This is tumblr, not a Branagh performance! @picklesandtwigs - Tumblr Blog

Okay but Mark Watney who survives for a year and a half on Mars completely alone and gets to come home because the entire world chose to put everything aside to save him watching the Hail Mary video logs when they come back to Earth and watching the world do nothing?

Mark Watney watching Ryland Grace have to grapple with the fact that he will die and there is no amount of quick thinking or human help that can save him?

Mark Watney finding out Grace didn't volunteer to go to space and was instead sent as a sacrifice so the rest of them could live and getting fucking pissed on his behalf?

Mark Watney who knows what it is to starve on a foreign planet doing the math about Grace's remaining food supply when he decides to go back to save Rocky?

Mark Watney who realistically knows that there is nothing that can be done but who keeps watching the information come out about a middle school teacher who was probably going to die alone in space and not being able to stop thinking about it?

Mark Watney who had to be asked to stop proposing rescue missions because even if they could get funded, there was very little hope that Grace would still be alive even if they got to him?

Mark Watney with survivors guilt for a mission that he wasn't even on?

Mark Watney asking why me but not him?

I know they're not in the same universe and I know the timelines don't line up but just go with me here.

synthient

The story of Cats is that in the 1930s, the famous poet T.S. Eliot wrote a book of cutesy little cat-themed poems for his godchildren

And then 40 years later, Andrew Lloyd Webber found a lost cat poem that T.S. Eliot had cut from the cat book for being too sad for children, and ALW was like "woahhh. A cat....that's sad. That's deep, man. I wanna make a musical out of this"

So the producer assigned to the project was like "okay, I guess you could maybe read these cat poems as a satire of 1930s British society? We could probably do something sort of interesting with that, I'm thinking a cast of about 5 and--"

And ALW was like "no. Forget the satire. Also I want a cast of dozens and the most advanced special effects technology ever seen on stage. I've taken out a second mortgage on my house to fund this"

And the producer was like "wh-- you-- wh-- do you even have. a plot"

So ALW got a bunch of actors and writers and artists together and they holed up and did cocaine workshopped for 5 weeks, and at the end of it they emerged and said "the plot is that a bunch of cats are having a dance contest for the right to take a ufo to cat heaven :)"

and then it made 2 billion dollars.

thezombiegeekinthehawaiianshirt

speedlimit15

why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

speedlimit15

like i’m picturing him being really careful and looking at it and carrying it exactly like this while walking or riding through the woods and across rivers and up mountains and through valleys and he doesn’t drop it even once except at the very end where he tidily drops it into the volcano. frodo sam and the crew and even gollum wholly undisturbed. sauron can’t find him bc of the meditative aura surrounding him which is generated by his immense focus on not dropping it

derinthescarletpescatarian

World's most tense egg and spoon race

green-great-dragon

this somehow became the funniest thing on earth in my head and I had to draw it so

hotvampireadjacent

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

littlemisspipebomb

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

aspiringwarriorlibrarian

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

baronfulmen

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

stargoyle

Big announcement:

Fucking petting hims

lucylehane

move over hudson and connor, hearing jacob tierney talk about workers' rights has me all hot and bothered 😍 It's Open With Ilana Glazer

filmphotofranz

souvenirs

spitfaggot

happy birthday, gilbert baker. (june 2, 1951 — march 31, 2017)

russianblush

#happypridemonth

ode-on-a-grecian-butt

gerrysherry

hollanderhugs

i still cant get over carter vaughn sitting next to closetron 3000 and 3001 and saying "yeah its rough for the gays here. i'm an ally though". hands down one of the funniest moments in the entire show

gaynehollander

the duality of man is Ilya Rozanov being simultaneously so straight passing that Shane Hollander could own up to being in love with him and have people assume it's an unrequited crush, yet so visibly queer that in 66% of instances where Scott Hunter came out to people prior to the on-ice kiss, they immediately assumed he was dating Rozanov

transthatmasc

Some old fart retired hockey player goes on ESPN and does an interview where he talks about how gay DEI initiatives are unfair and are ruining Hockey by keeping the good ole boys from getting their chance to prove themselves on the ice.

Ilya, as the captain of the gayest NHL team, is asked for comment on this. Of course, this is half way through the season while the Cens are sitting first in their division and second in the league. So Ilya says, “Ah, yes, I can see how he would think that. It seems unfair that being queer is clearly such an advantage for hockey players. We are just much better players, and having so many of us on one team, while very fun and nice for us, does seem to be putting us above everyone else in the standings. Perhaps more teams could play well if they had gay players? The Admirals are okay, but they only have one and we have four, so it is not quite fair.”

There is a rampant debate online over whether Ilya actually understands that the original comments were homophobic or if he genuinely believes that people think gay guys are too good at hockey. People also start speculating about who the fourth gay player is because Luca hasn’t actually come out publicly yet.

Scott Hunter has to put out a statement that he doesn’t believe his homosexuality has had any impact, positive or negative, on his athletic ability even though he believes being out of the closet and in a fulfilling relationship has made it easier to focus on the game.

Troy posts a tweet that just says “got gayer and got better”

Shane puts up a post with pictures of every time he won the Stanley cup and the caption “I’ve been gay the whole time and I’ve been great the whole time” with a shrug emoji.