Regular Jobs I can see the Creeps Having (for a ‘normal lives’ au)
-Jeff: Even in a “regular” AU I doubt Jeff would be particularly interested in holding down a stable/typical job. It’s just not his style. He probably worked a few fast food jobs as a teen before he decided he hated that and moved up into retail. Throughout much of his teens-young adulthood he’d probably work at various mall chains like Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and amusingly, maybe even Claires. Actually, working at a place like Claries could be pretty important because it would introduce him to the wonderful world of being a piercer. Yes, I’m sure he would have incredible interest in piercings/tattoos/general body mods, but I doubt he’d consider actually having a job that aligned with that until working at a place like Claires. So maybe, hopefully, he can become an apprentice or something and go on to become a piercer or tattoo artist. (Or maybe even both. You can’t convince me the guy who carved a smile into his face and called it beautiful would not have at least passing interest in body mods.) I can see him being one of the more iffy piercers who will go ahead and give people even the more dangerous ones because ‘sure why not,’ though.
-Nina: See, there’s a lot of directions Nina could go in because she has a lot of personality. As a teen, she was probably in a similar situation to Jeff where she worked all kinds of mall jobs, but I don’t think she ever considered the long term very extensively. Genuinely, she probably liked retail to a degree. At the very least, she’s good at convincing people to buy things they don’t really need. Maybe at some point she and Jeff worked in the same place by chance and he was her senior coworker crush. (That she is now very over and cringes at.) Either way, I can see her going into a route that has something to do with beauty, fashion, or some kind of fame. She is THE scene queen; perhaps she’s made a few songs on the side that she posts online, which I’m sure would get her a small cult following. But outside of that, she probably does small modeling gigs and is studying to be a hairstylist who specializes in alternative styles. She doesn’t quite settle into one thing—more like whatever suits her fancy and what she has the most fun doing.
-Jane: She’s hard to place as well but not because she has a big personality (like Nina) but because so much of her story hinges on Jeff. She’s also just generally multifaceted. Don’t get me wrong, she has A LOT going for her, but she’s a very…particular character to me. I’m sure as a teen she worked at a restaurant job (if you know you know) but she also seems like she would be a very career oriented person. She’d want a respectable career long term y’know? Something she can really get into and work towards. Because justice is such a core part of her character, maybe she’d get into politics. Specifically, the judicial system. I think she’d make a great lawyer. One you could trust to fight for you to the best of her abilities, and one who doesn’t take cases just for the money. A classically prestigious job like that really suits her. (And maybe she went to Harvard or something.) On the side I bet her wife has a little radio show she appears as a guest on sometimes.
Liu: He’s also kinda hard because tell me why his original character is mostly nonexistent outside of sticking up for Jeff, being depressed, and also having misrepresented DID. I love Liu but PLEASE get some hobbies or interests. Amusingly, I can see him being some kind of church youth group leader or summer camp counselor as an older teen, but outside of that I’m kind of at a loss. Why would he become a detective if Jeff didn’t try to kill him? Detective makes for a fun fictional job, but that matches less with Liu and more with Sully, y’know? Deep down, I don’t think he knows what he wants to dedicate his life to. Even though it is a “normal AU” I wouldn’t want to take ALL the trauma away, so I’m sure Liu would still have (probably undiagnosed) DID, I’m sure he’d still come from an iffy home situation, and I’m sure he’d envy Jeff for the fact that he knows who he is and what he wants so strongly. Liu isn’t like that. He can’t work like that. He needs structure, he needs stability, and he needs time to figure himself out. I’m sure this kind of self confusion would end up with Liu studying something psychology adjacent in college. From there, he’d discover his love for academia, branch out, and go on to become a professor or teacher. He’d probably teach history, if I’m being honest. But I worry for what would happen should he teach highschool (all of the kids would probably troll him) so I think it’s best if he stays mostly at the college level.
-Toby: Toby what ever the fuck will I do with you. As much as we all love him we gotta admit this guy has absolutely NO life plans that we know of. I mean, it makes sense. He’s pretty disabled and sheltered on top of being from an abusive home, so why on earth would he think he had a future in the career world? Unfortunately, I think he’d get fired from a lot of jobs just because they aren’t willing to deal with him and his many disabilities. But maybe, just maybe, as a young adult he gets a job at a comic store or something, and they’re willing to hold onto him. And personally, I think Toby likes comics, so this is a score. He’d be SO happy to be there, and so so passionate about all the comics/manga they sell. Perhaps this would even inspire him to go on and make his own comics for real, and the first store to ever carry them would be that one he worked at to start out. If it doesn’t end up being something like that, I can also easily see him in some kind of labor oriented job. (Garbage man Toby seems weirdly fitting for some reason?? It feels more realistic to me than him being a comic artist, honestly.)
-Kate: We don’t know much about who she was before becoming a proxy and everything, but I do think it’s safe to say she loves the outdoors. At least, I hope she does. So obviously she needs a job where she can be out in nature, and I think for her, that’s being a park ranger! She probably works very hard and is deeply passionate about conservation efforts and does everything in her power to advocate for more protections and to educate others. Not much to say here other than I’m very happy for her. (And I want her job.)
-Tim: For y’all’s sake, I’ll throw him in here too. In marble hornets we don’t actually know what he was majoring in, but I doubt it was film. (I think I read somewhere that Tim or Troy said he was an English major but I could be straight up WRONG.) But thanks to Marble Hornets, we know he did have a job at some point. (That he did quit, but still.) Unfortunately we are never told what that job was. Jessica worked at a shipping company after MH, and I can definitely see Tim having a job like that as well. Something a little more labor oriented, y’know? I think he’d make a good HVAC guy or plumber. He’s the local guy everyone trusts to fix their stuff for a decent price. It’s either that or a landscaper. On the side I think he’d like to write music though.
Brian: If we do Tim we can’t not do Brian. Unlike Tim, we actually know what his major was: psychology with a minor in photography. So I like to think in a regular AU, Brian would’ve gotten to finish college and go on to become a therapist or psychologist. He’s probably one of the most personable people you’ll ever meet, so he’d do well in a job like that. I think he’d like helping folks.
BEN: Assuming in this AU we’re working with a humanized version of BEN (and not the boy who drowned) then the answer is obvious: IT. He’s a local guy who works at a small computer repair shop, and he’s insanely good at his job. But I think he wants to be a game developer, and is actively working on an indie horror game on the side. I’m sure he also makes mods for games. (Nintendo games especially. Those are his favorite.) Maybe he’ll have a breakout moment when he puts his game out there.
Eyeless Jack: The answer is obvious with him too. In some versions of his origin story, he was in college. I don’t think we actually knew what he was studying, but a lot of people say he was going to become a surgeon or nurse, so we’re going to run with that. It suits him really well, honestly. So in this AU, he’s a surgeon and he’s one of the best in his area. He’s especially skilled in organ transplants, I’m sure.
Clockwork: Ah a bit of a harder one once more. We know in her original story she liked drawing, but to me that’s always been an afterthought. A lot of people like to headcanon that she has some kind of interest in mechanics and science, and I think that is a very fun direction for her character. (And a little more unique, all things considered.) So operating off of this headcanon, I think there’s a few possibilities. My favorite is that she repairs clocks. Specifically antique clocks—not the little digital clock you have on your nightstand. She’s the one fixing your old cuckoo clock or grandfather clock. Hell, maybe she even builds them too. I think it’s a fun and unique idea that harkens back to her original connection to clocks whilst also keeping our beloved headcanons. (And she can even still like drawing this way, if she draws out her design ideas.) I also like to think she worked at a thrift store or something as a teenager and stole from there constantly.
Bloody Painter: I mean am I even going to play games with you guys? He’d be a painter. He’d just be an ethical painter who doesn’t use blood and guts and bodies. Although I am sure his paintings would still have an element of shock to them. He’d probably depict more mature themes and do so in a bit of a gruesome way. He’s a very serious artist, if you will, but he’s good at it and it pays the bills. When it doesn’t pay the bills, he can pull the starving artist card.
X-Virus: Scientist, scientist! Cody would definitely be a scientist, that’s a given. But obviously we can’t just say scientist and call it a day. He’d be a Virologist specifically; aka a scientist who specializes in viruses. He’s probably a bit chaotic and constantly makes jokes about unleashing the Black Death, though. (Don’t listen to him he’s very careful and good at his job.)
Sally: She nearly slipped my mind, unfortunately. But I did remember her!!! She’s difficult to place because…she’s a young child. And she’s always been a young child. I cannot think of a single instance where we’ve seen Sally an adult. And it’s not like we are ever told about a potential job she wants. [TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSULT, IF THAT WILL MESS YOU UP PELASE MOVE ON.] Now, if we assume Sally was still assaulted as child in this au, (just not killed) then maybe she’d go into some kind of program that specializes in helping victims of sexual assault/rape. Especially minors. Maybe she works for some kind of nonprofit. If she doesn’t do that, I think she’d make a cute daycare worker or elementary school teacher. (I’m sure as a teen she babysat kids either way.) I would try to branch out more, but because we have so little to go off of it’s difficult to say what’d she really get into.
Laughing Jack: I wasn’t going to include him at first but I have relented. But I’m not gonna beat about the bush: he’d be a clown. At first I think he’d be the kind for children that often shows up at birthday parties and such, but eventually he’d have some kind of mental breakdown and grow to hate that job. From there, he’d become a more alternative clown. Start working as an entertainer that’s not catered to children specifically. I think he’d also enjoy being a scare actor when that’s in season. Still very clown, very circus, but also still edgy.
Slenderman: Threw this guy in as a bonus one. Assuming he’s human in this AU, I think he should somehow work with children. But not in a teacher or babysitter way, a way where he’s actively working to protect them. I know the foster system and CPS in general has a really bad reputation (deservedly) but let’s pretend Slenderman is the grand exception and actually helps kids. He’s not the type to let the limits of the system stop him; he can and will bend the rules if it means one less child gets out of a shitty situation and finds a loving home. And the best part: no one is willing to stop him. Perhaps he’s from a super influential family that can pay people off if they try anything. Still gotta keep that dark element in there, y’know? But at least he’s using his money and influence for good. We all wanted him to come sweep us away from our shitty lives as kids and teens, so this is only fitting.
But I dunno, what do y’all think the creeps would do? I love reading about people’s ideas for these things.
