[sorasandwich]

My sister wanted me to draw Nero👀

[bringmethepeculiar]

Little Richard Grayson turning Bruce ‘Perma-scowl’ Wayne into a gigglemug.

Bruce and Dick: *walking through the park with Dickie in Bruce’s arms*

Dick: *sees a group of children playing on the playground*

Dick: *in an Oliver Twist urchin voice* Father, why are they walking on the ground like peasants? Where are their butlers, Father?

Bruce: *spits out his mocha*

Dick: Father, are those The Poor?

Bruce: *trying not to laugh too loud because people are looking* Dickie, you can’t just say that-!!

Bruce ended up having to sit on a bench while Dickie ran off to play because he couldn’t stop chuckling every 10 seconds.

[batsandbirdbrains]

Jason: And?

[Dick extends three fingers]

Jason: Three. Three what?

Dick: Three days in advance if you want the rest of the story.

Jason: Fuck you. Come on, $600? That's fucking robbery. I've only got $400.

Dick: Well, it's early. You can go rob a bank if you hurry.

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

Kara: So who’s in charge here when Batman’s gone?

Stephanie: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Tim, Jason and Dick screaming at each other over the last slice of pizza

[pocket-luv101]

Tim: Am I your type?

Kon: You're my everything.

[polanishigh80]

Dick: Hey, Little Wing- what do you think you're doing?!

Jason, hiding a cigarette behind his back: Eeeem, nothing...?

Dick, taking a cigarette from him: You can't smoke, you are too young, you're just 12! It's going to kill you!

Jason: I'm sorry...

*5 minutes later*

Jason: Hey! You are smoking my cigarette!

Dick: I can, I am an adult and your father pissed me off.

Jason: He's also your father.

Dick: No!

[batsandbirdbrains]

8-year-old Dick Grayson: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.

Bruce: Chum, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff." Just say, "Dad, there are whores here."

[gothamknight06]

Bruce: Why is there a horse in the Batcave?

Dick: That's actually a great question.

Bruce: I wasn't asking rhetorically.

Tim: We know.

Bruce: Then answer it.

Jason: Okay, but you're gonna be really mad.

Bruce: Jason, there is a horse standing next to the Batmobile. I am already really mad.

Damian: Father, perhaps you should focus on the fact that the horse is exceptionally well-behaved.

Bruce: Damian, why are you defending the horse?

Damian: Because he has done nothing wrong.

Bruce: HE'S IN THE BATCAVE.

Dick: Technically, we brought him in.

Bruce: WHO IS "WE"?!

Dick: Team effort.

Tim: Against my will.

Jason: That's not true. You contributed.

Tim: I contributed because if I didn't, you would have killed yourselves.

Bruce: Start from the beginning.

Dick: Okay, so we were on patrol—

Jason: Already a lie. We were getting tacos.

Dick: We were getting tacos while on patrol.

Jason: That's still not patrol.

Tim: Can we stay focused?

Bruce: Please.

Dick: Anyway, we were getting tacos and Damian saw a horse.

Damian: A magnificent horse.

Jason: It was just some random horse.

Damian: Silence. You lack vision.

Tim: It was standing in a petting zoo.

Damian: A prison.

Dick: Damian decided he wanted to pet it.

Jason: Then the horse started following us.

Tim: For six blocks.

Bruce: And none of you thought to call animal control?

Dick: We did.

Tim: No, we didn't.

Dick: I thought about it.

Bruce: That's not the same thing.

Jason: Then Damian named the horse.

Bruce: Of course he did.

Damian: His name is Lord Waffles.

Bruce: No, it isn't.

Damian: It is now.

Bruce: Then what happened?

Tim: Lord Waffles became emotionally attached to Damian.

Bruce: How do you know?

Tim: He kicked Jason every time Jason got close.

Jason: Three times.

Dick: Four.

Jason: The fourth one barely counts.

Bruce: So instead of calling someone, you brought the horse here?

Dick: In our defense—

Bruce: There is no defense.

Dick: Fair.

Tim: Actually, there was a problem.

Bruce: What problem?

Tim: The horse refused to get into any trailer.

Jason: Or truck.

Dick: Or van.

Damian: Because he trusted only us.

Jason: No, because he's stupid.

Damian: Say that again and I shall feed you to him.

Bruce: And your solution was the Batcave?

Tim: It wasn't my solution.

Jason: It was Dick's solution.

Dick: It was Damian's solution.

Damian: It was Jason's vehicle.

Jason: TRAITOR.

Bruce: How did you even get a horse into Gotham?

Jason: Batmobile.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: You put a horse in the Batmobile.

Dick: To be fair, it was really funny.

Tim: It was not.

Jason: It was a little funny.

Damian: Lord Waffles enjoyed the ride.

Bruce: I don't even know how to respond to that.

(A loud CRASH echoes from deeper in the cave.)

Bruce: What was that?

(Everyone suddenly avoids eye contact.)

Bruce: What. Was. That.

Tim: Hypothetically?

Bruce: Not hypothetically.

Jason: The horse may have found the giant penny.

Bruce: The horse found the giant—

(Another crash.)

Dick: On the bright side, he's having a great time.

Bruce: ALFRED!

Alfred: Yes, sir?

Bruce: Why are you calm about this?!

Alfred: Because, Master Bruce, this is the fifth strange animal they've brought home this year.

Bruce: Fifth?!

Alfred: The fourth if you don't count Master Jason.

Jason: Wow.

Dick: That's fair, honestly.

Tim: Yeah.

Jason: I hate this family.

(Lord Waffles neighs loudly.)

Damian: You hear that? Even Lord Waffles disagrees.

Bruce: I'm going to bed.

Tim: It's three in the afternoon.

Bruce: Goodnight.

[sepia-stained-sunset]

Tim figured out that the easiest way to get a laugh out of Damian is to keep up a running gag. When Damian starts tearing up, Tim goes "hang on" and pulls an absurd looking hat out of his back pocket and says "I've got my big brother hat on now" with the most solemn expression on his face and it never fails to make him laugh. Tim has a collection of hats on him at all times, just in case he needs to be cheered up. Gothamites report spotting Red Robin with a goofy fedora while Robin was on the floor laughing.

[zammmmms]

The night shift bat boys are fighting in the cave after a mission gone wrong

Jason: You fucked it all up for us Timbit!

Dick: Ok let's ju-

Tim: I'm sorry! Some of us don't have a spleen and ne-

Damian: Oh cease the aria Drake! Why is it on us to adjust to your skill issue?! That happened years ago! You'd think you'd learn to adapt by now!

...

Tim:...my lack of spleen is a skill issue?!

Damian: Yes! If you just moved your spleen out of the way you wouldn't have lost it in the first place!

Tim:...move my spleen?

Damian: Yes! Why are you acting like you're not understanding my words? We all know you're not that dim!

Dick: I'm sorry Dami, you expect Tim to be able to move his spleen?!

Damian: Of course I do! Everyone in this room has had league or equivalent calibre training. We should all be capable of moving our internal organs.

Jason: You can move your internal organs?!

Damian: Yes, but that's not what we're discussing right now-

Dick: Fuck whatever we were talking about before! Explain whatever the fuck you mean you were trained to move your internal organs!

[toughtsalot]

zoro x nami ♡ | fanart by @ night_yoru.

[fraemm3]

[skittlesandham]

the cafe didnt have strawberry sundays so he got the closest thing on the menu

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: I think I'm having mid-life crisis.

Duke: You're eighteen.

Tim: I could absolutely die at thirty-six.

[kskskajsjenwkns]

swimming with the fishes

[becoolio]

Mihawk would be like those kids who see ghosts like

Mihawk: [looks up] Whos the new crew member over there [gestures to literal fucking air]

Crocodile: [eyebrow raise] What new crew member nobody's there?

Mihawk: Yes there is. Its a tall lanky man

Buggy: Hawkeyes ....are you trolling us right now

Mihawk: No I am not "trolling" you guys there is a tall man over there and....Oh he does not seem to have jaw ah false alarm [ goes back to what he was doing]

Crocodile: Fuck you mean false alarm????

[becoolio]

Mihawk walks as silent as a ghost even when he has boots or shoes with some kinda of heel his footsteps are just dead silent and imagine this with crocodile a man I think would make sure he could recognize and memorize peoples footsteps like

Crocodile: *reviewing papers ultra focused and smoking a cigar as usual*

Mihawk: *Walks up to his desk looking at him just staring for a moment*

Crocodile: *hasn't heard footsteps but sure as hell can feel him staring looks up*....Mihawk you need to wear a bell or something for me to hear you coming

Mihawk: That wouldnt work id just control my steps more.

Crocodile: Ah