The Same River

Hi, I'm Adam/a snake haired minor goddess you might have heard of. I've been around the sun about 25 times, so far, and I intend to stick around for a while longer yet. I tend to wander back and forth between the Santa Cruz mountains, Santa Cruz, and the East Bay. But you'll find me most often with a musical instrument in tow. Lately, my blog has been politics, the occasional music post, and a lot of journaling. I often use this as a more secluded corner of the internet than facebook, but they're connected to each other so it's not totally private. Links: Facebook new Last.fm that I barely use Soundcloud Bandcamp var sc_project=7210760; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="7312c0e4";

[quantumghosts]

so remember how i wrote a bunch of horse haikus and submitted them to my college’s publication

WELL GUESS WHAT I GOT IN MY INBOX TODAY:

This is single handedly the best sentence I have ever read in my entire life, I’m so pleased with and proud of myself right now. My favourite part is that the fact that they picked just one picture means they sat down and discussed which picture of a banana peel they liked best.

I ended up submitting these five haikus:

And this is Banana Peel #6 (out of ten):

They were apparently very enjoyable because the haikus were vindictive and the banana peel has personality. I can’t wait for the issue to come out.

[polaraxis-blog]

stage 1: pallas athena

stage 2: ceres/demeter

stage 3: venus, nessus, the sun

stage 4: lillith, pluto/hades, juno/hera

stage 5: uranus/ouranos, neptune/poseidon, (medusa the asteroid?)

stage 6: saturn/kronos, probably actually medusa or just someone with a flower crown who’s good at sculpting

[meloetta]

stage 1 of friendship: what’s up ily so much!

stage 2 of friendship: oh god i hope i’m not being too clingy or bothering them

stage 3 of friendship: hey dickhead fucking answer me

[lashie25-deactivated20160403]

Stage 4 of friendship: im outside your house and im coming in

[tiedtaygetherwithasmile-deactiv]

Stage 5 of friendship: I’m already in your house when are you coming home

[freshprinceprs]

Stage 6 of Friendship: I’m having dinner with your parents. Are you going to join us

[polaraxis-blog]

I was doing a lot of reading 

about the myth of athena and medusa and the conflict between emotion and wisdom in those myths... and trying to equate that to how it feels/is to be alive right now almost doesn’t make any sense, because if you don’t feel like you can do something, if you don’t feel like you grasp things well enough, you can have libraries inside of you and no one would know. total freedom is terrifying. no structure at all, all while being surrounded by structure, is terrifying.

I feel like a child, and I am 26 years old. someone might call me a manchild that doesn’t know how to work but I’ve had a good share of gender identity troubles lately and I have some grey hairs from doing too much manual labour while trying to also play music and have fun. that’s outdated info though, lately the biggest problem is just not enough money energy flowing when I am still dependent on capitalism in order to become independent of capitalism. I have no idea how much to embellish since I am geared towards storytelling as a survival tool as well as a commercially viable thing. even though I am $3600 in debt to wells fargo, I still feel rich sometimes because my concept of wealth is tied to privilege and opportunity and I know people who are so much deeper in those sorts of holes. I am terrified of having kids and am honestly a little in disbelief that I still haven’t gotten my tubes tied. I want to have more of a choice about reproductive biology for all humans so I’ve kept myself more or less unchanged. My body will maybe serve those less fortunate one day. I do not know.

All relationships are plutonian, with a life and death undercurrent. So, death is funny. it’d better be at least a little, right? thanks barak.

I overthink too much.

[thother]

she really outdid herself

[foodball]

In case you're wondering how Mexico is doing:

We’re in panic. Our coin went from 18 to 21.50 a dollar (and will probably reach 22.50), our products and services will be more expensive by the morning. No one will want to invest here. We’re humiliated, we were called rapists and apparently you agree. We’re threatened to be separated by a wall… Do you have idea how many millions of families will be separated? How many children will see their parents being deported? The violence migrants will receive? Old and young, we have our heads down, we don’t know what to expect. But thanks for making it clear, one more time, how hated we are for most of you.

[mournfulroses]

To be desired totally changes me.

Anne Sexton, from a letter to Dr. Martin Orne, featured in “Anne Sexton: A Biography,” written by Diane Wood Middlebrook (via violentwavesofemotion)

[shinyopals]

like, genuine question, is 2016 the result of TOO MANY TIME TRAVELLERS coming back and trying to fix things but only breaking them even more???

[frenchroasted]

This would explain a lot, actually.

[pagewoman]

The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy and, after all, our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it, and to foster its renewal, is our only legitimate hope.

Wendell Berry (via pagewoman)

[oldblogarchived]

english: coconut oil

french: :)

english: oh boy

french: oil of the nut of the coco

[disc80s]

IM CRYINGNFN

[my-name-is-long]

english: ninety-nine

french: :)

english: oh no

french: four-twenty-ten-nine

[spirited-simmer-deactivated2016]

english: potato

french: :)

english: oh geez

french: apple of the earth

[catchingjinns]

french: papillon

english: :)

french: don’t

english: beurremouche

[watercolorsheep]

French: pamplemousse English: :) French: pls no English: raisinfruit

[you-had-me-at-e-flat-major]

english: squirrel

german: :)

english: oh dear

german: oak croissant

[languageoclock]

english: helicopter german: :) english: uh oh german: lifting screwdriver

[commie-saskia-deactivated202211]

english: toes

spanish: :)

english: no don’t

spanish : fingers of the feet

[agoraphobeifiwantto]

english: bowl

spanish: :)

english: oh lordy

spanish: deep plate

[redroomballerinas]

english: car

polish: :)

english: i changed my mind

polish:  that which walks by itself

[false-dawn]

french: coccinelle

UK english: ladybird!

american english: ladybug

french: weird

dutch: :)

french: …what

dutch: the good lord’s little animal

french: …ok

irish, polish and russian: *giggling*

french: …just tell me

irish, polish and russian: GOD’S SMALL COW

[polaraxis-blog]

oh yeah, I forgot, I got institutionalized by my mom on my 26th birthday. that was an adventure. I only half remember some of the things that happened there. I wonder if I’ll have memory problems bc traumatic events? I’m not really afraid of that though, tbh. memory is an ocean. you can’t always recall every detail if you’ve lived a very full life. I am thankful for triggers sometimes because they make us remember. when it matters, it’s there. trauma brings out strange survival mechanisms too. we have more up our sleeves than we give ourselves credit for. cycle awareness, mind mapping, precognition... I’m sure there are more things like that I can do that would only come out in such situations.

[polaraxis-blog]

I found out that J. Arthur used to have the last name Deroy or something. The old Santa’s Village is basically a giant mud pit now. The Arthur house is basically frozen in time. I giggled a lot about my mom telling me not to overthink things (welp, I just like to think things over!! is that so wronggg?). I have weird emotions about that place. Without a car it’s much less appealing to go. I don’t want to play so many video games. The kind of world I wanna see/be a part of is very different. I wonder too if I’ve outgrown 7th ave and sweet’s mill. I probably will go back to the mill a little but I sorta just wanna totally upend everything in my life. it’s the chiron year. time to get kicked out by authority figures and travel around and be a centaur? time to find out where I feel like I really fit?

I dunno, I have all these emotions. amassed mull. dual males ms. gray slugs leader mom?? is a name change a meaningful thing? how do I change my body? what are the limits of human adaptability? is my brain fast enough? am i actually a climate change denier? how much is an illusion and how come my thoughts mirror reality so well sometimes? whom knows. words are meaningful meaningless meaningful.

[jaisontodd]

“which river is most powerful?” zeus yells to the gods. “the styx,” hades calls out. “nothing compares to hate. it powers sisyphus still.” “the acheron,” ares insists. “pain will bring down even the strongest of warriors.” “the cocytus!” aphrodite wails. “its waters are swimming with lost love and lamentation.” “the phlegethon,” hera says, head held high. “because it reminds us that life and pain go hand in hand.” “the lethe,” whispers hestia, and no one hears her speak. “when you forget that which you stood for, you are gone. “you are nothing.”

our power comes not from what we are, but from what we were [em] (via jaisontodd)

[polaraxis-blog]

it’s a good exercise to try and follow the pacing of the book scenes with the music I’m writing. I often am so freeform with my writing and always have been. it’s a good challenge for me to think not that way, to think in a more structured way about music.

a sluggard merely oms, after all. it’s a nice luxury (?) to have a space to reflect about stuff like this too.

[polaraxis-blog]

I just can’t find it in myself to enjoy Rick and Morty. I hate it when my housemates watch it. it’s so nihilistic. I hate beer too. this little mollusk is happy for rain, but not happy for peoples’ pasttimes. I just wanna write mortal engines orchestra music in peace and listen to the rain and make yummy food this season. where are all the other mollusks anyway. I should go down to the ocean soon and hang out with my kind.

[polaraxis-blog]

Also leap years are extremely rad times because the calendar doesn’t line up with the zodiac compared to the rest of the time. So everyone’s like “it’s my birthday!” but their solar return was yesterday, so everything is slightly wonky if you know how to look at it. 

I feel like I’m celebrating every holiday several weeks early for some reason too.

[polaraxis-blog]

Oh yeah, quincunxes (150 degree angles) are holes in reality also. Don’t do crack kids??? 7th ave seems to have acquired two new housemates who are rather shameless about their use of p. hard drugs and they’re respectful about it and don’t do ‘em at the house but it def puts me a little bit on edge to be around them sometimes. Lately it’s been good. Writing about it on the internet makes very little sense but here I am anyway.

I guess I just missed being on tumblr somehow. hello again!