablemouserat]

PARKS AND RECREATION (2009-2015) 6.07 - "Recall Vote"

[charl0ttan]

whats everyones favorite cocktails. i totally adore a sex on the beach. no rum and coke okay i want your favorite gay ass colorful fruity tasting type of drink okay? okay. i trust you. i love you

[ilyapasta]

No one is doing it like Ilya Rozanov. He’s in a gladiator costume. He sent the rookies home from his party because he’s depressed. His boyfriend drove two hours with a butt plug in because Ilya looks hot in that gladiator costume and Hayden Pike called him a prude and that bothers him. Shane said I’m a freak and I need my boyfriend to know that, but Ilya can’t stop crying thinking about Shane. Ilya is looking down at his plugged up boyfriend giving him a bj under the gladiator skirt and he’s got tears in his eyes. He’s alarmed by the tears in his eyes and responds by fucking Shane nearly upside down on the couch like an inversion table. He’s doing fine. Maybe he should think about therapy.

[fractally]

Sometimes people say that Ilya’s characterization changes dramatically from HR to TLG but I think it’s more like the “expectation / reality” frame from 50 Days of Summer. We spend most of HR in Shane’s head perceiving Ilya as the coolest hottest man alive and the minute we hop into Ilya’s head it’s like oh. Oh no this man is sticking a fork into his toaster

[zackcalderon]

[boycritter]

one must imagine sisyphus livin la vida loca

[uwillneverknowwho]

Hey. Stop for a second. Take this moment to appreciate that you don't have to write a paper right now. No one is asking you to write a paper. You don't have to think about the paper or plan your time around the paper. You have the freedom to think about whatever you want. Everything is going to be okay. At least you don't have to write a paper right now

[lordsausage]

shoutout to the words "overmorrow" and "ereyesterday". english losing these words was stupid. "the day after tomorrow" "the day before yesterday" clunky-ass constructions. revolting. i'm bringing overmorrow and ereyesterday back in my idiolect and there is nothing you can do about it

[justanapparatus]

can swifties please figure out how to be happy for taylor without an overbearing tone of "marrying a man is the single greatest joy a woman can have"

[orteil42]

Wait, you were actually born in the 1900's? Thats so cool

i am going to eat my own entire skin

[idabbleincrazy]

Reblog if you were born in the 1900's.

[avoiding-claws]

[harkamal]

I like finding out what people my age and older had as their first cell phone. Anybody younger and their answer is a generic Android or iPhone. Phones from the 2000s were some wacky device like the sidekick or samsung x83 or lg env2

My first phone was a nokia 1112 in 2008

[omegaversereloaded]

You got cum on your face you big disgrace

[basi-boy]

not what he said!!

[omegaversereloaded]

We will we will fuck you

[lesbianboyfriend]

the best part about having a job is being able to go through doors other people aren’t allowed to use the worst part is everything else

[huliajelena]

how‘s the water?

you‘re in it

yeah, but i want to know how you like it