How do you pronounce Ilya’s nickname “Roz” in your head?
Short O sound (like Roswell)
Long O sound (like Rose)
Secret third thing (explain in comments/tags)
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@pelmenilya
How do you pronounce Ilya’s nickname “Roz” in your head?
Short O sound (like Roswell)
Long O sound (like Rose)
Secret third thing (explain in comments/tags)
everyone’s always busy debating if Ilya would be a swiftie or not because no one wants to face the reality that he’d love the FUCK out of Eminem
Shane doesn't use the Pride Tape on his stick. He doesn't like the feel of it, he likes his specific tape and his routines. After the Fanmail Outing, a reporter asks him if he's going to use the Pride tape now and Shane is like "no? It's cool that other people use it but it's not for me" and people keep bugging him about it and someone online posts a big thing about internalized homophobia and Shane just posts online
"I'm not homophobic, I'm autistic, thanks for making me reveal something about myself I wasn't sure I wanted the public to know about AGAIN"
And Ilya, who never used the Pride Tape because of the whole Being Russian thing just posts a selfie of him and Shane post-fuck with the quote
"how can I be homophobic, my bitch is gay"
#part ??? of him looking hot & miserable
Sveta breaks her leg and she lives in a stupidly pretty loft apartment with nowhere to sleep downstairs so Ilya offers her a spare room at the cottage over the summer to recover in since she will basically have her own space.
Except that Ilya and Svetlana have their own routine together, even outside of them hooking up prior. They grew up together, mamas taking pictures of them in the tub together, no boundaries between them bc that’s just how they are. It’s why they slept together in the first place. Who better to try stuff with than the person who’s grown up with you?
Shane thinks he’s prepared for this, knows Ilya in and out but the first time that Sveta picks spinach out of Ilyas teeth like it’s second nature, he feels like he should be jealous but he’s not. He laughs when Ilya barges into the bathroom while she’s showering just to piss because he’s too lazy to go upstairs. He can’t even be mad when he hears the shower door open and Ilya’s affronted scream when Sveta turns the shower on him to run him out. (She happily mops the water up afterwards anyways so the only victim is a damp Ilya who mopes about having to change clothes)
Shane doesn’t really fit into their dynamic naturally and he’s okay with it, has a weird sense of loss when he watches them but he’s so happy to see that childlike joy from them that it doesn’t even really matter to him.
Except Ilya is gone for a whole two days for a sponsorship photoshoot and Shane is left with Svetlana alone for the first time that isn’t a few hours or less. It’s easy at first, nothing new. Except that he wakes up to the sound of her sobbing the first night.
Shane bursts into her room, scared out of his mind and already halfway through calling Ilya when she tries to just tell him to leave. To let it go and that she’s just being stupid bc she’s in pain. Shane doesn’t let it go though, coaxes it out of her that she has chronic back issues, ones that are debilitating some days and she normally soaks in a hot bath but her stupid broken leg means she can’t and nothing is helping anymore. She tries to shoo him out, apologizes for waking him up but Shane stops her. Tells her he will be back before he digs the fancy Epsom salts out of his own stash.
He easily finds some tiny candles, a soft floral scent that’s similar to the perfume she always wears, and lights them in the bathroom before dimming the lights and running a nearly scalding bath. He grabs the plastic sheeting and waterproof tape they keep in every bathroom because they’re athletes and they have to be able to waterproof injuries at a moments notice. He takes it back to Svetlana who’s already trying to pretend she’s going back to sleep.
“Come on, I’ve got you.”
She tries to protest, says she doesn’t need someone babying her, to which Shane rolls his eyes and asks her if she wants him to call Ilya who will absolutely force her to let him help if he doesn’t try to fly home immediately.
She finally lets him tape her up, not really sure where it’s going but trusting Shane bc Ilya trusts him. She startles a bit when he scoops her out of bed like she weighs nothing. He brings her into the bathroom, setting her carefully on the edge of the bathtub. He’s gentle when he helps her out of her clothes, eyes carefully diverted even though she knows he’s never looking at her like that. There’s a little hammock on the edge of the bathtub, and when he helps her into the hot water he tucks her injured leg as much out of the water as possible.
The heat is incredible, and her eyes tear up with the relief her back feels. When he turns to leave she grabs his hand, voice low as she asks him to please stay. She can’t have Ilya right now, but Shane is willing to be there and no one else ever has outside of her Ilya. Shane smiles, rolls up his pant legs and sits himself on the edge of the tub. They talk about nothing and everything until the water is cold and her back has stopped spasming enough that her pain meds are gonna be able to kick in finally. Shane is as calculated as ever when he lifts her out, heated towels already set up for him to wrap around her. She dries herself off, and Shane helps her get dressed again before carrying her back to her room even though she insists she can get back with her crutches.
When he goes to leave after tucking her into bed, she tangles her fingers in his and offers him the other half of the bed.
“I hear you, moving around when he’s not home. I know it’s hard to sleep without him.”
Shane hesitates for a moment, but he slides into the bed with her anyways. He know Ilya doesn’t care. He’s found them tangled up asleep together countless times over the years, but it’s never just been just the two of them.
Ilya comes home early the next morning, expecting to surprise both of them but when he checks on Svetlana first and finds both of them tangled up together, his heart nearly bursts from his chest. He slides into next to Shane quietly (after taking 30 pictures of them)
It wakes Shane just a little bit but Ilya shushes him, kissing him quietly before wrapping his arms around Shane’s waist. He can hold hands with his Sveta this way too and even in her sleep she squeezes his fingers gently.
It’s the best sleep that Ilya has gotten in a long time.
he was initially formed out of pottery clay but came to life because it was his hearts true wish to be the best hockey player in the world
i love every version of shane going to bood's bbq in fics, and it's always so funny when they try to go "just as friends" and cannot keep up the act for the whole night. it's always good and fun and makes sense in the fic, and i always enjoy it, but it's also just funny to see when their whole deal was that they've managed to not tell anyone for a whole decade except for very select circumstances.
it makes me want a 5+1 story with 5 times shane went to a centaurs event as a "friend" of ilya's and the +1 as either him attending as ilya's partner or as a centaur himself.
the first time would be at the end of summer, right after the end of the ottawa summer camp. wyatt asks shane how long he's going to be in town for before he heads back to montreal, and he says it'll be a few more days, and hayes says bood is hosting a pre-season bbq and shane should totally swing by. he's hesitant, but the fact that it's wyatt who invites him and confirms with bood that it's cool vs him clearly tagging along with ilya that makes him risk it.
the boxing day party would probably fall as time 3 or 4? i haven't decided what the others are yet.
but through these 5 parties, shane slowly gets to know the cens and their partners, sees how different the culture is from montreal, gets to know these people ilya talks about for himself, and slowly lets his guard down.
for their part, the centaurs get to know shane as a person better and not just The Shane Hollander™️and they also can't help but notice that their captain, who's always so busy on their days off, is conveniently always available if hollander is also around.
by time 5, most people have figured out that something is going on between them. everyone has pet theories about if it's serious or exclusive or new, but they're trying to tip-toe around it and not let shane or ilya know that they suspect something. it doesn't help that ilya brings anya, and she seems very familiar with shane.
it all comes to a head when wyatt, tipsier than he usually gets at these events, notices that shane is also wearing a chain tucked under his shirt. he puts a hand on shane's shoulder and says "can you just entertain me for a second here?" before hooking a finger under the chain and pulling the rest of the chain and the ring out from where it was tucked away. he looks at the ring close up for a moment before nodding, and saying "that's what i thought." he drops the ring, letting it falls back to shane's chest before saying "thanks buddy," patting him on the shoulder, and moving on like nothing happened. shane is...befuddled, but just shakes his head at his friend and also moves on. he's a little bit panicking, but he's mostly just confused. importantly, he doesn't bother to tuck the ring back into his shirt. a little bit after that, ilya and troy and maybe bood drift over to where shane is, and troy clocks the ring on the chain and says "hey, that ring looks familiar?" and bood agrees, turning to ilya and pulling the exact same move that wyatt did, bringing the chain out of ilya's shirt, showing both the cross and the ring beside it. everyone just stares at the clearly matching rings for a moment before troy says "if you try to claim you got matching friendship rings i'm going to punch you." ilya grins, mock offended, and says "i would never." by this point harris has clocked that something is going on and comes over, taking in the matching rings on display. "holy shit, is this already married or to be--?" he asks. "to be, not yet," ilya confirms. "probably this summer, maybe july," shane says, and it's the first thing he's said in several minutes. after that, for the rest of the night they mostly drop the act. no kissing or outright pda, but they don't really leave each other's sides, and they start bickering half in russian, and they openly refer to anya as theirs (shane refers to her as "our dog" while ilya calls her "our daughter"), and when they leave they don't have to pretend like they aren't leaving together, and they haven't put their rings away again for the rest of the night.
Shane's face while Ilya is schmoozing at an awards show all dressed up in his tux, hair slicked back, wedding ring glinting in the lowlight of the room: 🙂
Shane's head on a loop: 🎶my man my man my man my baby my baby dicking me down spoiling me driving me crazy my man my man my man my baby my baby dicking me down spoiling me driving me crazy🎶
Post game plans in the making 👀 I think im gonna do metros and raiders colors? But maybe like complementary colors will look good too🤔 what do you think??
Luca staying with Shane and Ilya for a few days while his place is being fumigated. He’s lying in bed when Hollanov’s sex sounds fill his room. Luca sends a video to the team group chat (the one without Shane and Ilya). It’s of him staring blankly into the camera. In the background, you can clearly hear Ilya moaning loudly. Luca is like ‘I can’t listen to Shane suck Ilya’s soul out of his body for the next 2 days. Can I stay with one of you?’ and Troy is like ‘You can come over and listen to me suck Harris’s soul out of his body’ and the other players respond with similar stuff like ‘You’re welcomed to listen to me fuck my wife’ and Luca remembers he’s a hockey player with money and checks into a hotel.
So. Since they have beautiful cottage home in the countryside on a picturesque lake with a dock, inquiring minds want to know:
Who kills/relocates the giant Dock Spiders?
Shane, deftly and with confidence
Ilya, swearing in Russian but not too scared
They both go inside to wait it out, periodically like "do you think it's gone?"
They're tag teamin' it but both yelling and screaming the whole time.
I just image-searched how big Dock Spiders are and am traumatized for life.
Nuance/yelling at op about being kinder to spiders in the tags
look at my team dawg nahhh im so cooked
I personally think that Hollanov’s first child chooses to play soccer instead of hockey. Kid (maybe 5 y/o) tells them this offhandedly over breakfast one day, Ilya chokes on his cereal and Shane has to excuse himself and totally doesn’t cry a little bit.
so Kid joins a kindergarten league. Ilya (retired to be a stay at home dad when Kid was two) attends every single practice without fail. He is either standing just behind the fence with his hands on his hips, murmuring in Russian, or he is sitting in the stands taking notes. Shane comes to practice when he can, but never ever misses a game. He also takes notes and films game tape. Theyre genuinely deranged together. The other parents gossip about the Insane Hockey Gays and their equally insane soccer Kid, because you better believe that Kid inherited Shane’s crazy obsessive tendencies and is the most passionate player by far.
They send so many unhinged emails about “inadequate coaching” and “uncoordinated training” that the coach gives up and just lets Ilya do it. The parents are annoyed until they realize how fucking hot the new coach is, and damn the kids are winning now? This is how Ilya ends up holding a clipboard on the side of the field in a bright pink team shirt and stupidly tiny shorts, failing to notice the flock of women (and one other queer parent) drooling in the stands behind him. Shane is sitting in a folding chair pissed the fuck off, because that’s his big strong husband with a clipboard. At half time he gets up to kiss Ilya (just a peck) and maybe squeezes his ass possessively while the kids aren’t looking to send a message to everyone else. Ilya is caught off guard for just a second, before he gets distracted by overhearing his daughter chirp the other team’s goalie.
“What did she just say?” Shane asks.
“Nothing. Was in Russian.”
“You need to tell her she can’t talk like that.”
“Was very cute though.”
David: I guess I'm just surprised our Shane fell for such an infamous player,,, who knew our kiddo would have a thing for the bad boy, huh hon? Ha ha
Yuna, remembering David's college hockey days as an enforcer where he would get into knuckle dragging fights almost every match and would always shoot a blood-stained grin up at her in the stands from the sin bin while sporting a black eye and a broken nose, waving at her with his knuckles taped: Hm. Yeah. Shocker.
Shane loooooves his weird kind of gross manly man. He loves it when Ilya spits on the ground and he loves it when he burps loud on purpose. He loves it when Ilya walks into the kitchen in the morning scratching his ass. He loves it when Ilya wakes up and immediately adjusts his balls under the blankets they're both sleeping naked under. He loves it when Ilya gets done with a workout and immediately finds Shane to shove his armpit in Shane's face. He loves that Ilya lounges around his house with his hand in his pants and his finger in his ear. He loves that Ilya manspreads. He loves Ilya's enormous fucking feet. He loves that Ilya can't walk past the bathroom mirror while naked without watching his big ole dick swing for a second. He loves that Ilya doesn't trim his happy trail or his pubes and that he doesn't think anyone else should either. He loves to watch Ilya with a toothpick after a big meal, fuck. He LOVES his MAN.
i think Shane is the dad who treats his kid like pizza dough. Just flipping them all around, tossing them into a pool like a beach ball. Carrying them around by their ankles. And the kid fucking loves it. Like “daddy do the thing” and Shane is like :) and then lays down on his back, sets the kid on the soles of his feet and then launches them 10 feet towards the couch.
And it makes ilya so fucking nervous. “Gospodi Shanya be careful! You are trying to kill me. You want me to have heart attack.”