Underacheaver ™

chaotic neutral

[barelysusan]

happy pride month

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

not doomed by the narrative but certainly disciplined

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

put in timeout by the narrative

[bramblepatch]

dommed by the narrative

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i can't post anything

[kabigon143]

The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many “rules” are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this

[radicalgraff]

"Defund God"

Seen in Seattle

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Double Income No Kids used to be seen as a kind of lavish lifestyle, now it’s like…a requirement to have any remote chance at financial stability

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

This post is getting notes again so I see we’re all handling the cost of living crisis well 🙃

[scamguy]

the few minutes between the moment u yap in someones dms and they dont answer and you feel like you should get painfully dismembered for the crime of talking to someone vs the instant relief of normalcy you get when they text back and no ones killed you yet

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

dubiously friendly reminder that you need to own a first aid kit. yes even you.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

and a fire extinguisher yeah.

[queeranarchism]

Hot tip: these are excellent housewarming gifts. Doubly so if you're invited to the welcome party of a newly opened squat.

[depsidase]

[feldfrog]

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

[beardedmrbean]

[silvermoon424]

Nazis crashing the fuck out at Elmo for no reason is one of my new favorite genres. Literally this pic:

EDIT: It turns out the Jordan Peterson ones are fake (they're real tweets but not directed at Elmo). However, Peterson DOES hate Elmo and has @'d him before.

[pentaedar]

world might be ending but I get to come home to my girlfriend, sister and our dogs and watch Supernatural with her while she makes yarn cakes.

[radicalgraff]

Make racists afraid again

Seen in Northern Germany

[teathattast]

[teathattast]

my ball, :)

[definitelyimportantpost]

[fairycosmos]

your aversion to anything earnest or sincere has affected us in the following ways 1. youre annoyinggggggg

[feamir]

[pentaedar]

Dear 2015 Sara,

this is 2014 Sara speaking.

It’s 311214, 22.31 at the moment. You’ve been feeling kind of sad and anxious lately about your future-I hope it’s better by the time you’re reading this. You feel sad and alone, spending New Years Eve at home, mostly in your room. It’s cold, around -8. Tell me, is it better where you’re at? Are you happier? You should be. I hope you’ve learned to lose less time on stupid shit and got more organised. I hope you’re smiling.

2014 overall had been an okay year for you, really. The end was kind of shit, but then again, you’re fairly young and nothing major and un-fixable had happened yet. You’ve met some amazing people this year. I hope you know you have friends - you aren’t alone. You passed most of your exams. You lost some weight, and got some selfconfidence. You learned some korean, and borke some promises to yourself, like “Yes, I’m totally gonna do my homework today.”. Man, you need to learn how to be productive again

I put my hope in you, 2015 Sara. I hope you’ve worked on yourself as a person, I hope you’re brighter and better. Also, your 2014 skin is super soft. Just so you know. It’s 311214, 22.40 now.

Love (and hope);

Sara 2014.

[pentaedar]

Dear 2018 Sara,

this is 2017 Sara speaking! Hello.

Its currently 4.53 pm and I’m sitting in my bedroom with curlers in my hair. Sara, your nail painting skills are shit and I really hope you ahave learned to do them better cos this is just ridiculous.

Me, 2017. Sara thought we did this sort of letter to self thing ever year, but I guess my old age got to me finally. Ironically I am the younger one here. This is the only letter I could find, so I thought I’d do a follow up.

You’re getting ready atm, as you always do for NYE. Except, this year for the first time, you’re going out with a boyfriend. I hope that you’re still together at your point in time, because you’re really in love with the fucker. But if not, you’ll be alright. You’re feeling a bit anxious atm - weirdly, not as much because you’ll spend NYE in a weird club playing trance, but because your time management skills are still as shit as ever. Work on that. Really.

2017 was kind to you, but you were not kind to yourself. You passed the exam 2014 Sara cried about in the letter to 2015 Sara. It only took you what…two years? You planned to kill yourself if you didn’t pass it - don’t do that shit to yourself anymore. You have a good net of people to help you up, you have friends, your boyfriend, your sister… hell, even your parents aren’t ill willed, they just worry. You traveled to Budapest this yearm and met Tatia, after 8 years of friendship. It was kind of awkward, but still an amazing trip - with the boyfriend, none the less! And in the summer you went for a vacation to his campsite - which was one of the better vacations you had in your life. You turned 23, almost got a tattoo. Srs, we have to work on that. Still, you gained a bunch of weight and started getting panic attacks and weird anxiety problems you didn’t quite had before - we’ll have to work on that too.

You wrote more, and you did do some more artsy stuff. I hope that in your time theres a lot more of creativeness in you!

All in all, Sara, 2017 was a good year. 2016 left you hurt and a mess, obviously 2014 wasnt really good either, eh? But 2017 was a lucky year. Lets keep our head up and lets work hard to cross some more goals off that list you’re probably making there, 2018 Sara!

Loads of love from your past self, happy new year! 2017 Sara 5:09 pm, 20161231

[pentaedar]

Dear 2019. Sara,

this is 2018. Sara speaking. Its 7.57 atm and youre kind of in a hurry. Your time management skills are still bullshit. Srs get your shit together.

2018. was ok. You learned that you have F41.2, started meds and therapy, got off meds and therapy, had a great and then a really rock time with your relationship, got your BA and in the worst times almost killed yourself. Twice. But you’re still here, with your BA.

Things with your boyfriend and your mental health have been wild. Sometimes youre good, sometimes you two are doing great, and sometimes you cant get out of bed and its all fights. Tonight is kind of important - if he doesnt show up, its over. Maybe next year youll be typing this as a single girl. And maybe thats for the best. Or youll manage to get over this, and he really is the one like you were sure a few months ago.

Youre going out with your brother and Teodora  You hope itll be good, and you hope theres someone to kiss when the clock hits 00.00. Last NYE was absolute crap, cos you were anxiety central, but at least 1.1. was heaven. You really love this guy and its tearing you apart.

I hope the next time we talk youll be on your way out of uni, one foot out the door, and maybe on a different address. Please foe the love of god tell me you started working out FR cos this shit rly makes no sense - curves are great, but its impacting your health and its making your depersonalisation worse. Its your skin - make yourself comfortable in it again girl. Please.

I hope you make more stuff too - it makes you happy, but lately you just dont find time for it. Youve been working 547845 jobs, and full time uni. Please take care of yourself better girl? Its ok to say no to jobs every now and then, and just lay back, watch a movie or binge a TV show. Or like, sleep. Also your make up skills are shit but this year we learned that you have hooded eyelids, so there is some progress.

All in all, i hope youre wiser and happier when you read this. This year we learned that uni wasnt the core issue - and being single wasnt it either. It was your depression and anxiety. Please work on that, so that your life and relationship quality can rise again. You’ve done well this year. You do have things to be proud of.

Please learn to love yourself.

And work on your goddamn time management skills bcause youre fucking late again!

Love,

younger (and hopefully less wise) 2018. Sara

31.12.2018. 20.09

P.S. Happy New Year you dick <3

[pentaedar]

Dear 2020. Sara

Yeah, ok, I’m late, shut up. (management skills havent improved)

This is almost 2019. Sara speaking. It is currently 6.1.2020., 20.18, and since we still haven’t started with our NY Resolution, I’m still counting this as 2019. In truth, the last day of 2019. was a RUSH, and you really didn’t have the mental capacity to remember to do this.

We should be writing articles but you dont wanna do it oh-so-much, so here we are.

2019. was a refreshing change. January started shitty, you were dramatic and you had a five day fight/break up/break with your boyfrined, but when you sat down like adults and talked things kinda started working again. So here you are, still in love, dramatic fuckers. January was still a struggle, but you made it. February was boring, as always, March and April were nice, May you made new friends and June got preTTY INTERESTING. July was something else tho. August you were back on your bullshit for a while, you let September pull you down a bit, October and November were solid, considering and December rushed by in a second.

You made new friends, met new people, done new things, had new expiriences. Bitch you also got like…three new tattoos in 8 months (congrats ur broke). It was, all together, an amazing year.

You spent your NYE with your boyfriend and best friend watching youtube and dozing off, cos of course you did, but it was absolutely amazing.

I’m happy to report to you that you are indeed one foot out of uni (same adress tho, sorry). You haven’t started working out, but I have a feeling this is the year (i also just ate a bunch of M&M’s so maybe dont listen to me). Depersonalisation/anxiety and depression have gotten a lot better though.

We still dont make a lot of stuff, at least not as much as we want to, but we’re working like… two regular jobs and another one on the side, so we’re hustling at least. (Is that the term? Im like 55) On the subject of work, bit by bit youre learning how to say no, how to take better care of yourself. You do genuenly feel better, finally.

And, I am happier. I’ve been happier for months now - for so long that it can’t bee just a fluke. I think we’re genuenly making some progress.

For the next year, I hope you embark on a great journey - both in life and like…literally, get your ass abroad. I hope you finish uni and get your masters, finally. It’ll be ok, don’t worry too much about it. I hope you travel and see new places and have loads of new experiences. I hope by the time youre reading this you’ve grown as a person and had more memories that youre going to cherish.

I also hope youre reading this out of your apartment, with your boyfrined. Maybe youre even employed? That would be cool.

Most of all, i hope you have worked on yourself. Figured yourself out more. Put more of your head together. Learned how to be content.

But even if its all a mess, remember, this too shall pass. You’ll be ok babe.

Most of all, i hope you managed to write the 20 articles for today :))))))))))

Love,

almost 2019. Sara.

6.1.2020. 20.44

P.S. woRK ON YOUR TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS YOU PENIS and happy new year <3

[pentaedar]

Dear 2021. Sara

this is 2020. Sara reporting for duty.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Ok, so its 31.12.2020., 19:37 atm, and sweet mother of god has this year been A RIDE.

First of all, what the actual fuck. The year started with ye usual January depression, even tho we had big plans for us. In Feb we even bought the ticket to Seoul (remember that big plan of finally traveling :’)). It cost us like whole two months of paycheck from two jobs, but by god we were gonna do it. COVID was mentioned at that point, but we all kinda brushed it off. Even started your mandatory 3 weeks of internship in school for a week in March and then everything went to COVID-related shit. I honestly don’t really remember much of April or May, I know we spent about 7ish (or so) weeks without leaving our house at all (not even like…to go to the store) and I remember the anxiety because uni didn’t start back up until mid April again. Online classes suck major balls. June was a bit better, and summer in general was p good tbh. Even saw some friedns for a short and socially distanced while. Even went for a vacation. And in September we started our first full time job (!!!) - you’re a school teacher, an authority (tbh a clown, girl your hair is still green :’)). Sep-Oct-Nov-Dec were a whirllwind of stress and work and learning on the go - because 7 years of uni prepared us for jack shit. 

I’m happy to report that we’re still in a happy, loving relationship. At this point, it truly seems like it might be for forever. Theres something soothing in knowing sleeping next to him might be what i do till the end of my days. He makes me feel loved even when i dont love myself and i hope its still the same for you in 2021. Its beautiful to see him grow and shape into a beautiful, loving, capable, strong and willful person with a strong sense of self and growing selfesteem. He’s changed for the better and its making your relationship stronger as well.

This was a weird year… March had a pretty big earthquake, scared everyone pretty hard, and lockdown had just started a week prior so it was a weird time. Summer almost felt normal, like old times, honestly, but the numbers rapidly went to shit on the COVID front. End of summer was also the start of all the harder bullshit. Even tho we got employed, we lost two grandparents in the span of 40 days. Some big regrets were uncovered. Some good people around us died this year. Work itself was stressful, and probably will be in 2021. too. So much has changed in a year…

But I think we learned a lot. Most of all, I feel like i know the importance of letting people I care about know they’re appreciated and cared for. You never know when everything will go to shit. Everyday worries feel especially irrelevant considering the earthquakes that hit in the last 4 days. Sure, I’m 26 (and a half) still not done with uni (…we opted to write two thesis’ because fuck me right), still living with my parents… but I’m loved, i have good friends, I have a good partner, I’m healthy, I’m doing p good monetarely, I’m employed… and thats more than a lot of people can say for themselves.

In 2021. most of all I wish you health and happiness. Things have been tough and scary, but we have to pull through. Its prime time to start working on yourself (your self-image went to crap again, but tbh we’ve been living in sweatpants and old t-shirts since march so like…yeah), your shortages, your insecurites and your bad habits. I hope youre still as happy (if not even happier) when you read this as you are rigth now. Even though it has felt like the end of the world for months now, you are strong and capable and adaptable (even though your anxiety says differently). Half of doing something is believing you can, which sounds stupid af but is true.

Don’t worry about things that are out of your control and keep letting small things in life bring you happiness. You’re doing well, I’m sure of it.

Love,

2020. Sara.

31.12.2020., 20:08

P.S.

You’re only working two jobs, no more late nights and articles. Good job for standing up for yourself :3 Also i hope 2021. is the year when we finally get to travel bc jfc…

Happy new year, I hope its a good one

[pentaedar]

Dear 2022. Sara

31.12.2021. 23:34

Holy shit.

This year you moved out, broke up with your long term boyfriend and survived the break up and got to some of your lowest lows.

January was okay but by March both of you knew it wasn’t working. As a last ditch effort to save the relationship you found an appartment and moved in together in May…but it was a useless attempt to fix something that didn’t work. Honestly, your convincing skills are very good since you convinced yourself you can fix a struggling relationship and that you’ll literally die if you break up.

Well, turns out..

You’re okay. You two are still friends. It does get lonely sometimes and you feel like your life doesn’t have a direction. But somehow you’re feeling more peacefull and less anxious than you did in the relationship. Surem you worry about staying alone forever, and you feel broken and unlovable sometimes, but I hope in the past year you worked on yourself more and learned to accept yourself and love yourself more. You’re strong and capable you just need to work on whats broken. You truly do have a net of caring friends and family to help you out. Even your ex, your best friend, he’s still here. You are not alone and I hope you know that,

Also you moved out and living as a big girl is…interesting xD Tatia came in September and I truly hope you get to see her in 2022. in Georgia cos you had SO MUCH FUN. Also youre seeing Artic Monkeys in August if theres any luck, so like have fun!

Fix your fucking battery charger loser.

Things are gonna be okay.

Much love from the 2021. you,

Sara

31.12.2021. 23:44

[pentaedar]

Dear 2023. Sara

31.12.2021., 20:14

This year was a lasagna year of good and bad. You got tattooed and visited Germany, went to concerts and traveled more than usual but also ended friendships, had friends move away and had to quit the job you lived because of your asshole boss.

On last year topic, fuck your ex and all he stands for is all I am gonna say.

You are currently on a subway train in Berlin, with Tatia, going to a party. You have a few trips planned. You are loved and safe and happier than before, because you (finally) started therapy in January last year. Things are, dare I say, looking up in some aspects. I think parts that hurt are finally healing.

Stay healthy, be happy and worry less. I wish you an amazing year. Things are gonna be ok.

Love,

2022. Sara.

PS

FIX YOUR FUCKING LAPTOP YOU ASSHOLE.

2022., 31.12., 20:19

[pentaedar]

Dear 2024. Sara,

I’m late again, shut up about it.

It’s 1.1.2024., 17:41. The year has barely begun so I’m still counting this as valid.

2023. was a year. The ups were high, the lows weren’t as low. Looking back, we’re doing better on average. You traveled to Budapest and Munich twice, went to Vienna and squeezed in a little last minute day trip to Rijeka as well. You’ve seen AM, Hozier and Sleep token live, hung out with friends, thrived for a good half a year after quitting your job in school. Your new job is good. Wish they paid more, but it is what it is. Staying home is nice.

We finally went to a nutritionist. We had to bitch about it the whole way through, but finally tackling disordered eating has been nice. Our self confidence is building on what I feel are good, solid foundations. But we are still unpacking all the trauma from the last relationship and years of home life with a parent who can’t regulate their emotional outbursts. Progress is slow but consistent, even tho god knows we aren’t patient.

We moved back home in late June, we are going to make an apartment in the top floor of the house if everything goes well. Idk. It’s kinda scary, but also somewhat giving me hope that things are finally falling into place.

You’ve recently started dating a very kind, loving and beautiful girl. I hope by the time you’re reading this you two guys are together and official. It’s a feeling of instant familiarity and being taken care of that you’ve never felt.

You’ve reconnected with some friends and started losing contact with others. I’m glad that we are learning how to love ourselves in different ways - ending bad relationships, taking care of our health, being kinder to ourselves. Please continue doing that.

I hope you’ve had a good year. I hope you’re happy and healthy and loved. I hope you’re not alone. I love you.

Can’t wait to hear what’s happened by the time we hear each other next,

2023-ish Sara

1.1.2024., 17:53

[pentaedar]

Dear 2025. Sara

31.12.2024., 21:38

I hope you've had a happy year. We have a lot to report from here, from the past. You're spending NYE with friends and family, eating and playing board games and having fun. A very drastic contrast to last year, if I may add.

This year was yet again a mixed bag. On the one hand, you went through depression and a bad breakup again, few new diagnosis in tow. On the other, you also started meds, which changed your life for the better. You're changing jobs, living more free of anxiety, with fixed teeth and....well idk good nails and hair? Few more tattoos too. You have therapy every other week now, which is definitely progress.

You're getting kicked in the ass by two LDR's, but hopefully by the next time we check in you'll tell us all about your trip to Sacrametno. The sense of community and love that you feel from the polycule came so naturally that I can't imagine, from this time and space, that it will disappear any time soon.

This year you've learned to be grateful for what you have and pride for what you've accomplished. You've found the gut to make changes that are scary. You're learning to love yourself more and to believe in yourself more as well.

I hope you're still doing well, if not even better. I hope you're healthier and believe in yourself more than I do right now. I hope you're still surrounded with friends. I hope you still know you're loved. I hope you're better at taking meds regularly than I am. I hope you remember what you were told, that your good energy attracts good people to surround you.

I love you!

Stay safe, can't wait to hear about your aDvEnTuReS again soon,

2024. Sara

31.12.2024., 21:59

[pentaedar]

if I have to go through SSRI withdrawals one more time I'm fistfighting my doctor