part-time soulmate, full-time problem

Here are some things you should know: 1. Dannie. British. 34. She/Her 2. Bi af 3. Cockles trash 4. I don't even fucking know what I blog about anymore. Does anyone even care? 5. I write sometimes. Maybe. If my crippling anxiety and depression allows it. Usually it involves dicks in butts. (Especially Castiel's in Dean's.)

[1410-1221-dec2008]

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

some people don’t deserve fanfics, much less for free.

also even if authors didn’t tag any specific warnings but they used the “creator chose not to use archive warnings” tag, then that is your warning.

“omg you should’ve —” no one forced your entitled ass to read anything. fanfic writers write for themselves and their own enjoyment. if you don’t like what you’re reading, quietly leave. ao3 is not an airport. no one cares about your departure so no need to announce it.

[tim-official]

there are two competing sects on this website - one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "neurodivergent" and one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "sexual content." i do not like either of them

[anarcho-gamerist]

I use spicy to describe food

[catgirlforeskin]

my food is mentally ill and I’m putting my dick in it

[fruitviking]

Twilight

[unholyblissafterdark]

[geosabor]

[sloanegabe]

SHANE & ILYA + parallels

[terramythos]

pokemon is so funny. take the signature move 'dragon hammer'. it's a powerful physical dragon-type move described as the pokemon swinging its body like a hammer to attack its opponent. cool. what pokemon is this the signature move of?

could it be the dragon based on a HAMMERhead shark? I mean, it even gets 'rough skin' as its hidden ability, which does chip damage to enemies who make physical contact with it, so there's already a justification for it using its body to hurt opponents. that's gotta be it, right?

Nope!

palm tree.

[hollandar]

✨ CHEMISTRY ✨

(sources and more quotes below)

CTVNews

In Your Dreams With Owen Thiele

Out

Crave

Etalk

TorontoMet Today

Shut Up Evan

Vanity Fair

Good Morning America

Glamour

The Michelangelo Signorile Show

Cosmopolitan

Today

NHL - Never Offside

The Wrap

Etalk <- not currently available (alternate clip)

BONUS:

[whynotfabulous]

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

[whynotfabulous]

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

[gnomer-denois]

Because it's also evil

[whynotfabulous]

Thanks!

Have scientists figured out what dark matter is yet?

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

[whynotfabulous]

Wow!

What happens if you eat 23 packages of peeps?

[trashboi413]

You meet god

[whynotfabulous]

Thank goodness!

What's the correct way to eat a banana?

[treslecheslife]

Whole, in one gulp.

[whynotfabulous]

Delicious!

Who is the Muffin Man?

[captain-oh-no-not-again]

Father of the Muffin Boy

[whynotfabulous]

Makes sense!

Why is my car making a ker-klunk noise?

[mayflydecember]

Car's haunted

[whynotfabulous]

Uh Oh

How to fix a haunted car?

[babybluebanshee]

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

[whynotfabulous]

It worked!

Where does the wax in scented candles go?

[thegoodsandy]

into the sky, where it turns into stars

[whynotfabulous]

Cool!

Why are weddings so damn expensive?

[daeynore]

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

[whynotfabulous]

....Ah

[whynotfabulous]

ChatGPT WISHES it was this coherent and creative

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

myilya got cancelled because at age 19 he genuinely mixed up the english words “forgot” and “f*ggot” by accident, because they sounded too similar to him, and a clip got posted of him holding up cliff’s forgotten water bottle and yelling across the rink “MARLY YOU F*GGOT!”

AKAJSHDHDKDH PLEASE THIS IS SO REAL

[jesterlesbian]

All The Things She Said featuring Amber Glenn and Lena Lemon | Heated Rivalry

[asurrogateblog]

jack kerouac went on one gayass road trip and now we have to deal with all of this

[rainbow-femme]

Oh shit wait ok

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Years later when they’re out Shane reshares the clip and the only non-PR approved thing he says on the matter is “It was me, by the way. I am the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with.”

[secretgarden]

[charlesoberonn]

[elizabethrobertajones]

when you put it like that, the most respected authority figure in our government being a cat is kinda weird

[elizabethrobertajones]

FUCK I forgot the image

[weirdistance]

The scene with Scott and Shane right after Shane won Rookie of the year is so fucking funny. Their interaction gets more awkward by the second. Obviously, they are both really straight, and Scott (obviously straight) would never imply that Shane (obviously straight too) has any kind of thing with Ilya. They need to clarify this because there definitely is nothing gay going on here, ever. Since they are both straight.

[totearup]

Cliff can't believe he didn't figure it out sooner. The strange move to Ottawa. How happy he's been. And most damming of all, "Jane", it fucking rhymes!

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.

Ilya was in love with Zane Boodram.

[animentality]

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

last line hit like a mack truck

ink: diamine oxblood

[heatedrivalryfanarts]

moreloveforjm_