oh shit!!!!!!!!! [gets illegal gene therapy so i can eat grass]

titsay
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ellievsbear
Sade Olutola
wallacepolsom
Sweet Seals For You, Always
RMH
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap
sheepfilms
dirt enthusiast
trying on a metaphor

tannertan36
Show & Tell

Andulka
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Product Placement
almost home
NASA

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@paragonshep
oh shit!!!!!!!!! [gets illegal gene therapy so i can eat grass]
but if we were gonna lean into the goofy side of mass effect we should have had a thing in the citadel dlc where all translators get disconnected for comedy reasons. all the humans suddenly have much more pronounced accents or even flat out other languages. kaidan speaks tagalog just to annoy others who havent bothered to learn anything other than english in the 22nd century. tali can actually speak other alien languages because quarians rarely have fully properly translated VIs courtesy of the galaxy sucking. krogans sound twice as intimidating and wrex enjoys it. turians sound like somewhere between a cat and a bird clicking and squawking and everyone laughs about it. asari inexplicably sound a thousand times more beautiful but also none of them can speak a single word in another language except liara t'soni nerd extraordinaire but she's only fluent in mandarin considering it's the most populous language on earth. the whole incident lasts five minutes but it's enough to be the sole conversation topic during the party afterwards
N7 Month 2022 - Day 5: Interview
"Thank you for your time, Commander Shepard"
hands down the funniest messages in me3
Imagine a Mass Effect where you could play as something else apart from human, what would you pick?
Human
Asari
Turian
Salarian
Krogan
Quarian
Geth
Volus
Angara
Drell
"kaidan's romance is so boring!" "the vs easily has the worst romance in me3!" "ashley's so mean!"
did we or did we not all collectively play through the literal whump hurt/comfort borderline fanfic-y plot line they have in the beginning of me3.
or how the vs was used as bait for shepard in me2. or how the two were purposely manipulated into distrusting each other, but overcame that despite all of the forces and misinformation working against them.
or how shepard permanently cutting off ties with cerberus ended in tim ordering the kill on the vs bc they weren't of use as a bargaining chip for shepard anymore. thus causing the hurt/comfort angsty hospital plot in the first place.
like none of this was fanfic. or headcanon. it was all in the canon trilogy, platonic or not.
..or did we all just collectively forget any of this bc the vs isn't an alien or whatever
#mass effect#shenko#mshenko#kaidan alenko#shepley#ashley williams#'i didnt connect with either of them in me1' GIRL?? THE ALIENS WERE TALKING CODEX ENTRIES IN 1...... BE REAL...............................#like can we be honest! and just say 'it doesn't suit my preferences' instead of calling things objectively bad or.#'i want a slow burn' GESTURES AGGRESSIVELY TO ME3. YOU CAN ROMANCE THEM STARTING IN ME3 WHO ARE YOU PEOPLEEEE
adding OP's tags because they're right
What I really, really wish Bioware had focused on when it came to defeating the reapers is the singular advantage our cycle had. Every previous cycle lost all chance at survival the moment the reapers came out of dark space, because the reapers took the Citadel, and therefore the relays. With the reapers in control of the relays system, they cut off travel, communication, and obliterate supply lines.
Everyone in every previous cycle was cut off and isolated before they even knew what hit them. If they didn’t even know the reapers existed, it might be years, even decades before they knew what happened at all! There would be no way to share intel, to warn others about reaper movements, etc. A society that developed to rely on the relays would be utterly crippled without them, and every previous cycle lost the relays in the opening minutes of an attack they didn’t even know was coming.
Except us. Our cycle kept the Citadel. When the reapers showed up we still had control of it AND the relays. We were the first cycle in the history of the reapers to keep that advantage - because of the prothean scientists on Ilos. It's really an incredible thing when you think about it.
The previous cycles couldn't evacuate, fall back and mount a defense with their allies. They couldn’t reach safety. Without the relays there was nowhere to go! All the reapers had to do was go system by system to wipe everyone out systematically, and all that any previous cycle could do was wait until they were next and fight the best they could with what they had available.
The crucible is such an insane concept because there would have been no way to pull it off. You don't have the resources, the labor, the logistics, to even begin to build it, because you don't have the relays to move the resources or the people where they need to be. And even more insane, the battery for the whole damn thing was the Citadel, which every previous cycle lost access to in the opening minutes of the initial attack!
Even if the protheans or anyone else could have found a way to build it, there would have been no way to use it. Why in the world would you base your MacGuffin on something so inaccessible?
If you had to use the Crucible as your win button, it could have been interesting if you looked at it not as something that everyone else ran out of time to build, but as something other cycles had conceived of and had no way to build - but we did. At a cost.
The reapers are here. We might still have comm buoys and the relays, but the reapers are still killing billions, destroying strategic locations and wreaking havoc with supply lines. So if you are diverting supplies to build the Crucible...who are you taking them from? Whose front collapses because you took what they needed to build that thing? Who gets fucked over because this ship had to mine minerals to build the crucible instead of run supplies to refugees? A war table like you had in DA:I could have been so interesting in Mass Effect 3.
The fact that the protheans reached through time and made one, small change that dramatically changed the way the reapers harvest a cycle had so much potential. We were different. We had a chance no one else ever had, not just because Shepard is a badass, but because a small group of people who had no hope for themselves decided to have hope for someone else. We weren’t better than other cycles – we were gifted something no one else got: the protheans broke the cycle. We didn’t. They did.
I wish the game hadn’t forgotten that, and I wish the ending would have found a way to tie back to that. Instead of boiling the end of the trilogy down to an RGB choice between control, destroy, and synthesis, I wish it had celebrated the truth that we are nothing without our differences. We are nothing without each other. We could bring a bunch of disparate organic and synthetic races together to fight for each other’s right to exist because the people who came before us performed a selfless act to help a future they would never see.
kaidan: cerberus... the scientists who rebuilt you... it really has me thinking about the complex nature of morality. while one's intentions don't change the outcome, it can change an outsider's perspective, you know? it really makes you think. something so simple such as good and bad can suddenly become so complex. what is a good person? are we innately good? how does a good person become bad? i don't know... what do you think shepard?
shepard, still recovering from kaidan blatantly flirting with them and immediately 180ing into this philosophical discussion: What
Mass Effect version of the previous poll because I like to suffer!
The most toxic Mass Effect fans usually romance...
Liara
Garrus
Tali
Kaidan
Ashley
Miranda
How could you forget [...]?
(posting this one again because I fucked up the poll duration the first time)
hello mass effect fan. you hate Ashley for her aliens and animals line and yet call alien squad mates endearments such as "bird," "dinosaur," "lizard," and "frog." you have one minute to explain your justification on why your animals are better than Ashley's before I kill every alien you've romanced.
Being an Ashley fan is hard, apart from the obvious reasons, because sometimes--especially in ME1--she IS kind of mean and blunt. And everyone wants to ALWAYS trace it back to Space Racism. No, sometimes she's pissed off, and she is ALWAYS upfront with her feelings. Is she supposed to suck off every alien character like everyone's Shepard do? That's stupid.
She wasn't mean to Liara in the beginning because she's an alien, it's because she's the daughter of the Big Bad's Second in Command. If you remove yourself from Video Game Logic, it does make sense. She has multitudes!
This isn't me saying she WASN'T mean but if you think about it for two seconds... you know, this fandom always jokes about playing these games over and over making the same choices. Maybe if you talked to her and brought her along you could start to see why she is the way she is.
Don't you think if you spent your whole career trying to prove to people that you had worth, redeeming your family name even though your grandfather DID the right thing but was slandered anyway. After all that, don't you think maybe it might. Just a tad annoying. That a mercenary, a mall cop, and the daughter of the Big Bad's Second in Command who you have no reason to believe has any combat experience. Just get picked up just like that.
we as a fandom underutilize just how funny it is that miranda pieced shepard back together over the course of two years. like imagine having someone out there who knows more about your own body than you do. and having that someone be miranda.
shepard: shit, it's asking for exact measurements. i just need to buy a new-
miranda, from across the room, not even looking up from her book: you're approximately 170 centimeters tall. bust is 87 centimeters, waist is 73, and hips are 91. your measurements might have changed over the last six months while you were on house arrest, so i'd recommend taking that into consideration.
shepard:
guess where I am in my trilogy replay
if kaidan came out during ME1 it would’ve gone something like this
okay, as someone who could find almost exclusively playthroughs where shepard had a romance from the previous game , let me tell you i was NOT prepared for this interaction at the beginning of ME2
never forget how after Garrus took a rocket to the face, Zaeed “expert headshot survivor” Massani took one unimpressed glance and declared him dead on the scene
absolutely losing it over some of the tags
"garrus vakarian was the only one who never moved on after shepards death" who is hoarding this mysterious copy of mass effect where garrus, who definelty wasn't thinking about quitting his job already, doesn't start a vigilante group on an impoverished former mining planet and the others aren't heavily impacted by shepards death as well? who has this other version mass effect where garrus definitely doesn't start doing his own shit and just sits around lamenting shepards death all day long