Somewhere To Be

(Header by Artbymags)

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Things that ARE covered by your Wizard Insurance:

Top Surgery

Bottom Surgery

Witch Encounters (one per century)

Killed By Greg

Middle Surgery (✨ New! ✨)

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Remember the rules of chronic pain:

1. Don't sit

2. Don't stand

3. Stretch

4. Don't stretch like that

5. Movement is key

6. Lay down forever

8. Get funky (another chronic pain issue) with it!

9. The effects of pain meds will wear out

10. Just think of the original Little Mermaid and how she had to feel the loss of her tail, so it felt like her feet were constantly stabbed by knives and they bled when she danced. And then she died and turned into sea foam. Think about that.

[voluntaryvictim]

glad to see those spreading the truth

[demolitiondean]

Rb to force new people from twitter to eat bees

[thebiscuiteternal]

Oh, hey, I was wondering when I’d get to use this again.

[icannotgetoverbirds]

did you just fucking have this

[blueelectricangels]

if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

[blueelectricangels]

sometimes when i am sad i go read through the tags on this post, because they are 70% other biologists saying things like “AND ALSO FUCK FIELD MICE” and “THAT CRAB ALMOST BROKE MY FINGER” and I am reassured that I am not the only one who has bobbled a wood frog right into their cleavage.

plus six or seven people who just….can’t figure out what a frog paper could possibly be. (guys it’s…a scientific paper. about frogs.)

and this one

which made me laugh despairingly because i mean

bro you don’t even know.

[jumpingjacktrash]

what is the code entomologists use for “i stepped on it, i’m so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small”

[coolmanfromthepast]

“Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.”

[jumpingjacktrash]

‘impromptu dissection’ is an alarming phrase in any context and i thank you for it

[inky-petrel]

What’s biologist for “the little fucker BIT me and I yote it into the undergrowth on reflex”?

[tawghasa]

“Specimen was removed from the study pool due to abnormal interaction responses”

[vilkalizer]

I am reblogging this 98% for the second to last comment holy shit I’m fucking choking

[elfwreck]

I’m enjoying the tags/replies discussing the proper conjugation of “to yeet.” I am in favor of the decision that the future perfect is “will have yitten.”

[woefully-undercaffeinated]

Expanding this, NASA has a few gems from their report language:

“Underwent unplanned rapid disassembly” – it exploded, and it wasn’t an explosion we wanted to happen

“Lithobraking maneuver” – it stopped because it hit the goddamned ground.

“Engine-rich exhaust” – the engine bell melted or evaporated, or the engine ejected itself out the back of the rocket without having a very good reason to do so.

“Fishing orbit” – the craft is in the ocean instead of space and we didn’t mean to put it there

“Thrust was observed along an undesired vector” – the engine leaked and the rocket spun off into oblivion.

“Wearing his manager hat” – a moron who shouldn’t be an engineer (a reference to the infamous quote “take off your engineer hat and put on your manager hat” in the meeting in which the Challenger was cleared for launch)

“Received an unrequested transfer” – he’s dead.

[kittydesade]

LITHOBRAKING MANEUVER

[tedlassosource]

PHIL DUNSTER on ROY & JAMIE’S DYNAMIC Red Carpet Interview @ The Ted Lasso FYC Event

[historicalfictionenthusiast]

Roy Kent post-retirement:

[hummingburger]

didnt even have to babygirlify him, hes already like that

[walnutmistjamie]

Roy Kent and Jamie Tartt Man City (S2E08)

[ssopimir]

rip jamie tartt you would've loved challengers (2024)

[enki2]

[tarttykent]

Jamie Tartt after lustfully eyeballing challenging Roy Kent in Season 1, saying “fuck it, let’s go” then proceeding to throw a punch like a normal dude mash their foreheads together?

Jamie Tartt after seeing his ex-girlfriend gently touch lips to his crush his nemesis, Roy Kent and reacting with jealousy and disappointment disgust, and saying ‘why can’t that be me?’ ‘Oh, that is dis-coostin!’

Jamie Tartt after the bootroom scene.

Roy Kent getting right up in Jamie Tartt’s face going all dom on him instead of just saying ‘fine you’re working on yourself and I can see that. I can coach you’.

Roy Kent engineering a way to get the entire coaching staff to flip Jamie Tartt off rather than finding literally any other way to tell him it’s time to be a prick on the pitch.

Roy Kent using his coaching job to explore his kinks, such as (but not limited to): domming prick players, tying red string around players dicks and calling it ‘awareness training’, tying rope around Jamie Tartt and making that little sub tow him around Richmond on his pushbike etc.

[memewhore]

[digitaldiscipline]

"What you do not smell is capsaicin powder. It is odorless and dissolves instantly in liquid."

"It's not flavorless?"

"Absolutely the fuck not."

[klarastjarnljus]

My nayme is Bird

and wen it's nyte,

a dozing man

I giev a fryte.

His weary mynde

evokes Lenore,

I play a trick,

I tap the door.

[abracadaze]

i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken

[satusepiida]

His ghost is setting those cars on fire actually

[coyotegestalt]

I hadn’t really considered “the agnostic demigod of electromagnetism is the reason Musk’s companies fail” before, but I like the concept. 

[heavenlyhorses]

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[darkieforfun]

[sexhaver]

musk is going to die in a Tesla explosion in 6 months after sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and we will never get a conclusive answer on whether it was a CIA car bomb or just a normal Tesla malfunction

[fernthefanciful]

Like to charge, reblog to cast

[shinraalpha]

i love how Gandalf invested in Hobbits in year one and has been pushing them ever since. Thorin, i hear you need help with a breaking and entering. Can I recommend one of these little cunts? Silent as fuck, trust me. Elrond my dude i know you're skeptical but these four chucklefucks just transported a weapon of mass destruction all the way here. Theoden, you've gotta get yourself a hobbit man, I've got a spare one here. Denathor you big prick, take a hobbit - literally this is the bottom of the range but listen to him sing. Beautiful little bastard.

[elodieunderglass]

The mileage on this one is totally normal Elrond. Hey speaking of can I park him here for a while

[the-birth-of-art]

h/t to @namasteinside for the lol

[zinjanthropusboisei]

In "Unfinished Tales" there's a section where the Fellowship gets Gandalf to tell his side of the story about how he recommended Bilbo to Thorin's company and this is literally how it went down:

[carsen-daily]

There were just so many great additions to this post that I had to put them all in one place.

[teathattast]

[teathattast]

I see the neurodivergent girlies are enjoying this