The Alpha&#x27;s Oracle

Oh @padawanmolly… following suit with your purrkour comment, I humbly present the purrmaid.

padawanmolly

On the contrary, that is clearly a catfish.

#carturday #crossover #bad puns

HOLY MACKEREL! I stand corrected.

mostlycatsmostly

Purrmaid (via Jackie Noble)

smeliot-deactivated20220528

Oh @padawanmolly... following suit with your purrkour comment, I humbly present the purrmaid.

theaustinstollhaus

So if “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” is be believed, you can fiddle duel the devil for your soul. My question is, does it only work with fiddles, or any contest? Saxophone duel? Guitar shred-off? Can you challenge the devil to a rap battle when he comes for you?

atoyont

Even though I play piano I want to see someone fight for their soul with the tuba.

theaustinstollhaus

The Devil went back to Georgia and his thoughts were dark and cold That Johnny kid had screwed him and he still needed a soul. When he came across this young man blowin’ on a tuba and playin’ hits And the devil took one look and said “You know what? Fuck this shit.”

hamstergal

“Kid, I know you won’t believe this, but I play the tuba too “And if you wanna wager, well I’ve got a deal for you “If I’m the better tubist, then I get to take your soul “If you’re the best, you get this horn here, made from solid gold.”

The boy replied, “My name is Hans, and though it may be wrong, “Your bet’s pretty intriguing, so I guess I’ll play along”

Hans, clean out your spit valves, and get ready for a show, Two tubas feudin’ face to face; pick up your horn and blow. ‘Cause if you win, you get a brand new tuba made of gold, And if you lose the Devil gets your soul!

(Oompah music intensifies)

The Devil opened up his case and said, “I’ll start, I guess.” And fire puffed out from the bell as on the valves he pressed He raised the mouthpiece to his lips, it made a wicked BLART And a band of lederhosen demons joined in with him to start

(Roll Out the Barrel plays with extended tuba solo)

Hans looked the Devil in the eye, once he finished his piece, Said “That’s okay, old man, but just you get a load of this!”

(http://youtu.be/zmFYgc-Emmc and skip to 2:20)

The Devil bowed his head, because he knew he can’t compete. He dragged that heavy tuba down; it crashed by Hans’s feet. He turned away from Hans and as he retreated he said, “Forget this crap. I’m gonna try telemarketing instead.”

(Tuba outro)

bakafox

@hamstergal you are amazing and owe me 1 clean monitor.

lapestelareste

:(((

Fiddles are historically associated with the devil not through any Christian imagery, but because older European folk tradition held that several uber powerful water demons, known as nock, nikyr, necks, etc, were insanely good fiddle players.

In Norway, for example, the violin known as the Hardanger fiddle was played initially by the creepy otherwordly beings, like the hulderfolk, the trolls, as well as the nock. There are equivalents in other European cultures.

These beings were known as preternaturally skilled fiddle players, the nocks above all others. So some people would make a deal to learn the fiddle from the nock, or have their children trained. The only problem being nocks usually needed life or blood sacrifices to learn their skills.

So as Christianity was introduced, the water demon nock was conflated with the devil. Because other stories of nykyrs, nocks, etc were generally sacrificing a human to appease treacherous tides, which was the pinnacle of terror.

The devil knows the fiddle, because the ancient tradition is that if you can win your freedom from the nocks, they will honor this pact.

this post is the perfect mix of creativity, historical facts, and folklore/mythology, and above all shitposting.

ladynorbert

This right here is the kind of content I want on my dash.

phatfred

(Oompah music intensifies) (OOMPAH MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

samuraiko

Paging @padawanmolly and @harriedwizard - the next time you see Butters, you two REALLY need to show him this. I am now happily imagining Butters just rocking out on that Oktoberfest contraption of his to this song.

padawanmolly

I would pay high six figures to see Butters dueling Nicodemus via One Man Polka Band.

I would manipulate the stock market to enable that. I mean, y'know... THEORETICALLY.

Guys, we are a badass action movie team made entirely of priests. We need a team name… The God Squad! NO! THE A-MEN!

The all-cleric party (via outofcontextdnd)

*facepalm* This has @harriedwizard all over it.

“He was not an ally when he shot you.”

This sounds very much like Murphy to you, @harriedwizard. Once again, our nerd hobbies eerily mimic real life. WHUT.

thenatsdorf

“I’m invisible.” [video]

mikhailvalhidris

@legolasgoldy

Ye gods, it’s my baby girl-kitteh Balberith! Those eyes though...

#crazycatlady

geekmythology

(via These Official Star Wars Suits Are the Suits You’re Looking For!)

Hey @willborden, Georgia mentioned you needed some new work get-ups. Just sayin’...

Character (with no charisma) trying to chat up a girl at a bar: Your butt looks like one that has a crack in it.

#imjustsaying #pleasedontsmiteme

HAHAHAHAHA - @willborden, sound like anyone we know?

“Look, I’m like 90% certain it doesn’t count as breaking the ‘never cut a deal with a dragon’ rule if you work for an organization that’s run by one.”

#Halloween #horror flick #kittens #aspca cats

Oh my. When gaming life looks a bit much like IRL.... amirite, @willborden, @harriedwizard?

For people who say they don't like horror movies... Happy Halloween!

“So the oracle took an old-person nap and woke up awesome.”

(via outofcontextdnd)

Hello, my name is Ruth and I heartily approve this message.

Also, NAP TIME!

nerdistindustries

We want all our food prepared with space knives.

Watch Anthony Bourdain and master blacksmith Bob Kramer melt down a meteorite into a beautiful blade.

AAAAHHHHHHH! *kerthud* I don’t just need food prepared with space knives, I NEED A SPACE SWORD! What?!? Stop giving me That Look, harriedwizard, padawanmolly, and willborden. Surely the Do Not Give Pointy Things to Oracle rule has a clause rendering it null and void in the presence of epic coolness. SPACE SWORD!!!

Cosplay, Fan-Created Media, and Asshattery

A few members of Team Dresden have let me know some people have been kind of jerky about what readers have created or dressed up as from the casefiles.

I’ve said this before here and will say it again: don’t make fun of what other people do to show their affection for a fandom. If you do and I find out about it - don’t care if it’s my casefiles or something else - I will unleash hellfire on you, at least in print.

The world is an ugly place. Make it better instead of making it worse.

Dresden

primum-de-triginta

Indeed, let us continue to encourage those who, so uncomfortable with their own pitiful identities, must live vicariously through such foolish, purposeless, and worthless individuals such as Dresden here, and his allies. Too true, the world is a difficult place, made all the more difficult for those who cannot bear living in their own identities. So let us proceed and encourage their fantasies, instead of encouraging them to find their heroes within themselves.

And let it not be said that I am not a staunch proponent of the arts. Express yourselves however you wish. That is what the artistic form encompasses. However, along with the creation of art, comes the right of others to critique that art. It is the hallmark of a small mind to be unable to withstand criticism of their art, of any sort. If you wish to express yourself, be the mature and educated individual who understands that others are just as free to express their rejection of your expression, in the manner they choose. The mere act of creating something does not, and will never, insulate you from criticism. Do ‘grow up,’ I believe the phrase is.

Dresden here offers you insincere platitudes, giving you only what you want to hear. Here I stand, offering you the truth, and total honesty. Choose wisely which words are more valuable to you, for it will determine for us all whether you truly are a prisoner of fantasy, or a functioning member of reality.

Have a pleasant day, one and all.

- N.A.

Few points here, man. 1. I was talking about people who create as a way to show they dig some TV show or book series or movie. 2. You’re talking about anyone who creates, so amateurs and fans get the same “honesty is the best policy” treatment as pros. 3. My sincerity isn’t really there for you to judge. And hell’s bells, I can barely spell platitudes. 4. Honesty doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Michael Carpenter can teach you all about that.

Dresden

willborden

Harry, what have we told you about engaging Nicodemus? Ignore him and you don’t feed his need to seem important and relevant.

Awwwww, dangit, willborden, you had to go and make it sound entertaining. I know about sleeping dogs and not poking bears yadda yadda, but like that big red button, sometimes it’s just so tempting to push. Then again, it only gives him more attention, and that’s what he wants. Engaging Withholding Bitch Mode, stat. (Can we find the equivalent of not clapping for Tinkerbell and just be done with his nasty ass already?!)

willborden

Sorry, Oracle. It IS pretty damn entertaining sometimes. I applaud your restraint and Georgia requests you tell her privately in exchange for beer.

Of course, though it may be Krankshaft instead of Mac's.

And because I risk going 'splodey, one teensy little poke; last I checked, NA stood for "not applicable," right?

Oracle out.

Cosplay, Fan-Created Media, and Asshattery

A few members of Team Dresden have let me know some people have been kind of jerky about what readers have created or dressed up as from the casefiles.

I’ve said this before here and will say it again: don’t make fun of what other people do to show their affection for a fandom. If you do and I find out about it - don’t care if it’s my casefiles or something else - I will unleash hellfire on you, at least in print.

The world is an ugly place. Make it better instead of making it worse.

Dresden

primum-de-triginta

Indeed, let us continue to encourage those who, so uncomfortable with their own pitiful identities, must live vicariously through such foolish, purposeless, and worthless individuals such as Dresden here, and his allies. Too true, the world is a difficult place, made all the more difficult for those who cannot bear living in their own identities. So let us proceed and encourage their fantasies, instead of encouraging them to find their heroes within themselves.

And let it not be said that I am not a staunch proponent of the arts. Express yourselves however you wish. That is what the artistic form encompasses. However, along with the creation of art, comes the right of others to critique that art. It is the hallmark of a small mind to be unable to withstand criticism of their art, of any sort. If you wish to express yourself, be the mature and educated individual who understands that others are just as free to express their rejection of your expression, in the manner they choose. The mere act of creating something does not, and will never, insulate you from criticism. Do ‘grow up,’ I believe the phrase is.

Dresden here offers you insincere platitudes, giving you only what you want to hear. Here I stand, offering you the truth, and total honesty. Choose wisely which words are more valuable to you, for it will determine for us all whether you truly are a prisoner of fantasy, or a functioning member of reality.

Have a pleasant day, one and all.

- N.A.

Few points here, man. 1. I was talking about people who create as a way to show they dig some TV show or book series or movie. 2. You’re talking about anyone who creates, so amateurs and fans get the same “honesty is the best policy” treatment as pros. 3. My sincerity isn’t really there for you to judge. And hell’s bells, I can barely spell platitudes. 4. Honesty doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Michael Carpenter can teach you all about that.

Dresden

willborden

Harry, what have we told you about engaging Nicodemus? Ignore him and you don’t feed his need to seem important and relevant.

Awwwww, dangit, willborden, you had to go and make it sound entertaining. I know about sleeping dogs and not poking bears yadda yadda, but like that big red button, sometimes it’s just so tempting to push. Then again, it only gives him more attention, and that’s what he wants. Engaging Withholding Bitch Mode, stat. (Can we find the equivalent of not clapping for Tinkerbell and just be done with his nasty ass already?!)

izmia

Creative GameBoy Refrigerator Magnet - Yaratıcı GameBoy Buzdolabı Magneti by FreezerBoy

AAAAHHHHHH new item for my wish list. Because reasons. Geeky, geeky reasons. Hashtag sorrynotsorry

chaoticlivi

Reasons I relate to cats

don’t touch me

wait, no, come back, i need snuggles

that’s enough snuggles

i want to be near you, please don’t leave me alone

tch, it’s not like i happen to be in the same room as you all the time because i miss you

“i got wet. this is the worst thing that’s ever happened”

“why is this door closed? this door doesn’t need to be closed”

“i need a nap.” “didn’t you just wake up 2 hours ago?” “yes but i could sleep for a week”

(hisses)

“i want food”

“but not this food”

(wanders around)