i don’t think i can keep pretending i don’t like you anymore

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@weirdistance
i don’t think i can keep pretending i don’t like you anymore
It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America
I THOUGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET THIS DIE AND YET AGAIN I OPEN THIS CURSED APP TO FIND MORE NOTES ON THIS POST
AU where ilya didnt move to the centaurs yet and they werent outed so shane is still with the metros. Game seven of the Stanley cup finals between raiders and metros and ilya wins his second cup. And this time he says ‘i won this for you my jane’. Everyone is freaking out about ilya soft launching his relationship and the raiders are posting about how montreal jane was there for ages and everyone is taking about how rozy is such a romantic
Camera pans to shane: FUCK YOU ILYA FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
The scene with Scott and Shane right after Shane won Rookie of the year is so fucking funny. Their interaction gets more awkward by the second. Obviously, they are both really straight, and Scott (obviously straight) would never imply that Shane (obviously straight too) has any kind of thing with Ilya. They need to clarify this because there definitely is nothing gay going on here, ever. Since they are both straight.
Rumors circulate that princess of pop Liliya Rozanova is dating PWHL Victoire captain Jane Hollander after recent Instagram post. Link.
The Long Game, Chapter 19, pg. 206
This moment, while also being so incredibly tender, tells us so much without spelling it out. Ottawa lost all four games on their road trip, and Ilya just told Shane he’s not been sleeping well. Shane knows there’s something wrong, knows that there are deeper issues at play here, but he defaults to physical touch to comfort Ilya, i.e. undressing him and helping him relax. AND THEN, nearly killing me, Ilya earnestly asks How long can you stay? and When is the next time? And it’s such a visceral moment, drenched in feeling, because we know from the sections from Ilya’s POV that he isn’t doing well, obviously, and we know that Ilya thinks that if only he could see Shane more that things would be easier. And you can feel that in just the simply described touches and dialogue. Ilya has Shane with him now, but he’s already thinking about the darkness that descends when they’re apart.
oh but you cut off too soon!!
Shane understood how he felt. Their scattered days and nights together during the hockey season were never enough. He placed the hand that wasn't being held in a death grip on Ilya's cheek. 'Hey,' he said softly. 'I'm here now.' Ilya's tight smile relaxed into something more genuine. 'Yes,' he agreed, and leaned in to kiss him.
because Shane doesn't know everything going on in Ilya's head, he doesn't really understand how Ilya is feeling, but he does know how much it kills him, kills them both, when they're apart, he can feel Ilya already starting to borrow grief from tomorrow even with Shane right in front of him, and he gently brings Ilya out of his head and back to him because they don't have tomorrow and it's not fair but they do have tonight
#listen to them !
"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!
DIG
DIG
DIG
DIG
OOPS TOO DEEP
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
CLIMB
honestly the thing is like, ive been seeing people paint Rachel Reid out to to be this vicious goonified homophobe because of how she writes her books, meanwhile everything she writes about is applicable to how the fandom is treating the cast of the tv show. Because honestly the fandom is filled with like 25% psyops 50% fujos, 20% former kpop stans that dont fit into the previous categories and like 5% normal people with jobs and friends with reading skills beyond the 10th grade. like maybe none of you were in the discourse for gay fanfic in the era of woke 0.5 but it was strict with purpose for the most part. everything shes written is with the goggles of the time it was published (maybe like a year or two bc it takes a while.) It taking place in the notoriously most homophobic environment in canada, in a canadian sport (makes it "buzzy"), two of the best players in the league, rivals. who they are as people in the story is both consequential and inconsequential to their personhood within the story. people shitting their pants over shane "being portrayed as effiminate" are ignoring who shane the character is, and everyone trying to overcorrect and make him out to be a huge jock is doing the same thing. She wrote him like that!!! like he's not effeminate hes just a bottom and asian and you have prejudices about how those people act and what boxes they belong in to you. Every single external problem the characters face in the books is paling in comparison to how people in real life are actually treating and talking about the actors of the show. It's so bleak.
it feels like 80% of the people engaging in the fandom on twt and tiktok are watching the show thinking it's like a coming of age, discovery of yourself story and that's it. That's like maybe a quarter of Shane's story and it's only because he's so deeply in the closet he doesnt even know he fully does not like women.
shane in denial getting his sore freshly fucked gaping hole inspected by ilya and literally trembling with the effort not to cum just from ilyas fingers stroking over the sensitive skin there but ilya tells him oh no it looks like i tore you here :/ your hole is really ruined this time sweetheart looks like i can only use your mouth from now on :/ and he can't help it and comes really hard all over his tummy
rose and jackie slipping ilya spicy polaroids of shane at their wedding and ilya's brain freezes harder and harder at each photo it starts taking screenshots
It would be really funny if Ilya's bachelor party takes on mythic status because of his reputation, with tonnes of rumours and people saying there's nothing on social media because people had to sign NDAs, only for it to never have happened. Too many people joked about throwing him the wildest party ever and he spent the time in between the season ending and the wedding ducking and weaving plans because he was NOT jeopardising this! He is not waking up just before marrying Shane in another country, in jail, or drunkenly married to someone else! He just wants to marry the love of his life so bad he's not even waiting to order chairs, STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK. YOU. COMPUTAH.
I would have enjoyed being a fly on the wall when Shane tried convincing his parents that he was doing a meditative silent retreat at his cottage.
And I would have loved staying a fly on the wall after Shane left feeling so self assured that his parents believed him and getting to hear Yuna and David debrief the weird interaction they just had with Shane.
Shane thinks he nailed the interaction and that his parents will surely leave him alone. But David and Yuna are just aghast.
Yuna "You don't think he's doing anything illegal or morally compromising at the cottage right?"
David "Shane? Of course not. But he's probably bringing a special friend that he's not ready to tell us about yet."
Yuna "But Shane never keeps secrets from us. And I've never seen him this cagey."
David "Well, I'll pop by and chat with him then and make sure he knows we love him."
Hashtag I think David came over unannounced out of concern and I will die on this hill.
I do really think that Ilya kind of has no idea how famous Shane is in Montreal until they’re outed. Like, they go to visit the Pikes and decide to play tourist, so Shane kind of gives him the tour. He has a favourite bakery and a favourite cafe and he knows Ilya is gonna fucking love the orange julep.
And like, Ilya expected them to get stopped a little. He got recognized and stopped in Boston. But he wasn’t expecting to be recorded pretty much all day. Photos, video, the second anyone recognizes them - and everyone recognizes them - phones are out. Shane is repeatedly apologized to and told not to pay for a single thing all day. He leaves like a 300% tip on each of their purchases, but still. No one will let him pay for anything.
And everyone wants a picture. People are not shy about coming to him and asking for a picture or an autograph and Shane just - gives them whatever they want. Grown adults, teenagers, parents with small children… Shane and Ilya take a photo with each of the business owners to hang on their wall. The owner of the cafe almost cries when she sees him and gives him a big hug. She doesn’t need to ask for his order; she remembers it and she gives him a special energy breakfast ball thing she’s been perfecting with him in mind.
The bakery made his favourite cookie in the approximate shape and size of a puck because they heard he was in town and hoped he’d swing by.
“Hollander, you own a bar here?”
“Uh, nope, they just… changed it after I left. Used to be called Chez Serge. Hayden told me there’s a winebar called 2481 in the village now. Or maybe Saint Henri? I can’t remember.”
It’s fucking insane. And Ilya knew it was insane, but this… this is actually fucking crazy.
The only place that isn’t quite so bad is Schwartz’s. And after Ilya gets over the fact that Shane used to come here alone late sometimes (smoked meat sandwiches are NOT team dietician approved), he boggles over Shane having a casual chat with the guy making their sandwiches. It’s 11:30 at night. There’s a photo of Shane and this guy on the wall, and Shane’s grinning widely with two thumbs up because he is a dork. “Hey Ilya, c’mere I want you to meet someone.”
They get bagels after. They just - drive to the bagel place that is open 24h, get a dozen, take yet another photo, and pick at them on the way back to Pike’s. They’re so fresh they’re still steaming.
Ilya looks at Shane from across the console. He’s been doing this the whole time? Even with the added pressure of their whole thing before it was a thing? Christ. “It was always like this?”
Shane shrugs. “I mean, not always. This was pretty bad, but it was like this every year we made the playoffs. It was similar on years we didn’t do as well, just a little less, you know? I could at least go places without being stopped all the time. I’d still be filmed, but I think people were less proud to be seen with me? So less pictures with fans. But during the playoffs? Yeah, always like this. Why? It had to be similar for you in Boston.”
“Ah, no, Hollander. This is fucking crazy.”
“Yeah,” Shane shrugs. “Metros fans are passionate. The worst were the game day look paps. I always failed miserably at those.”
Ilya takes a breath.
Jesus.
Ilya trying to outplay his demons
this means more to me than it should