Surprisingly, I've Found My Way to the Base of a "V"
Ok so it’s been a while since I’ve written here. Been chewing on this one for a while.
Charlie and I have been together since January. You know about that, and it’s really good. Don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship where communication is this easy, and the trust between us is the kind people look for their whole lives.
A couple months ago I was in Toronto for the Prophets of Rage show (which was awesome of course).
This was also a great excuse to visit Cleo. Crashed on her couch for a few days. We’d never lost touch, but something had changed in our conversations since Christmas. Even before heading down to Toronto, I’d anticipated a new change coming in the nature of our association. Still didn’t expect what was coming though.
After the show, Cleo and I walked probably halfway back to her place, yakking and joking and catching up. Took the TTC the rest of the way. That turned into kissing on the couch, which turned into us taking each other’s clothes off and her asking me “Are we okay with this?”
Yeah. We’re okay with this. Very okay.
A few days later Charlie and I were in my bed back in Ottawa. She asked me how the trip was, and I told her all about it (broad strokes, of course). Inside I may have been freaking out a bit, but kept a calm exterior and stated facts more or less plainly and gently.
The interesting part is what Charlie said next. She was excited and happy. She said that the *way* I told her was as important as the *fact* that I told her. If I’d made a big deal about it, it would have felt like a big deal.
I mean… It is a big deal, but not in any kind of bad way.
Here’s the thing: Charlie has had this conversation before, on both sides. When a then-boyfriend told her about a sexual encounter, he'd told her in a way that felt like he had done something bad, and that can stir up all kinds of internal drama and put up walls. Or when she'd told a “friend with benefits” about a one-nighter she’d had while travelling, his response had been to slut-shame her rather than open up and tell her he felt hurt because he’d had a different understanding of what the relationship was.
There’s none of that here. Like I said, we’re lucky enough somehow to be able to just say these things, each trusting that the other will assume best intentions. If it hurts, we say so. If it affirms or strengthens, we say that too.
I think the fact that we were cuddling at the time helped too. That’s a moment of mutual vulnerability, where I think you’re already both open to some kind of consolation.
Talked to Cleo a little later. We hadn’t discussed what had happened or what it meant, and I said so. She said “I think it means we’ll always love each other, and we have many ways to express that.”
Kind of summed up the whole thing right there. It’s a lot to unpack; might have another post coming soon ;)
Related: When Prophets Of Rage come to your town, do yourself a favour and go see them.
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